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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/3/2008 6:50:20 AM
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.Pammy
Posts: 4110
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
Status: offline
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Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
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Pam
<< The Wedding Arch at The Hemingway Home in Key West
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/7/2008 2:01:52 PM
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.Pammy
Posts: 4110
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
Status: offline
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My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So when an advertising company offered to put my father's business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance. Fully a year went by before we got a call that could be traced to those placards.
"Richard Larson, CPA?" the caller asked.
"That's right," my father answered. "May I help you?"
"Yes," the voice said. "One of your shopping carts is in my yard, and I want you to come and get it."
_____________________________
Pam
<< The Wedding Arch at The Hemingway Home in Key West
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/8/2008 12:59:44 AM
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restnHim
Posts: 7
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
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These jokes are funny! Maybe some don't want to read them because they're kinda long.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/8/2008 2:08:36 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7683
Joined: 9/5/2006
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What goes ha, ha, ha thunk?
Someone laughing their head off.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/8/2008 2:10:08 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 13111
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
What goes ha, ha, ha thunk?
Someone laughing their head off.
John, THAT is worthy of the harmonious groan you heard in your house during the GT.. 
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/8/2008 2:56:55 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7683
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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(Music to my ears! Thank you ladies)
Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.
The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO."
St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven ... for five days!"
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/8/2008 3:04:14 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7683
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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Down in south west Florida a blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/8/2008 10:37:41 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3852
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Down in south west Florida a blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
A blonde in southwest Florida? Hmm... 
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/9/2008 7:02:59 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 13111
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Down in south west Florida a blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
A blonde in southwest Florida? Hmm...
Believe me, I wanted to comment, but I refrained. I don't think we qualify as SW FL - we're more West Central FL.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/9/2008 8:26:34 AM
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.Pammy
Posts: 4110
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
Status: offline
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My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on the line. Will you accept the charges?"
Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!"
_____________________________
Pam
<< The Wedding Arch at The Hemingway Home in Key West
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/9/2008 8:48:08 AM
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tlims
Posts: 471
Status: offline
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a quick comment...
thanks for the jokes peeps... they bring smiles, laughter & yes, groans...
Isn't God wonderful for giving us laughter, humor & things giggle about?
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/9/2008 4:06:09 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7683
Joined: 9/5/2006
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Jeannie I love it!!
I'm going to use it at kids club tonight!!!
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/10/2008 7:01:36 AM
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.Pammy
Posts: 4110
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
Status: offline
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Melissa, that just really tickled me!
_____________________________
Pam
<< The Wedding Arch at The Hemingway Home in Key West
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/10/2008 9:16:07 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2717
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
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Shirley & Marcy
A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.
So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.
She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.
Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?'
Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.' The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'
'That's just Shirley Goodnest,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy..'
'Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us? '
'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace.
May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always. 
_____________________________
• Human trafficking is the 3rd largest source of income for organized crime, generating $7 billion a year.
International Justice Mission
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/10/2008 9:21:35 PM
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betterisoneday
Posts: 240
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline
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If this one's been up before I apologize, didn't see it.
NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was
arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he
attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a
set square, a slide rule and a calculator..
At a morning press conference, the
Attorney General said he believes the
man is a member of the notorious
Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has
been charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," the AG
said. "They desire solutions by
means and extremes, and sometimes go off
on tangents in search of absolute values."
"They use secret code names like 'X' and
'Y', and refer to themselves as
'unknowns', but we have determined that
they belong to a common
denominator, the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country."
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used
to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest,
President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math
instruction, he would have
given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they
could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the
President.
_____________________________
No reserves. No retreat. No regret.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/10/2008 10:17:19 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 13111
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: betterisoneday
If this one's been up before I apologize, didn't see it.
NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was
arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he
attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a
set square, a slide rule and a calculator..
At a morning press conference, the
Attorney General said he believes the
man is a member of the notorious
Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has
been charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," the AG
said. "They desire solutions by
means and extremes, and sometimes go off
on tangents in search of absolute values."
"They use secret code names like 'X' and
'Y', and refer to themselves as
'unknowns', but we have determined that
they belong to a common
denominator, the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country."
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used
to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest,
President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math
instruction, he would have
given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they
could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the
President.
As a soon to be Math teacher - I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/11/2008 7:36:54 PM
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JustJeannie
Posts: 3366
Joined: 6/14/2007
From: the state of confusion
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
quote:
ORIGINAL: betterisoneday
If this one's been up before I apologize, didn't see it.
NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was
arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he
attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a
set square, a slide rule and a calculator..
At a morning press conference, the
Attorney General said he believes the
man is a member of the notorious
Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has
been charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," the AG
said. "They desire solutions by
means and extremes, and sometimes go off
on tangents in search of absolute values."
"They use secret code names like 'X' and
'Y', and refer to themselves as
'unknowns', but we have determined that
they belong to a common
denominator, the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country."
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used
to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest,
President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math
instruction, he would have
given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they
could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the
President.
As a soon to be Math teacher - I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a person who HATED (past tense) math in high school-I LOVE IT TOO!!!!
_____________________________
Jeannie
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