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Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 1:27:44 PM
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TwinCityGirl
Posts: 876
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Hi, ladies!
The Kicka, part 2 thread has now reached 100 pages! We need to start a new Kicka, part 3 so forum management can keep it a manageable size. Again, our thanks to Kath, Fritz and forum management for their support for this thread.
Here is a short summary of what Kicka is:
1. Kicka is a thread where you can discuss what's going on, issues going on, in-depth things you've been thinking about...whatever is on your mind.
2. This is a stickier point and I think that now most people do understand what this means and doesn't mean:
It's a fact there are any number of women on these forums who are engaged in a struggle to conceive a child. Due to sensitivities toward those women, I did ask that people not turn Kicka into "Here's what I do to get my child to sleep at night" or "When did you first feel your baby kick?"
It's not that those types of discussions aren't valid -- they absolutely ARE, and I understand why people have those discussions. HOWEVER, there are threads specifically designed for topics like that (the pregnancy thread, the post-partum thread, the breastfeeding thread, etc.) that are custom-made for women to discuss any and all issues pregnancy and child related.
What I have asked here in Kicka is merely that if you want to come here and talk about your child turning over for the first time -- that's great! We can celebrate that milestone with you, but let's not let that segue into the topic of the day. You ARE welcome to mention your pregnancy or mention your children. It's just if you're looking for lots of discussion or advice on those subjects, please see the corresponding threads in the Women Only folder instead.
Infertile people deal with other people's pregnancies and babies and children all the time. It's part of their life. But I just wanted to make sure we had a chat space here that wasn't child-centric or pregnancy-centric. If I am being unclear please let me know and I will offer further explanation.
3. Welcome to Kicka, Part 3, and thank you for your participation here and all the great discussion we have had up until now!
Jeanie
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 1:36:23 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 12196
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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Hey Jeanie...just wanted to point out, we not have an ongoing "baby chat" thread too...to discuss the things in every day life with having babies/young kids. So anyone can also post over there or go over there if they wish to ask a certain person about their own babies. We recently added that one to the mix along with the pregnancy and bfing threads...so some people don't know about it yet.
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, Jackson, and Justice
"The purpose of all war is peace."
-Saint Augustine
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 1:39:53 PM
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InBetweenDreams
Posts: 2229
Joined: 8/22/2007
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quote:
Just say things like "It was nice to see you," or "See you next week." At least that way you haven't possibly "led someone on" if they are looking to make new friends or deepen acquaintanceships.
This is what we say when we just meet someone. It makes sense to say these instead of saying "lets get together" and then not mean it. 
quote:
Nicole, I also believe people can be very interesting even if their life might seem ho-hum. Yes, building a kayak is cool, or ice climbing is cool -- but so is someone who enjoys their pets or likes to grow orchids or likes to read historical novels. We don't all have to live a life like a "Survivor" contestant in order to be interesting, right? Most of life IS ordinary -- eating, sleeping, cleaning....nobody is building a kayak AND cleaning their toilet and tub at the same time. Sometimes you just eat a sandwich instead of making that new recipe of squash enchiladas with tomatillo salsa. It's just how it goes.
I think people are interesting as long as they are friendly. I don't care if they are an adventurous person or if they like to stay at home all day cleaning their floors with a toothbrush. I don't think I am a boring person one little bit so it irks me when people (meaning Christians  ) seem to gravitate to Lorne and not me. It makes him mad and annoyed when they do this.
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As for us, we will be having a baby soon and most of the people we hang out with do not have children so our child will have to learn to play amongst the grownups, and we really enjoy good, meaty conversations so I can't imagine ditching our good friends solely for the purpose of finding people with children.
I wish more people were like you two! 
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Nicole, I am kind of shocked the church leaders were so rude. I mean, if they had a specific reason for going to lunch (like a meeting to discuss certain private matters), sure, that makes sense, but then wouldn't you say something like that "Oh, we'd love to invite you and Lorne to join us but we're having a business meeting of sorts...maybe some other time."
They were going out for lunch because they always hung out together. Nothing to do with meetings or whatnot. But then I found out that their conversations got pretty perverted and gossipy at these lunches so I am glad they didn't invite us afterall.  I would have probably just sat there looking annoyed.
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They now live in CO. and tell me often that they don't have too many friends out there either....people just don't want to have friends.
 Geez hey?
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but it's still not the same as having close one on one friends. Not the same, but definitely something that is needed sometimes.
Yup!
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Nicole...reading your post about being busy reminds me of the veggie tales song. Have you ever heard it?
I don't think so. How does it go?
_____________________________
~Nicole~
<---Banjo
Aaugh! It's a half-hour later than it was half an hour ago! Run! Run! -Calvin and Hobbes
For the love of photography - my blog
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 1:52:22 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 12196
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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thanks Donna......I couldn't find it on YouTube, so I was going to look somewhere else.
