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Am I a typical man? - 4/29/2008 2:17:08 PM
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AslansChild
Posts: 31
Joined: 6/30/2005
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I didn't want to hijack a post so I started this one. I started my post in the 7 year itch post with this title. But I wonder if I am in the higher % of Christian men. Here is my story. As I said in the other post I dated...alot before I was married and while I did not "go all the way" with every girl I did slip up once. I also had my fair share of exposure to "P" and to this day have to check myself as my eyes and thoughts wander. My expectations from the beginning of marrige were that the intamacy would be a daily occurence. Well it was for the first few months but over the past 18 years it has become less and less. Here is my assessment of why and I would appreciate feedback. The kids came which caused a situation that we no longer had privacy and the fear of being "caught/interupted". She gained weight (she now weighs more than me). My expectations were not fulfilled as time passed so I lost interest. Her expectations for the "process" took over as it took longer for her to get in the mood and by the time she was ready I lost interest. Now this all probably sounds caulous and un-christian. Some of you may be thinking where is your compassion, your unconditional love. Well it is there, but the fire, the passion, the desire is gone and I have resigned to live with the fact that the expectations I set were realized in the first few years and from there until... God will provide the love we will need to continue but the passion is gone. I would appreciate any advice on how to rekindle, how to encourage, or how to accept my wife in her current physical state as a desirable woman. I think the question makes sense.
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RE: Am I a typical man? - 4/29/2008 2:50:07 PM
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beauregarde
Posts: 363
Joined: 1/10/2006
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Typical - Likely
I think all have masterbated.
Most have seen porn.
Many have had sex before marraige.
Early on, daily sex was a part of married life for men.
We do have kids, they consume energy, tiredness contributes to lack of interest - and yes, women, like men, typically gain weight.
Our expectations for sex cannot be what they were when first married, I think that passion or lust or sex drive is legitimately diminished after 18 years of marraige.
The question truly is how to rekindle.
(all for now).
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RE: Am I a typical man? - 4/29/2008 3:25:15 PM
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DaveW
Posts: 3572
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
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Yeah probably pretty typical.
As bg said, we all did the big M and looked at the P. Some of us got really hung up on it.
As we (and our wives) get older those hormones slack off, esp after a weight gain. (one reason why a lot of guys get ED) The fat cells burn up testosterone.
And yeah - we are all tired.
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RE: Am I a typical man? - 5/7/2008 12:29:39 AM
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D3DO
Posts: 9
Joined: 5/6/2008
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Yes you are a typical guy- all Christian guys ASSUME that marriage is going to be this sexual paradise, in reality, it isn't and you realize-marriage is work.
I feel for you- I do not want to loose the passion for my wife, and have felt it wax/wane in the past. It is a weird feeling when the passion cools for someone you love so much. But you are not always going to be super passionate for your wife, as life changes and looks change, so does the passion. THis is a season in your life/marriage. It is not a season I recommend WAITING for change, as likely, something or someone else will stir your passion/interest, the season will change and it will likely be to a very cold season, kapish? As stated before- REKINDLE- If you lost passion, so has she, which means you are part of the problem
IDEAS:
1-Plan a surprise date-
2-Write her a letter recounting your plan to first ask her out and your first date
3-Start planning a date night (and don't run errands)
4-Just kiss her withour expecting sex
5-If you are eyeing other women (TV, ads, movies) STOP
6-Start excercising together
7-Take the kids for the morning and let her sleep in and bring home breakfast
8-Do anything romantic- BE PRO-ACTIVE!
Most importantly pray, by yourself and with her.
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RE: Am I a typical man? - 5/7/2008 4:09:53 AM
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Konstantinos
Posts: 8100
Joined: 4/14/2005
From: Greece Thessaloniki
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quote:
The fat cells burn up testosterone.
hahahaha true.
start taking testosterone supplements.
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I'm a beast.
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RE: Am I a typical man? - 5/7/2008 7:09:24 AM
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RatherDashing
Posts: 7480
Joined: 6/5/2006
From: Shimmyland.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: D3DO
If you are eyeing other women STOP
I would also advise to do so if you're involved in a relationship nonetheless.
_____________________________
Some people say matter always existed. Great, I say God always existed.
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RE: Am I a typical man? - 5/7/2008 9:03:40 AM
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Amped88
Posts: 33
Joined: 5/6/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Konstantinos
start taking testosterone supplements.
It has worked for me. I work out 5 times a week (body building) as well as cardio 5 times a week for the last 3 months. I take testosterone supplements, NO-Xplode, and Centrum. I feel immensily (sp?) better and everything on my body works a whole lot better!!
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RE: Am I a typical man? - 5/7/2008 10:09:17 AM
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TQ_Fan_4_Life
Posts: 3261
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: somewhere cold at foot of a mountain
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bout as typical a man as can be
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can u say Politically Correct?
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RE: Am I a typical man? - 5/7/2008 10:32:19 AM
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Konstantinos
Posts: 8100
Joined: 4/14/2005
From: Greece Thessaloniki
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5 times weightlifting and 5 times cardio is too much... unless you are trying to lose weight to go to like.. 5% body fat. if you are above 12% you shouldnt even need cardio except to remain healthy after you pass a certain age
_____________________________
I'm best friends with the boogie man.
I'm a beast.
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