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RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too.

 
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RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 10/14/2007 8:57:03 PM   
cries-within


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Interesting poetry ABC's
Post #: 101
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 10/22/2007 9:54:41 PM   
themostlysilentone

 

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Good day all. I thought I would share some of what I have written. Critique is very welcome. (The second poem is one of what was to be three. (The Death of Life, The Death of Hope, and Life Reborn, Hope Renewed).

A Deep Look at Life

I look into your eyes and see into the heart of time,
To see thelove that runs so deep to save a soul like mine.
To see the nailprints in Your hands and nailprints in Your feet,
And see the suffering that gives us victory so sweet.
How great a man and great a love to hang upon a tree,
And take a guardspear to the side to set the captive free.
Living through the loneliness without extrenal strength,
Forsaken One of God for an eternity of length.
It is finished was Your cry when sins high price was paid,
No longer alone You soon died and in a grave was laid.
Proclaimed Your vic'try over death for three quick days in hell,
Then opened up the prison doors to free Your sons as well.
You rose again on the thir day, as promised on that morn,
That we to might be dead to sin and in Your pow'r reborn.
You rse to heaven, mission doe, and sat upon Your throne,
And sent to us a Comforter, we travel not alone.
You now prepare a place for us beyond the starlit sky,
That grave we have, and strenth You give, a hope that never dies.
Someay this world is going to end, before Your throne we'll stand,
Singing praises to the Great I am, and praises to the Lamb.

The Death of Life

All hope falls down, down to the earth,
Nature cries out, in pangs of birth.
Out comes the child, this world's destruction,
Nature's response, to our dysfunction?

What brought about, this end to all,
Man's prideful heart, led to this fall.
Forbidden fruit, perfection's ending,
The choice once made, the outcome pending.

Mistakes first fruits, time's ticking clock,
Ravaged future, a keyless lock.
Death is at hand, eternity lost,
Life of pleasure, but what is the cost?

The death of life, a life of death,
The ravaged soul, counting each breath.
The time has come, death stands at the door,
The soul cries out, to breathe nevermore.
Post #: 102
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 10/22/2007 10:52:38 PM   
techne


Posts: 528
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is there anything in particular you're looking for input on?

first - what's with all the commas? for the most part, they're superfluous. i know you're trying to use them to establish a rhythm, but it's at the expense of natural speech. do you read these aloud? does the camma (literally a pause) help the rhytm create any sort of effect? does the poem build to anything?

second - is there a reason for the somewhat archaic/ awkward phrasing in the poems? i can understand trying to capture a particular flavour/ tone but the trick when using a specific 'high' speech/ "voice" is that one should always be consistent in that. otherwise it won't work - the references in the language will fall flat.

third - if the 2nd poem is to be part of a series, perhaps you should wait for input until the series is finished. that way we can look at the poems separately as well as a sequence.

just some thoughts...

_____________________________

And when people cease to believe that there is good and evil
Only beauty will call to them and save them
So that they still know how to say: this is true and that is false.


One more day by Czeslaw Milosz
Post #: 103
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 11/4/2007 5:51:42 PM   
cries-within


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November 4,2007
In so many words I tell you what I see
The dasterdly shadows of the sin that's covered me
In so many words you tell me what you see
I still find it so hard to believe

I want to believe so much it hurts inside
the doubts come in and i find it i can't do it anymore
I just can't see what you see
all I get is glimpses tainted with my reality of who I've claim to be

I watch as the world spins by
I stare into the mirror... and everyday I fight
it goes on between who I think I am and who you made me to be
Post #: 104
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 11/5/2007 10:03:17 PM   
sweetlefty

 

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Okay...just found this poetry forum so forgive me, but I'm just going to jump right in.

-------------------

I’m sorry.
Sometimes enough to stop.
Sometimes not.
You are there, wordless
when I return,
and we sit together in different dimensions,
Your color ebbing into unsettling transparencies,
Your edges blurring into the air around us,
Your closeness not so very close now,
And it’s my fault. But then it always is.

If…
if I could give it to You and not steal it back,
if I could love You more,
if I could let You fill the hole I clutter with broken trinkets,
if…
But You don’t deal in ifs.

