RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (Full Version)

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benelchi -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 11:44:07 AM)

quote:

I just wish christian men and women both throw out the looks (this includes physical) and pre-judging of people. The only requirement should be first and foremost is the person is a godly person who is involved in a local church and live his/her life by bibical standards, not because you get your cues from the world, which many are doing and this includes online dating sites.


Absolutely agreed!



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 11:48:20 AM)

Look, we all claim to be solid believers, and obviously we want to date/marry the same.. I haven't seen anyone here say, 'I'm ok with dating someone who is shaky in their faith!', so, this is pointless to argue about it. If you haven't found the right person, but you can learn to be content with searching, accepting God's timetable, then (I believe) one way or another, things will work out. We each have an idea of what we find acceptable as far as looks/ personality/ engergy level etc. Everyone's story is going to be different as far as timing and circumstances. I'm 33, still single, with no drama, and I'm excited, not bitter or apprehensive about it. I thought I'd be married by now, but God apparently hasn't written that chapter in my life yet- but I have faith that it will be written.



benelchi -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 12:12:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dinomax55

Look, we all claim to be solid believers, and obviously we want to date/marry the same. I haven't seen anyone here say, 'I'm ok with dating someone who is shaky in their faith!', so, this is pointless to argue about it.


I have seen many who claim to be solid believers, and say they want to date/marry the same, but whose choices clearly demonstrate a different priority than that which they have claimed.

quote:

If you haven't found the right person, you can learn to be content with searching, accepting God's timetable, then (I believe) one way or another, things will work out.


Absolutely agreed.

quote:

We each have an idea of what we find acceptable as far as looks/ personality/ engergy level etc. Everyone's story is going to be different as far as timing and circumstances.


And this list that each person has I believe is often the beginning of the problem. How many would have the same list if they had to hand their list to their pastors for review to see how well their list reflected the values of their faith? As Christians, we need to realize that even if our pastors don't know our list, God knows, and there is absolutely nothing we can do to hide it from him; Our lists should always reflect his values, not the values of the world, but too often that is not the case.



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 12:29:46 PM)

I agree God knows our lists.. but I wasn't referring to whatever sinful desires we each have, but whatever our 'ideal' is.



benelchi -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 12:52:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dinomax55

I agree God knows our lists.. but I wasn't referring to whatever sinful desires we each have, but whatever our 'ideal' is.



But too often I think that sinful desires, and ideals get quite mixed up. I have heard Christian singes try and justify the reasons why their "sinful desires" should be their ideals, and have seen the same demonstrated in the choices Christian singles make in dating far more often, and no matter what someone states about their ideal, if their choices continually reflect something very different, it is clear they are operating from a list different then the one the tell you about. Unquestionably, we all have sinful desires; the question is do we allow those sinful desires to be on our list or do we work hard purge those from our list, and do we prioritize our list by God's standards or our own? Ultimately the question is whether we refrain from dating those who are very tempting to us, but clearly don't exemplify the qualities that we know God desires for us to seek in a mate.



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 1:26:37 PM)

so how picky is a person supposed to be? I understand we need to eliminate our sinful desires and all, but what are you left with? How much room is left for compatibility? Am I supposed to focus entirely on the spiritual, and end up with someone who may be God- fearing, but I have nothing else in common with?



benelchi -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 1:50:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dinomax55

so how picky is a person supposed to be? I understand we need to eliminate our sinful desires and all, but what are you left with? How much room is left for compatibility? Am I supposed to focus entirely on the spiritual, and end up with someone who may be God- fearing, but I have nothing else in common with?



I think there is a lot of room for compatibility. The issue is do we begin looking for compatibility after excluding everyone whom we know we should not date because doing so would be in violation to biblical standards, or do we place "compatibility" above the standards God calls us to? Also is "compatibility" being used as an excuse to exclude those who would be compatible with us in every way except for some particular "sinful desire" i.e. if "compatible" means 5'8, blond hair, blue eyes, 110 lbs, etc... then yes, I would agree that biblically their is not much room left for compatibility; however, I really believe God has a much bigger view of compatibility than that.



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 2:22:02 PM)

I see what you're saying- but why is it, then, we like what we like? Especially when it doesn't matter in the end? Sometimes people make Christianity sound like personality removal.. I belive God installs your personality and, as you grow in Him, it is enhanced.



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 2:27:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dinomax55

so how picky is a person supposed to be? I understand we need to eliminate our sinful desires and all, but what are you left with? How much room is left for compatibility? Am I supposed to focus entirely on the spiritual, and end up with someone who may be God- fearing, but I have nothing else in common with?


Real picky, if the first item on the list is "strong believer." But you knew that. If you have a job that means you have to work in, say, Germany, then a girl who hates Germany and says she'll never go there isn't on your "acceptable" list. Yes, be picky. If you're a lion tamer for Jesus and she's allergic to cats, this is not a good match.

