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Am I a sinner??? - 7/30/2008 11:43:14 PM
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jas69
Posts: 1
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My husband and I have been married for 8 1/2 years, about 1 1/2 year ago my now 16 told me that my husband touched her inappropriatly, she went on the discribe to me what he did and I called the police & CPS Child Protactive Services, He did move out. Since then he has been active in church and is in collage learning Theology, He has never admitted doing any thing to my daughter.
My daughter was in a mental hospital for 1 week and was under medication. Since he has been out of our lives she is doing so much better and no longer on medication.
My question is am I sinning because I filed for divorce?
I talk to my husband still and he tells me his pastor and family say I am.
CPS dropped charges the police left case open my husband hired a lawyer and my daughter went to mental hospital and was takeing medication because what my husband did to her.
< Message edited by jas69 -- 7/31/2008 2:05:23 PM >
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RE: Husband Abused Step Daughter - 7/31/2008 12:13:46 AM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 620
Joined: 7/13/2007
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I think that you are doing the right thing. You are not sinning, he is. He is unrepentant of his sin. He is an adulterer, fornicator and has caused a "little one" to stumble. So if anyone is sinning here it's your husband.
Matthew 18:6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
Looks like God takes this (causing a little one to stumble) pretty seriously. Those are some strong words.
1 Corinthians 5:9 I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.
A person who calls themselves a Christian but persists in sexual immorality is not to be associated with. Again, these are strong words about sexual immorality.
Matthew 19:9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."---highlight added
Your husband was unfaithful to you. He commited adultery with his mind, heart and body. The only exception given in the Bible for divorce is marital unfaithfulness. It seems that your husband is the one who really ended the marriage, not you. He broke his vows and covenant.
When God blesses us with children we are given a responsibility to keep them safe and raise them to love Christ. You are fulfilling your God-given responsibilities as a mother by leaving this man and keeping your daughter safe. Praise God that you had the courage to do so. You are a good mom and your daughter will thank you for it one day.
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RE: Husband Abused Step Daughter - 7/31/2008 12:42:16 AM
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hnt
Posts: 541
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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quote:
My question is am I sinning because I filed for divorce?
I talk to my husband still and he tells me his pastor and family say I am.
WELL if he was that wholesome it would be the 'prison' chaplin and his family. 
If he is guilty I would say he is telling them parts of things to make it sound better. I'm sure what he is telling you now - if truly repentant wouldn't be that big of an issue at this point. He would respect things he seems doesn't count at this point - which makes me question the sincerity.
_____________________________
h
Emotional abuse and Faith
Reaching for IT!!!!!!
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RE: Am I a sinner??? - 7/31/2008 9:08:10 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1796
Joined: 5/23/2006
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What action was taken by CPS after your report about your daughter?
In answer to your question" are you a sinner?" Yes, and so am I. We all are. There is only 1 thing that changes that. ABC Accept Believe and Receive. Once we ask Christ into our heart believe in His redeeming power and confess His forgiving our sin then we are no longer in the bondage of sin and His grace covers us.
Being a sinner and choosing a decision you dealt with about your daughter are not the same thing.
If no charges were filed and no jail time served that still doesn't mean you were wrong to take a stand for your daughter. If the charges were untrue then there is some other steps which needs to be taken. What happened with the investigation?
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RE: Am I a sinner??? - 7/31/2008 9:10:18 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5987
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
What action was taken by CPS after your report about your daughter?
Yes, I'd like to know that too. I'm also wondering why he wasn't arrested and charged.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Am I a sinner??? - 7/31/2008 11:02:53 AM
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deedeeowens
Posts: 65
Joined: 6/10/2008
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Your husband has been accused of a serious crime, yet you make no mention of a conviction. Since your adolescent daughter has had mental health issues, is it possible that this claim isn't valid? In answer to your question, if your husband truly did these things, then he has committed adultry and you have a valid reason to divorce him. My concern would be in making sure the claims are true and not something brought on by mental illness or drugs administered to your daughter during that time frame.
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RE: Husband Abused Step Daughter - 7/31/2008 11:18:59 AM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 1487
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hislittleone
I think that you are doing the right thing. You are not sinning, he is. He is unrepentant of his sin. He is an adulterer, fornicator and has caused a "little one" to stumble. So if anyone is sinning here it's your husband.
Your husband was unfaithful to you. He commited adultery with his mind, heart and body. The only exception given in the Bible for divorce is marital unfaithfulness. It seems that your husband is the one who really ended the marriage, not you. He broke his vows and covenant.
When God blesses us with children we are given a responsibility to keep them safe and raise them to love Christ. You are fulfilling your God-given responsibilities as a mother by leaving this man and keeping your daughter safe. Praise God that you had the courage to do so. You are a good mom and your daughter will thank you for it one day.
