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Angry - 5/21/2008 8:35:55 AM
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MyGodYourGod
Posts: 23
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I am just so Angry - at God I guess. I know I have no right to be because I chose the man I married so it's my fault, all my fault. I am to the point now where I see no point in living, except for my child who needs me. Besides that, I would beg God to just end my life. I am tired of struggling in life - in my marriage, my finances, my dreams that never come true, etc. I really think this life SUCKS. Why would anyone want to live? It' just one big STRESS. I don't know what I need at this point - prayers, encouragement? I don't know - I don't even know if I'm in the right mind to accept any of it. It seems that when things start "looking up", it's only for a short period of time, then right back down in the dumps I go.
It really frustrates me because it seems all the "sinners" are the ones living the happy and fulfilling lives (Like my husband, he has done so much wrong to not only me, but his children, and others, but yet he is not being "punished" for his actions - he is just going about is business); but many (most, if not all) of the "christians" I know are going through some REAL struggles. I'm so angry.
< Message edited by MyGodYourGod -- 5/21/2008 9:00:42 AM >
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RE: Angry - 5/21/2008 9:13:54 AM
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NotMyHome
Posts: 16
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I have been where you are. Keep trusting the Lord. He is teaching you to trust him through the hard times in your life. If you want I can call you... PM me your number and we can talk. As bad as things feel right now the Lord will make a way for you. God Bless... and I will pray for you.
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RE: Angry - 5/21/2008 9:19:03 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 3609
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From: upstate NY
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i'm sorry mgyg ... i really don't have anything to say except to let you know someone out here is listening to you and will be praying for your family ...
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RE: Angry - 5/21/2008 11:23:33 AM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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MyGodYourGod...it certainly sounds like you are in an incredible amount of pain due to feeling trapped in many circumstances beyond your control. Believe me when I say I can relate to everything you've expressed.
quote:
I don't know what I need at this point - prayers, encouragement?
You probably need a combination of things at this point but I'll suggest a few. Firstly, you need to change your attitude. As you correctly stated, you choose your husband and you probably ignored all the warning signs and went against your better judgement to do it. To be angry at God is misplaced anger because you are only reaping what you have sown. Now having said this, God works in all things for the good because He is an incredibly merciful God. Do you really believe this applies to your situation? I guarantee you your situation will have a positive outcome If you fix your eyes on God. It may not happen right away but it will happen. I encourage you to read Joseph's story in Genesis and Job's story in his book. You shouldn't want to see your husband (or anyone else for that matter) "punished" for their actions although God may eventually choose to deal with them in that manner. Strive to be the woman God has called you to be because that's the only person you can change. Right now, He may have you in the spin cycle on the washing machine to teach you some very important life lessons before he delivers you. In due time, He will intervene.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Angry - 5/22/2008 1:03:45 PM
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Emaleth
Posts: 8
Joined: 5/18/2008
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I can certainly relate to what you are feeling. There was a period in my life when I felt the same way. It seemed nothing went right for me ... everyone else seemed to have good things in their lives, why not me? I tried to be a good person, I tried to live according to my beliefs, I tried, why not me? I finally realized that was the problem. I was trying rather than letting our Heavenly Father guide me, rather than listening to Him, I was trying to control everything. Once I released control and stopped praying for the things I wanted, and began praying for God's will in my life, my circumstances began to change. Sometimes what we want is necessarily what is best for us. God knows so much more than I do about what is best for me, about what will bring me true happiness.
Also, I began each day in a different way. Rather than waking up with bitterness and sorrow, I would start my day with a prayer of thanks for all the wonderful things God had in store for me that day! I still do this. "Thank you, Heavenly Father, for giving me another day! Thank you for the wonderful things you will bring my way today! Thank you for the people I will encounter and the lessons I will learn! Thank you for your love and guideance ... thank you, thank you, thank you!" It is amazing how much things will change when YOU change your approach to each day.
God knows your pain, He knows your needs and He knows what you need and when you need it. Trust Him. Love Him and LET Him bring wonder and happiness into your life. Take every opportunity to praise Him and thank Him for every tiny little joy that comes your way!
My prayers are with you. God bless and guide you through each day, each struggle, each joy.
