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FoxInSox -> RE: What is addiction/alcoholism? (2/20/2008 1:02:07 AM)
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Designed,
The concept of codependency began, I think, in the 70's as mental health professionals began to notice that people in close relation (child, parent, spouse) to people with chemical dependencies seemed to show a similar pattern of behavior. It's as if trying to control, help, manage the other person's addiction became that person's addiction. This term has grown over the years to include people who, in general, experienced a family of origin or other intimate social system that was abusive/dysfunctional such that the individual's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors tend to be compuslive, manipulative, controlling, overly pleasing.
For me, my family of origin has alot of emotional dysfunction, and I experienced emotional abuse as a result. This damaged me in several ways. The symptoms I see in myself are my compulsive behaviors, tendency towards anxiety/depression, an icky kind of people pleasing, a tendency to be hypersensitive/hypervigilant, and a tendency to try to control my husband and dad by performing just how they want (ie, if they are happy, then my life feels all together, so I do whatever is necessary to appease them).
Fortunately for me, my DH comes from a reasonably functional family, and he doesn't "do" the codependent dance. This has really given me the opportunity to look at myself and evaluate what I'm doing.
My personal compulsive behaviors of choice are compulsive excercise/eating/not eating (60 days on that [:D]) and self-injury (7 months [:D]). I had been doing really well, with several years under my belt, but I had a pretty hard relapse this time last year. It was my bottom, and I began doing recovery very differently. At that time, for the first time, I was willing to do whatever it took to get better, even if it meant looking at my family and participating in some sort of group.
The support of peers and "old-timers" as well as the truth about my family have both been critical to my recovery. Recovery is just *different* now. I have people I can call. I have a sponsor, who knows codependency in and out. Even if she doesn't have my exact issues, she knows the "need" to engage in some kind of behavior. I have friends in varying stages of recovery who know my "stuff," and love and encourage me. They ask for the same in return, and I am able to provide it.
Looking at my family ... it's extremely painful. It is necessary. Considering the truths of my history is shifting my entire worldview, and that is scary. It, also, is necessary.
I deeply value the 12 Steps. I am currently beginning my first 4th step, and it's really hard for me. It's giving me an opportunity to write about the emotional abuse, name it in writing, say it out loud, trust myself, etc. I also am grateful for the opportunity to examine my own motives for hanging onto my resentments and fears about painful things that have happened. I'm so ready to move on, and I will do whatever it takes.
I haven't mentioned it yet, but I do see a counselor. I'm not sure if she is a beleiver, but I think so. She is far more liberal that most CW'ers, though. I chose this on purpose. I have a history of spiritual abuse, and I just can't do the "Christian Counselor" thing right now. What I really value about my counselor is that she works from a family systems perspective. I am a counseling student, and I work from a very different perspective. Because she and I see the world differently, I don't usually "get ahead" of her in sessions. She always catches me off guard, allowing me to process in a new way (which is why I am there, after all...)
I also recently graduated from an organization called Barnabas, which is a Christian personal growth workshop. Think...group therapy + inpatient + Jesus + steroids. I was very hesitant about it at first, but I have met some amazing people. Like my 12 Step friends, they know my "stuff" and I know theres, and we are able to walk with each other through the fire and encourage and love each other and point each other to Jesus. It's really, really cool. (www.barnabasjourney.org if you are interested).
My position on addictions is that they come in both compulsive behaviors and chemical dependencies. Each have their unique difficulties. For example, alcohol detox is life threatening and I can't imagine how one fights against both psychological addiction and physical addiction. At the same time...those who self injure are never without their drug of choice. We always have fists, nails, teeth, etc., if we wanted, even if that isn't really our primary implement. People with food issues can't just avoid food; for some of us, avoiding food was the problem in the first place.
As you may have guessed, I am a strong supporter of 12 Step programs. I also value the impact individual/group/family counseling. I particularly like these two things in conjuction. I support the use pf psychiatric meds, though I do favor counseling. I think meds and counseling are a great mix, too. Really, if something is available and encourages recovery (for addiction or mental health issues), I support it. These are very painful problems, and I advocate using all options (including more natural supports like church, family, work adjustments).
take care,
~m
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