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Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/13/2008 1:35:23 AM
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ksaraah
Posts: 13
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I didn't put this in the prayer section because I felt it would be more suited to THIS section.
My husband and I have communication problems and are both dealing with (I guess) abuse issues---anyways, we're both DEFINATELY hurting--he's a new Christian (so I must be doing something right) and I've been a Christian most of my life.
I'm asking for prayer over our sexual union.... well, he's all into something lustful that I don't like.
We went to see an evangelical-type counselor once, many years ago, but things change--and after 2 more children--our insurance is such that it makes it a TRUE pain to use--we don't even want to see the dentist. and my daughter needs to see the orthodontist. We have to submit forms and do paperwork--and I struggle with the pain-the depression and I surmount it with God's help, but other times I'm completely struggling.
I'm wondering what the Lord's will is with this--should we just go for it and . . . come what may??? (as in, go see a Christian counselor who can help us with the intimate marriage difficulties?)
well, I have some addiction problems--where I keep switching addictions from caffeine pills, to beer, to food, to being idle, and self-condemnation--yet I cry out to God but I keep on finding different ways to alleviate the pain.
He's a baby Christian and I find myself over my head. (He's not the most loving man.)
I read "Get out of That Pit" and that helped me so much. Now I'm reading "Walking with God"
*anyways* I'm asking for prayer and brutal advice.
< Message edited by ksaraah -- 5/13/2008 1:43:32 AM >
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RE: Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/13/2008 1:46:03 AM
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ksaraah
Posts: 13
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after some reflection--that's not a bad idea.
thanks
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RE: Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/13/2008 2:40:42 AM
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CRNA
Posts: 3
Joined: 5/13/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 14LoveandPeace88
Me and my wife keep our sex life alive by dressing up and reenacting our favorite bible stories. It definitely puts us in the mood.
That made me laugh lol. Maybe I should try it sometime.
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RE: Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/14/2008 6:25:34 PM
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p.progress
Posts: 117
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ksaraah
I didn't put this in the prayer section because I felt it would be more suited to THIS section.
My husband and I have communication problems and are both dealing with (I guess) abuse issues---anyways, we're both DEFINATELY hurting--he's a new Christian (so I must be doing something right) and I've been a Christian most of my life.
I'm asking for prayer over our sexual union.... well, he's all into something lustful that I don't like.
We went to see an evangelical-type counselor once, many years ago, but things change--and after 2 more children--our insurance is such that it makes it a TRUE pain to use--we don't even want to see the dentist. and my daughter needs to see the orthodontist. We have to submit forms and do paperwork--and I struggle with the pain-the depression and I surmount it with God's help, but other times I'm completely struggling.
I'm wondering what the Lord's will is with this--should we just go for it and . . . come what may??? (as in, go see a Christian counselor who can help us with the intimate marriage difficulties?)
well, I have some addiction problems--where I keep switching addictions from caffeine pills, to beer, to food, to being idle, and self-condemnation--yet I cry out to God but I keep on finding different ways to alleviate the pain.
He's a baby Christian and I find myself over my head. (He's not the most loving man.)
I read "Get out of That Pit" and that helped me so much. Now I'm reading "Walking with God"
*anyways* I'm asking for prayer and brutal advice.
Brutal advice?
Make yourself get up very early...at least an hour and fifteen minutes before others; take a copy of the scriptures; an old hymn book; a pillow or soft rug for your knees; and determine to seek the face of God in such a way that you will not allow unbelief...that is, "wicked unbelief" or a lazy, slothful attitude to deter or thwart you from this quest and goal. It is up to God to promise and then fulfill his promises to us to give us peace, joy, rest, wisdom, fretlessness of spirit; BUT it is UP to YOU (me, all) to FIGHT, sweat, toil, labor until you find that you have COME INTO the ACTUAL PRESENCE of GOD! It is though only going to be obtained by FAITH, and a earnest desire to continue to "labor" and "wrestle" until you "enter into his rest"...and I can assure, you'll know that you have when it happens to you. Once you have, you'll want to REMAIN there; But you'll need sufficient real time to ABIDE (stay) there; stay and "abide" until you KNOW that you KNOW that you have been infused with sufficient strength, wisdom and some confidence that you'll continue to be sensible of his presence and love for you when you arise to face that new day. He nevers leaves us, but our sensitivity of his presence fades from view as we get our 'feet dirty' in our walk through the day. We need this time of intimate communion with his so we can rightly and wisely and fearlessly face the day's trials that we can be sure will be Sovereignly dispensed to you by our Fahter to build into you the character of Christ ("from glory to glory").
