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How do I respond to that? - 4/18/2008 11:21:56 AM
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Mrstmh
Posts: 8
Joined: 4/10/2008
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My question is in regards to my mother-in-law a christian woman who attends the same church as I do and says she reads her bible every day and prays . I was having a conversation with her regarding my husbands and I getting a divorce..saying how I wish we could work it out cause I dont want to be alone my whole life and I dont believe in divorce for reasons other then adultery ..she said the bible doesnt say that you cant remarry and I said um yes it does ...that is not the issue though the issue was her response ...she said oh well then just live in sin ..God will forgive you.....This is a woman my children are supposed to be able to go to for advice..I was shocked I didnt even know what to say I just stared at her in unbelief.I mean I was upset enough that she has such a flippant veiw on marriage vows but that response threw me ..what do i say to her what do I tell my children ..obviuosly I dont want them going to her asking questions about lets say premarital sex I mean is that the response she would give them ..or is she just trying to justify her son ?
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RE: How do I respond to that? - 4/18/2008 11:47:38 AM
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HesallIneed
Posts: 437
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Difference of beliefs. I don't think it warrants being concerned about what she could tell your children. I have major issues with my in laws but I don't ever say anything when they say something out of the way, at least to them I don't. I don't want to start conflict with them.
I suspect she was saying this to get under your skin. Even if she believes this she didn't have to say it that way. Good advice I was given: Let it go this time.
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RE: How do I respond to that? - 4/18/2008 11:53:39 AM
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Wild-Rose
Posts: 148
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: Upstate NY
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quote:
I just stared at her in unbelief.I
I would say that stunned silence was the right response.
I also agree that you don't need to dwell on it or take it too seriously. She may have deliberately tried to stun you.
_____________________________
Wild-Rose
Rejoice that your name is written in heaven. Luke 10:20
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RE: How do I respond to that? - 4/18/2008 11:57:48 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 1333
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From: upstate NY
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if it's any consolation, teens rarely go to the grandparents for sex advice. but in general i know what you mean as values in general can get passed down. people can read their bible frequently and not know the three divorce outs. of course the next poster will come in and say other scripture is out of context and it is never permissible. just curious why you are getting a divorce if you still want to "work things out". the chance of reconciliation AFTER divorce is final is near zero so you might want to think about a plan of action.
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RE: How do I respond to that? - 4/18/2008 12:21:27 PM
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Mrstmh
Posts: 8
Joined: 4/10/2008
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I have thought that maybe she said it just to irritate me which is one reason I havent said anything to either the kids or my husband about it , My main concern is the fact that she attends the same church and my kids look up to her as being a older christian woman whom they can trust to hear godly wisdom from....as far as the divorce it is not my idea at all he decided he isnt happy and that he never was an never will be with me Ive tried for months to work it out I already told him I wouldnt sign divorce papers and he hasnt tried to file yet ..I know a lot of this comes from his mother she has always had a little too much to do with our lives , never really let him grow up always giving him money and acting more like his buddy then a parent . It seems like since the speration shes taken my place quite a bit they have one day a week where they hang out like we used to thay talk every day and she knows way too much about our personal life , I just get worried for my husband and my kids that this is the kind of advice they are getting .
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RE: How do I respond to that? - 4/18/2008 12:26:28 PM
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Mrstmh
Posts: 8
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I mean I love talking about God's forgiveness but to say go ahead and sin deliberately its a hard thing for me to hear out fo any christians mouth let alone someone I'm supposed to raise my kids to respect
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RE: How do I respond to that? - 4/18/2008 12:52:37 PM
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HesallIneed
Posts: 437
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I understand what you mean because I worry so much about my daughter( who isn't even 1 yet) growing up hearing and seeing what my in laws say and do. You want to shield your children from bad things. But you just have to teach them right from wrong.
Sounds like a very hard situation with your husband and mother in law. She can't be a wife to him. If you divorce I think he would realize this. I hope you can reconcile and have a great relationship. What does your Pastor say about your husband wanting a divorce? Does he also attend the same church?
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RE: How do I respond to that? - 4/18/2008 12:53:58 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 730
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Many people have that very attitude about many moral issues --- even Christians.
They know about God and say they believe but they are walking too close to worldliness.
Remember in the bible about Abraham(Abram) and Lot - Abraham walked with God and Lot walked with Abraham. Abraham went to God and stayed near Him.
Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom ... and before too long he was living in Sodom.
He wasn't bad like the people there but Lot enjoyed being in the midst of this sinful city - and as you know so did his wife (who looked back at the city when they were forcibly taken out of the sinful place and she was turned into a mound of salt.) Again and again we see Lot(and his family) choosing worldliness over righteousness.
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RE: How do I respond to that? - 4/18/2008 1:08:19 PM
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MsSara
Posts: 43
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All you can do is live your life the way you know is right and raise your children the same way.
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RE: How do I respond to that? - 4/18/2008 7:30:03 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1962
Joined: 5/23/2006
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I wouldn't suggest you talk to your mil about any personal business involving your marriage.... it's a bad idea from the word go.
If you are a positive role model for your children they will observe that a lot more often than times spent at their grandma's house so I wouldn't worry about it.
Teens usually get information from their peers, not their grandparent's.
Pray for your children, take them to Sunday School and church, model a Godly life before them and leave them in God's hands. He is able to keep them no matter where they are and who they are with.
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RE: How do I respond to that? - 4/21/2008 1:53:07 PM
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preserved
Posts: 1296
Joined: 6/12/2007
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I agree with buckfin...If you know that your husband and mother-law are close...why bring up the marital problems to her. What did you really expect her to say?
If your husband desires not to be with you...what type of relationship would the two of you have? You need to pray to God about this situation for yourself..You cannot make a man do or stay in a relationship if he is not willing to work things out..
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RE: How do I respond to that? - 4/21/2008 2:16:58 PM
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tiffywal
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Understand that you may be worried about your children going to her for advice and what she might tell them, but by telling your children will only cause them to feel what you feel. You don't want them to take on a different attitude with thier grandmother. Talk with her about how you feel and talk with your husband. Teens today get all their information for the peers, internet and television.
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