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Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 11:46:59 AM
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deliveredarling
Posts: 1989
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A good friend of mine calls me up and tells me that my daughter asked her daughter's boyfriend out.
They are in 5th grade!
Our daughter's have been best friends for three years. The Mom calls to let me know so that this can be a teaching opportunity for my daughter.
I asked the Mom how she knew this happened for sure. She told me that she has it from the mouths of three witnesses. Her daughter was not one of them. It came from the boyfriend's friends...
I asked my daughter about it while on speaker phone to clear up the matter. She said that she did not and would not do that to her best friend.
At this point I have told the mom that this was the girl's issue and let them work it out. She tells me that if she finds out that my daughter did in fact do this that she and my daughter were going to have some problems.
I am angry about this. She also brought up a prank call that my daughter made to their house three years ago. She continues to harp on my daughter's behavior.
How do I handle this. I'm not willing to embrace this friendship until I have an apology from her. This is just a line she should not have crossed in mu opinion.
Anyone out there had a similiar experience and how did you handle it?
It all seems so ridiculous to me yet I'm still ticked that she even made the phone call.
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 11:52:46 AM
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manda59
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Remind me - how old is 5th grade?
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 11:54:32 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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About 10, Manda.
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 11:55:46 AM
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deliveredarling
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10, ridiculous huh?
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
http://www.myspace.com/egaip
Come visit
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 12:07:58 PM
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deliveredarling
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At ten yrs old, there is no dating, lol. My daughter saw her friends bf on the playground and asked him if they were still "going out". Pretty innocent question it would seem, however the bf friends wanted to make trouble or so it seems.....
The mom did not verify this. The daughter did ask my daughter about it and they resolved it at school. But, the mom still felt it necessary for me to take this as a "teaching opportunity" for my daughter.
As a matter of fact I did. I told the mom, " thank you for providing this wonderful opportunity to teach my daughter that sometimes mom's interfere when they shouldn't, and sometimes people aren't what they seem. So thank you again for allowing me to teach my daughter what people sometimes do in reality."
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
http://www.myspace.com/egaip
Come visit
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 12:09:38 PM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1539
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From: Northern IL
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quote:
I'm not willing to embrace this friendship
I see some red flags here and would stay away form this woman as much as possible. I would call or talk to her face to face end explain to her in a polite, calm and consise way what you are thinking about this. She will either take offense or take it to heart. I wouldn't expect an apology, but just forgive her. Someone parents want to get involved in everything their kids are doing and imo, that's just wrong. How do these kids learn how to deal with their own issues when the parents keep stepping in. Misunderstandings happen all the time and we need to remember that our kids make mistakes as well as others. Your daughter may have asked this boys out in joking way or something similer and just didn't think anything of it. OR she really didn't. 5th grade is too young, but it happens all over the place. I have teens and I hear my share of "going out" stories. Most are pretty funny and harmless.
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 12:15:17 PM
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deliveredarling
Posts: 1989
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I'm more offended because the mom and I have been very close. Our daughter's are best friends and so are our friends. In the past, I have been tolerant or here criticism of my daughter. Enough is enough.
First of all, if you decide to confront a parent over a child's behavior, I suggest you have your facts all laid out and with proof. Hearsay, isn't convincing. And certainly don't suggest that it's a teaching opportunity just because you might want to rag on someone's child.
I'm curious about the red flags though... What does that mean and what are you seeing that I am not?
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
http://www.myspace.com/egaip
Come visit
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 12:22:17 PM
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stampinlady
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quote:
I have been tolerant or here criticism of my daughter. Enough is enough.
That would be enough for me to.
The red flag was the comment "she continues to harp on my daughter's behavior."
I didn't realize that you were good friends. Why have you put up with her cirticism's , just curious?
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 12:26:12 PM
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manda59
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I wouldn't be friends with someone who had that kind of attitude towards either of my children.
End of story.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 12:30:15 PM
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Sideways
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My son is 1, and there are a lot of toddler girls in my circle of friends. There's already jokes about Nathan being so an so's boyfriend. Even jokes like that annoy me, but at this point it's nothing I'm gonna raise a stink about.
He'll find more boys to hang with as he gets older, and we'll have talks about dating when the time is right.
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 12:31:16 PM
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Sadey
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Just think what this woman will be like when your girls are teenagers?
Don't take the bait when she does this. And whether you keep the friendship or not this probably won't end if your girls are in the same school. Sooooo Don't Take the Bait. When she calls, thank her for the info and thats it. Do not under any circumstances discuss it with her.
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 12:37:04 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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From: WA
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quote:
He'll find more boys to hang with as he gets older, and we'll have talks about dating when the time is right.
Don't count on it. The finding more boys, I mean. Even at 15 and 13 my boys have more girls as friends than boys.
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 1:09:33 PM
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deliveredarling
Posts: 1989
Joined: 8/30/2007
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I t dawned on me a few minutes ago, that maybe this is some sort of payback for informing her about a few incidents involving our sons.
They have been in trouble a couple of times together. i feel like the difference is the importance of the issue. Shooting a spider on the side of a pool with a bb gun and shooting it in my house is a quite a bit more serious than asking if the kids are still going out.
As for why I put up with her criticism of my daughter, well i thought that if I explained her history, she would be more understanding.
Granted, my daughter does have a few social issues, I'll admit that. But there also is the maturity level to consider.
I made a mistake in thinking it would change her perception of my daughter. I just don't think she expected me to react like I did. Which I think my reaction was more than appropriate.
Before when we had issues with the boys, we sat down together and addressed them. I think she thought the same thing would happen with the girl's. The difference being, she made accusations with nothing to back it up. She called this morning and changed her story to me making a big deal out of nothing. I simply told her it was a big enough deal for her to have called me to discipline my daughter for something she didn't do.
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
http://www.myspace.com/egaip
Come visit
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RE: Mom to Mom advice needed - 9/29/2008 2:51:27 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3736
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From: The EMPIRE state!
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I am curious as to what this mom is so upset about. Does she really have her heart set on her 10 year old daughter sticking it out long enough to make this little boy her Son-in-law?? What is the worst thing that could happen if this boy dumps her daughter? What is the worst thing that can happen if they continue to act like "grown-ups" before they are grown-up? If her daughter is 18 and someone asks her boyfriend out, does she plan on calling the other girls mother then too?
Personally, I would be more upset that my 10 year old little girl felt the need to pursue relationships that are quite inappropriate for her age.
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