_____________________________
Luke 6:37
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
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RE: Angry - 5/22/2008 3:58:39 PM
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NoDumbBlonde
Posts: 798
Joined: 1/31/2007
From: Upper West Side, Planet Earth
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I'm so sorry you are facing such hopelessness and anger. I wonder though, are you angry at God or at yourself? It's often those times when we take responsibility and realize that our lives are what we have made it that we get more angry at ourselves for making unwise choices. I imagine that we may sometimes don't get angry at God for not preventing us from making stupid mistakes.
I know where you are coming from. Been there, done that too! My entire life seemed hopeless, empty and unfulfilling. One suggestion is to try to take the focus off of what you don't have and what you are missing in your life and put the focus on what you have. Also, by focusing on the negative, all you'll see is negative. Change that around. It's about changing our mindset, attitude and prespective. No, it's not an easy task but ask God to give you courage and strength to change your thoughts, hopes, and dreams. Realize that you cannot change the past and do what you can to make some positive changes in your present and future. OK, so you didn't marry well. Learn to react differently, pray and encourage your husband to become a man you would choose again. While I don't know your circumstances, I do know that prayer, commitment and a change of attitude can change even the hardest hearts.
Another thing you can do is to volunteer or get involved in some sort of ministry. By focusing on others you begin to take the focus off yourself. When we spend too much time in self-reflection we miss out on all the blessings of reaching out and being a blessing to someone else. I've learned this most important lesson recently. I cannot tell you how much joy comes from setting aside my own worries, disappointments and discouragement and helping someone else. I have the power to truly bless someone. I can make a difference (even in a very small way) that someone may have a better day because of something I said or did. When I open myself to others, I find that my problems are less important.
I hope you are praying for your husband. Pray that God provides a mentor that will be able to reach him and any sin that he is caught up in. Pray specific too, for each and every aspect in his life and your marriage.
As for your goals and dreams, ask God to give you new goals and dreams. Surrender YOUR will to Him and allow Him to lead you fully. For me, owning my own business was never my dream. I feel as though all my dreams have been secondary all my life. Only a precious few have ever come to pass but then I learned to surrender to God's will. I've not yet achieved anything great or even all that good but that's ok. I know that whatever plan GOD has for my life is much greater than any plan I could have conceived. I'm learning to trust him. In fact, my husband and I recently decided to write out a plan for our lives. At the top is the title. Then we sign at the bottom. The middle is all blank. We are allowing GOD to fill in the middle. We're not sure where he'll lead but are excited about the prospect.
I'm sorry for the dissertation. I'll be praying for you and your situation. Know that even though you may feel that you've made a mistake, God can still use it to bring you happiness and contentment. Don't give up!
< Message edited by NoDumbBlonde -- 5/22/2008 4:06:37 PM >
_____________________________
<----- My Blog: A Day in the Life
You know you're wealthy when you have enough money to do something other than breathe.
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RE: Angry - 5/22/2008 7:06:14 PM
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blessednw
Posts: 741
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MyGodYourGod
I am just so Angry - at God I guess.
It really frustrates me because it seems all the "sinners" are the ones living the happy and fulfilling lives (Like my husband, he has done so much wrong to not only me, but his children, and others, but yet he is not being "punished" for his actions - he is just going about is business); but many (most, if not all) of the "christians" I know are going through some REAL struggles. I'm so angry.
You are expressing what many people feel. The world is struggling in so many ways, not just the church. But those of us who follow the Lord can find purpose in our suffering, if we press into Knowing Him.
This life is really all about the individual recognizing God and submitting to Him and finding our purpose in His purpose. The difficult times can be used to bring us to our knees to call out to Him for insight and wisdom and help for the trials. He will give us direction, help, supportive people and powerful encouragement from His word, the Bible. We must be sincere and admit our brokenness and declare our need.
May You find some peace in your trial.
_____________________________
This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.....
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RE: Angry - 5/28/2008 4:51:56 AM
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mimi254
Posts: 32
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Sorry you feel the way you feel, but let me tell you that if anyone is to be blamed, it will never be God. What is done is done; no need to cry over spilt milk. Just try to lift up your eyes and see what God will do with the spilt milk.
"God will make a way where there seems to be no way...
He works in ways we cannot see..."
Share with me Ps 73 and never envy the sinner's situation!
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RE: Angry - 5/28/2008 7:20:57 AM
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NotMyHome
Posts: 16
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Hope your feeling better these days. I'm prayin for you darlin!
