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never been in a relationship - 5/17/2007 10:43:47 PM
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greeneyedgrl
Posts: 2
Joined: 10/30/2006
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Are there any people on here that have never been in a relationship before? I'm almost 28 and I've never had a boyfriend. I've been out on a total of 4 dates (3 of them were blind dates). It's been over 6 years since my last date. I find that the older I get, the harder it is to be single and be content. Has anybody else dealt with the same kind of situation?
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/17/2007 10:58:23 PM
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brookem_004
Posts: 82
Joined: 8/24/2006
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I've never dated and never been in a relationship. I am 22 and it is hard for me to deal with. I have been praying to be content if I am meant to be single my whole life. It's hard at times seeing people my age in relationships and engaged.
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/17/2007 11:48:06 PM
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adoration
Posts: 396
Joined: 7/1/2005
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25, never dated, never had a boyfriend, and no sign of that changing anytime soon.
Facing a future that looks like that isn't something that bothers me (at least today). I think truely, what I've learned about myself is that it would probably be good for me, but also that I could go for a long time as a single. I've learned to not see other areas of life as being less or see myself as under accomplished for my age. Years ago, by now, I would have liked to be on my own, etc... but that hasn't happened. Regardless, I look forward, with hope - God has things in store. 
_____________________________
Dancing in my Father's arms.
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/18/2007 2:25:14 AM
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Skippy14
Posts: 60
Joined: 5/17/2007
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I am 22 and have never been in a true relationship. I've been on a few dates, yes, but nothing that has ever turned into anything. And trust me, I know how it feels to be that guy whose friends are all in really happy relationships and have all this success in dating. My roommate has had 4 girlfriends since I moved in with him, and he's now engaged to a really nice, cute, successful girl, that lucky guy! My oldest brother is married, my middle brother is engaged, another of my friends is engaged, and the rest of my friends are basically all in relationships too. I have just one close friend that is still single, but he was in a very serious relationship during my Freshman year of college. And it really is tough to watch all this happen without having any success of your own.
I'm not entirely convinced that everyone is supposed to be in a relationship. What I've found is that when you have to fend for yourself, you grow strong, independent, and into the person you were meant to be. A lot of people lose track of their goals and their true selves because they devote themselves to the other person. Sometimes I feel like once people get married and go off together, they fall off the face of the earth. Enjoy this time! Enjoy your friends, your family, and enjoy being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it. When God thinks you are ready, he'll send that perfect woman your way. And if not, then take some delight in the fact that you get to live a life much different from all these married folks.
Say, uh, where do you live anyway? I've always liked green-eyed girls! hehe
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/18/2007 3:04:58 AM
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nickledime
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I'm 27 and I have never been in a relationship either. I am glad to see that I am not alone. Even though it is nothing for us to be ashamed of, this isn't something that I would admit offline because of what other people might think. I have also started struggling with it more as I've gotten older, which isn't good seeing that I have no prospects. I have been concerned that if I do stay single, I may one day look back with regret when it's too late for me to do anything about it. I have recently thought that when I'm older, I may look at other young couples in love and mourn for the fact that I never had that. I don't want to be married if I am supposed to be single, but whan I hear these wonderful stories about these older couples who have been happily married for 50 years or more, I think that I don't want to be single if I'm supposed to be married. I don't want to miss out on that. These are just thoughts that occassionally pop up in my mind. I have not too long ago realized that whether or not I am called to lifetime singleness, I am called to singleness now. I know that I am not supposed to be in a relationship right now. There are some other things that I know God wants me to focus on right now. I believe it is also a possibility that God could be saving us for one special person that He has set aside for us. However, that is not my goal. What I want more that anything is to fulfill God's purpose for me and to have Him say to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I realize that is what I'm truly here for. Many people live and die without ever getting married or having children. It is kind of hard for me when I see others my age and younger married with children. It sometimes seems like everyone else is moving forward but me. I am not an unhappy single at all. I know that no one could ever love me like Jesus, and that His unconditional love and acceptance of me are the only things I can be absolutely sure of in this life. I love the way He loves me because He loves me so well. I know that His love for me is real and intense because of His life, death on the Cross, and His resurrection - all so that He could spend eternity with me. When I think about that, I feel like one of the happiest people on earth and I know that I am. We have been chosen by God, and we can love Him freely because He will always love us back. That is what we have that a lot of people who are in a relationship have never had. Sometimes, I do wonder what other people are thinking about me. I am definitely used to being single, and I have to admit to fear playing a factor in my relationship status. It also doesn't help that I have some insecurities (that with God's help, I am starting to really overcome), shyness, and I also look very young for my age. Many people think that I am still in high school. That can cause serious confusion when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. I wish that I knew everything that God knows about the future. I can take comfort in the fact that He will always have my best interest at heart and that He will give me the strength I need to live my life whatever it may look like. I just want to make sure that I am living my life in line with His Word and in daily communication with Him so that I won't miss out on what He has for me and so that I can hear clearly from Him.
