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My husbands new career - 5/25/2008 1:54:05 AM
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Beck34
Posts: 200
Joined: 3/24/2008
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My husband just recently got laid off from his job. He has decided to go to truck driving school to become a driver. I am so afraid because of the horror stories I have heard about truckers on the road. He is a Christian, but I worry that the loneliness that goes along with the job may be too much for him to deal with. I will support him in whatever he does because as his wife, this is my job. My question is this. Do I share my fears with him or should I try to work through this fear that I have alone? Any advise would be helpful.
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What do you expect, It's Beck!
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RE: My husbands new career - 5/25/2008 2:27:02 AM
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Christian30
Posts: 189
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From: Stafford, TX (Houston suburb)
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Share the feelings with him. You need to communicate about it.
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RE: My husbands new career - 5/25/2008 10:29:46 AM
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Beck34
Posts: 200
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Am I unfounded in my fears about this? He just brushed it off like it was nothing. He says that my fears are totally unjustified, and he thinks that I am being crazy because he will be gone all of the time. He says that my past rlationships are making me parinoid, and I need to get over it....Am I being parinoid?
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What do you expect, It's Beck!
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RE: My husbands new career - 5/25/2008 12:19:31 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11408
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From: Between Hither and Yon
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My MIL is a trucker (she is one of a rare breed of women that actually drives the trucks too!!!). She and her husband are and have been for many years (hubby thinks she started about 25 years or more ago...maybe 30). For one it is something that not everyone is made to do, just like anything else. I personally am a soldiers wife, so while I can not relate on the trucker hubby part, my hubby has been gone most of our marriage for things that soldiers have to do (training, field stuff, deployed, etc). I think one way to look at this is that fields like trucking and being a soldier, etc NEED good solid Christians there to minister in ways that no one else can minister to people. My MIL is not a Christian, we have been praying for her for ten years now (since hubby got saved and we got married). She runs into Christian truck drivers all the time though and tells us about them....we have no doubt that ONE DAY she will give in to the conviction God puts her under and will get saved. Trucking can be a very hard life, but it can also be very fulfilling and beneficial to a group that really need prayer and ministering to.
As far as your hubby keeping himself where he needs to be spiritually and physically with being away from the family, have him check out an organization called "Truskers 4 Christ"...HERE IS A LINK to their web site. I have met many Christian truckers through the years that have brought up that organization (or rather ministry) in regard to Christian truckers. I have not looked around on the site, but maybe they have a place for wives of those truckers with some information that could help you...so you should check it out and see what all is there.
As to the question of are you paranoid....I don't know. I think it is wise to know all you are getting into, but I can't say whether you are paranoid or not. I can tell you from my perspective (having a hubby who is gone quite a lot) that it is something you have to be ready for. You have t o know who you are who your strength really comes from (GOD!!!). That kind of life really pushes you to keep your priorities in order. It can be challenging, but in life the most challenging things are also the most rewarding.
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RE: My husbands new career - 5/25/2008 12:35:19 PM
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Miss Giggles
Posts: 3941
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: MI
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What kind of a trucker does he want to be? Not all truckers are over the road, there are lots of companies that need daily deliveries.
Trucking is pretty safe, there is always the danger of an accident but they are very well trained in what to do. There are a few truckers that disobey the rules but the majority of companies are pretty good in following the laws. The money isn't that bad either.
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RE: My husbands new career - 5/25/2008 3:04:08 PM
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hnt
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Beck:
I would gently remind him - when he is in the receiving mood of course! That you can't help you fears, and it would be very nice if he took a different approach in his answers. He needs to understand it wasn't an attack when you asked, and maybe it was time for him to encourage you instead of telling you that you were paranoid. Ask him how he would feel if someone answered his question in such a manner - would it encourage him to continue to be open with that person?
I honestly don't think people realize how that type of response closes off communication instead of encouraging it. I don't think people think about that part.
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h
Emotional abuse and Faith
Reaching for IT!!!!!!
