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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/20/2008 1:28:54 PM
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cherish405
Posts: 31795
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
Status: online
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(((((((((((((((((((((BEN))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Still thinking of you.
Thanks for sending the prayer to me.
_____________________________
*** Gone crazy. Back soon. ***
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/20/2008 1:30:54 PM
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MarshaBlake
Posts: 1033
Joined: 2/28/2007
From: Ohio
Status: online
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The bit about boundaries sounds good. It's necessary for your well-being. I have refrained from speaking, as I can be offensive. I personally could not overlook infidelity, not after all the mental abuse the boys and I endured. That would have been the deal-breaker for me. There must be something in it for you that Don didn't give to me.
Am I glad I stayed? It depends on the day, on whether Nathan or Tim uncover a new layer of hurt. Time seems to have allowed some positive memories to seep in past the bad. That's encouraging. It helps that he's only here 16 hours a week. For much of our marriage, he withheld affection because my first loyalty was to protect and nurture our boys. He percieved it as rejection
_____________________________
You're as beautiful as you feel--
Carol King
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/20/2008 6:37:44 PM
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bride48
Posts: 5350
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Near Boston
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Ben, I'm glad you take your marriage vows seriously. The Lord forgives our repeated infidelity to Him, and I see you following His example. That takes courage!
_____________________________
Joyfully,
DebbieLynne
The General and the Poet (blog entry)
<--Taken on August 24, 2008: our 6th anniversary
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/20/2008 10:07:58 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4927
Joined: 4/11/2005
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I'm back from camp, Ben. I had a great time. Thanks for your encouragement and prayers. I've been praying for you even while I was gone. I hope you had a good weekend. I'm praying you'll have a good week. I'm also praying that God will protect you and give you wisdom.
_____________________________
Maggie
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/21/2008 12:04:28 PM
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cherish405
Posts: 31795
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
Status: online
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(((((((((((((((((((((BEN)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
_____________________________
*** Gone crazy. Back soon. ***
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/22/2008 5:28:02 PM
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myckey
Posts: 3892
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California
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((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ben))))))))))))))))))))))))))
_____________________________
diane
MY PHOTO BLOG: http://disphotos.blogspot.com/
Don't shoot butterflies with rifles.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/23/2008 12:24:31 PM
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cherish405
Posts: 31795
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
Status: online
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Keep hanging in there, Benny. We love you.
_____________________________
*** Gone crazy. Back soon. ***
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/23/2008 12:44:18 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10879
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
Status: offline
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I have a post to make.
Just having trouble making it.
One of these days....
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/23/2008 12:45:29 PM
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kimberlysfrog
Posts: 1557
Joined: 2/28/2005
From: Northern California
Status: offline
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{{{{{{{Ben}}}}}}}
_____________________________
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/23/2008 12:49:27 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 5600
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From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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We'll still be here... and until then you will all be in our thoughts and prayers...
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/23/2008 1:02:31 PM
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cherish405
Posts: 31795
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
Status: online
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(((((((((((((((((((((((BEN)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
_____________________________
*** Gone crazy. Back soon. ***
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/23/2008 1:55:57 PM
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2jsmom
Posts: 2877
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Midwest
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((((((((((((Ben)))))))))))))))
_____________________________
Sue
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/24/2008 11:36:42 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 31795
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: awed
quote:
ORIGINAL: agapetos
We'll still be here... and until then you will all be in our thoughts and prayers...
Yeah, what she said!  (((((Ben))))))
Exactly.
_____________________________
*** Gone crazy. Back soon. ***
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/24/2008 4:44:47 PM
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MarshaBlake
Posts: 1033
Joined: 2/28/2007
From: Ohio
Status: online
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My thoughts and prayers are with you.
_____________________________
You're as beautiful as you feel--
Carol King
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/25/2008 12:21:13 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 31795
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
Status: online
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Thinking of you, Ben.
_____________________________
*** Gone crazy. Back soon. ***
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/25/2008 12:44:18 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10879
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
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I’m ready to write…
I got a phone call last night asking for prayer. It was from a totally unexpected source.
But first some background. Several weeks ago Lynn proposed that she would be able to continue to see John on occasion, partly to satisfy her feelings toward him and partly to try to judge if she wanted to totally separate from me to be with him in the future. (Of course she said I could “play around” too.) I agonized over this for days. But in the end I knew what the comparison between myself and John was and that with enough time she would choose me. Well, it didn’t take much time at all. She went to him and spent two nights with him. In the meantime I had (acting foolishly I confess) signed up with a dating service. (Man did the responses pour in!) I did not contact any of the women however. But Lynn came home and informed me that she was not going to carry on a relationship with him any longer, except contact by phone as he has no one to really talk to and longs for a true friendship. She said with his disability he was a lot of work, and besides the physical aspect of their relationship there was no return on the investment. (Okay, she didn’t use those words, but that is the best way I can relate it to y’all.) She said I was the one to offer her more stability and security, and that for all that I had gone through recently there was no doubt of the depths of my love for her, including my agreeing to this “test” of hers. She knew I had signed up with this “service”, had even encouraged it, and asked about it and what kind of woman was it that answered. I went to the site and showed her. I have to tell you that I had never seen such jealously from Lynn after she looked over some of the dozens of responses. That anger she showed tells me much.