It's one of my kids favorite VT videos, so I have it completely memorized!!!! It's a good message for the song though
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, Jackson, and Justice
"The purpose of all war is peace."
-Saint Augustine
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 2:11:11 PM
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bride48
Posts: 4632
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Near Boston
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I am struggling to type today, but hopefully I'll comment on this friendship issue soon. I appreciate the various posts you ladies have made!
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Joyfully,
DebbieLynne
See my thoughts on "America The Beautiful" at Joyfully Christian Lady's Museum
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 6:00:05 PM
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purejoy
Posts: 766
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: InBetweenDreams
About older friends...
Our entire bible study was older. They were in their late 30's and then into their 50's. I would have been just fine becoming really close to them, but they were rude at times and liked to make comments about how young were were.  We couldn't stand it when they would tell us that we are just babies so we don't know what they are talking about.  It hurt us both that none of them seemed to want to get close to us enough to become good friends because we were younger. Even "B" was like that after a while. I thought we were becoming good friends, but after a while it got annoying to be treated like a kid and not taken seriously.  My own mom doesn't even treat me like a child anymore so why do I want other people to.
The church we went to in our old town was like this. They put us in the "young" small group...which was people in their mid-30's that had a bunch of kids. Not a problem, and they're not old. But when we're 20 & 21, we were in a totally different place in life.
Now, at our new church, we're again the youngest couple (24 & almost 26). But there is such an appreciatation for our "youth."  Honestly, some couples are mid-30's, most are my parent's age, and some are in their 80's. And we all get along great. But we all value and respect each other for where we're at, and for our different roles in the body of Christ.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 6:28:11 PM
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bride48
Posts: 4632
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Near Boston
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I thought my problem making friends was due to my disability, plus living in New England. People here are very impatient with my speech defect. I've never had so much trouble getting people to understand me. Also, my mobility problems keep me from attending Bible studies. I moved here five and a half years ago to marry John, and still don't have either the quality or quantity of friendships that I had in San Francisco.
But reading this thread, it sounds like a lot of you are as lonely as I am. John wonders if technology breeds isolation. Interesting thought...
_____________________________
Joyfully,
DebbieLynne
See my thoughts on "America The Beautiful" at Joyfully Christian Lady's Museum
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 6:43:31 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 12196
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
Status: offline
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I am good at accents usually....had to get good after living in a few different countries....lol. Now speaking back in a language my mouth can say things in is a whole other story...lol. I can translate in my mind well, I can even not have to translate, just know what it is they are saying in my mind well...but I can't get my southern TN/TX mouth and tongue to say things the way my brain says for them to sound.
As far as people with disabilities though, I learned a long time ago to watch their mouth to help determine what they are saying. I have ahd deaf friends over the years and watching their mouth along with their signs you can usually put together a comprehensible understanding of what they are trying to say. It is definitely about patience though...and caring enough to choose to have patience.
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, Jackson, and Justice
"The purpose of all war is peace."
-Saint Augustine
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 6:51:51 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 12196
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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quote:
Yep! I find it easy to be patient so Debbie-Lynne and I would get along real easy!
LOL...I have kids...they have taught me patience beyond belief!!!! So we would get along great too. Too bad I am nowhere near Boston!!!
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, Jackson, and Justice
"The purpose of all war is peace."
-Saint Augustine
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 6:51:54 PM
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bride48
Posts: 4632
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Near Boston
Status: offline
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People in New England seldom care enough to make that choice. When I lived in Memphis, most people understood me pretty well.
_____________________________
Joyfully,
DebbieLynne
See my thoughts on "America The Beautiful" at Joyfully Christian Lady's Museum
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 6:55:38 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 12196
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
Status: offline
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I think with patience (at least with me I have seen over the years) that it's all about the mentality you have. If you are rushing through this one task so you can get to the next task and rush through it to go to the next one (like my mom always is) then patience is hard to find in situations like friendship, etc. But when you stop and smell the roses, and you stop and look at the faces of the people around you, or you allow time to form something then you see things that God intended us all to see. As a mom I can relate to this with my kids. Some of the best times I have seen the hand of God at work in everyday life were when we stopped and didn't rush by things. Like when we sat at the park feeding a bee a soda one drop at a time. Or when we were walking around town and would stop to look at the flowers and I could see their faces light up when we found a lady bug. Things like that people miss out on in their rushing around town going from one thing to another. It's like that with friendship too...they are rushing from one person to another and they fail to see the special qualities and small things God has put in the people He has placed around them.
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, Jackson, and Justice
"The purpose of all war is peace."
-Saint Augustine
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 8:13:03 PM
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uponeagleswings
Posts: 2008
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Out here in the desert
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I'm a big smelling the roses person. I wonder if Christians feel an extra obligation to be busy. Some of the busiest families that I know are that way partially because they're involved in lots of ministries at church. I could get behind the technology breeds isolation theory too.
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Stacy Mitzvah "God gives us gifts in all sorts of packages- who are we to argue with how He chooses to wrap His gifts?"
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