Love and blessings,
Nickle <><
< Message edited by nickledime -- 5/18/2007 3:23:25 AM >
_____________________________
What if some did not believe and were without faith? Does their lack of faith and their faithlessness nullify and make ineffective and void the faithfulness of God and His fidelity [to His Word]? By no means!... Ro. 3:3-4 (Amp.)
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/18/2007 10:57:51 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 31736
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From: Australia
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38, single, never dated or had a boyfriend. You're not alone.
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*** My name is Trish and I'm His daughter, desirous and glorious in His sight ***
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/18/2007 1:00:36 PM
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sunshinesoprano
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From: Georgia
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26 and single. I've been on 2 blind dates, 1 regular date and that's it and were many years ago. I feel your pain. I do believe, however, that waiting will be worth it. I know it's frustrating, especially when there are cute married couples and stuff all around you.
Most of the kids I taught in youth choir are married, some have kids! It's very freaky!
But, God has a plan and though it's hard to understand, we have to trust that His will is perfect. That's easier said than done sometimes....
_____________________________
Pure Heart-Fresh, Progressive Southern Gospel
Sing, laugh, love, PRAISE!
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/18/2007 1:58:26 PM
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drmomjoyce
Posts: 94
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: hamilton, canada via perth aust
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33, liked 3 guys which never worked out.
Met a guy online and talked for 2 months, met and realized we were incompatable, went on a date a month ago in another country, felt like we connected but having a difficult time keeping in touch.
How do i cope? there are good days and bad. Mostly i was content being single, it does get worse when you met someone you are interested in. It also gets worse when people around you try to match you up or tell you how wonderful it would be for you to get married. Not that i am critizing them, I realize that happily married friends want the same joy for thier unmarried ones. I am not sure if it helps but I read the book "have i kissed marriage goodbye" by Carolyn Mcculley and found it an excellent read and still refer to it.
All the best
Joyce
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/18/2007 2:53:32 PM
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greeneyedgrl
Posts: 2
Joined: 10/30/2006
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Thank you to everybody who has replied so far! I'm glad to see that I am not the only one dealing with this type of situation. This year is my high school reunion and I'm not going mainly because I won't have a date and I don't want to hear about everybody else's marriages and kids. It's even gotten to the point that I don't like going to weddings anymore. I just get to upset. I feel like I am truly called to be a wife and mother, and I know that God can make that happen. It's just hard when nothing is happening to bring me any closer to the point of even getting a date, which could eventually lead to marriage. I've had some things happen in the past (which I won't get into) that have caused me to have lower self esteem and make me feel like I'll never meet Mr. Right. I am pretty shy when I meet someone but once I get to know them I really become more outgoing. It's hard though, like some of you have mentioned, when people ask you about why you're still single. It's even worse when family members keep asking "Do you have a boyfriend yet?" The one thing that really bothers me though is when married people, or people in a relationship tell me "Be glad you're single." (especially when it's people younger then me). They don't know what it's like to be my age and to have never been in a relationship before.
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/18/2007 8:33:56 PM
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drmomjoyce
Posts: 94
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: hamilton, canada via perth aust
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How do you fill your days? I know my single life is really rich. A snapshot right now is that i have my foster boy in bed - i get him for relief every 4-6 weeks. I also have another foster girl who i also do relief for. My friends - mostly married have graciously produced children for me to love and cherish and spend time with. I have a few old people who i can jsut pop into their home and have a cuppa tea with. Both of us value this time and personally I feel i gain more out of these visits than the oldies:) I have single friends - and with one esp i have dinner at least once a week. I also have families in my congregation who I have great relationships with and can be there for them as well.
I am not trying to downplay your pain - I too have been there. I am jsut offering my way of coping and hoping to encourage you . If this is just not helpful just ignore my comments.
My heart goes out to you
JOyce
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/18/2007 8:47:24 PM
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Enoch195
Posts: 159
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From: Alberta, Canada
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... and to top it off I'm going to some seminar tomorrow by one of the authors of the book Boundaries in Dating... maybe it'll be good for me to see how it can help prepare me for when I do actually start dating...
