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Desperately Need Marriage Advice - 6/27/2008 12:31:52 PM
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monicaleap
Posts: 6
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
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Married 25 years - 3 children (15,11,10). Both Christians for last 10 years. Deeply involved in church and service. Feel lost right now. I feel my husband doesn't love me and is only with me out of obligation, the kids and pity. I'm attractive but I think he thinks I'm a mess. I'm wise enough to realize that him staying is a good thing and that divorce "because we're not happy" won't help anyone and will make matters a lot worse. I can handle it, I think. He's faithful and a good man but how do I (when those moments arise) deal with that harsh truth? I'm not good at hiding my emotions and this is making my ususally bubbly, happy self almost constantly sad. My kids see it. I don't know what to say. I pray, but the tears still come. This could be a passing mid-life crisis thing but I don't think so. He's always been this way - it's just now he can put a label on it. I've just always believed that he was a more reserved personality. Now I know that it's me. Please help.
ANWER TO QUESTIONS: I'm sorry I wasn't clear. He has always been reserved and I've THOUGHT certain things. He has actually told me now that he's "fed up" with waiting for me to change (better housekeeping, dinner on time, laundry done, back him up more with punishing kids) all legitimate grievances. I don't know whether I'm just too immature or what - but I've obviously not been able (or willing) to change these things. I try, I mean well, I just feel overwhelmed. He helps - he's not a bully. I would just rather do something with the kids or watch a good movie than have a clean house. I guess our priorities are scewed. Does that mean I don't care that much about pleasing him? I don't know. Anyway - he's told me because of years of this that he is only staying with me for the kids, etc. I'm not one of those "lets him walk all over me" type of wives - it honestly is me. I wish I was a Stepford Wife - I really do. I'd love that life of always looking pretty, the house spotless, all the chores done. I know I can't be that perfect but I do aspire to it for awhile then just stop and go back to my old ways. Maybe I need counseling?
< Message edited by monicaleap -- 6/27/2008 1:34:16 PM >
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RE: Desperately Need Marriage Advice - 6/27/2008 1:01:22 PM
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YZGUY
Posts: 263
Joined: 3/9/2008
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How do you know that it is you - if he has always been this way? You mentioned that you "think" he feels this way. How do you know this is the "harsh truth"? Are you absolutely certain that this your thoughts, feelings, & interpretations are "truth" in what or how he feels?
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RE: Desperately Need Marriage Advice - 6/27/2008 1:04:08 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 602
Joined: 7/13/2007
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I'm not sure that I understand you correctly. Are you saying that you always thought your dh was simply a reserved man and that's why he didn't express himself emotionally? But now he has actually told you that he is only with you out of obligation and for the kids?
If it's not the above things and you are just being more emotional lately then maybe it's the "change of life" or some other hormonal changes that are taking place.
I'm sorry that you are hurting. And I don't think it's bad to cry or to show negative emotions. Even Jesus wept. Of course, I can understand you wanting to protect your children from becoming distressed over your sadness.
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RE: Desperately Need Marriage Advice - 6/27/2008 1:11:46 PM
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slushie
Posts: 2220
Joined: 4/30/2006
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Has he actually TOLD you this?
_____________________________
Testify to Love
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RE: Desperately Need Marriage Advice - 6/27/2008 1:16:25 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10829
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
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You are thinking and feeling what you think and feel he believes. You two need to talk to each other and really know what you each are thinking about the other. Until then you just won't know what the real truth is.
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Desperately Need Marriage Advice - 6/27/2008 1:22:25 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 766
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: offline
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I have no idea how to respond to this, except to say that I am sorry. I'll say a prayer for you. :(
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