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RE: Angry - 5/28/2008 9:50:16 AM
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Row1
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Hi!
I have prayed for you!
--It is possible that the role you are playing for your children is very critical - where would they be without you doing things the right way? Even though it means you have constant struggles, in contrast to the people around you who you see acting foolishly and not suffering.
-Row1
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RE: Angry - 5/28/2008 11:17:55 AM
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timf
Posts: 575
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It really frustrates me because it seems all the "sinners" are the ones living the happy and fulfilling lives
Psalm 73
Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart. But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped. For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. For there are no bands in their death: but their strength is firm. They are not in trouble as other men; neither are they plagued like other men. Therefore pride compasseth them about as a chain; violence covereth them as a garment. Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish. They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression: they speak loftily. They set their mouth against the heavens, and their tongue walketh through the earth. Therefore his people return hither: and waters of a full cup are wrung out to them. And they say, How doth God know? and is there knowledge in the most High? Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches. Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency. For all the day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning. If I say, I will speak thus; behold, I should offend against the generation of thy children. When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me; Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end. Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction. How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment! they are utterly consumed with terrors. As a dream when one awaketh; so, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shalt despise their image. Thus my heart was grieved, and I was ****ed in my reins. So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee. Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand. Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee. But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
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RE: Angry - 5/28/2008 12:52:39 PM
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allthingsforgood
Posts: 2
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Amen to psalm 73!
Please strive for an eternal perspective. It is eternity for which we live, not what we care for here. Also read 2 Cor 4, especially the end. And Philippians 3...Live for Christ...all else is loss!
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RE: Angry - 5/28/2008 1:42:39 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 795
Joined: 11/28/2005
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quote:
It really frustrates me because it seems all the "sinners" are the ones living the happy and fulfilling lives (Like my husband, he has done so much wrong to not only me, but his children, and others, but yet he is not being "punished" for his actions - he is just going about is business); but many (most, if not all) of the "christians" I know are going through some REAL struggles. I'm so angry.
*At one time we've all been in spiritual famine... we were sinners(we didn't even realize that we were in famine) and we lived our lives according to our own desires and we followed after the pattern of the World.
How long did it take each of us to come to realize we were in need of a Savior?
If God punished us - according to our sinfulness... none of us could stand!
God is long suffering and not wanting any of us to perish (that's why he sent Christ to take our punishment; for the wages of sin is death!) The only righteousness Christians have is what Christ imparts.
Just from reading your post I can see how your spouse's sinfulness has cost him somethings like: you and your child's respect, a home that's eroded by stress and lack of peace, the respect that he's lost from the others he's hurt, he's living each day in rebellion to God and by doing so, if he should die he'd step out into eternity without Christ and the scriptures tell us that there's a place created for the enemies of God... that place is the lake of fire.
Satan blinds his followers to what they are doing wrong and remember we all were in that same darkness and we did things that are shameful.... fortunately, someone reached us with the Good News of the Gospel and we turned from a life of sinfulness.
*Keep being a good example of a Christian for your husband, continue praying for him to turn from his sin and call upon the Lord to be his Savior.
Don't look at things through your own eyes (in respect to your husband living a good life and he's not being punished for being a sinner) read what the Bible states about those who are still in their sins and living in rebellion to God. This is where you will find Truth about what is awaiting them if they don't Repent.
Stop wanting or wishing sinners to be punished --- desire for them to come to repentance!
*I know a lot of sinners going through hard times many of them are still shaking their fists at God or cursing him for their situations.
*I love these parts of the song in Psalm 51 from David :
"Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me."
-----------------------------------------------
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise."
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*And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
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RE: Angry - 5/29/2008 12:55:32 PM
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cinwood
Posts: 234
Joined: 9/4/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline
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Dear Friend,
Do not despair! I, too, like the others here, have suffered like you - to the point of not wanting to live. I asked God to kill me one morning; I felt so worthless in my soul. He answered my heart and said "YOU do not decide when I am finished with your life. You still have worth and I love you." That was 10 years ago.
I can make you one promise, and that is that this time in your life will pass. I had a hard time believing that when I was in the midst of my depression, but I promise you that it's very true. God has better things planned for you. I innocently went into a situation thinking it was what God wanted me to do and it nearly destroyed me and my family. I considered laying in my bed and refusing to move until they came and took me to a psych ward. I couldn't even see a glimmer of hope for a better future. I struggled for five very long years before the Lord began to bring me out.