I reach for You
and of course there You are
folding me in, tucking me deep
and I let You, feeling all the while
like an adulteress. I’ll go back, and You know it.
But tonight You hold me with no mention of it.
It is a free gift, Your arms around me.
And if I really understood that
and accepted it,
this would be the last night I ever left Your side.
Post #: 105
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 11/6/2007 10:46:52 PM   
cries-within


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:) welcome..... and your poem is good too.

If dreamers dream
If I am a dreamer
I dream dreams

Simple hopes
Ifs and maybes
Somedays and if onlys

If dreams come true
will they come true for me too
so I just keep wishing

Hoping its more than just a dream
all the times my hopes were dashed
I watched dreams get smashed

those that remain I can only hope this time
if it happened for you maybe it will come true
just this once it'll be more than just fantasy
Post #: 106
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 11/7/2007 6:17:26 AM   
dwain

 

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Man of G-d imperfect

Mighty man
still a man

blessed of G-d

his
reasonable service
in return,

quietness
confidence
invulnerability

impervious
focused
Christlike
Post #: 107
RE: Man of God imperfect - 11/8/2007 7:37:16 AM   
larry3

 

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The thoughts this poem give me r
almost like the message found in 1 John.


Thinking I am no longer a sinner would allow me to think I don't need Jesus as Lord, or God as my saviour.

Though saying I continue to sin makes Christ's crucifixion powerless.

Bible terms are good if you use them to try and help.

For by grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of yourselves it is the gift of God lest any man should boast.

Salvation is is recieved, not achieved.

But ye beloved building yourselves up on your most Holy Faith, praying in the Holy Ghost, keep yourselves in the Love of God looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. Jude 20:21
Post #: 108
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff- You can pos... - 11/8/2007 9:03:36 AM   
larry3

 

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A Short Story with a moral

At day care a young fellow of 7 yrs. old gladly got up from his chair when several young ladies needed to sit down. I saw this taking place, and decided it was the right thing to do, and got up from my seat too.

moral of story- don't just do something because it looks right, do it because it is the right thing to do.


Hebrews 6:10 God is not unjust so as to forget what you did and the love you showed for his name as you have ministered to the saints, and are still ministering. (Modern Language Bible)
Post #: 109
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff- You can pos... - 11/9/2007 10:12:22 PM   
cries-within


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Hide me in your arms again

Fill me to the brim overflowing with you

Its been so long Its been too long

Since I've felt you close to me

I know feelings aren't everything

How much more of this can I take

I remember how it was when I was close to you

When I would worship you with all I that I was


How it felt when your presence filled me

How you refreshed my soul

How you kept me alive when apart of me couldn't go on

How long since I felt that wind blow through me


Let me know of your loving mercy

Let me know of your grace

I know of my selfish filthness

Is so undeserving of your rightousness


That because of who you are

You can have no sin

That because of who you are

You can clense me from within

I know I don't deserve this

I know of my unworthiness

This restlessness inside me

Is taking over and I'm loosing control

I don't know how much longer I can keep hold

I know of my sin I know how great it is

I know of your forgiveness and Lord

Here I am again but am I repenting truly this time

Lord if I could but feel your peace again

That lovely grace from within that touches me from the inside out

Knowing that you are God and I am me just how it should be

Just this once in for so long let me feel you again
Post #: 110
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff- You can pos... - 11/23/2007 8:16:01 PM   
cries-within


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Joined: 4/9/2007
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voices once to cover up the silence
now fall to deafing quiet once more
time whisks away any chance to change this
no time now to talk to time now for fun

loneliness hasn't settled in yet
like cold that hasn't found its way through you
if silence lasts if it continues on
then it'll find its way through the busy confines of my day

i wish not to find myself there
in loneliness which stabs through you inside
you wish for someone anyone to break the silence
just to not be alone and find a friend

i know of my foolishness
i know of the things I've said
at times I wonder if anyone hears them
or am I simply not there

if i am seen i am unimportant
i don't belong i don't seem too
not here not anywhere
i can think of one place

that place isn't more than memory
a lost dream shattered against time
It isn't there anymore its not the same
So what will I do if loneliness comes for me

I can't say I don't even wish to think of it
for now I savor what is left of the warmth
bury myself in the confines of my busy world
hoping that it won't find me
Post #: 111
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff- You can pos... - 12/9/2007 10:51:34 PM   
cries-within


