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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/5/2008 8:43:20 PM
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magdaleine
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Amen!
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Maggie
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/5/2008 11:10:36 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10847
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Evan and Kayla went out for fast food tonight. Lynn called while I was here. She was surprised that I wasn't at the second job. Wanted to be sure that I knew we wouldn't make it without that extra money and hoped I'd thought about that. Wanted to know if I quit it to mess with the divorce (unspoken - "lessen any support payments"). Couldn't get it in her head that I needed to be home for Kayla's sake. That i couldn't leave the raising of her to Evan alone. Hasn't that girl had enough ripped away already? She's really starting to show that she is realizing what has happened, that Lynn isn't coming home. Tonight was the worst night behavior wise with her. Of course the fact that my own emotions are in the dumps doesn't help.
I asked her again for pastor Gary's number. She said he isn't sure if he should talk to me because he hasn't heard back from God about it when he prayed. I'm sure if I show up at his doorstep he'll have his answer. Almost did that tonight, but then he was supposed to be out of town and it's an hour's drive and I'm not dead certain that is where they are. She said he doesn't want to talk to me about the guy she's with, or about her, but would want to talk about my feelings. How does he expect to hear about how I am feeling without her coming up? And no, I have no desire to find out anything about this love interest of hers, I know enough already.
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We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/5/2008 11:24:03 PM
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karlie
Posts: 16591
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From: Central California
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quote:
She's really starting to show that she is realizing what has happened, that Lynn isn't coming home. Tonight was the worst night behavior wise with her. Of course the fact that my own emotions are in the dumps doesn't help.
((((Ben and Kayla)))) It's going to be hard for her for awhile. But, she has you and Evan and the stability and love you two give her will soften this blow somewhat. If you can get her to talk about it to you it would really help. She may not want to talk about it and that's okay too, but if she knows that you are okay with her talking to her when she's ready, it may break the ice for her.
I'm praying for you both so much. And that God deals with Lynn's heart.
_____________________________
Shoes CAN change your life...just ask Cinderella
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/5/2008 11:31:26 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 8783
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
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Just know that you aren't alone Ben. Even when you have no strength left to deal with this, God is holding you in His arms and walking with you through this.
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~Kristin~
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as Gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/5/2008 11:32:01 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4482
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{{{{{{{{Ben}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{Kayla}}}}}}}
Poor girl. Yes, she's had enough ripped from her. I sure wish Lynn was able to see that and realize how selfish she's being. On the other hand, I look back at things I've done or considered doing that were or would have been equally selfish and I can understand a bit of where she might be. Doesn't make it right though. Have you spoken to your own pastor about all this?
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Maggie
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/5/2008 11:32:26 PM
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leah777
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From: Show-Me State
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{{{{{{{{{{{BEN}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Still praying.
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Leah
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/5/2008 11:45:40 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10847
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Maggie, first of all I want you to know that I printed out that prayer. I looked at it several times today.
We left our church back before Thanksgiving. So no, I really have no one to talk in depth about this. Especially no one with any real biblical understanding.
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/5/2008 11:57:13 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4482
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quote:
Maggie, first of all I want you to know that I printed out that prayer. I looked at it several times today.
Thank you for telling me that, Ben.
Did you know your pastor at all? He might be willing to hear from you even though you've left. I know that pastors I've had have pastored a whole lot more than only those who show up on Sunday mornings. Or is this pastor in the category of having no biblical understanding?
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Maggie
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 8:30:47 AM
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stamper_ben
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I didn't know him all that well and haven't felt comfortable calling on him. I've thought about it though...
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We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 8:33:08 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10129
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Is there someone else you can call up, even if they haven't seen you in a while?
Honestly, when Brian left, I had walked away from God and church (not that one has to mean the other...), and in my devastation, I went back. It wasn't easy, but God is faithful and He provided a lot of support for me during that time. Maybe it's time to go back to church, Ben, even if it is humbling.
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God most definitely sees.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen. 2 Cor. 4:18
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 10:29:56 AM
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rayofson
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Or even perhaps a new church. Most pastors would be more than happy to talk to someone off the street.
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Please don't feed the Ogre.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 10:31:49 AM
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rayofson
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quote:
ORIGINAL: karlie
It's going to be hard for her for awhile. But, she has you and Evan and the stability and love you two give her will soften this blow somewhat. [/font]
And that's exactly what she needs from you right now...stability and love.
_____________________________
Please don't feed the Ogre.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 10:32:53 AM
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awed
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Or, is there a church near you that offers a Stephen Ministry? I think it would be helpful for you right now to have a Stephen Minister. Most offer the Ministry whether you are a church member or not.