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Don't be sappy.. be happy.
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/18/2007 8:57:46 PM
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BoldLion
Posts: 12
Joined: 9/30/2006
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Well, Hang in there! By the way, I am 42 years young and never had a real date. I did have someone that I was interested in, but he was interested in with someone else and married her.
I know it is hard to be content. It is better to be single than to married someone who is not a believer.
The Lord does have a purpose for this; even though, we might not understand why He wanted this way for us. He is going to use us, single for His purpose.
Being mold and molded by Him. He is my Potter, and I am His clay. I got a lot to learn from Him.
I do long for a wonderful godly husband and have children within marriage only.
Hungry for His Word,
BoldLion
_____________________________
Thy words were found and I ate them, And Thy words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; For I have been called by Thy name, O Lord God of hosts. Jeremiah 15:16 NASB'77
My blog: www.boldlion.blogspot.com
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/18/2007 9:41:18 PM
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devinevessel
Posts: 229
Joined: 8/28/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nickledime
I'm 27 and I have never been in a relationship either. I am glad to see that I am not alone. Even though it is nothing for us to be ashamed of, this isn't something that I would admit offline because of what other people might think. I have also started struggling with it more as I've gotten older, which isn't good seeing that I have no prospects. I have been concerned that if I do stay single, I may one day look back with regret when it's too late for me to do anything about it. I have recently thought that when I'm older, I may look at other young couples in love and mourn for the fact that I never had that. I don't want to be married if I am supposed to be single, but whan I hear these wonderful stories about these older couples who have been happily married for 50 years or more, I think that I don't want to be single if I'm supposed to be married. I don't want to miss out on that. These are just thoughts that occassionally pop up in my mind. I have not too long ago realized that whether or not I am called to lifetime singleness, I am called to singleness now. I know that I am not supposed to be in a relationship right now. There are some other things that I know God wants me to focus on right now. I believe it is also a possibility that God could be saving us for one special person that He has set aside for us. However, that is not my goal. What I want more that anything is to fulfill God's purpose for me and to have Him say to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I realize that is what I'm truly here for. Many people live and die without ever getting married or having children. It is kind of hard for me when I see others my age and younger married with children. It sometimes seems like everyone else is moving forward but me. I am not an unhappy single at all. I know that no one could ever love me like Jesus, and that His unconditional love and acceptance of me are the only things I can be absolutely sure of in this life. I love the way He loves me because He loves me so well. I know that His love for me is real and intense because of His life, death on the Cross, and His resurrection - all so that He could spend eternity with me. When I think about that, I feel like one of the happiest people on earth and I know that I am. We have been chosen by God, and we can love Him freely because He will always love us back. That is what we have that a lot of people who are in a relationship have never had. Sometimes, I do wonder what other people are thinking about me. I am definitely used to being single, and I have to admit to fear playing a factor in my relationship status. It also doesn't help that I have some insecurities (that with God's help, I am starting to really overcome), shyness, and I also look very young for my age. Many people think that I am still in high school. That can cause serious confusion when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. I wish that I knew everything that God knows about the future. I can take comfort in the fact that He will always have my best interest at heart and that He will give me the strength I need to live my life whatever it may look like. I just want to make sure that I am living my life in line with His Word and in daily communication with Him so that I won't miss out on what He has for me and so that I can hear clearly from Him.
Love and blessings,
Nickle <><
I can relate to you. I am 29 years old. I have been on 3 dates. One when I 22 and the other 2 when I was 28. I have never had a boyfriend before. Sometimes I feel ashamed that I have never had a boyfriend. Sometimes I feel hopeless because there are no prospects. In all honesty I thought the older I got the easier it would be waiting on God but it is actually getting harder! I don't know if its because I have friends younder and older than me who are married or what. I do worry about getting married late and not having any children. Though I would like to be married it has been made very clear to me that the timing is not right. When I look at it at that angle I am okay with it.
There are things God would like for me to do and I know if I were married it probably wouldn't get done. There are many things I have been able to do because I am single. The one desire I do have is that when I get married I don't want to look back on my singleness and regret not doing all that I could have for God and wish that I was single again.
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U-C-L-A Fight!Fight!Fight!
Check out my blog
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/19/2007 11:32:16 PM
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9drtr
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Looks like I'm the geezer so far. I'm 43 and have never been in a relationship.
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Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/20/2007 1:21:26 PM
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karen3301
Posts: 1
Joined: 5/20/2007
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I am 48 and only had a handful of dates--none leading to a long term relationship. But I am better of alone than with the wrong person. At my age I wonder if it is too late, but might be a good thing!