Here's a paradigm shift: if God is in control and will lead you to find your mate in His perfect time, your only jobs are to 1) follow hard after Him, whereever He leads you and keep growing, and 2) recognize her when you find her. You can play "rule out": If a girl is a spiritual wimp, it's pretty certain she's not the one. If she's living with her boyfriend du jour, it's sure she's not the one. When you do find the right woman, she will be compatible; God doesn't make mistakes. Yeah, she won't be perfect, and God will use you to sanctify her, so get ready to be a sacrificing lover like Jesus. God will use her to heal you, too.

The only thing you can do right now is not find the perfect mate but become the perfect mate. Keep praying! Remember Adam's response when God brought Eve to him: whoo-woo! It's right there in the Hebrew! :D Well, kind of. But he was pretty excited, and he exclaimed about her compatibility: bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. They matched.

And if you're not compatible, my guess is God didn't mean her for you. Keep on keeping on.



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 2:29:56 PM)

That's solid advice. thanx.



benelchi -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 2:33:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dinomax55

I see what you're saying- but why is it, then, we like what we like? Especially when it doesn't matter in the end? Sometimes people make Christianity sound like personality removal.. I belive God installs your personality and, as you grow in Him, it is enhanced.


Yes, I agree, God has given us all wonderful personalities; all which reflect the glory and diversity of his creation, and sometimes (thinking of myself) maybe even his sense of humor[:D], but through Adam we all also inherited a very sinful nature, which the bible describes as being at war with God, and it is important we don't confuse the two.



emmkay2 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/28/2007 7:05:43 PM)

quote:

Sometimes people make Christianity sound like personality removal.
amen! how many christians have i known/met/seen who, for some oddball reason i have yet to fathom, check their brains and personalities at the church door. too often are they are tasteless, flavorless, humourless, and downright unenjoyable.

adam's response to God was all about the fact that she was like him. she wasn't like the animals all around him he saw day in and day out, nor was she like God, his Creator. he recognized she was the human equivalent of himself; someone he could relate to in human intimacy.

all of that said, continually trying to compare ourselves and what we have to deal with in human interactions here, now, since the fall of man, with what transpired in assumed perfection between God, adam, and then eve in the garden, is a recipe for constant frustration and disappointment. sin changed everything.

there are reasonable christian men and women just about everywhere in the known world. those who are not meeting them are not looking far or wide enough. or their expectations are simply unreasonable for the average human being - and honestly, we are all average. or they are lacking in competent social graces.

i do believe, as as been offered, that becoming a person you would want to know, befriend, and love is the best place to start. once that's solidly on it's way, critically examining your expectations for any unreasonableness, opening your eyes to see what you haven't seen before, and widening your scope of friendships without fear will go a long way to bringing you closer to establishing a permanent connection with someone to love for life.

you don't have to like it, or agree with it. just think about it.



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (11/30/2007 5:18:27 PM)

good points emmkay..



derek_from_canada -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/1/2007 1:33:23 PM)

Attraction matters... (even the non-spiritual stuff)

Deal with it.

You can wish it all you like, but reality is what it is. It's not the garden of eden anymore.

People make decisions with emotions all the time and rationalize it (or spiritualize it) after the fact as if there was some other reason for their decision other than an "in the moment" thing.

But let me offer that if a girl has alot more things going for her: like her interests, her examined life, her intelligence and personality, her humor and depth, her spiritual life, her family life, her friends... Then things like mere looks will fade as a "nice to have" and not a "need to have". Be content to be the best You you can be, (with God's help), and guys will be attracted to the real You and not just your wrappings. (which are fleeting for all of us)



draexo -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/1/2007 8:17:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie

Here's a paradigm shift: if God is in control and will lead you to find your mate in His perfect time,


This is what happened with the wife and I. This is not to say that is how it must happen to everyone. It is our story though.



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/1/2007 8:32:49 PM)

quote:



This is what happened with the wife and I. This is not to say that is how it must happen to everyone. It is our story though.


Ooh, we want stories! Please!



jaimestarcross -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/1/2007 8:43:19 PM)


quote:

This is the third such thread I have seen on these forums over the last few months. All of them started by women who make the claim that some Christian women must marry non-Christian men because the Christian men won't date them.


I never made any such claim that Christian women MUST marry non-Christians.

Here's the part of the post that contains what I wrote:
we, the single girls got together and
talked about where the Christian guys are that wanted a Christian girl for dating... many of the girls in my circle ended up marrying guys who weren't Christians.
That's just what happened in this situation.



gaylel1 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/2/2007 12:59:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: derek_from_canada

Attraction matters... (even the non-spiritual stuff)

Deal with it.

You can wish it all you like, but reality is what it is. It's not the garden of eden anymore.

People make decisions with emotions all the time and rationalize it (or spiritualize it) after the fact as if there was some other reason for their decision other than an "in the moment" thing.