I can tell you not only from firsthand experience, but from the sober words of Scripture itself, that what I am telling you is not only the best remedy (medicine), but truly the One and Only true remedy you can ever or will ever be offered, or will find. And I am telling you that there is no substitute that can ever come close to what Christ himself has in numerous ways sought to encourage us all to seek out and has promised us we will find if we do so; which is to say we will find peace and rest, plus the wisdom He alone can and will impart to the heart and minds (souls) of those that sincerely and diligently seek him!
I am not talking about merely getting on your knees in a religious pious fashion, and just talking to God; then get up and go on about 'your' 'business'... leaving you to face all the trials and tribulations that have been permitted to come into your life by his loving and wise Sovereign hand, facing them all, armed only with whatever human strength and 'wits' or otherwise you've accumulated (gotten) on your own through your years here on this earth. NO! He wants to bring into your life what he can only bring into it IF and WHEN you, me, we all - one and all; DO what he not only seeks to encourage us to PURSUE and DO; nor what he WARNS us all NOT TO FAIL TO PURSUE and DO; nor what he COMMANDS us all to pursue and do; but what he desires for us to receive and experience WHEN we believe his promises he will PROVIDE for our NEEDS! We NEED his abiding presence in our lives here and now; not merely in the 'bye and bye'.
It though is our own "wicked unbelief" and slothfulness (lazy and wicked unbelief) that keeps us in our carnality, baby-hood (to coin a phrase), and multiplies the afflictions that come into our lifes. We don't want to believe that Jesus of Nazareth, Jesus of Galilee, the Lord Jesus Christ, though now actually is exhalted above all things, once suffered in the flesh...even suffered at nights seeking to remain in communion with the Father above. We want a antisiptic Christ Jesus, one who did not struggle in the flesh as we do - "yet without sin". Apart from sin, the Lord "learned" nevertheless "obedience" through the things he suffered...it did not come 'automatic' or 'easy' to him to walk as a man in this world. If so, how could he be a real and genuine Conquering Son of Man and become LORD of all, if he did not earn this worthy title through the things he endured as a man? Though a 'God-Man', that is though God, he was still all man; and as a man he experienced all that temptations that men face, with one thing lacking in his nature that we since Adam have all been tainted and contaminated with: SIN!!! A sin nature. In this he was like Adam BEFORE the Fall. As Adam was subject to temptations before the Fall; yet without sin, UNTIL he DID sin; so Christ born of the seed of the woman and the Holy Spirit, was free from sin, yet still very much acutely aware of the power of temptations to sin. He, blessed be his name, never took the bait to sin! But how so??? Not just because he was God and so he 'could'nt sin'; but because he sought his Father's abiding presence always, so that he might not sin against him! Whether Christ could have or could never have sinned against his Father, I'll let others debate and if they are a mind to argue over. But it is instructive to understand and meditate on the passages that seem very real to me at least that they portray the Lord as God to be sure, but also man; and as man was tempted in all points like as us, but was without sin...he never failed to remain in the abiding presence of his Father. He did what no other man did or could ever do! He is worthy to be called LORD of Lords, and to open the Seals of Revelation, to be a High Priest in our behalf and more!!!
I have gone on and on and on, but not without reason.
I wish to say that we don't have to be 'perfect' to be "accepted in the beloved"; and yet we DO have to be perfect, pure and righteous to be "accepted in the beloved". Only the perfection we need, is one that we can never obtain on our own, so Christ has obtained (gained) it in our behalf. And so now, he offers us all the gift of 'Perfection' (if you will) - that is, the "gift of righteousness", which comes as a result of acting upon the "gift of repentance" which each to be "accepted in the beloved" must exercise towards God and then place faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. After this then comes "the gift of the Holy Ghost" (Spirit), Who was sent down to be with us and to dwell in us and to guide us into all truth...not merely 'enlighten' us so we might in our flesh then begin to accumulate 'facts' about God and the 'Bible', God forbid!!! But to bring our hearts and minds into intimate contact with and communion with God (who is Spirit) through the Spirit that he has caused to take up residence in us. To me, it is this that is the greatest gift we have at our 'disposal' - a gift to either avail ourselves of and be enriched by; or neglect and ignore, and thus suffer the consequences of.
