RE: ...the wife (Full Version)

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car2ner -> RE: ...the wife (4/11/2008 6:48:32 AM)

I have been sharing the results of this thread with m'love. We both find it interesting the differance of opinion.

The other day we were discussing something or another and he said, "and I have a wife with me"> And I responded, "A WIFE? What happened to my THE?????"

He threw his hands up in the air, "I just can't win" (and laughed)[;)]



McGuinessMagee -> RE: ...the wife (4/11/2008 7:39:39 PM)

quote:

Any man who called me the wife, I would call him divorced!
What does that tell ya


I'd have to wonder why you're letting a couple of words have that much power in your relationship..

Wouldn't it just be easier to say to your husband, "I don't like it when you speak about me that way"?

If he continues after that I would think the issue would be lack of respect, not the fact he was calling you 'the wife'.

I think this thread is great. It shows very clearly that one person can mean something with no malice intended and have it taken completely the wrong way. It's a really good example of why it's good to clarify what someone means when they say something you take offence to.

Kylie[sm=silly.gif]



delete123 -> RE: ...the wife (4/11/2008 8:31:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: McGuinessMagee

quote:

Any man who called me the wife, I would call him divorced!
What does that tell ya


I'd have to wonder why you're letting a couple of words have that much power in your relationship..

Wouldn't it just be easier to say to your husband, "I don't like it when you speak about me that way"?

If he continues after that I would think the issue would be lack of respect, not the fact he was calling you 'the wife'.

I think this thread is great. It shows very clearly that one person can mean something with no malice intended and have it taken completely the wrong way. It's a really good example of why it's good to clarify what someone means when they say something you take offence to.

Kylie[sm=silly.gif]

I find it very direspectful and is just as bad as a man referring to his wife as "the little woman," or "my old lady."

The thing many fail to see is words to have power. Power to speak life and/ or the power to speak death.

Words do hurt, ask anyone who has been verbally abused.

JMHO
CRH



kielbasa -> RE: ...the wife (4/11/2008 8:50:53 PM)

quote:

I find it very direspectful and is just as bad as a man referring to his wife as "the little woman," or "my old lady."


Uh, pardon my profound ignorance, but how is a man's referring to his wife as "the wife" disrespectful? I can see how the other names you mentioned could be--depending on the situation, but not "the wife."

quote:

The thing many fail to see is words to have power. Power to speak life and/ or the power to speak death.


Yes, they do--and I am proud to be a wife. "Wife" is not an insult.

quote:

Words do hurt, ask anyone who has been verbally abused


I can think of a multitude of abusive things I have been called (never by "the husband" mind you[;)]), but "wife" does not number among them.

It is one thing to dislike a term, quite another to read something evil and abusive into it that is not there. If one does not like a name one's husband calls one, one needs to communicate this fact to one's husband--not file for divorce.



McGuinessMagee -> RE: ...the wife (4/11/2008 9:31:43 PM)

quote:

It is one thing to dislike a term, quite another to read something evil and abusive into it that is not there. If one does not like a name one's husband calls one, one needs to communicate this fact to one's husband--not file for divorce.


I think that's what I was trying to communicate. LOL

An example from my own life - the words 'just relax' have an extreme opposite effect on me. That doesn't mean that I immediately jump to not being around someone who uses that term. It means I communicate to the person who spoke them that those words make me extremely uncomfortable and ask them not to use them around me in future.

It is when they won't take that communication on board and continue in the behaviour that I choose to put boundaries around my interaction with those people.

It is not their use of those words which is wrong. It is their response to my communication which proves their character.

Kylie[sm=silly.gif]



azroadrunner -> RE: ...the wife (4/12/2008 2:23:30 AM)

To me, the phrase has an air of entitlement to it, like "yeah . . . everyone's got one of those. That's the one I got stuck with." When I hear "the" anything, I get the sense that the person doesn't value what or whom they're speaking of.



car2ner -> RE: ...the wife (4/12/2008 7:51:21 AM)

O.K> ladies.. I posted this question in He Says. It gives the guys a chance to let us know what some are thinking when they say that. Only one gent has responded so far and it is heart-warming (or his beloved was looking over his shoulder [;)] )



delete123 -> RE: ...the wife (4/12/2008 7:51:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: McGuinessMagee

quote:

It is one thing to dislike a term, quite another to read something evil and abusive into it that is not there. If one does not like a name one's husband calls one, one needs to communicate this fact to one's husband--not file for divorce.


I think that's what I was trying to communicate. LOL

An example from my own life - the words 'just relax' have an extreme opposite effect on me. That doesn't mean that I immediately jump to not being around someone who uses that term. It means I communicate to the person who spoke them that those words make me extremely uncomfortable and ask them not to use them around me in future.

It is when they won't take that communication on board and continue in the behaviour that I choose to put boundaries around my interaction with those people.