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One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn' t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. ~Lucille Ball
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 11:59:13 AM
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stamper_ben
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Closest church I could find with a Stephen Ministry is abut an hour away. Then there are others nearby that offer counseling who charge per visit. But one of those was a church that we had intended to visit anyway, guess I'll visit by myself.
Gonna be doing lots of things by myself it seems...
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We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 1:12:52 PM
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awed
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From: Wisconsin
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stamper_ben
Closest church I could find with a Stephen Ministry is abut an hour away. Then there are others nearby that offer counseling who charge per visit. But one of those was a church that we had intended to visit anyway, guess I'll visit by myself.
Hummmm, I wonder if any of their SMs live a little closer to you.
I wish there were something closer. SM does not charge. They are trained to have resourses to offer to a care receiver should there be a need but most of all they listen and will pray with you, pray for you. In SM some of the matchings become extremely close friends.
quote:
Gonna be doing lots of things by myself it seems...
I know what you are saying Ben and why you are saying it...
I would simply encourage you though that what you do "on your own" can speak volumes of your commitment to your faith, to your marriage and your children and grandchild. And if, with wisdom, patience, and perseverance you exhibit your commitment, you will glorify God and
hopefully cause Lynn to question her choices.
Ben, I know you must also feel sooo underappreciated and maybe even defeated at what this has come to. I know that you have made many decisions based on what Lynn wanted, have bent over backwards to try to give her the life she would like to have...and the toll that has taken on you.
It's so very tough to love someone so much and have to receive some of the comments and rejection that you have had to receive.
I sure wish I could give you a hug in real life. I hope you can feel the prayers that you are wrapped in not only from me but from all of those who love you here.
And hey, you know what Ben? I love ya enough that if it helps to bash my Macs for a smile here and there... then have at it my friend. 
(((((Ben))))) 
< Message edited by awed -- 5/6/2008 1:19:17 PM >
_____________________________
One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn' t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. ~Lucille Ball
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 1:22:32 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4482
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Still praying!
{{{{{{{{{{{{Ben}}}}}}}}}}}
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Maggie
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 1:26:50 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10847
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From: Lone Star State
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quote:
I hope you can feel the prayers that you are wrapped in not only from me but from all of those who love you here. Trust me, I DO feel them. From ALL of you.
And Macs have their good points. Only one button on the mouse instead of these confounded two on the windows machines.
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 1:55:16 PM
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groom52
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Ben, I wonder if there are any radio ministries that your respect who might know of a good church in your area. Deb and I really like John McArthur and they know of churches in any area which have pastors trained in their seminary. Other radio or online ministries my have similar connections to churches in your area. Maybe even a brand new church that doesn't even have its own building yet.
I sure hope you can find one with a pastor or other person who will do counsellng without charge. That's another expense you certainly don't need.
I hope you can find a church with a children's program that could bless and benefit Kayla. This forum can help Kayla with our prayers, but we'd love to hear that she got to be in a good Sunday school and/or youth group with leaders who are real Christians and who really care about kids.
Oh, if you do find a church you like and Kayla does start attending Sunday school, I hope you will set her a good example by attending adult Sunday school yourself.
Lord, lead Ben to other Christians who can help him and Kayla and Evan during this difficult time. Lord, help Lynn truly see what pain she is bringing to Kayla, and help her to turn back to you.
_____________________________
John (groom52), the very happy hubby of Deb (bride48)
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 8:40:15 PM
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denbert
Posts: 17227
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-
Still praying for you buddy!
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The solution to a problem changes the problem
Denny
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 8:45:49 PM
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Darcyjo
Posts: 15621
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From: Sunny NC!
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Same here......(((Ben!)))
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Who, me?....my blog!
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 8:51:41 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 8783
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
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Our pastors don't do long-term counseling but will meet with anyone who just needs to talk and get some advice. There is no charge for that. I think it would really help you Ben to be able to just unload with someone who will not only listen, but can help you sort through your next steps. I would be very surprised if most churches charged for this. This is kind of the standard around here. Now actual long-term counseling is a different story altogether, but if that is what you feel you need, most pastors can help you find a place you can afford and with qualified folks.
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~Kristin~
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as Gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/6/2008 9:28:12 PM
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Marshasfrog
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prayers and hugs to my friend, Ben.
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I'll be back, directly.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 5/7/2008 11:05:03 AM
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rayofson
Posts: 8642
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We love you Ben.
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Please don't feed the Ogre.
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