So, she talks with him just about every day. I thought about saying “NO!” that it would be a deal breaker to the marriage, but then I do know that this man is needy (as all of us are) and that Lynn would be a bright spot in his day. Now she had an appointment in the city where he lives (about 25 miles away from our home) on Wednesday. I specifically asked her if she was going to see him. She said she wasn’t and I believed her that she had no intention of looking him up. But low and behold guess who was there when she got to the place where the appointment was? She offered him a ride home, telling him once more that she was dedicated to her marriage and wasn’t going to jeopardize it in any way. When they got to his place he grabbed her and tried to kiss her. She pushed him away and told him again – this wasn’t going to happen. I love her all the more for her honesty in telling me this. She didn’t have to. So now it seems (I hope anyway) that it is sunken into his mind that what they had previously is gone, never to be again.
Now comes last night. Kayla brought me the phone and asked me not to be mad but it was John wanting to talk to me. He was crying, asking for prayer. He was at church and one of the members had been in an accident on the way to the evening’s services. Why did this man who has been part of the cause of so much pain in my life recently call me to ask me to pray with him? Was it a prompting from God? No matter… I was humbled nonetheless. And I prayed with John for the woman in the accident, Tanya, and for all those who know her and love her, for the medics and doctors and all who would come in touch with her.
I’ve been wondering lately, thinking and asking God “Why?” I thought I married a “normal” woman. Why don’t I have a “normal” marriage? Why is her illness allowed to continue, why do we suffer so through it? I sometimes think that I should have “pulled the plug” and bit the bullet and gone for separation or divorce. But I always get the feeling that even though I might want to believe there is more for me on this earth (joy, happiness, etc) the truth is that there will be that and so much more when I am in His presence. But what are the lessons to be learned now as I travel along this path that is before me?
I love Lynn with all my heart and soul. True, what we had has been broken, but I know the two of us will rebuild our marriage into something new, something different, and prayerfully something better. Maybe that’s the lesson in all this. My faith being perfected, the relationship between my Father and I being rebuilt into something new and better…
I’ll end by asking y’all, my family, to pray for several things. First, pray for the woman Tanya and her family and friends. Next to pray for John and that he comes to find his true value and meaning in Christ, knowing that only He can supply all our needs. Of course pray for Lynn and I, that under His guidance we will build a relationship that does nothing but bring glory to our Father. And lastly, please pray for something I haven’t mentioned in a while – these headaches I get. They have been particularly bad recently, coming and going all through the night. There has only been one night in the past few months that I haven’t had the pain at least once.
I’m blessed beyond belief to be able to share with y’all. Sometimes it doesn’t come easy for me, but in reading the posts above I know that you love me even at those times I’m unlovable. Thank you for being here.
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/25/2008 1:23:35 PM
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cherish405
Posts: 31795
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
Status: online
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((((((((((((((((((((BEN))))))))))))))))))))))))
So much going on for you right now.
Obviously you've made a real impact on John. After all that's happened, he's come to you for prayer. Things haven't been easy, but I'd suggest that he sees Jesus in you. He knows that you will be there to pray when he needs it. You truly are faithful, in the midst of your pain. I'm proud of you, Ben.
(((((((((((((((((((((BEN))))))))))))))))))))))))))
_____________________________
*** Gone crazy. Back soon. ***
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/25/2008 1:32:07 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26721
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
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Ben, I have no words, except to say that I will keep praying.
{{{Ben}}}
_____________________________
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/25/2008 2:04:39 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 9827
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
Status: offline
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(((((Ben))))) I continue to pray as well! I wish I knew what to say, but know that my heart is with you and Lynn during this difficult time.
_____________________________
~Kristin~
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/25/2008 2:09:16 PM
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2jsmom
Posts: 2877
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Midwest
Status: offline
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Praying, Ben.
_____________________________
Sue
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/25/2008 3:29:01 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4927
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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Ben, you have chosen the difficult path and God is blessing you for it. And he's blessing us through you. Thank you for sharing all you did. I will continue to pray.
_____________________________
Maggie
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/25/2008 5:15:58 PM
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Kath
Posts: 16976
Joined: 2/28/2005
Status: online
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Ben, I will continue to pray for you.
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RE: Benny's Best Stalwart Bastion of Resolute Biases - 7/25/2008 5:30:15 PM
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groom52
Posts: 332
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline
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Ben, Deb and I continue to pray for you and Lynn and this situation.
Although it is mighty unusual that John asked to talk with you on the phone, I pray he will determine to seek out godly men to look to for talking with and prayer.
I know of men who are pastors who make it point to never enter to a counselling relationship with women. If a woman comes to them for
counsel they have one session and then the women are referred to
a counsellor who is also a woman. It is all to easy for a man/woman
relationship to move from helper/helpee to something more intimate even when both parties know it is wrong to do so.
If John will consistently and determinedly become involved in a Bible believing church and seeks out godly mature men, it should benefit
him and hopefully make things easier for you and Lynn. Hopeully he could then see that being in contact with Lynn is harmful to everyone, including himself.
Thanks for sharing with us. Deb and I will continue to pray.
_____________________________
John (groom52), the very happy hubby of Deb (bride48)
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