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Husband has a female friend who is interested in him - 6/28/2008 11:06:28 PM
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Nmbr1wife
Posts: 9
Joined: 6/28/2008
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My husband recently found a friend from high school via a social network. I was a little apprehensive in the beginning but I trust my husband and don't want to prevent him from having a social life. The other day she phoned him and she began asking questions that made me question her motives. My husband and I have been married for over 2 years but we got married after dating for 6 months. She and her boyfriend have been together 9 years and aren't planning on marrying. She made a negative response to the time frame in which we married. She also asked him if he still communicated with his ex girlfriend. She claimed she didn't know he was married despite the fact that the social network in which he found her, clearly has his marital status. I think this woman was using these questions to feel him out, like to see how committed he is to me. I get a bad vibe from this woman, but my husband keeps saying I'm just feeling this way because she is a female. Thats not the case. It is annoying how he keeps making excuses for her telephone behavior. I don't understand why he just can't trust my feelings and be weary of her. He says he sees her as a friend, but the fact that we are not speaking to each other over the situation tells me otherwise. He was so upset after the discussion last night, he drank until he ended up vomiting. He also left his wedding band at home when he left for a family member's party today. His actions are making me wonder what is really going on with them. If nothing is going on why is it so hard for him to choose his wife over this "friend" who supposedly means nothing?
< Message edited by Nmbr1wife -- 6/28/2008 11:19:35 PM >
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RE: Husband has a female friend who is interested in him - 6/29/2008 8:15:44 AM
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csl7037
Posts: 1381
Joined: 3/24/2008
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I was so with you, and prepared to reassure you, until the end of your post. There's something going on with him for sure. He's either not so trustworthy or he's hypersensitive about being trusted to the point of being amazingly immature - the drinking and leaving the wedding band at home. How wild was this "discussion" you had to set all that off???
I'm often frustrated with my dh because he's too trusting - of men and women, business and personal situations. I'm way more skeptical and, to a certain point, I think that's a woman-thing. Dh has learned to trust my gut on those things a little bit over the years but he still often thinks I'm over-reacting. He had an old high school girlfriend contact him several months ago. He called me in to read the email and asked what I thought she was really saying. She was not just feeling him out but all out propositioning him . . . to the point that it was just really really sad. I felt sorry for her. That case was so blatant that even dh saw it for what it was. But your description of this girl contacting your dh sounds about as blatant.
Your concern shouldn't be her but his reaction. Did you all out attack him or something? I just don't see why it was such a blow-up.
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RE: Husband has a female friend who is interested in him - 6/29/2008 11:36:21 AM
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lastblast
Posts: 1618
Joined: 9/20/2005
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Hi number1,
I just read some stats on extramarital affairs and it mentioned as one of the "danger areas" classmates.com and those types of reunion sites. Some people fantasize about their youth and get really caught up in the past and the contacts they once had. If I were you, I too would be very leary of this friend.
As the other poster pointed out, your husband's reaction is the biggest concern though. His response is definitely over the top. Your "discussion" must have been one huge blow out. If that is the case, then I would really encourage you to tone down your reaction and try as hard as possible to discuss this from a realistic point of view (ie: "honey, many "innocent" relationships start off just like this, and then progress to being intimate ones, destroying marriages in the process").
It's very important that your husband sees you as a confident, loving wife who is merely trying to address things that can harm your marriage, but not focus on the particular woman, as she is merely a "vessel" of trouble being brought into your lives. He needs to recognize that these "vessels" can be found anywhere-----in your neighborhood, workplace, gym, salon, etc. Watch out for outward expressed jealousy. That is VERY destructive and a real turn off. Blessings............
_____________________________
Blessings as you seek Him, Cindy
What does the bible say on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage?
www.marriagedivorce.com
www.cadz.net/faq.html
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RE: Husband has a female friend who is interested in him - 6/29/2008 9:33:21 PM
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Carleejoan
Posts: 968
Joined: 9/1/2007
From: Canada
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I agree with lastblast. Very wise councel. Sounds like your husband isn't a believer re; drinking, etc. Tread carefully as you don't want to drive him away. Just a thought.
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RE: Husband has a female friend who is interested in him - 6/29/2008 10:07:15 PM
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stonek
Posts: 153
Status: offline
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Your concerns are with your husband not her. This is something the two of you need to get to the bottom of and work out. When it comes to friendships with the opposite sex you have to tread with caution and keep the spouses in the loop as well.
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RE: Husband has a female friend who is interested in him - 7/1/2008 1:25:42 PM
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Jemtree
Posts: 27
Joined: 6/30/2008
Status: offline
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when my husband and I were engaged, he had a "friend" that he was hanging out with. He was still in japan, and I had been reassigned to the States, so it was a very long distance engagement.
I gave him an ultimatum: her or me. He chose me, and we are very happy and blessed.
After we married he tried to continue a friendship with her. I went a long with it for awhile, until I realized she was purposely trying to break up our marriage. It took fasting, prayer, and many many conversation, even arguments ( and we rarely argue), to get him to realize she made me feel threatened. He ended the friendship, and never turned back. I did all I could to treat him with respect during all of this situation, but I also made sure he knew how very much he was hurting me.
he never cheated on me, but emotional adultery can be even more dangerous.
He now recognizes that.
I will pray for you, for your husband to turn back to you completely.
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RE: Husband has a female friend who is interested in him - 7/1/2008 3:48:13 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 1118
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Carleejoan
I agree with lastblast. Very wise councel. Sounds like your husband isn't a believer re; drinking, etc. Tread carefully as you don't want to drive him away. Just a thought.
I wouldn't say that he's not a believer. I would say, however, that something is going on (even believers can get tied up in stuff that they shouldn't), and you need to address it. I'm all in favor of men and women just having friendships, but her actions indicate to me that she's interested in more than just a friendship. The same goes for him leaving his ring at home to go to a party.
As for why its so hard for him to choose his wife over a friend who means nothing... it might be that she reminds him of a time in his life that he doesn't want to give up, or admit that is over, or some unresolved feelings. Not that this would justify his behavior, though. There might be a number or reasons. I guess I really can't answer this, myself.
< Message edited by TorchHeart -- 7/1/2008 3:56:29 PM >
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RE: Husband has a female friend who is interested in him - 7/2/2008 7:32:30 AM
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slushie
Posts: 2065
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline
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There's definitely something going on. I pray that it works out. I agree with Torchheart... and why should a married man go and leave his ring at home for a party?
_____________________________
Testify to Love
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RE: Husband has a female friend who is interested in him - 7/22/2008 12:24:22 PM
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vahunter70
Posts: 9
Joined: 7/9/2008
From: Columbus, GA
Status: offline
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Dear sister,
Put God first. He will guide your decisions regarding this terrible situation that Satan has orchestrated in your life.
Yup, I said it. Satan is the great deceiver and goes to amazing lengths to try to ensnare the beloved children of Almighty God.
Pray a hedge of protection around your husband. Pray for HIM. You'll be amazed at what God will do.
Trust me, this is coming from someone who has been there with her husband -- me.
YSIC,
Virginia
_____________________________
Build a solid house; don't use imitation nails!
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