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RE: My husbands new career - 5/26/2008 10:50:27 AM
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Beck34
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Thank you all for your advise. He wants to be a long-haul trucker. I think that I am going to try some of the things you have suggested. He has never been unfaithful to me, but I guess I am just scared that the loneliness of the road for weeks at a time may prove too much for him. I have six children to take care of so themptation of someone else isn't really relevant because I love him and the kids so much. I think this fear is not really based on anything other than my own insecurities. As far as talking to him more about this, I have decided that the best thing for me to do is wait until all the kids are asleep, then, I will talk with him more about it.
_____________________________
What do you expect, It's Beck!
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RE: My husbands new career - 5/26/2008 8:25:17 PM
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stateofgrace
Posts: 1932
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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My husband had a mid-life career "crisis" and became a long range trucker last year, Beck.
I'm sure there are plenty of temptations on the road - but some of them are exaggerated, I think. Hubby was training on the road Nov-Dec and has been solo since then. He has only had two "Lot Lizzards" try and, um, introduce themselves to him. One when it was a really cold night and she was pounding on the truck, saying, "Let me in, it's cold out here!!" Truck stops are dominated by a few major chains and they go for the car traveler/tourist as well, so I think things have been more "discouraging" for "Ladies" of the evening in recent years.
There are many things you can do to help your hubby stay plugged in both to the family and to his relationship with God. When hubby first went on the road we bought him an iPod Nano. Whenever he's home he updates sermon podcasts from our church and a few others. Hubby now also has XM Radio which has Christian talk radio as well as Christian music on it.
We found that even silly little things like following American Idol (he has a TV in his truck) helped us have things to connect about during the week.
There are several support groups for trucker's wives on the web - I think they can really help you get a realistic idea of what it's like (although people do tend to use the fourms to ven when things get really bad, so bear that in mind). My kids are older, and that situation is more ideal - although next fall DD#1 will be off at college and DD#2 will not yet be old enough to drive.
Hubby is only home every second or third weekend, but he is going to apply to a company soon that gets their drivers home every weekend.
I will suggest that your hubby looks into training through a community college instead of through a specific employer - if he goes to a trucking company to get his CDL training, he will be obligated to work for them for like two years! Also, this training does qualify for a tax deduction (and just about everything he uses in his truck will as well, which makes this a very favorable occupation tax-wise).
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less junk, more Jesus
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RE: My husbands new career - 5/27/2008 1:12:09 AM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 789
Joined: 11/28/2005
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I don't think he treated your questions/concerns fairly... has
he actually sat down and prayed about becoming a long haul truck driver
and being away from his wife and 6 children?
You need your husband and the children need their father in their lives
more than the long haul truck driving job will allow... I have seen how that type
of job hurts families. Men are away, the wife is left fending for the family/home
for the biggest part of the time... does your husband think this is a good thing?
I know the money is good but what good is it when you are alone for most of the time and without your husband's affection/companionship?
I spent most of my life around friends whose dads are long haul truck drivers -
the families had lots of things but my friends didn't like their fathers being gone so much... these words were heard by the dads but they insisted that they're doing what's good for the family making money--- after a time I noticed my friends didn't mention their dads much at all... their dads missed their games - birthdays - etc... photos were taken and shared but nothing made up for their absentee dads... and yes, several of these friends homes endured adultery and divorce.
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RE: My husbands new career - 5/27/2008 11:26:24 AM
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stateofgrace
Posts: 1932
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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Beck, I do think your husband needs to be made aware of the major issues and changes that will occur in your family life if he pursues this career path. He needs to help the children step up to new responsibilities as needed; he needs to help you build a support system at home for while he's gone. He needs to support you when the kids call him and complain about some decision you've made. He needs to make a priority to be home for as many family occasions as possible. He needs to spend quality time at home with the family and not spend the entire time off in a recliner in front of the TV. If he's been paying the bills, he needs to go over household accounts with you and assist you in setting things up in a way that will work for you.
Also, he needs to understand that he will not get paid very much during orientation/training with a carrier.
Also, that many of the carriers who hire new truckers are big companies whose pay is not all that fantastic. You need to take the estimate of his training pay and budget out another 2 weeks or so at that reduced level. Paperwork can get hung up, and he will need to hold the company accountable for anything missing on his paycheck. He may be having to deal long-distance with different departments at corporate who have competing goals and priorities (and the weekend staff, who are so short-staffed that they may not get back to him in a timely manner at all). You also need to prepare for the occasional greatly-reduced paycheck (for the weeks when he takes more time off than typical; for the days when his truck is stuck somewhere undergoing repairs, etc.).
