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Husband's niece and sister causing problems - 7/30/2008 8:20:01 AM
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Nmbr1wife
Posts: 9
Joined: 6/28/2008
Status: offline
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My husband's niece is a vain 20 year old who does nasty things to others. She is extremely conceited and acts as if everyone is beneath her. But when someone gives her what she dishes, everyone gets all uptight over it. She obviously doesn't like the fact that my husband sees me as the most important woman in his life, so she uses every little excuse to have a problem with me. My husband sees her as his sweet little niece, but I see her for the catty woman she is. How can I keep my issues with her (and now her mother) from turning into a problem with me and my hubby? I used to be really cool with his sister, but every since his niece (her oldest daughter) began acting funny towards me, so has she. When I talk to my husband about it, he either down plays what my sister in law says about me, or he says I am being petty. He is close with his sis and niece, so I fear that me having beef with them, will cause problems for my marriage. His sister has been putting the guilt trip on him about not coming around as often as he did before he met me, and now he feels badly. I am not working right now because of a medical condition, so he is our only source of income. When he has time off, he either spends it with me, or relaxing to himself. I think his sister and niece feel threatened by my presence and don't respect the fact that I am the first lady in his life. Opinions?
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RE: Husband's niece and sister causing problems - 7/30/2008 9:30:35 AM
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daisies4u
Posts: 214
Joined: 10/16/2006
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I have a niece just like this. The best thing you can do is not to let her get to you....well, maybe, not let her know she is getting to you. My niece loves it when she thinks she is getting under your skin. She feeds off of it.
I learned the hard way not to argue with her; that will get you no where, as that is what she wants. She absolutely HATES it when she does stuff and it doesn't look like it is bothering you. And she will keep on and on until you finally blow. One of the hardesst parts of this is that her mother, my sister, just sits there and watches. She never gets on to her.
For a while I just stopped talking to her when she started in, but eventually I came up with cute little things to say back to her (usually biblical). And I would say them in a light, airy tone, so they wouldn't come across as mean or deceitful. This helped me to feel like I wasn't letting her walk all over me but I was still turning the other cheek.
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RE: Husband's niece and sister causing problems - 7/30/2008 9:46:33 AM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 361
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
Status: online
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It seems as though your husband hasn't left and cleaved to you.
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
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RE: Husband's niece and sister causing problems - 7/30/2008 10:27:20 AM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 803
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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The niece is only doing what she's learned at home.
Don't bring or allow their cattiness to cause trouble in your marriage -
when your husband is being "guilted" because he's not able to spend
his free time with them like he did in the past... reflect to him your image
of being fair, caring and his trusted loving wife. It would be a good gesture
to say to him... it's been awhile, lets have your sis and niece over for dinner - have them to bring over a video and we can all watch it together.
I don't know if they feel threatened by your presence or could it be they don't understand your illness and why you aren't working?
Does his sister and niece work?
Is the sister married?
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RE: Husband's niece and sister causing problems - 7/30/2008 12:18:41 PM
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DaveW
Posts: 3986
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: online
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Pray for your husband's eyes to be open and for an opportunity to see just what she is doing/saying.
_____________________________
Avatar is Saphira 5 months and Louvena at 23 months!
We are now grandparents TWICE!!
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Our CD is now available here:
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RE: Husband's niece and sister causing problems - 7/30/2008 1:21:58 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 1374
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: online
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Stay above it, be as nice to them both as you can. Smile back in the confidence that you are the most important and they've gotta get over it. "Kill them with kindness" - to the point of overkill.
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RE: Husband's niece and sister causing problems - 7/30/2008 1:56:04 PM
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Auben
Posts: 1631
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
Status: online
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Hmm...
Why do you have to 'dish it back?'
Why does it matter if he is being guilted? Let him worry about that. As long as he is doing the right thing (ignoring it and spending normal time with you). Let them say whatever they like.
I say take the high road, treat them both with respect, politely shut them down if they criticize you in person (if you disrespect me I'll have to leave/hang up the phone/etc), ignore any stuff passed around by them, stop worrying about your husband if he's not letting it bother him.
Blood can be close, very close. Of course people in the family are going to believe the person they've known for 20 years not the one who just joined the family. If you consistently behave well and she consistently behaves badly people will eventually see her for what she is. They'll see you as a loving person who turns the other cheek and she is jealous and catty.
_____________________________
Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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