I may not fully agree with Hislittleone on her interpretations of the all the verses she sited, but I'm completely in agreement with her on the over-all opinion. You are not a sinner. What your husband did was wrong, and he DID break his vows. Worst of all, he did that with your daughter.
You aren't the sinner in this case. And even if you were (which, as was astutely pointed out, we ALL are... without exception), that's why Christ died for us.
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RE: Husband Abused Step Daughter - 8/1/2008 3:41:17 AM
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married4fun
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Joined: 12/9/2005
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Dont let other people make you feel guilty about what you know to be the right thing to do. You have a duty to protect your daughter.
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RE: Husband Abused Step Daughter - 8/1/2008 7:58:02 AM
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revbob4God
Posts: 598
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
My daughter was in a mental hospital for 1 week and was under medication. Since he has been out of our lives she is doing so much better and no longer on medication.
My question is am I sinning because I filed for divorce?
I talk to my husband still and he tells me his pastor and family say I am.
CPS dropped charges the police left case open my husband hired a lawyer and my daughter went to mental hospital and was takeing medication because what my husband did to her.
What do the doctors say? Has she reflected the source of her problem with them? I would try and get all of the insight I can from the Doctors. IMHO CPS is sometimes a necessary evil. IMHO they also do not always seem to have the brightest crayons in the box. However the critical thing you said is that the police are keeping the case open.
I believe several issues fall into play here. First, it is best to believe your daughter. Be sound in that. After all, the only ones right now who know the answer to this are your husband and God. While it is great to hear he has turned to God, people often, unfortunately turn to God whenever something like this happens, and I truly hope he did so for good reasons, and not to try and hide or minimize what he is alleged to have done. Yes I said ALLEGED.
I do not believe you are sinning in filing for a divorce.
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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RE: Am I a sinner??? - 8/1/2008 9:34:12 AM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 458
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deedeeowens
Your husband has been accused of a serious crime, yet you make no mention of a conviction. Since your adolescent daughter has had mental health issues, is it possible that this claim isn't valid? In answer to your question, if your husband truly did these things, then he has committed adultery and you have a valid reason to divorce him. My concern would be in making sure the claims are true and not something brought on by mental illness or drugs administered to your daughter during that time frame.
I highly agree. It seems to be that everyone is jumping the gun and assuming that he actually did this. If he did in fact do that he deserves to be in prison and his wife in my opinion can divorce him. However until this is actually proven she needs to take her husband at his word. Why wouldn't he deny it if he didn't do it?
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
The greatest heresy to American Christianity is that if you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he definitely will.
Paul Washer
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RE: Am I a sinner??? - 8/1/2008 9:48:11 AM
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mrsrevbob
Posts: 185
Joined: 7/31/2008
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I have to agree with my husband on this one. I will be praying for you. If you feel you ever need a listener let me know.
Don't be swayed by his sudden return to church. After all, I do not know how many times the Reverend has come home and been frustrated with people who claimed to have found Our heavenly Father and/or Jesus Christ in jail. Sometimes they do, but it really saddens me when they use the Lord in vain and I really hope this man is making a serious change for the better. I completely understand when Preachers banter about people in jail mistakenly spotting Jesus.
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RE: Am I a sinner??? - 8/1/2008 10:28:43 AM
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sudden
Posts: 164
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Toronto
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Child4Jesus
quote:
ORIGINAL: deedeeowens
I highly agree. It seems to be that everyone is jumping the gun and assuming that he actually did this. If he did in fact do that he deserves to be in prison and his wife in my opinion can divorce him. However until this is actually proven she needs to take her husband at his word. Why wouldn't he deny it if he didn't do it?
The OP says that her daughter was hospitalized as a result of what her father did. Re-read the post.
Sudden
_____________________________
I will lie down in rest and sleep and peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.
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RE: Husband Abused Step Daughter - 8/1/2008 10:32:01 AM
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sudden
Posts: 164
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Toronto
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hislittleone
I think that you are doing the right thing. You are not sinning, he is. He is unrepentant of his sin. He is an adulterer, fornicator and has caused a "little one" to stumble. So if anyone is sinning here it's your husband.
Matthew 18:6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
Looks like God takes this (causing a little one to stumble) pretty seriously. Those are some strong words.
Hislittleone:
I do not understand what you are saying here.
I hope it is not that the victim has sinned in some way. What happened was not her doing.
Sudden
_____________________________
I will lie down in rest and sleep and peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.
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RE: Am I a sinner??? - 8/1/2008 10:41:36 AM
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sudden
Posts: 164
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Toronto
Status: online
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Jas69:
Having worked in the criminal justice system and seen the effects pedophiles have on even their own children, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. The idea that YOU are sinning in this instance is a convoluted lie. Mighty strange pastor your husband has.