Please know that people care about you and that we're praying for you. Jesus cares for you and is concerned with everything that concerns you. Hold on, reconcile with the Lord and pray for deliverance. He is faithful and just and will bring you the strength you need to get thru this. Never give up!!! If God had given me my death wish or I had turned my back on my faith, I would have missed being part of a wonderful ministry that brings myself and many others blessings and great joy...
I leaned heavily on Psalm 73 during that time of trouble and several times since then. Below are the key verses that ministered to me specially:
3 For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
5 They are not in trouble as other men; neither are they plagued like other men.
7 Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish.
8 They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression: they speak loftily.
9 They set their mouth against the heavens, and their tongue walketh through the earth.
12 Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.
13 Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency.
14 For all the day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning.
16 When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me;
17 Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end.
26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
_____________________________
<---- Grandmommy's Angel
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RE: Angry - 6/11/2008 7:53:29 AM
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MyGodYourGod
Posts: 23
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Can anyone give any book suggestions for a separated woman who is trying to get over the emotional agony associated with the separation and possible divorce? I'm just trying to ACTIVELY pursue my healing, doing whatever I can to get through this, instead of just waiting for time to pass and HOPE that I get over it. Anyone have any suggestions?
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RE: Angry - 6/11/2008 9:55:36 AM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3451
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First, sin leads to destruction and sin full blown leads to death. Sin may be fun for a season, but then comes destruction. I know, that I do not want to be like the devil in any way shape or form. Your husband is unhappy, or he would not use sin to feel the void. Pray to know God better yourself, for things such as peace, joy, love you know more fruit. Things of this world do not satisfy, only for a few moments or days. Live in such a way, with out nagging, as a Christian wife, that you sanctify your husband, as the word says.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: Angry - 6/11/2008 1:59:43 PM
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futuremartyr
Posts: 138
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MyGodYourGod
I am just so Angry - at God I guess. I know I have no right to be because I chose the man I married so it's my fault, all my fault. I am to the point now where I see no point in living, except for my child who needs me. Besides that, I would beg God to just end my life. I am tired of struggling in life - in my marriage, my finances, my dreams that never come true, etc. I really think this life SUCKS. Why would anyone want to live? It' just one big STRESS. I don't know what I need at this point - prayers, encouragement? I don't know - I don't even know if I'm in the right mind to accept any of it. It seems that when things start "looking up", it's only for a short period of time, then right back down in the dumps I go.
It really frustrates me because it seems all the "sinners" are the ones living the happy and fulfilling lives (Like my husband, he has done so much wrong to not only me, but his children, and others, but yet he is not being "punished" for his actions - he is just going about is business); but many (most, if not all) of the "christians" I know are going through some REAL struggles. I'm so angry.
You say all the sinners are the ones living the happy and fulfiiling lives, but ALL people are sinners, including yourself, including me. Becoming a Christian doesn't mean you are no longer a sinner. Your life here on earth no matter how much it SUCKS, is better than you deserve. You deserve an eternity in hell, it is only because of God's grace that you don't get what you deserve. Snap out of the pity party, and thank God for all you have. If you are worried about your husband's punishment you have malice in your heart. Repent! Struggles for God's children brings spiritual growth. Thank Him for refining you and them in the fire of trials. God is so good!
_____________________________
http://teachableheartsathome.blogspot.com/
http://store.familylife.com/conferences/find_conference.asp
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RE: Angry - 6/11/2008 2:01:37 PM
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futuremartyr
Posts: 138
Joined: 4/4/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MyGodYourGod
Can anyone give any book suggestions for a separated woman who is trying to get over the emotional agony associated with the separation and possible divorce? I'm just trying to ACTIVELY pursue my healing, doing whatever I can to get through this, instead of just waiting for time to pass and HOPE that I get over it. Anyone have any suggestions?
Trusting God:Even when life hurts, by Jerry Bridges
_____________________________
http://teachableheartsathome.blogspot.com/
http://store.familylife.com/conferences/find_conference.asp
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RE: Angry - 6/11/2008 4:09:19 PM
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MyGodYourGod
Posts: 23
Joined: 4/7/2008
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I'm so lonely. I want to fall in love again. Am I wrong for wanting companionship? I want a husband, but unfortunately I'm "married" already, "by paper only", as my husband so confidently reinforced to me. What do I do?
