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Help with my mom - 8/4/2008 3:56:47 PM
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margieb711
Posts: 98
Joined: 7/11/2008
From: Eagan MN
Status: offline
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Hi Everyone,
I'm not sure what to do with this and need some assistance. In the past I would be real upset with my mom for doing things like this. I received an email from her with the subject line: "Credit Report". She stated that she just got her credit report and noticed that a student loan she helped me to get 14 years ago went into default for 2 months. I, as I'm certain everyone else has, fell into default with several loans & credit cards 6 years ago. I did pay this loan off 2 years ago. She said that I never notified her nor did anyone else did. She also stated that I "dragged" her credit score down and that she wishes I would've told her.
The reason I want to think very hard about what to say is that my mother is passive-aggressive and even if I said something as simple as"Please forgive me." she would take it the wrong way. What am I supposed to say for something I can't change or fix?
Thanks!
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RE: Help with my mom - 8/4/2008 5:09:42 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1678
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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Am I understanding you that you want to know what to say that won't make her be passive-aggressive?
That's not something you can do. She makes her choices, and all you can do is make your choices: do what is right. Confess (I did it and it was wrong), repent (I never want to do that again), ask for forgiveness, and your job is over. The rest is up to her, and if she blows it (sins) that's just her. She'll answer to God for it, but God won't want to know why you didn't keep her from doing that. You can't. Don't let her impose on you what God doesn't impose. She isn't greater than God, nor more holy nor moral than God.
It wouldn't hurt for her to know that you feel remorse in giving her trouble. But really, beyond this, she's wringing something out of you that's not hers or it would be in the Bible to do that.
You might contact the credit reporters, explain what happened, and see if that doesn't make a difference. Good grief, it was paid off 2 years ago. So there might be something you can do to help. The free credit counselors in the phone book are just that, and maybe they can advise you.
When your mom starts pushing your buttons, repeat to yourself the truth. So find out now what the truth is, and brace yourself for the coming barage of lies. Tell her the truth, too. She won't like it (or maybe she'll confess and repent, too!) but you are called to do the right thing before God and leave it at that, no matter what others do.
I'm praying for you, dear heart. (((Hugs)))
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Help with my mom - 8/4/2008 5:53:20 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1084
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
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There's no reason that you can't just say,
"Sorry about that. You're right, I should have told you at the time. Is there anything you think I might do now to help?"
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RE: Help with my mom - 8/5/2008 1:19:11 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 803
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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Did your mom mentioned how much her credit score
had changed?
Does your mom having good spending habits?
Don't assume it was your fault alone - many things affect
credit scores - a major thing is: The number of inquiries on your credit report. The more times you've applied for credit cards or loans, the more credit report inquiries will show up on your credit report. A higher number of credit report inquiries may indicate that you're struggling financially or may have a lot of debt (even if you never used the cards or gotten the loans).
Another negative credit report factor : Using more than 25 percent of your available credit. Ideally, you should carry a balance of no more than $2,500 if your credit limit is $10,000.
*Many people either don't know this or they don't control their charges/spending habits.*
*Regardless of how your mom reacts - you should apologize for not telling her about the late payments.
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RE: Help with my mom - 8/5/2008 3:29:06 PM
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margieb711
Posts: 98
Joined: 7/11/2008
From: Eagan MN
Status: offline
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Thanks everyone for your responses! I really appreciate your insight.
---Jaime-My mom didn't mention how much her score had changed. I can't imagine that she has a "bad" score. Her & my dad have always paid their bills on time and never carried large balances on their cards. I know they probably still have loans for other things. I know they have a 15 year mortgage (my parents are 70) outstanding for the townhouse they purchased in 2000. But they are just very meticulous and also money-conscious people.
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