do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're commited to that person?
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do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're commite... - 7/31/2008 6:15:56 AM
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scottiezsister
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I've been reading some topics which piggyback on a bible study lesson I recently had. I would just like clarification because I am single hoping to get married. So my question is, when you decide to marry someone; do you marry because you love them? I'm thinking this can't be bc again and again, I read emotions come and go. And love is an emotion. Or do you decide to marry someone because you are committed to them and who they are as a person and you think you will have a good life together.
I am dating someone who I love and I am committed to as well. Or is it better to say I'm commited to him because I love him??? Help clarifying how this should work would help. I think this is a good foundation to being a good wife!
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 6:30:44 AM
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DaveW
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There are many different concepts and responses that in English all get lumped under "love." CS Lewis wrote a great little book on that (in the 50s I think) called "The Four Loves." He outlined 4 Greek terms, at least 3 of which are used in the NT that we call "love."
There are at least as many in Hebrew as well.
Is love that giddy emotional high that makes it hard to live without someone else? Yes. That would fall under eros in the Greek. Is it having sexual desires for someone? That would fall under dod in the Hebrew and eros in the greek. Is it friendship? That is phileo in the Greek and ahava in Hebrew. Is it unconditional commitment? THat is agape in the Greek.
If you are going to marry someone, you should have all of these loves in place.
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 8:36:43 AM
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manhattan42
Posts: 63
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quote:
do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're commited to that person?
Yes!
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 9:40:44 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 1445
Joined: 9/26/2007
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You marry a person because they are God's will for you. And before you throw your soda at me, please let me flesh that out a bit.
DaveW is right on (as usual). The four loves. We are friends. We are sexually attracted. We get committed unconditionally. Why? Because God made it happen and we recognize it's from His hand and we obey Him, including receiving His good gifts.
The easiest way sometimes is to cull out the things that aren't from God, so I've made a checklist to help me identify the man (you'll have to change the gender around, guys, so I don't have to do this twice. Sorry) who ISN'T from God:
Absolute necessity (for me, anyway):
-human (don't laugh - there are some confused people out there)
-male
-Christian, and I mean, knows how to deal with sin and does so, knows how to love the brethren, shows by his life that he understands He is God's, involved in some kind of ministry (could be taking a fatherless neighbor boy fishing, taking about Jesus while standing in line at the grocery store, or in an organizational ministry), can share his faith, has a good reputation with pastor/mature Christians who've known him for years.
-available (as in, not already married, or committed to someone else)
- doesn't have something that rules him out: drugs, gambling, sex addiction, history of child molestation (some guys will court a single woman with small kids to get at them), porn addiction, inability to keep a job
Pretty much a necessity (extenuating circumstances to be considered):
-doesn't already have crushing responsibilities, like supporting an exwife and 14 kids and needing the time to be a dad to them
- relatively good health, physically, emotionally and mentally
- finished with education and is in a career so he is ready to support a wife and kids of his own
- has the skills necessary for marriage (conflict resolution, basic courtesy, how to fix little things around the house/car or hire someone who can, has a least a small grip on how to live with a woman in an understanding way, knows what the Bible says about husbands and is in sync with that. Good hygiene comes in here somewhere, too)
- is kind to all
Would be nice if:
- similar interests
- similar station in life (age, mostly)
- similar culture
- good sense of humor
Not at all important:
- nice looking
- nice car
- rich
So how do you know if a guy is God's will for you? That varies, because God doesn't always do the same thing twice. But there will be no significant "rule out," circumstances add up and godly people who know you both see the hand of God, and the woman measures up just like the man does (I'm not any easier on the woman than I am on the man). Then it's like, if you want to, go for it and thank God for His good gifts. And let the commitment begin, for life.
I hope this helps.
_____________________________
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 10:08:33 AM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 299
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: scottiezsister
I've been reading some topics which piggyback on a bible study lesson I recently had. I would just like clarification because I am single hoping to get married. So my question is, when you decide to marry someone; do you marry because you love them? I'm thinking this can't be bc again and again, I read emotions come and go. And love is an emotion. Or do you decide to marry someone because you are committed to them and who they are as a person and you think you will have a good life together.
I am dating someone who I love and I am committed to as well. Or is it better to say I'm commited to him because I love him??? Help clarifying how this should work would help. I think this is a good foundation to being a good wife!
Well first and foremost love is a decision. However it is affected by how much time you spend with someone and the kind of time you are spending.