It is not their use of those words which is wrong. It is their response to my communication which proves their character.

Kylie[sm=silly.gif]


And you did it quite well!
However you must have had your bozo button off on your internet connection in the first place. Otherwise you would have known my O/P was a sarcastic statement and not intended to be taken seriously. [&:]

So I played into it and realized that you give classes, yes one of your students came to your rescue and with such diliegence. Again was given the proverbial Lighten up as I was considered an uncommunicative wrench without understanding.
Uh the evil of it all [:o]
It's amazing how Communication is a key to good things , yet when one is on the internet it is always the most mistaken thing going.

Have a great day
& God Bless
CRH



rgod -> RE: ...the wife (4/13/2008 8:59:50 PM)

quote:

I find it very direspectful and is just as bad as a man referring to his wife as "the little woman," or "my old lady."


It is so interesting how we are different! I would look at "my old lady" as being kind of 70ish - like hip huggers, afro-sheen, and big medallioned necklaces. If I had a husband and he called me that, I'd probably laugh, give him the peace sign, and tell him to join me in the new millenium. I'm short, so I literally am the little lady so it would be accurate.
But, I'd probably laugh at that too.

I still don't like "the wife" but I think a lot depends on how he says it. But its better than the old "ball and chain."

rgod



car2ner -> RE: ...the wife (4/13/2008 10:01:03 PM)

The "little woman" I surely am not. The Old Lady just begs to be responded to by the Old Man. Or Old Coot. Again, if it is said with friendly bantar, all is good. If said as a cutting remark, it isn't the phrase but the attitude behind it that stinks.

For fun, I call m'love POOOOOkey! Military guys use teasing as a form of endearment and far be it from me to get huggy about it.

BTW, in He Says, when I asked why some guys say, "the wife" instead of "my wife" a few answered, (((no idea))). Bet some didn't even know it bothered people or thought anything about it.



Tmorph -> RE: ...the wife (5/29/2008 3:42:38 AM)

Allow me, a newbie, to resurrect your old thread. My husband and I were talking this eve before he left for work and I used the endearing term "my boy" and quickly realized that, for him, he finds that phrase belittling. Now to me, it is simply a sweet nickname. Don't get me wrong, he is not especially worried about his masculinity, just rubs him the wrong way for whatever reason.

Same for me when he calls me "the" wife when talking to "the" boys from work. That is the only time "the"wife s ever used. SOOOO I do think it is a machismo deal, even if inadvertant. Anyway, it blew into a little irritated tiff wen he was on hids way out to work. We resolved it quickly over the phone with sincere "I love yous" and I'm sorrys.... but isn't it irritating how something so minor can flame a small fire. We have the most harmonious of marriages about 90-95% of the time but sometimes... POOF! Oh, well, praise the Lord, we are human too[:D]



_CANCELLED_ -> RE: ...the wife (6/14/2008 6:11:55 PM)

I think we've become a nation of people who are too easily offended. I like to use humor rather than be offended.



car2ner -> RE: ...the wife (6/15/2008 7:48:35 AM)

Oh Crosseyed, you need to go to the "comment on the avatar above you" thread in the humor and games folder. That is too cool!

signed "....wife". BTW, this has become an inside joke between m'love and I ever since I told him about this thread. I don't even rate a "the..." [;)]



_CANCELLED_ -> RE: ...the wife (6/15/2008 11:24:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: car2ner

Oh Crosseyed, you need to go to the "comment on the avatar above you" thread in the humor and games folder. That is too cool!

signed "....wife". BTW, this has become an inside joke between m'love and I ever since I told him about this thread. I don't even rate a "the..." [;)]


LOL My dad calls my mom 'the wife' or 'the ol' lady'. He has ever since we were young. Not only that, he used to address her as, 'Ol' lady'. [sm=shocked.gif] Now, they're well into their 70s and he calls her 'baby'. LOL It's so cute.

Hey I'll have to go check out that thread you're talking about. lol



cheeky_monkey -> RE: ...the wife (6/18/2008 1:47:59 AM)

I don't like it. Similarly, many times when my husband talks about me he'll refer to me as "her" instead of "Lucy." It drives me nuts, but I guess some things will never change. I notice that a lot of men around here do this.



Harvie -> RE: ...the wife (6/22/2008 1:30:03 AM)

My wonderful DH has never used "the wife" in my hearing in reference to me. He usually refers to me as "my girl" or "my wife." (And his nickname for me is kiddo!)



slushie -> RE: ...the wife (6/22/2008 7:22:44 PM)

"The wife" I guess if he said that like: "Oh, sorry. I can't go to blah blah blah because the wife says I HAVE to" I would be irritated. But if he said that in a sort of teasing, gentle, tone, I guess I really wouldn't mind.

But anyone call me "Abs" (my name is Abby) and I'd rip their head off. [:D] I think it's a thing which might differ from person to person.



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