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less junk, more Jesus
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RE: My husbands new career - 6/8/2008 10:52:25 AM
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Beck34
Posts: 200
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We have discussed the many pros and cons of this situation, and we have prayed together over this. He knows how I feel, and he is doing everything he can to reassure that this is the best thing for our family. I have prayed about this, and I have felt a peace about it. This is the solution that God has provided in order for me to stay at home and take care of yself and my children. He has also assured me that he will isten to his sermons on cd that I am buying him for Fathers Day. We are also looking at ways for him to share his faith on the road.
_____________________________
What do you expect, It's Beck!
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RE: My husbands new career - 6/8/2008 1:28:21 PM
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Mona6122
Posts: 12
Joined: 5/5/2008
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Beck,
I myself, am an over the road truck driver. I drove by myself for 6 years and have been driving with my husband for the last three. I was not a christian when I started driving and may never have been if I hadn't went into trucking. What the previous poster said about XM or Sirius and the ipod are wonderful. What other career can you listen to good messages almost the whole day! While there are other female drivers with low morals and women who work the lots there are chalains and chapels at a lot of truckstops if he's feeling tempted there are people to talk to and get a good cell phone plan so he can keep in touch with you. While the trucking industry has a bad rap there are a lot of christian drivers and a lot of good people along the way. If you need someone to talk to you can email me anytime just pm me for the addy....i don't know if were aloud to post them here.
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RE: My husbands new career - 6/9/2008 8:26:05 AM
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stateofgrace
Posts: 1932
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Beck, I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you.
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less junk, more Jesus
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RE: My husbands new career - 6/10/2008 3:28:43 AM
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Beck34
Posts: 200
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There are days when it seems like we will never get through our differances, but God's grace helps us through it. I know this is the best thing for our family, and I appreciate your help in putting me in touch with the right resources.
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What do you expect, It's Beck!
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RE: My husbands new career - 6/10/2008 1:12:00 PM
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stateofgrace
Posts: 1932
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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Have you figured out how to get him internet access with that laptop? Free wifi isn't available at most truck stops. The chains do have wifi plans, but it's likely as cheap to get the wireless internet access card from a cell company as it is to join two or more of those plans.
I think we're going to go with an iPhone now that the price has come down and it's got the faster 3G network. I'll discontinue his phone service on the family plan as soon as I can...that way we're only paying for one device for both phone and internet.. The biggest thing truckers tend to need online (other than possibly chatting or email) is weather and road information.
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less junk, more Jesus
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RE: My husbands new career - 6/16/2008 2:10:10 AM
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Beck34
Posts: 200
Joined: 3/24/2008
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He has road and weather information on his phone. He also has text, but he doesn't have chat. We are going to go through our cell phone provider for internet access. He starts school tommorrow, and he is very nervous. Any advice?
_____________________________
What do you expect, It's Beck!
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RE: My husbands new career - 6/16/2008 10:23:05 AM
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soundDRwife
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My uncle started truck driving last year and my husband use to be a truck driver. They both are Christian. It can get lonely on the road.But it is how you deal with it. I will remember your family in prayer.
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Your Life Is In The Hands Of My Lord!
For JESUS is Always Near,When You Need,HE CARES!!
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RE: My husbands new career - 6/17/2008 8:53:56 AM
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stateofgrace
Posts: 1932
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Beck34
He has road and weather information on his phone. He also has text, but he doesn't have chat. We are going to go through our cell phone provider for internet access. He starts school tommorrow, and he is very nervous. Any advice?
I think, simply, keeping motivated is very, very important. Both during classroom training and when driving with a trainer.
I don't think classroom training was anywhere near as difficult as my husband thought it would be. He did really well in the class.
On-the-road training is more challenging, IMO. First you have to pair with another driver - obviously your training experience is only going to be as good and as thorough as the trainer makes it. Your hubby will also have to possibly deal with personality/cultural differences with his on the road trainer (and since this phase is typically like 2 months, that's a log time to get along with someone). However, it's a good learning experience and a good opportunity for Christians to gently and with respect proclaim the Good News through word and deed .