You do marry because you love the person. Hopefully you have spent time with this person getting to know him/her. You decide to love her despite her faults. You decide to be committed to that person because you have grown to love her. Your emotions affect your decision to a degree but isn't ruled by your emotions.
You do decide to marry because you are committed which should be a given if you love the person and want to marry her.
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 10:16:04 AM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 700
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
You marry a person because they are God's will for you. And before you throw your soda at me, please let me flesh that out a bit.
DaveW is right on (as usual). The four loves. We are friends. We are sexually attracted. We get committed unconditionally. Why? Because God made it happen and we recognize it's from His hand and we obey Him, including receiving His good gifts.
The easiest way sometimes is to cull out the things that aren't from God, so I've made a checklist to help me identify the man (you'll have to change the gender around, guys, so I don't have to do this twice. Sorry) who ISN'T from God:
Absolute necessity (for me, anyway):
-human (don't laugh - there are some confused people out there)
-male
-Christian, and I mean, knows how to deal with sin and does so, knows how to love the brethren, shows by his life that he understands He is God's, involved in some kind of ministry (could be taking a fatherless neighbor boy fishing, taking about Jesus while standing in line at the grocery store, or in an organizational ministry), can share his faith, has a good reputation with pastor/mature Christians who've known him for years.
-available (as in, not already married, or committed to someone else)
- doesn't have something that rules him out: drugs, gambling, sex addiction, history of child molestation (some guys will court a single woman with small kids to get at them), porn addiction, inability to keep a job
Pretty much a necessity (extenuating circumstances to be considered):
-doesn't already have crushing responsibilities, like supporting an exwife and 14 kids and needing the time to be a dad to them
- relatively good health, physically, emotionally and mentally
- finished with education and is in a career so he is ready to support a wife and kids of his own
- has the skills necessary for marriage (conflict resolution, basic courtesy, how to fix little things around the house/car or hire someone who can, has a least a small grip on how to live with a woman in an understanding way, knows what the Bible says about husbands and is in sync with that. Good hygiene comes in here somewhere, too)
- is kind to all
Would be nice if:
- similar interests
- similar station in life (age, mostly)
- similar culture
- good sense of humor
Not at all important:
- nice looking
- nice car
- rich
So how do you know if a guy is God's will for you? That varies, because God doesn't always do the same thing twice. But there will be no significant "rule out," circumstances add up and godly people who know you both see the hand of God, and the woman measures up just like the man does (I'm not any easier on the woman than I am on the man). Then it's like, if you want to, go for it and thank God for His good gifts. And let the commitment begin, for life.
I hope this helps.
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 1:04:29 PM
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catlady11
Posts: 34
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
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TorchHeart,
Just curious as to why "you" are shaking your head no?
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 1:15:19 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 3978
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: scottiezsister
So my question is, when you decide to marry someone; do you marry because you love them? I'm thinking this can't be bc again and again, I read emotions come and go. And love is an emotion.
Love is decision, the same as commitment.
_____________________________
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 1:19:16 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 3978
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DaveW
There are many different concepts and responses that in English all get lumped under "love." CS Lewis wrote a great little book on that (in the 50s I think) called "The Four Loves." He outlined 4 Greek terms, at least 3 of which are used in the NT that we call "love."
There are at least as many in Hebrew as well.
Is love that giddy emotional high that makes it hard to live without someone else? Yes. That would fall under eros in the Greek. Is it having sexual desires for someone? That would fall under dod in the Hebrew and eros in the greek. Is it friendship? That is phileo in the Greek and ahava in Hebrew. Is it unconditional commitment? THat is agape in the Greek.
If you are going to marry someone, you should have all of these loves in place.
There is a Nooma video called Flame that shows this really, really well.
We have shared it with many couples.
I think there is a preview of it on Youtube.
_____________________________
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 1:38:05 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 700
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: online
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I really don't see anyone ever knowing what God's "will" for them is, especially when it comes to love and marriage. Its almost like a bad joke at a comedy club.
Everyone you love WILL eventually hurt you. Whether that be intentionally or unintentionally. The people you love the most will hurt you the most. How do you know if you want to marry someone? Are you willing to take all the pain you will receive for loving that person?
Lies, decite, anger, selfishness, rejection, abandonment, hate, loss of passion, loss of self, loss of life, unrequitted love, abuse of your love.... all of these can (and probably WILL) be exprienced in love. Even just with friends or family, this is what is brought about by/during a loving relationship. This is love. And the more you love someone, the worse each of these will be when they occur.