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Sweep me away in a dream
fly me on a magic carpet to fantasy land
where things happen and adventures thrive
where dragons and knights, so do princesses and fairies

You could swing through the forest on a vine
You could dive in the ocean and not have to hold your breath
Meet all the fish and see the ocean floor
Search for burried treasure on a foreign shore

You could preform in for a bunch of giants
Or watch the genie do grant three wishes
You could spend christmas at the north pole
or ride along in santa's sleigh

Or you could join the shepherds and their sheep
follow a star to see a child that was born
You could climb the highest mountains just to see what's up there
Sit and chat with kings and queens

You could join the astronaughts when they landed on the moon
Or see what's really behind that big hole in space
You could travel to any time any place
Be any where you wish... you could be a movie star
Or watch your favorite musican play guitar

Sweep me away from all the woes of today
TAke me to a place of dreams
Where I can fly and soar with my new found wings
Sweep me away and let me find the place of dreams a place of wonderful things
Post #: 112
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 12/11/2007 11:01:09 AM   
Kroschke

 

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all I can say is WOW!!! That really relates to me. Thanks for posting it,

_____________________________

"Life is Hard, but God is awesome"
Post #: 113
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 12/11/2007 8:19:23 PM   
cries-within


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Joined: 4/9/2007
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your welcome... :)
Post #: 114
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 12/17/2007 9:51:31 PM   
cries-within


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Joined: 4/9/2007
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In silence and in the lonely confines of my reality
I cling to hope that someday things will change for me
I'm not sure when or even how that will come
but for it I wait so anxiously

I don't know how to voice what it is
I don't know how to talk to anyone at least about this
they don't see or know the shame I feel
You say I shouldn't be ... but its that's how it is and how it seems

I long for escape I long for it to end
for freedom to come again
that I can be me again just me
I long for it to be

Oh day where are you
Oh glorious light where are you
I cling to what hope I have
afraid to move from wherer I am

Oh come come let me know again
sweet peace sweet peace
a warm blanket to keep cold fear away
a hug full of love that is wonderful
Post #: 115
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 12/22/2007 12:15:08 PM   
hvt

 

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Joined: 12/22/2007
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Weary With Crying

During this journey, “Will My pearls stand the test?
Against the onslaught of hell itself…will they fall?
Dryness can’t deter them for I AM is their quest!
Bound in Faith’s armor…they’ll await the great call!”

I am weary with crying. My throat is parched.
My eyes fail while I wait for my God…yet I trust!
Over the path my feet trod, I see my Savior has marched.
However dark appearing…Lo! He is near! Go on I must!

How long, O, Lord? Will you forget your vessel always?
This aching and longing for You! Oh, sorrow of sorrows!
Though He slay me, still my hope rests on Ancient of Days.
Whole possession of Him who holds all tomorrows!

My God! My God! Are You here even in this dry region?
Oh, crucible of utter loneliness! How can I endure?
“Little one, hear Me. Fear not this trial of short season.
Trust, and abide in My Word. I am making you pure.”

“Feel not sad, My little one, while in this barren place.
Have you forgotten, ‘The desert shall blossom as a rose?’
All tears will cease from falling upon your face…
In My presence is a place prepared. For you I chose.”

Cast me not from Your presence! Holy Spirit, do not leave!
Is this that hyssop cleansing, washing and purging?
With Your will in view…to You, O Lord, I do cleave.
Be it done to me…however mighty it’s surging!
Post #: 116
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 12/28/2007 7:43:04 PM   
cries-within


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Joined: 4/9/2007
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I watch the sunset as it dips below the surface
I feel the salty sea breeze on my skin
I stand here wishing the time would stand still

That to leave this now would be all too wrong
That to leave this now and find its gone
before we find all that it is in the moment
That today the here and now it comes and goes
It never will be again so take hold of the moment

looking through the photographs
still frames of a moments passed
memories from long ago that are no more
Still more will go and time goes on


watch as the snow falls gently out the window pane
see the flowers bloom in spring
feel the cool water touch your skin as th sun beats down
breathe in the air of the autumn leaves
find it starts again and again...