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RE: never been in a relationship - 5/20/2007 10:03:43 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1583
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From: Toronto the Good
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Welcome aboard, Karen.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: never been in a relationship - 6/13/2007 3:26:19 PM
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sunluvingirl
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Joined: 6/11/2007
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Such an encouragement to find this thread!!! So I am not the only 28 year old who's never been in a relationship!! Wow! Its perfectly OK with me that God hasn't sent the right one my way yet but I'd like to know for sure that it WILL happen in the not to distant future. When I look at some situations I thank God I have been spared. But it is hard at times because I am not a naturally outgoing and independant person and am not in a church where there are other young folks to do stuff & go places so I struggle sometimes with what do people think "a 28 year old still with her family ?" But for the most part I am content, am close to my family and have 2 adorable little nephews. I truly believe God has something or hopefully someone special for me. Its such a blessing to remember God's time frame is so not like ours and He IS IN CONTROL!!!!
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Why? - 6/13/2007 4:45:17 PM
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shaferj2
Posts: 1
Joined: 5/15/2007
From: Farmington Hills, MI
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I certainly fit the gist of this discussion thread - having not been in a significant relationship at 25.
I don't believe there is anything wrong with this situation per se; but I have to wonder if it is the right place for me to be. For a long time I told myself that I was too busy or too transient, as a student and later as a soldier, to seriously pursue a relationship. Certainly a young lady deserves a man who has the time and resources to devote to the relationship.
I have to wonder if my concerns are legitimate, or if I am afraid of something. I wonder why there are so many of us. Has the generation that 'Kissed Dating Goodbye' also killed relationships, and called it waiting? Some are called to wait, others perhaps not. Forgive me if I offend - my intent is to discuss, and this issue touches many at their core.
In Christ.
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RE: never been in a relationship - 6/13/2007 6:12:16 PM
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needstrength
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From: So Cal.
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36 only dated one girl way back in highschool an have not been on a date in years turned down a number of times.
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Needstrength
it's better to be a street bum in heaven then a king in hell.
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God and, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirt, be with you all
2 Corinthians 13:14
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RE: never been in a relationship - 6/14/2007 12:13:10 AM
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sunluvingirl
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Here's a verse I need to remind myself of every so often when I look at others and am tempted to think "whats wrong with me" when it seems everyone else has found their true love or is busy doing big important things for God. 2 Corinthians 10:12, especially the last part: ".....they.....comparing themselves among themselves are not wise." Anyway, maybe it won't mean the same to others, just thought I'd share it.
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RE: never been in a relationship - 6/14/2007 12:49:18 AM
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budd624
Posts: 24
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Keizer, Oregon
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Many years ago, I only wanted to date the one person that I was going to marry. I've only dated 2 women and I ended up marrying my first girlfriend 15 years later at the age of 31!
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» Larry «
Survivor of hydrocephalus diagnosed at 1 month old!
25 Brain surgeries! (None since March 8, 2000!)
Stroke at age 27!
Married my high school sweetheart on September 11th and 14th of 2003!
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RE: Why? - 6/14/2007 11:50:57 AM
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hispen
Posts: 69
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shaferj2
I have to wonder if my concerns are legitimate, or if I am afraid of something. I wonder why there are so many of us. Has the generation that 'Kissed Dating Goodbye' also killed relationships, and called it waiting? Some are called to wait, others perhaps not. Forgive me if I offend - my intent is to discuss, and this issue touches many at their core.
In Christ.
I agree with this observation.
So as not to take away from the subject of this thread, I started another one. See http://faithcommunitynetwork.com/Waiting_on_the_Lord%2c_or_Just_plain_old_scared%25%25%25%25%25%25%25%25%25%25/m_2461668/tm.htm
< Message edited by godzpoet -- 6/14/2007 3:32:18 PM >
_____________________________
His Pen
"The Spirit of the LORD spake by me, and his word was in my tongue." II Samuel 23:2
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).. and it's super hard to be content with being single when most people my age are already well on their way to getting married or are already married. Plus I get teased at by some of my co-workers for my lack of initiative in getting a girlfriend and being extremely shy around girls that I am interested in doesn't make me feel any better. Plus it seems like every girl I do like is either unavailable or uninterested. I've been told to try harder and get out of my shell so to speak. 
Somedays it's great and other days you really need a sense of humor. 
Some people in the church encourage it others frown on it, and still others have no opinion. Getting out is good, and I have to remember do to that. 