In my book, love is as much hurting as it is healing. As much pain as it is wellness. As much sorrow as it is joy. Love is not always returned the way we expect it to be, and sometimes its not even returned at all. And that is the worst pain of love that you'll ever experience. So you need to ask yourself if you really are willing to endure the potential of all of this.... even with the posibility of not being loved in return.
If you are, that's unconditional love. And that's how you know you're ready for whatever the next step is.
< Message edited by TorchHeart -- 7/31/2008 1:59:02 PM >
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 1:44:52 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 3978
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TorchHeart
I really don't see anyone ever knowing what God's "will" for them is, especially when it comes to love and marriage. Its almost like a bad joke at a comedy club. And, to me, God is the only one laughing.
God's will is not hard to know...He makes it very clear:
1. Be Saved (1 Tim 2:3-4)
2. Be spirit-filled (Eph 5:18)
3. Be sanctified (set apart) (1 Th 4:3)
4. Be submissive (Eph 5:21, 1 Pet 2:13)
5. Suffer (Phil 1:29, 1 Pet 2:19)
6. Be thankful (1 Th 5:18)
By being these things, you will be able to make decisions regarding relationships, etc. and remain in God's will.
_____________________________
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 1:59:48 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 700
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: doinkdom
quote:
ORIGINAL: TorchHeart
I really don't see anyone ever knowing what God's "will" for them is, especially when it comes to love and marriage. Its almost like a bad joke at a comedy club. And, to me, God is the only one laughing.
God's will is not hard to know...He makes it very clear:
1. Be Saved (1 Tim 2:3-4)
2. Be spirit-filled (Eph 5:18)
3. Be sanctified (set apart) (1 Th 4:3)
4. Be submissive (Eph 5:21, 1 Pet 2:13)
5. Suffer (Phil 1:29, 1 Pet 2:19)
6. Be thankful (1 Th 5:18)
By being these things, you will be able to make decisions regarding relationships, etc. and remain in God's will.
Whatever.
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 2:03:59 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 3978
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TorchHeart
quote:
ORIGINAL: doinkdom
quote:
ORIGINAL: TorchHeart
I really don't see anyone ever knowing what God's "will" for them is, especially when it comes to love and marriage. Its almost like a bad joke at a comedy club. And, to me, God is the only one laughing.
God's will is not hard to know...He makes it very clear:
1. Be Saved (1 Tim 2:3-4)
2. Be spirit-filled (Eph 5:18)
3. Be sanctified (set apart) (1 Th 4:3)
4. Be submissive (Eph 5:21, 1 Pet 2:13)
5. Suffer (Phil 1:29, 1 Pet 2:19)
6. Be thankful (1 Th 5:18)
By being these things, you will be able to make decisions regarding relationships, etc. and remain in God's will.
Whatever.
seriously...that's all you got 
whatever???
I guess that'll work, too
_____________________________
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 2:10:37 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 700
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: doinkdom
quote:
ORIGINAL: TorchHeart
quote:
ORIGINAL: doinkdom
quote:
ORIGINAL: TorchHeart
I really don't see anyone ever knowing what God's "will" for them is, especially when it comes to love and marriage. Its almost like a bad joke at a comedy club. And, to me, God is the only one laughing.
God's will is not hard to know...He makes it very clear:
1. Be Saved (1 Tim 2:3-4)
2. Be spirit-filled (Eph 5:18)
3. Be sanctified (set apart) (1 Th 4:3)
4. Be submissive (Eph 5:21, 1 Pet 2:13)
5. Suffer (Phil 1:29, 1 Pet 2:19)
6. Be thankful (1 Th 5:18)
By being these things, you will be able to make decisions regarding relationships, etc. and remain in God's will.
Whatever.
seriously...that's all you got
whatever???
I guess that'll work, too
What do you want me to do? Write a thesis paper? Come on, I already had to do that to get through college. 
I just don't think that relationships are that simple. Especially not when love is involved. And frankly, I see so many people end up hurt in divorces, abuse, and God knows what else. and don't tell me that its because they didn't follow those six simple steps to a better life you slapped together and posted. Plenty did, and plenty got the shaft.
And personally, that's why I kind of wonder what God really wants to see out of us when it comes to love.
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 2:16:18 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 3978
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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Oh...yeh, I agree with no thesis - my head already hurts enough as it is.
I just don't think there is a magical formula to God's will for relationships other than both be Christian and no sex outside of marriage...other than that, everything is choice based on personal preference and attraction.
