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Did I do the RIGHT thing? - 7/25/2008 12:38:38 PM
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TexasMoma
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My DS-17 and DD-8 have been going to Jiu-Jitsu class for about a year. Her class is at 7:00 and his is at 8:00. My DS helps with the kids class. My DD plays and talks with friends during my son's class. I stay and watch both. The classes are held in a small room at the local gym. There is a couch just outside the door and near the front counter where the two girls usually sit quietly until their brother's class is over.
I usually stay in the classroom to watch my son's class. However, there was a group of other children, which happen to be all boys, that were getting a bit noisy so I went outside and sat with my DD.
It wasn't very long before the same group of boys where out of the classroom and running around all over the gym while their parents were doing their class. My DD decided it looked like they were having fun so decided to join in. I made her sit back down and be quiet, as I did not approve of their behavior. She started crying and was pretty mad at me because she wasn't getting to join in on "the fun".
Well, with no one watching them, the boys got progressively rowdier and rowdier until finally they knocked over an easel and busted the sign that had been on it. It was the blackboard type that uses the wipe off markers. Obviously, the boys knew they had done something wrong and they scrambled to "put the sign back together" and back on the easel.
The gym at this point was empty. The girl that was working did not say anything but did looked rather uncomfortable. The parents were totally oblivious that anything had happen. I did tell the boys that I thought they should go back into the room before they got into anymore trouble. They promptly agreed.
As class was ending, I was talking to the other girls mom. We were discussing what had just happened and how it was not our responsibility to keep the other kids out of trouble but pondering whether the parents needed to be told. The classes are held in the gym but are done by an outside source so we both agreed that it would be a really bad thing if everyone got kicked out of the gym. We also agreed that we would want to know if our children were misbehaving. So, I volunteered to be the one to tell the parents.
I went back into the room and approached one of the moms. When I began talking to her, the instructor asked me what had happened so I ended up having to tell him as well. I said "There was an incident outside where a sign got knocked over and busted." That was all I said. The instructor got the boys together and gave them a real talking to. He also said they could not do class on Saturday and took away their belts.
We left shortly afterwards, while the parents were talking to their kids. I feel like **** now and am pretty shook up after the whole scene. I am not used to having to deal with such dilemmas. Now I feel so bad for getting the boys in trouble but something really needed to be done because they were really getting out of hand. I really dread the next class. Did I do the right thing? Should I have done nothing? Should I have done something differently? As a parent, would you have been offended by me telling what your child had done? Or would you have appreciated knowing what your child had done? Parenting just really stinks sometimes!
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RE: Did I do the RIGHT thing? - 7/25/2008 12:52:13 PM
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manda59
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You didn't get the boys in trouble, they did it themselves.
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RE: Did I do the RIGHT thing? - 7/25/2008 1:07:50 PM
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Auben
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I thought you were honest about the situation while keeping it low key.
Obviously the teachers have a stake in being able to continue to use the space. Most martial arts are about discipline and they acted quickly and appropriately to bring things back in line.
Don't feel guilty. Hopefully this will head off any future problems with those boys.
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RE: Did I do the RIGHT thing? - 7/25/2008 1:17:04 PM
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MrsTracy72
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
I would want to know immediately if my child had vandalised something so I could not only administer the proper punishment but so he could also do what he could to replace it.
Hiding things from parents is not very beneficial for anyone.
I think you did the right thing. 
So would I, but parents don't always work that way. They don't want to believe that their kids are not perfect. I suppose I would feel the same way about going back to the next class, but then again, you handled it well and did what any respectful person would do.
I am the type of person that if I were sitting there and the boys were getting like that, I would have told them to start acting a bit more respectful and to calm down before something did get broken, and if they didn't listen, I would have told the person at the desk to handle it.
I don't know what it is about those types of classes. They teach discipline and respect, but yet those kids can be (not always) some of the rudest and undiciplined kids you will ever meet and for the kids who are like that, their parents are usually either the same or just absent.
When you go back to class, if anybody says anything to you, you can simply tell them that you were afraid someone would get hurt or something would get broken, and while nobody got hurt (thankfully) something did get broken and that next time it could be someone's arm or leg.
Hopefully it will all blow over and nobody will say anything, but if they do, know that you did the right thing and that you have higher expectations of your own children. You don't have to tell them that, but they will learn when their children get so out of control that something bad does happen. Unfortunately, this is life.
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RE: Did I do the RIGHT thing? - 7/25/2008 1:29:31 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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I make my kids sit out of the rowdiness befor jujitsu as well. I don't want anyone getting hurt. And it's the parents' responsibility and those parents were not doing their job, so of course they were mad--because if they weren't mad at you, they'd have to be mad at yourself. I hope they replace the broken board.
Don't feel badly. You didn't do anything wrong.
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RE: Did I do the RIGHT thing? - 7/25/2008 1:49:48 PM
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csl7037
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I agree. If anyone acted too quickly it may have been the instructor but A. (as you said) he has a stake in making sure the facility is happy with his classes being there and B. martial arts is about discipline - especially if those are students of his, he's paid to teach them discipline. Personally, I think he should've given the parents an opportunity to do so first but they didn't seem to concerned with where they were or what they were doing beforehand so he probably handled it much better than they would've anyway.
I don't think you should feel badly at all.
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RE: Did I do the RIGHT thing? - 7/25/2008 2:36:05 PM
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bailey021397
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Absolutely, you did the right thing... It's really hard to parent when those around you aren't.
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RE: Did I do the RIGHT thing? - 7/25/2008 6:16:44 PM
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TexasMoma
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Joined: 7/25/2008
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Wow! Thanks everyone! Just hearing a bit of support that I did the right thing makes me feel so much better. As you can probably tell, I don't do turmoil too well!
In a day and age when parents have such different ideas of how to raise children, it is sometimes a challenge to do the right thing and find a way to not provoke a parent. I do not think these boys are bad kids at all. They are just typical kids who got carried away when no one was keeping an eye on them. I think it is very unfair for their parents to participate in the class and assume someone else will watch their kids. I certainly did not want the responsibility. Anyway, my kids are no angels but they, at the very least, had better behave in public!
We have class again in the morning so we'll see how that goes....
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RE: Did I do the RIGHT thing? - 7/27/2008 8:15:41 AM
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TexasMoma
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Joined: 7/25/2008
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Here's the follow up....Luckily, class yesterday went well. I approached the parents before the kids class and told them that I felt bad for getting the kids in trouble but I did it because I would have wanted to know if my kids had done the same thing. They were all in total agreement that the boys had gotten themselves in trouble.
I am willing to bet they will remember the punishment passed down from the instructor even longer than if only the parents had taken care of it. They were all there watching class without participating. They were certainly a humbled looking bunch and it was a much more quiet class, indeed! It looked like the sign had been replaced. I did not ask but I do hope the parents were responsible for the replacement.
Thanks again to all for offering such kind words.
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