Also, that will be the driver's first "real world" experiences with driving. He will likely experience in those two months - some kind of breakdown, issues with dispatch/management, facilities not open when the truck gets there (even if it's a pre-determined time), being stuck somewhere without access to food, having to take showers at truck stops, dealing with whatever less-than-ideal driving conditions the season offers, possibly hitting a deer (or coming close!).
But he will also see parts of the US he's never seen before (assuming he's regional or all-US, and hadn't already been an extensive traveler), go to a different place every few days (heat's bad in Texas? Maybe next trip is to Idaho!), and have lots of memories of the interesting things he's seen (hubby saw NASA launching a satellite while driving in FL, for example).
< Message edited by stateofgrace -- 6/17/2008 9:06:05 AM >
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less junk, more Jesus
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RE: My husbands new career - 7/4/2008 6:57:37 AM
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KPOP
Posts: 26
Joined: 7/4/2008
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HI THERE.
SO HE IS GOING TO BE A TRUCK DRIVER HUH?
THAT IS A TOUGH JOB
BEING AWAY FROM HOME
I HEAR A LOT OF TRUCK DRIVERS CAN BRING THEIR SPOUSE OR EVEN KIDS
THEY HAVE ROOM IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK
OR I THINK SOME TRUCK DRIVERS GET ALLOWANCE FOR HOTEL WHILE DRIVING THEIR RIG
BUT IF YOU DO NOT LIKE TO TRAVEL WITH YOUR HUSBAND
WHY DON'T YOU JUST WAIT AT HOME
YOU CERTAINLY NEED TO TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR FEARS
BUT IF YOU CANNOT -- JUST TELL HIM ABOUT BEING ALONG A LOT
AND THAT YOU RATHER HAVE A MAN AT HOME SO THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY
BUT IF THAT IS THE ONLY JOB YOUR HUSBAND LIKES TO DO AT THIS TIME
I DO NOT KNOW
BUT HE NEEDS TO KNOW FOR SURE
THEN YOU BOTH CAN MAKE A DECISION ABOUT IT
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
JUST BE HONEST OF YOUR FEELINGS
EVEN THAT YOUR FEARS OF OTHER WOMEN
I USED TO SAY THAT I MAY HAVE SAID TO MY HUSBAND
THAT LET GOD DO THE BATTLE FOR US
I USUALLY QUOTES TO MY HUSBAND ABOUT EPHESIANS
I WOULD SAY -- THAT FRESH AND BLOOD -- IS NOT THE ONE THAT WILL GO TO WAR
BUT IT IS THE THE POWER OF DARKNESS AND PRINCIPALITIES OF THE AIR
AND ALL WE NEED TO DO IS PUT ON OUR ARMOR AND SHIELDS AND HELMET AND OUR SHOES AND GERD OUR LOINS
AND GOD WILL PROTECT US
BUT SOMETIMES -- LIKE MYSELF -- I CANNOT OPEN UP ALL FEARS
BUT I USUALLY EMAIL MY HUSBAND AND TELL HIM OF MY FEARS
THIS IS PART OF GROWING UP PROCESS
I THINK I RATE A +C
BUT IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH -- I THINK I RATE A A+
I THINK SO ANYWAY
YOU CAN ALWAYS GET A PET -- IF YOU GET LONELY WHILE HE IS AWAY
BUT IF THE PART WHERE OTHER WOMEN MAY CAUSE YOUR HUSBAND TO STUMBLE
THAT IS THE RISK THAT YOU NEED TO TAKE
I MEAN YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE SURE HE IS LOVE WHEN HE IS AT HOME
SO HE FEELS THAT HE IS WELCOME WHEN HE COMES HOME
BUT DO NOT WORRY
I THINK YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WITH FEARS IN COMMUNICATING TO SPOUSE
BUT FOR A START
TO DO IT SLOWLY BUT SURELY
IS THAT BE HONEST TO HIM AND TELL HIM YOUR FEARS
TAKE CARE
KATHY
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