Now, as I said before, what we all - what you NEED is nothing other than what Christ alone is both able and willing to give to you. You need peace - we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ; you need joy; we have the joy that Christ's gives which the world cannot take away...but how about allowing it to be stolen (robbed) from you? We need rest - we are given rest in Jesus too! But, but there is a peace and a joy and a rest that we are not automatically 'given'; one that we also need, but which though we must fight for in order to obtain and to "keep" it (protect it from being taken or from being conned out of).
You don't need anything to help you 'cope with' the trials, tribulations, temptations, sufferings, afflictions or otherwise that have and are or will in time come into your life as you sojourn in this present world on your pilgrimage to the Kingdom of God. You need what we all need but are woefully ignorant of, or else are woefully negligent in diligently seeking to obtain: We all need to abide in Christ, but we all are so ignorant of, tha is, what this actually means and what is required of us to put ourselves in that place and presence where we are actually 'abiding' or 'dwelling' in the presence of our Heavenly Father.
Once one has had a taste of what I am referring to and mean here, there is nothing that will from that moment forward, ever again satisfy or be able to satiate one's thirst and hunger; the thirst and hunger for such things as can only be quenched by coming into and then being in the presence of God.
It is there alone that true strength, true peace, rest, wisdom and a deep sense of Providential Protection (bravery, courage and the like - fearlessness) can ever be intimately experienced by the yet earth bound saint of God that is, believers who still remain in this world.
Take God at his word. Be aware of the Enemies desire to thwart your attempts in this area. Believe me when I say that he [Satan] is less concerned you have some or even 'much' 'success' as a 'Christian' in any or all other areas of your Christian 'experience', THAN he is HERE in this one thing that if your honest, you've likely heard very little real sober insistence upon and teaching about. Satan though can not keep any from seeking and FINDING the presence of God, when they have determined they will not let God go until he blesses them with his promise to fill them to the full!
Got to go. All your problems, all mine as well are addressed in the reality of a vital relationship with God HERE and NOW. Give God your husband, seek God and sing to him reflect on his goodness, power and the like. Cry out to him, cry and call on him till he shower you.
You need to understand that God wants more than you will ever really fully understand, YOU! YOU are his delight, and he doesn't just want to 'save you' and then let you struggle through this life on your ownfor you not only your spirit from the Lake of Fire,
< Message edited by Fritzpw_Admin -- 5/15/2008 3:04:41 PM >
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RE: Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/14/2008 10:44:17 PM
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karlie
Posts: 16645
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Central California
Status: offline
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CRNA,
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com concerning the status of your account. Please allow time for a response. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Karlie
Forums Moderator
_____________________________
Shoes CAN change your life...just ask Cinderella
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RE: Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/15/2008 11:41:20 AM
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YZGUY
Posts: 244
Joined: 3/9/2008
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There seems to be a lot more going on than troubles with the sexual union/intimacy. Perhaps the first union is to focus more on your union with the Lord. This is where a Christian Counselor can help - You are looking to other things, and not the Lord to sustain you - your emotional pain (alcohol), your energy (caffeine pills), your rest (idleness), your comfort (food), and your guilt (self-condemnation). Christ offers help & hope for each one of these things. "There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus" - Rom 8:1. Seek his forgiveness - accept his forgiveness & grace. God will not take away all your pain, you have to give it and let him keep it.
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RE: Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/16/2008 3:58:38 PM
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ksaraah
Posts: 13
Status: offline
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Um...No... no counseling with a Pastor.
That's a good thing to look at.
Whew.
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RE: Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/16/2008 4:00:13 PM
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ksaraah
Posts: 13
Status: offline
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Wow. Thanks P. Progress--you really let me have it. Sheesh. I suppose I needed that.
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RE: Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/16/2008 4:19:33 PM
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gengwall
Posts: 213
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MN
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I don't want you to have to expose details but I do want to understand what the problem is. Is this something he wants the two of you to do physically just between yourselves, or is he introducing something from the outside into "the marriage bed"?
_____________________________
DOGBERRY on posters:
They have committed false report;
moreover, they have spoken untruths;
secondarily, they are slanders;
sixth and lastly, they have belied;
thirdly, they have verified unjust things;
and, to conclude, they are lying knaves
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RE: Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/20/2008 4:58:33 AM
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ksaraah
Posts: 13
Status: offline
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thank you, there's alot said about my problem. Ok I'm drinking booze right now.
I guess that (from what I'm told in other Christian areas...and have known this idea for awhile....I'm in "bondage" to alot of addictions (I keep switching between food, caffeine pills, alcohol, coffee . . . nicotine and smoking cigarettes for a buzz ... for the headrush....I need freedom.) someone else said that the way to get rid of one addiction is to jar it into place with a better addiction, like exercise, and from experience I know that to be true.
