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Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 5/29/2008 11:45:20 PM
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fallenstar
Posts: 127
Joined: 11/29/2007
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Ever since the 8th grade I have'nt been attraced to boys or men. Nothing dramatic has happened to change me, I have'nt been hurt by men or anything, but I'm just not sexually attracted to them. Actually, I kind of find their bodies unnactractive. I guess the male body is a "turn off". I have male freinds, and we joke around and have fun. They are polite, and have made me laugh many times. But when sometimes a guy friend develops feelings for me and starts acting romantic, trying to impress me with their strength and showing off it sort of just...does'nt attract me. Then we stop being friends because I feel uncomfortable. Should I try to go out with them, just to try it (even if other times I did'nt really enjoy it, and it's against my feelings?)
In my teenhood I remember my friends all getting boyfriends. They tried hooking me up with some guys that they said were sexy or cute, but I just lightly turned them down. I just did'nt want a guy. I wondered about my orentation, but I thought that mabye I'm asexual, or gay.
Besides, being a lesbien is a choice, right? I chose not to be.
Other times I feel like I don't want a partner that's taller than me. All the guys I know are at least three inches taller than me. Somtimes it's that since men are physically stronger that I don't like them. I am in exellent shape, but I'm in my 20's so that might explain it. I work out, so I'ev got pleanty of muscle, but not too much to really notice it. I don't understand why men have to be older, stronger and wiser that their female partner. Why can't the women be equal?
Mabye I'm too much of a femminist to be attracted to men. The thought of seeing myself walking down the isle of a chapel in long white gown, towards my to-be husband, makes me shudder. I don't really understand either. It's not like it's a problem, It's not causing any issues. I don't want kids, so a man is'nt really required. I just don't really know this part of myself. Has anybody else who is like this or know somebaody who is? Can you give me advice or somthing?
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 5/30/2008 4:54:55 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5740
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From: Hampshire, UK
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Could I just ask you what your upbringing was like (what your family life was like), and what kind of relationship you had/have with your parents?
And you said "since the 8th grade" - did anything particular happen in your life then?
< Message edited by manda59 -- 5/30/2008 5:05:23 AM >
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"I love Manda's suggestion to just laugh most of it off.."
Tinkerbell, September 2008
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 5/31/2008 8:24:25 AM
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W.O.F.
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From: an ignoble beginning
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Maybe God is calling you to serve Him through singleness....
Just think of how you can be completely single minded in your following of Him...you won't be distracted by a husband or children.
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 5/31/2008 2:45:08 PM
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uponeagleswings
Posts: 1849
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From: Out here in the desert
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quote:
ORIGINAL: W.O.F.
Maybe God is calling you to serve Him through singleness....
Just think of how you can be completely single minded in your following of Him...you won't be distracted by a husband or children.
I thought of this too. Or maybe you are just waiting for the right guy to feel attracted to. Either way I would say not being attracted to anyone is preferable to falling for every guy who walks by.
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 5/31/2008 6:51:24 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
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Well, I agree with the pp in part. Singleness and serving God is just as honorable as married and serving God.
But even if you say there are no "issues", it sounds to me like you're either afraid of men (because of physical strength) or your angry about some injustice you percieve between the sexes. Might be something to look into. 
Me personally, I have *no* problem with gender differences. I think they make life interesting.  But there are plenty of married Christians who like to make everything equal, and plenty of seriously feminist Christians as well, who address the questions you have without rejecting men or marriage outright. You don't have to wear a white dress, or even have a church wedding if that's distasteful to you. You can stand in front of a JP, wear a pantsuit, and keep your maiden name, or hyphenate, if you want. 
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 5/31/2008 8:06:16 PM
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Kath
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Just because you may not be attracted to men doesn't automatically mean you are attracted to women.
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 6/1/2008 1:17:49 AM
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fallenstar
Posts: 127
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kath
Just because you may not be attracted to men doesn't automatically mean you are attracted to women.
THank you. I feel better now, knowing that nothing is wrong with me. I know it's really immatire for me to be asking other people about this, but thank you anyways. Mabye God is calling me to be single. 
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 6/1/2008 3:46:48 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5740
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fallenstar
I know it's really immatire for me to be asking other people about this, but thank you anyways.
No it isn't!
Btw, did you see my questions to you? <points up>
_____________________________
"I love Manda's suggestion to just laugh most of it off.."
Tinkerbell, September 2008
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 6/1/2008 10:20:12 PM
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Kath
Posts: 16980
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Just from what you said I can't think that just not being attracted to men means there is something "wrong" :)
For a while I never wanted to get married and someone at work asked me since I don't want to be married had I considered becoming a nun! She wasn't being sarcastic, she didn't know how, she was dead serious. I told her one does not follow the other.
And I got married in pink, not white, because I like pink. :)
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 6/5/2008 11:48:02 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1084
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I'm a married woman, but my early 'romantic' life (crushes, dating) was never about how a guy looked. I too had to ask my friends what exactly made them define a guy as 'cute' or 'hot'. FYI: conclusively, it was always (1) height (2) a 'done' hair cut (3) clear skin -- never anything that elusive, but those were just not qualities that stood out to me.
I 'liked' guys that were worth being friends with, and because I wanted to feel special to someone. That desire for specialness was a bit unhealthy and lead me down some wrong roads... but I guess what I'm getting at is that I wasn't ever attracted because I found someone spontaneously attractive (I just picked someone reasonably nice who was 'in my league' and threw myself at him).
My husband is not a good-looking guy, nor is he tall or particularly strong. But he's definitely worth being friends with, and I am the most special person in the world to him. And I definitely find his closeness attractive... now. Thank God for his intervention.
I just wanted you to know that those silly appearance based attraction things are missing in a lot of girls, and it doesn't mean you're not romantic (if the situation should develop) it just means you're not superficial.
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 6/7/2008 12:19:53 AM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1615
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kath
Just from what you said I can't think that just not being attracted to men means there is something "wrong" :)
For a while I never wanted to get married and someone at work asked me since I don't want to be married had I considered becoming a nun! She wasn't being sarcastic, she didn't know how, she was dead serious. I told her one does not follow the other.
I find that funny...because at one point I seriously considered BECOMING a nun......even though it would have meant changing denominations,etc.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 6/15/2008 12:43:13 AM
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fallenstar
Posts: 127
Joined: 11/29/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
Could I just ask you what your upbringing was like (what your family life was like), and what kind of relationship you had/have with your parents?
And you said "since the 8th grade" - did anything particular happen in your life then?
Nothing really big happened, I was'nt assualted or anything, just puberty. It was weird. I'm not really sure why, but I thought I was a homosexual through high school, and secretly (just my parents did'nt know) joined the GSA at my school. My hormones were going crazy, so I did'nt know. I was'nt Christian at the time, so I did'nt think it was wrong. I was extremely feminist, and I would really dominate whenever men or boys were around. It was the friends I hung out with in my "main group". three were lesbiens and the rest did'nt have fathers, so we all grouped together and made kind of a sisterhood. It was wonderful for a while, but the lesbian girls went out with some of the other girls and there was a little bit of drama, but since girls don't get as jealsous as guys it calmed down quickly. I had a father, he was'nt the greatest person ever, but he was'nt a bad person either.
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RE: Why are'nt I attracted to men? - 6/15/2008 2:32:23 PM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2395
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
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I really don't think women need to be attracted to men just because they are women. I've seen women with no desire for men (or women). I think it's all a brain thing, and we all know we're not all the same in that area.
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