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babbred -> RE: Have you read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? (10/4/2006 5:10:45 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: majorsizemore Yep, I read it. And the next book. Overall, I appreciate Harris' concern with purity. But...I don't think 21-year olds should be allowed to write and publish books! Unless you're a genius child-prodigy like Jonathan Edwards, who learned Greek and Latin by the time he was 12. How can such a young man (at the time) as Harris truly have a comprehensive grasp of dating/relationship culture to make such sweeping claims? I think his youth gave him the advantage of understanding this particular generation better than a baby-boomer, but he wasn't even married yet when he wrote the book. Hey, I'm not saying singles don't understand anything (I'm one of 'em!), but he was just a tad in-experienced. That's how I felt. Not only was he about 21 when he wrote it, but he was living with his pastor while he interned at his church. Compare that to the single's group at my church, where most of the people were divorced, had kids, and owned their own houses. There's a world of life experience between the two, and quite frankly, I don't see how courtship would work for the latter group. quote:
His model, while I appreciate aspects of it, just does not work past a certain age and in certain situations. If there's not a lot of single girls at church, there is almost no way to "get to know" girls well enough without dating them. Older people with careers and such simply must set aside certain times to get together and chat (i.e. "dates"). Courtship is great - if you can do it. Most courtships are simply people who have already been dating! How am I supposed to get to know a girl who I only see once every few months? Or a girl I meet only once? I'm not going to ask a girl to "court" unless I think she's worthy. (assuming "courting" means relationship leading to marriage). Why would a girl who barely knows me even respond favorably? The "Duh" factor is big here, I think. In conclusion, dating is simply a must for some situations. At the time I met my hubby, I was living halfway across the country from my parents. Therefore it was logistically impossible for them to look over my shoulder and tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing in my romantic life--and I wouldn't have liked it if they did. I was thirty and didn't really need "mothering" anymore. Harris' book is perfect if you're 21 and still living with your parents, but I don't think it does much for the majority of the single population who are older and out on their own. We've talked about Christian men. I've also seen a negative effect on Christian women. "If I just wait patiently, God will magically send me a spouse someday without me doing anything." And yes, Harris does provide examples of this thinking. His future wife was in love with but he didn't have a clue that she did. She couldn't do anything because that would have been ungodly! So she cried her eyes out most nights and prayed that God would open Harris' eyes and make him fall in love with her. He did, and now they live happily ever after...ahhhhh. That was in BMG, and in the same book there's a story of a guy who loved a girl who in turn didn't like him. Same story. He just prayed patiently that God would open her eyes, and look! Now they're happily married. That may work for some people, but when I was single I had no desire to sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting for God to open the eyes of Mr. Right, wherever he was. I went out and enjoyed life. I remember one night on a mission trip, a team member and I discussed relationship books. We both didn't like IKDG and both agreed that Passion and Purity was much better. I also agree with the reccommendation of When God Writes Your Love Story.
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