But let me offer that if a girl has alot more things going for her: like her interests, her examined life, her intelligence and personality, her humor and depth, her spiritual life, her family life, her friends... Then things like mere looks will fade as a "nice to have" and not a "need to have". Be content to be the best You you can be, (with God's help), and guys will be attracted to the real You and not just your wrappings. (which are fleeting for all of us)


But what if a person come from a divorced family and trying to live her life the right way? Most Christian men want people from perfect families. And because of my family's past, which both parents divorced, people think I am a bad canadate for a relationship.



missgodiva -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/2/2007 1:33:42 AM)

This probably has been said already, but, has it occurred to anyone here that would if Gods choices for a mate may not be a "strong" Christian who has their life all together? Maybe his choice for you could be a baby Christian or someone new to the faith and his plan is for you to help them become a more mature and stronger Christian. We are works in progress and we are not perfect no matter how long we have been Christians. I know of many Christian couples in my church, that told me stories of how they met and it was not what I expected to hear. Usually one person was either saved at the time they met and the other person was new to the faith - now fast forward they are both strong in the Lord and still together. I think a lot of times Christians want perfection, and people with perfect backgrounds and everything in order and have it all together.



gaylel1 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/2/2007 3:30:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missgodiva

This probably has been said already, but, has it occurred to anyone here that would if Gods choices for a mate may not be a "strong" Christian who has their life all together? Maybe his choice for you could be a baby Christian or someone new to the faith and his plan is for you to help them become a more mature and stronger Christian. We are works in progress and we are not perfect no matter how long we have been Christians. I know of many Christian couples in my church, that told me stories of how they met and it was not what I expected to hear. Usually one person was either saved at the time they met and the other person was new to the faith - now fast forward they are both strong in the Lord and still together. I think a lot of times Christians want perfection, and people with perfect backgrounds and everything in order and have it all together.


But as a Christian woman, would you rather have someone who is strong in the Lord, accountable to his church and the brothers in the church instead of someone like a baby christian who might slip back in his sin?

I would not date a baby Christian for that reason. I would wait until he is firmly established in his faith with other brothers who has a strong backbone and he can be accountable if he slips up.






derek_from_canada -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/2/2007 12:40:52 PM)

quote:

I would not date a baby Christian for that reason. I would wait until he is firmly established in his faith with other brothers who has a strong backbone and he can be accountable if he slips up.


Well if you can have your criteria for filtering, others have theirs.

Well who's broken-ness is more broken? yourself who comes from a broken family and has baggage or the baby christian who doesn't have alot of baggage?

My opinion would be "who's sin is worse" not really a fair question to ask, we all are broken and on different points on the narrow road.

But Gayle, I have faith that there will be some guys that will see who for who you are now, or there may be guys that have been through what you've been through and will understand it well enough to give you a chance.

I think focusing blame on a particular "bad thing" (like say the girl that is beautiful except for her braces that make her "ugly") is not productive in the end. I would work on dropping that anchor around your neck and move onto more interesting things =)



violinist_for_jesus -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/2/2007 4:54:47 PM)

MY response to this thread is: Where are all of the christian young women?



gaylel1 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/2/2007 6:30:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: derek_from_canada

quote:

I would not date a baby Christian for that reason. I would wait until he is firmly established in his faith with other brothers who has a strong backbone and he can be accountable if he slips up.


Well if you can have your criteria for filtering, others have theirs.

Well who's broken-ness is more broken? yourself who comes from a broken family and has baggage or the baby christian who doesn't have alot of baggage?

My opinion would be "who's sin is worse" not really a fair question to ask, we all are broken and on different points on the narrow road.

But Gayle, I have faith that there will be some guys that will see who for who you are now, or there may be guys that have been through what you've been through and will understand it well enough to give you a chance.

I think focusing blame on a particular "bad thing" (like say the girl that is beautiful except for her braces that make her "ugly") is not productive in the end. I would work on dropping that anchor around your neck and move onto more interesting things =)



Derek, it is not "my" criteria, but it does not make good sense to date a new "babe" in Christ. The person should refrain from dating for a while and have time to be familiar with his new faith and be encouraged by some brothers first. The reason why is that some came from sins like sexual or substance abuse and these people might slip back and especially sexual sin because many are tempted to go back to it again.

This is why the new babes need accountability, not from a woman, but from a strong man in the faith.

But with all due respect, a Christian woman needs someone who is strong in the faith and not because he says he is a "Christian."




derek_from_canada -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/2/2007 6:49:41 PM)

I think that it is important for compatibilty to be on the same page spiritually so you are quite right to keep that standard.

But I also wonder that you sound very worried about all the don't (sins) and not looking for what a guy might be doing right (the Dos)

There are no guarantees in life (perhaps only the afterlife =) so the saint now could become the devil himself and the baby christian could become the saint for a lifetime. Who is to know but God? I guess you can minimize the risk by filtering for certain people but one could wonder is that filter God's filter or your filter?

(The bottom line is that after mid-life, I don't think anyone will have zero baggage)



draexo -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/2/2007 8:20:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie

quote:



This is what happened with the wife and I. This is not to say that is how it must happen to everyone. It is our story though.


Ooh, we want stories! Please!

You will have to start a new thread "How I met my wife" [:D]



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