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 2:18:49 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 3978
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TorchHeart
I just don't think that relationships are that simple. Especially not when love is involved. And frankly, I see so many people end up hurt in divorces, abuse, and God knows what else. and don't tell me that its because they didn't follow those six simple steps to a better life you slapped together and posted. Plenty did, and plenty got the shaft.
and I didn't just slap them together - I actually wrote a thesis - JUST KIDDING!!! 
MacArthur actually did the work on that one...
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 3:21:21 PM
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JerrynDolli
Posts: 100
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manhattan42
quote:
do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're commited to that person?
Yes!
A very sound and simply put answer. Yes!
All I can say is truly continue speaking with God, learn to lean on His Voice... lean not on your own understanding. The Lord will enable you to make a sound decision. The Lord instructed me not to marry my first Husband, however, I just knew the Lord must be wrong. My first husband look and sounded like a Christian... to me that is. But the Lord knew his heart.
I disobey the small still voice of God and married him. Suddenly, within less than a year he was unfaithful and mocked my faith in God. He truly hurt my soul. Yet, no matter what he did, I stayed committed to my vows of marriage. Why because I loved him and love is a decision and love is a commitment. I stay faithful even doing the course of separation, though his attorney stated in the separation agreement that the law of the state allow spouse to see others without questioning each other about the person they are seeing. I did state there is a law that is unadulterated and higher than the courts of man. That is the laws of God. Only God can give amendments in His laws and there are no grows for divorce except adultery, which I did not commit. Nevertheless, he who committed the adultery divorced me.
Yet, if I had obeyed God and not be deceived by ex-husband charm and agreeing with me on all my stances... you know... like I don't believe in....fornication, adultery, living together in sin, etc... I love fellowshipping with the saints (O, so do I... he agreed). Wow, I said. God you must be wrong, in fact, maybe it is fear that is saying no to me, after all he agrees with me. The only thing he requested is that I not participate in doing things in the church. So I married him in three months.
Yet, because of God's goodness He did not forsake me, God continue to shower His mercy and His grace upon me. God was my husbandman during those lonely seasons of desertion.
So, yes you marry for love... but, first make sure it is the will of God and that it be for God's Purpose of His Name being Glorified in your union.
Wait on the Lord for His voice to instruct you. God knows what you need and who needs you to fulfill the purpose of God in his life. It is a good to inspect his fruit.
In fact, the Lord informed me, right after my husband put me away via a divorce, I would be married again. I told my girlfriends. They asked to who for I had not dated anyone... nor did I know anyone. I informed them that was God's problem... that he spoke that to my heart in my quiet time.
I was surprised. After all, I decided I never wanted to get married again. I remember the Lord instructed me to inspect the fruit this time... you know... practicing the Fruits of the Spirit operating in the person's life who would seek my hand in marriage. Well, each time and there were four people and at least two who claim God told them I was their wife. Well, I did get married to the fourth man. Was I in love when he asked? Not quite, I was in great like. However, I asked God and the Lord stated yes. Because, I understand and practiced commitment in my last marriage. I was committed again in the marriage God gave me.
The more we are committed to honoring God by him loving me as Christ Jesus loves the Church,
merciful, kind, forgiving, patience... you know all of Corinthians 13 and I respecting him and honoring him
and aspiring to serve him. Well, these actions of commitments causes us to fall more in love with each other. We met eight years ago last week, and in Nov it will be eight years of marriage. Yep, we got engaged a couple of weeks after meeting and married two and half months later. It may sound quick... but, when the Lord says yes this is it and we trust and obey His voice. It will last.
Yep, God let me have my way the first time and it ended in disaster though I was committed. However it takes two to make a marriage. Commitment and love demonstrated between both spouses.
Who knows... maybe, my faithfulness and commitment to do good towards my ex spouse was reward by a seconded chance on love being given back to me with a husband of God's choosing.
For I always felt like Abigail.... my first husband was a foolish man not accepting of the blessings of God. How the Lord blessed him with an abundance of wealth. In fact, he got very ill and lost everything, including his life. However, I always prayed for his heart to reconciled with God. If I were in his life for just a season, hoping he remember my voice or anyone's who knew Jesus's voice God's goodness, hoping that he accepted Christ Jesus during those last moments before moving into eternity. Well, I count it all joy and that everything, though painful worked together for my good.
So this was the substance of my answer of YES!!!!!