Your husband's lack of remorse is very telling. I find it frightening that such a man is "active" in the church and "studying" theology and in all likelihood is positioning himself to repeat this behaviour on some of society's most vulnerable. It is an outrage. I urge your daughter to press charges.
I applaud you ifor getting your daughter away from him and not permitting her to be victimized again. You are well rid of this pedophile. I will pray that you will both recover from this horrific ordeal.
Sudden
_____________________________
I will lie down in rest and sleep and peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.
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RE: Am I a sinner??? - 8/1/2008 10:52:39 AM
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revbob4God
Posts: 598
Joined: 7/25/2008
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quote:
Having worked in the criminal justice system and seen the effects pedophiles have on even their own children, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. The idea that YOU are sinning in this instance is a convoluted lie. Mighty strange pastor your husband has.
Your husband's lack of remorse is very telling. I find it frightening that such a man is "active" in the church and "studying" theology and in all likelihood is positioning himself to repeat this behaviour on some of society's most vulnerable. It is an outrage. I urge your daughter to press charges.
I applaud you ifor getting your daughter away from him and not permitting her to be victimized again. You are well rid of this pedophile. I will pray that you will both recover from this horrific ordeal.
Sudden
stenuous amen from Sylvie and I both on this
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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RE: Husband Abused Step Daughter - 8/1/2008 12:03:58 PM
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Sadey
Posts: 541
Joined: 7/25/2007
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You are a good mother. You didn't hesitate to take steps to protect your child. To many women turn away and don't want to believe the truth and decide to believe their spouse and do even more damage to their child.
I'm really concerned that he immediately became active in church and studying theology. That is just scarcy that that pastor is so blind to the issues concerning child molestation. Next he will probably put him in a position of authority. I'm not being sarcastic, I just saw this happen in a church, a man who was a convicted child molester came in and immediately the pastor who knew his past put him in a leadership position.
Enough people had been affected by sexual abuse and rose up and put a stop to it. Not all pastors are knowledgeable in things like this.
But I hope that you never let anyone make you feel bad because your first thought was for your daughter. Good for you.
God bless you and your daughter. She will always be able to know that mom stepped in and protected her.
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RE: Husband Abused Step Daughter - 8/1/2008 12:27:03 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1018
Joined: 4/29/2005
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The right thing for you to do is to trust your daughter's allegation, unless you have reason to be skeptical. That is primary, and you must sever your relationship with anyone who you genuinely believe has victimized her. Yes, that means divorce.
However, I do see how the man's family & pastor might have heard a different story: "I tried to be a good step father, but the girl hates me and is mentally unstable. She accused me of touching her. I didn't, but my wife is going to divorce me anyways. Is that biblical, Pastor? To divorce someone based on a false accusation?" I can grasp why a pastor might have been snowed by that kind of talk... and I can especially see why his family believes him.
But you don't believe him. You believe your daughter. And you have to do what's right.
Sin is not defined by what others see. It is about right and wrong, and God knows your heart. God also knows the truth. If you are right in the end, then you've behaved perfectly. If, in the end, the accusation turns out to have been unfounded, God still knows that you made the morally right decision based on your knowledge at this time.
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RE: Husband Abused Step Daughter - 8/1/2008 12:38:55 PM
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revbob4God
Posts: 598
Joined: 7/25/2008
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quote:
and is mentally unstable. She accused me of touching her. I didn't, but my wife is going to divorce me anyways. Is that biblical, Pastor? I do not know enough of the situation in your case to respond, Please PM me if you wish to discuss this further. I will be glad to pray with you.
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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RE: Husband Abused Step Daughter - 8/1/2008 4:16:51 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1018
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revbob4God, do you mean me? To discuss it further? You were quoting me, but all I was saying is that I could see how the man saying something like that might have gotten his Pastor on his 'side'. It's a supposition, but I'm only guessing as to why the man might have said that his pastor & family support his point of view.
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RE: Am I a sinner??? - 8/1/2008 4:48:05 PM
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Neeva_Candida
Posts: 119
Joined: 7/26/2008
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quote:
In answer to your question" are you a sinner?" Yes, and so am I. We all are. There is only 1 thing that changes that. ABC Accept Believe and Receive. Once we ask Christ into our heart believe in His redeeming power and confess His forgiving our sin then we are no longer in the bondage of sin and His grace covers us.
Why is that not ABR instead of ABC?
~Neeva
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No, I was absolutely not saying the op (or her daughter) has sinned in this situation. I was applying those scriptures towards what her husband has done (i.e. he has cheated on his wife and caused a little one to stumble by molesting her----that doesn't mean she was at fault, it means HE was at fault 100%). And because of these things, I believe the op is free to leave him. 