But someone else on these boards said something about how I need to replace these pushes and pulls with Jesus and I can relate to that as well.
Ultimately, deep down, I feel like God is upset with me, He doesn't like me, I failed Him too much, I haven't performed to His -- My expectations... I can't get a grasp on it but I know I'm a huge sinner and don't deserve repentance, don't deserve grace, don't deserve pardon, don't deserve anything.
the idea I am looking for is the WAY OUT and I get a lot of Christian lingo BUT repentance and "GET OUT OF THAT PIT" esp. getting on my knees and yelling out to God repeatedly (and this is easier said than done.) plus I give into my evil temtations of the flesh to take the easy route and drink.
I'm slothful.
I'm lazy and in the midlife, trying to decide a new path for a career and I have NO ACCOUNTABILITY. tried a gazillion times but the woman i picked to disciple me has a gazillion problems of her own and can't do it. she has periodic doubt and spastic strenght.
and other ideas ring true
God ESPECIALLY showed me "Walking with God" by Elderedge OMG. still reading it.
and I'm looking at "Lord, Change my Attitude,,,before it's too late" OMG. still reading it.
I'd love to repent and get to the bottom of it ....seemingly pain, denial and....when I opened my Bible yesterday...
it came to Isaiah 45...
The people will declare,
“The LORD is the source of all my righteousness and strength.”
And all who were angry with him
will come to him and be ashamed.
In the LORD all the generations of Israel will be justified,
and in him they will boast.
and before that I opened my bible and it came to:
song of songs 5:10
My lover is dark and dazzling,
better than ten thousand others!
and I know that ultimately what is needed is His truth in His way but maybe because of all the attacks of the enemy I needed some prayer, so thanks for praying, however lame it sounds, I hope . . . that God will conquour....just thought of a Scripture that came to light and I posted on my face book:
"We are more than conquorers in Him who loved us" and I guess I fell away from trusting HIS LOVE FOR ME completely and being SECURE in it.
ok i drank a little tonight but hubs said that he didn't care and.....I (maybe) need to let other christians know since I struggle alone and hubs is a baby christian and is willing to bend ear to whatever i say. i'm weak. He lets me (it's not that bad.) but when I do drink, like once a week, i usually get drunk--so it wreks havoc the day after etc. it's cloudy.
yell at me!!!! I need help. i will listen.
< Message edited by ksaraah -- 5/20/2008 5:22:11 AM >
_____________________________
Attitude determines altitude...
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RE: Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/20/2008 8:05:41 AM
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YZGUY
Posts: 244
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
Ultimately, deep down, I feel like God is upset with me, He doesn't like me, I failed Him too much, I haven't performed to His -- My expectations... I can't get a grasp on it but I know I'm a huge sinner and don't deserve repentance, don't deserve grace, don't deserve pardon, don't deserve anything.
The story of the prodigal son had the son in the same place - one of remorse and knowing that he does not deserve more. He knew he needed to return to his father, but as a servant. The father was pleased the son had returned and rejoiced in Him (there was no sin that separated him from the love of his father). The father gave the son the robe, sandals, & ring, restoring him to his being a son.
I wonder what would have happened if the son said, "No - I'm not your son. I don't deserve it and I won't accept it. I deserve to be a slave, so that is what I'll be." Though he would have been the father's son, he would have lived a life of self-loathing & punishment - while not enjoying the "freedom" of being the son.
Ksaraah - The son did not deserve his father's love, and we do not either - but he gives it because we are his children - Accept his grace and his identity for you - As his child, chosen before the creation of the world, wholly & dearly loved. You don't have to do anything right or wrong to be loved, you just have to accept it. If the Son has set you free - you are free indeed!
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RE: Bonding, between a man and a woman. - 5/20/2008 11:25:00 AM
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karlie
Posts: 16645
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Central California
Status: offline
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Attention: Moderator's Note:
Issues and questions of a sexual nature, even within marriage, are not allowed here in forums. Since this thread has taken a more intimate and graphic turn, posts have been deleted and it is being closed.
Those with questions and problems in this area should take advantage of this excellent resource for married Christians. Their forums are much more suited to answering questions of an intimate nature.
http://themarriagebed.com
Please do not reply to this message within the Community, or PM me regarding this message.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Sincerely,
Karlie
Forums Moderator
< Message edited by karlie -- 5/20/2008 11:32:32 AM >
_____________________________
Shoes CAN change your life...just ask Cinderella
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