Agape,
In Christ Jesus,
~Dolli
P.S. It does pay to allow the Lord to lead the right person to you and give you the freedom to accept or not accept. However, when you accept His leading, you will rewarded with the right person to help you grow in areas of weakness in your character. For instance where I used to be fearful, he was help me to become more courageous in the things of God. Where I was not discerning about others wanting to attached themselves to my life and just use me. He has help me trust God's voice about the people who I'm to avoid and not be deceived by their christianized jargon.
He loves an assortment of people and ministering to them just as I. Was happy to discovered he likes The Learning Channel and Discovery Channel. He also loves good clean comedies or any goofy movie. We both love Contemporary Christian Music. He loves tennis, golf and backgammon. Remember we got married pretty fast and because we travel we did not get to spend a lot of time together. We trusted God was leading us into marriage. And God did better than any friends could do setting me up with someone.
< Message edited by JerrynDolli -- 7/31/2008 8:02:35 PM >
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 10:47:14 PM
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goodnsimple
Posts: 35
Joined: 7/28/2008
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Torchheart,
Please, don't marry. Cuz you are not quite ready.
You absalutly cannot love with fear that you will get the "shaft". Can't be done. So if you are worried, or anxious... well it is not love.
Perfect love casts out all fear... true?!
While none of us are capable of perfect love, save our lord, you cannot throw yourself into love if you are afraid of getting burned.
Do not marry and expect that your spouse will meet all of your needs. again, not possible.
Be friends... like hanging around with that person... sexual attraction is a definite plus, but often waxes and wanes with ones own energy level.
Make a commitment... believe in their commitment to you.
If you get burned... forgive, ask forgiveness and pull yourself up and off you go again.
(a long engagement is also a great (practical) idea...however, as Paul says "it is better to marry than to burn")
There are really great Christian men and women out there, and not one of them is perfect. But any of them might be your best friend.
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 7/31/2008 11:38:56 PM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 299
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: doinkdom
Oh...yeh, I agree with no thesis - my head already hurts enough as it is.
I just don't think there is a magical formula to God's will for relationships other than both be Christian and no sex outside of marriage...other than that, everything is choice based on personal preference and attraction.
I agree. I think some people go to far sometimes. From eternity past this is the person God has willed for you to be with before he even created either of you.
To me as long as both people are Christian and they love the godly qualities in each other, as long as both people pray, seek God's face, etc., it's OK to be together. Unless you get a clear NO or you see a quality you can't live with then it's fine to marry.
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 8/1/2008 9:34:01 AM
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JerrynDolli
Posts: 100
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: goodnsimple
Torchheart,
Please, don't marry. Cuz you are not quite ready.
You absalutly cannot love with fear that you will get the "shaft". Can't be done. So if you are worried, or anxious... well it is not love.
Perfect love casts out all fear... true?!
While none of us are capable of perfect love, save our lord, you cannot throw yourself into love if you are afraid of getting burned.
Do not marry and expect that your spouse will meet all of your needs. again, not possible.
Be friends... like hanging around with that person... sexual attraction is a definite plus, but often waxes and wanes with ones own energy level.
Make a commitment... believe in their commitment to you.
If you get burned... forgive, ask forgiveness and pull yourself up and off you go again.
(a long engagement is also a great (practical) idea...however, as Paul says "it is better to marry than to burn")
There are really great Christian men and women out there, and not one of them is perfect. But any of them might be your best friend.
So True Goodnsimple. Marriage is one of God's great tools to teach us how to love and practice the agape kind of love (unconditional love). It is easy to fall into the eros (physical) kind of love, because designed us with a sexual nature. However, phileos love (friendship) has to truly involve agape. Why... because we are creatures of emotions and when others do not meet the conditions... or expectations we put on them... then we naturally want to discard or reject. Especially in the disposable society we live in today. This where commitment is greater than how we feel about what another has done or not done. This is called esteeming another above yourself... this what love enables us to do. This is considered mercy.... again pure love... agape.
Marriage is not easy... but, I thank God for the union of two individuals growing into the knowledge of the sacrifice and unselfishness God exhibits towards us. He is the ultimate forgiver. He constantly shows patience and kindness though we do not deserve it. We are the bride of Christ... those who believe Him as Savior and Lord, therefore, we know how patience He is. How He loves us when we selfishly do not give our all to Him. How stubborn we become when we think he is trying to interfere with our freedom of doing what we want to do. How we don't want to include Him with all of the self-centered goals we seek. Yep, that is what marriage is like. And when you love God and love your spouse pure agape, you ask for God's grace to enable you to see your spouse... the situation through the eyes of Christ. To allow that mind which is in Christ Jesus to be in you. Marriage is a great character builder and I thank God for perfecting who I am through the trails I've experience in marriage. I've learned and am still learning to die to my flesh... my selfishness. To repent of stinking thinking quickly as in wanting to shutdown and not communicate when I can't have my own way. And of course, my spouse suffer the same sin of selfishness. But, I don't try to change him, I ask God to change me. As I'm humble myself and admit my wrongs and not focus on his. Well, God talks to him about his issues. It is written Iron sharpens Iron... and you will truly experience this in marriage. Remember, God is designing us to be like His Son our Savior. And marriage is one of the many tools He uses.