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RE: Angry - 6/11/2008 10:16:06 PM
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futuremartyr
Posts: 138
Joined: 4/4/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MyGodYourGod
I'm so lonely. I want to fall in love again. Am I wrong for wanting companionship? I want a husband, but unfortunately I'm "married" already, "by paper only", as my husband so confidently reinforced to me. What do I do?
You are not wrong for wanting companionship, why couldn't you have it with your husband "on paper"? What happened to having companionship with the man God gave you as a gift? Did he leave you?
_____________________________
http://teachableheartsathome.blogspot.com/
http://store.familylife.com/conferences/find_conference.asp
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RE: Angry - 6/12/2008 8:20:13 AM
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MyGodYourGod
Posts: 23
Joined: 4/7/2008
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Yes, he left my son and I almost 3 months ago. He moved 600 miles away.
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RE: Angry - 6/12/2008 10:39:45 AM
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allisonbrett
Posts: 176
Joined: 5/29/2008
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My dear friend,
I so understand your heartache and loneliness. The very worse thing you can do is to attempt to fill that emptiness with someone or something new. Although you may think that finding "love" will resolve so many of the emotions you are feeling please know that it will only put a bandaid on an open wound and may never heal.
What I suggest is to check out Divorce Care. Google it to find a location (usually a church) in your area. This program can help you begin to see that all the emotions, the frustration, depression, loneliness, bitterness, anger, etc is normal and expected. You will meet others who are experiencing the same thing. The purpose of the program is to help you find healing and restoration. Some marriages do find restoration through this program while others do not. It's all about healing. It's a wonderful program and is bibically based.
Instead of focusing on the things you want and those things missing in your life, please focus on the Lord and turn to him to meet those needs right now. Turn to Him to heal your heart.
Praying for you!
_____________________________
Allison's World My Blog
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RE: Angry - 6/12/2008 10:41:16 AM
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futuremartyr
Posts: 138
Joined: 4/4/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MyGodYourGod
Yes, he left my son and I almost 3 months ago. He moved 600 miles away.
Then it's not wrong for you to find someone else. When will your divorce be final? Or did he leave and not file?
Did you get my pm with a book recommendation?
_____________________________
http://teachableheartsathome.blogspot.com/
http://store.familylife.com/conferences/find_conference.asp
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RE: Angry - 6/12/2008 11:27:26 AM
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MyGodYourGod
Posts: 23
Joined: 4/7/2008
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Thanks for your response Allison. I have located some divorce care groups, but they're all over for the summer. The one I'm going to join won't start back until September. So I guess until thing, I'm sad and lonely. But even then, I just don't see how anything can help me get over the loneliness besides companionship. I know that's what I shouldn't do, and I have no intentions on doing that. But I'm just stating how I feel :-(. It feels so hopeless.
Furturemartyr -
Yes, I got your PM. Thanks. No my DH has not filed for divorce. I'm sure that will be my responsbility because he is just not a very responsible human being in general. I'm trying not to make any rash decisions while I'm going through my pain, so I haven't filed yet. I can't seem to decipher my emotions - I don't know what's real from what isn't...do I want him? Am I just afraid of being alone for the rest of my life? I just don't know anything. These are the types of emotions I'm trying to sort out.
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RE: Angry - 6/12/2008 11:30:54 AM
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allisonbrett
Posts: 176
Joined: 5/29/2008
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quote:
Then it's not wrong for you to find someone else. When will your divorce be final? Or did he leave and not file?
Did you get my pm with a book recommendation?
I disagree!!! The absolute WORSE thing to do is to begin focusing on finding love in someone else as soon as the divorce is final regardless of why theseparatation/divorce. Rushing from one relationship to another without taking time to heal is why the rate of failure in 2nd marriages is dramatically higher than 1st marriages. They didn't take time to heal from the first relatioship. We have all heard that rebound relationships don't work (or rarely do) You have the walking wounded turning to someone new to meet those emotional needs and instead of focusing on becoming whole and healed. Happiness is not found in circumstances like being married or another person but from within. Never look to someone else to make you feel good about you. If you are miserable being single then you will eventually be miserable being married too.
_____________________________
Allison's World My Blog
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