Hold on to moment Live for the moment
plan for today and tomarrow
don't hold on to the yesterdays instead live for the now
Its all you'll ever really have Its all you ever have
so remember ... and live for today for right now
Post #: 117
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 1/3/2008 10:03:17 PM   
4cutekids

 

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All I can say is wow
Post #: 118
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 1/4/2008 8:26:57 PM   
cries-within


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thanks.. :)
Post #: 119
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 1/13/2008 8:37:03 PM   
cries-within


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Joined: 4/9/2007
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invisible I move invisible it seems
I watch the others but no one watches me
I speak but it doesn't matter
its as if because I'm not seen I'm not heard

I continue in silence watching the others
waiting and listening and venting in my own mind
i scream at them I jump up and down
but i'm not seen

so am i resigned to this forever to be alone
then a welcoming sight shatters the bleak future
I watch as I see someone coming toward me
Someone saying my name and embracing arms

i'm not alone i have a friend and he says to me
even when no one sees you i do
even when no one hears you i do
and i never leave you i am here right here always
Post #: 120
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 1/14/2008 9:05:38 AM   
hvt

 

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Lord, You are not unaware of the cries within
Which ascend to Your great throne of mercy.
Each one is bound to Your heart. There guarded.
There treasured. Held in reserve, as it were,
Awaiting the choice time of fulfillment.

Yet, Lord, how is it that I could doubt
What You promised to all patient waiters?

Away with you, foul enemy! Your defeat
Signaled my full acceptance by Father
When I cast you out of my plans…
In favor of those purposed from eternity
Bearing the crimson signature of my Redeemer.
Post #: 121
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 1/15/2008 9:10:28 PM   
cries-within


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:)
Post #: 122
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 1/24/2008 12:59:57 AM   
Pat2TheWay

 

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For I have used to write poems
from way back in my ol' college days..
Now, poems I write
What will they be about?
About God, not like before
when I used to write about..
Let me write something
about Him, God & Jesus
For I haven't known The Way
to Jesus, I looked @ God
@ every corners wherever
I go to & find Him from somewhere
along The Way..
until one day when I realize
The Way to Jesus!
It had been Him waiting at
the door for me for I didn't know
along the way when I prayed to His Father..
Somewhat, somehow, some reason
I see this a sort of calling to tell me
that I have got to know Jesus..
So, I can go & be free but not yet..
Post #: 123
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 1/26/2008 5:55:35 PM   
cries-within


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Joined: 4/9/2007
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Shine again

wipe away the shadows that creep in
clear away the thoughts that whisper in my ear
dark clouds of grey that covered the skies
with no stars to shine in the night

chorus
Let your light shine through
break through and the son shines
see what you mean to me see who I am
let your light shine through
let the son shine through me


illuminate the darkness
see everything in a new light
see it begin to come to life
all the things brought to light
nothing hidden anymore see what is
what was before time for change
time for the light of life to shine again

chorus

see the hopeless thoughts
see the lies and shattered broken pieces
see all that was and all that can be
when the light of life shines in
everything changes again


bridge

like the sun after the rain
like moon on a dark night
like candle in the gloom
like hope for the hopeless
like water to the thirsty
its what is needed more than anything
when the light of life when son shines again

2nd chorus
so let him shine through me
let your light shine
let your light shine
let your light shine through me
Let your light shine!


Choose (song in progress :) )
Shadows lurk in my mind
Thoughts of tomarrows in its mystery
Spent in wonder of what there could be
Memories of yesterdays linger and replayed moments
I think of what I could have done what I should have said
but now the moment's gone and nothings left but memory
Chorus
All these ifs and maybes
All these could have should haves
bring me down there's nothing I can do now
except to deal with what's right now
So right now I choose to be right now
I choose to follow you with all of me

Life is right now it'll never be again
The moments here then gone so grab it with two hands
Make your decisions for right now and live for Him with all you are
That's all we'll have That's all it'll ever be as long as we're here on earth
chorus
end
I choose in this moment to follow you... living each moment isn't just a once a lifetime but every moment of every day living for you that's the way we live for you we choose so today what will it be... what will it be... I don't know about you but I choose to live for Jesus this day.
Post #: 124
RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post... - 1/27/2008 3:12:57 PM   
hvt

 

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Joined: 12/22/2007
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Very poignant and beautiful! Praise His holy name!
Post #: 125
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