Again, marriage is not easy and it is very important to be spiritually equally yoked. Meaning unbelievers marrying one another share the same spirit. And believers are under the same covenant of the True God of the Holy Trinity. If you marry an unbeliever... well, how will he hear from the True God, the god he serves is the god of this world satan. Two can not walk together unless they are on one accord. I know, because my Lord would instruct me to continuously practice good even to a spouse who was unfaithful (ex-husband). However, the voice he would obey would have him emotionally abuse me. He could not be convicted to repent... however, believers are convicted to repent and obey. If they don't they understand the consequences. Unbelievers don't respond to conviction and chastisements. Without Christ as the centered of the marriage, the source of unity and peace between the Christian Couple... the marriage is bound for misery and disaster.
So, marriage is worth doing. Because it is one of the best institution to learn what God meant about Christ loving the Church. It is one best tools to understand Agape Love.
Individuals always express the admiration of how my husband and I treat one another. Our expression of love and respect towards one another. We always have to inform them it has taken much humility, prayer, forgiveness, pure agape to grow into a marriage that will demonstrate the love of Christ in our union. We can not boast about our marriage being great, we boast in what the Lord has and is doing with two of his children who were once so stubborn.
Yes, when you are committed to glorifying God... marriage is very rewarding and you grow more in love with every trial you both overcome by the grace and mercy of God. Marriage is for the courageous not cowards. If you want to be reward for being faithful and courageous then give marriage a try.
Fearing getting marry is truly allowing satan steal one of God's greatest gift to a man and a woman.
It is amazing how those who do not follow the ways written in the word of God want to get married. Yet, God ordained this for the men and women who love and serve Him. Do not shun or discount
marriage... God says it is a good thing.
Agape
In Christ Jesus,
Dolli
< Message edited by JerrynDolli -- 8/1/2008 9:48:35 AM >
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 8/1/2008 9:57:28 AM
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all4aremine
Posts: 22
Joined: 7/24/2008
Status: offline
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I agree with Dolli 100%.
I know that it is God's will for me to be with my husband. I had been in a very abusive marriage before I met my current husband. My ex-husband and I divorced right after my son was born. I prayed to God to bring me another man that was going to be good for my son and I. When I stopped praying for that and started praying for God to show me what his plan was for me is when I found the man that he wanted me to be with.
It is definitely an agape love that we have. We have had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day we both know that God is the one that wanted us to be together. Knowing that God loved us enough to put us together is so amazing to us.
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RE: do you marry for love or do you marry bc you're com... - 8/1/2008 2:57:46 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 700
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: goodnsimple
Torchheart,
Please, don't marry. Cuz you are not quite ready.
You absalutly cannot love with fear that you will get the "shaft". Can't be done. So if you are worried, or anxious... well it is not love.
Perfect love casts out all fear... true?!
While none of us are capable of perfect love, save our lord, you cannot throw yourself into love if you are afraid of getting burned.
Do not marry and expect that your spouse will meet all of your needs. again, not possible.
Be friends... like hanging around with that person... sexual attraction is a definite plus, but often waxes and wanes with ones own energy level.
Make a commitment... believe in their commitment to you.
If you get burned... forgive, ask forgiveness and pull yourself up and off you go again.
(a long engagement is also a great (practical) idea...however, as Paul says "it is better to marry than to burn")
There are really great Christian men and women out there, and not one of them is perfect. But any of them might be your best friend.
I think you need to re-read what I wrote, again. I think you're confused. I never said that I was afraid of those things, but I said people should be. That's what can (and often does) happen when you love someone. Its the risk you take because, as you correctly stated, none of us are capable of perfect love. And people are capable of doing a LOT of terrible things to those they love, even by accident.
This doesn't just apply to relationships tha might lead to marriage. ANY relationship where love of ANY kind might be involved should be evaluated this way.
People who are not afraid/willing to risk getting hurt in those ways are ready for someone else moving onto the next step of a relationship, whatever that is.
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