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ready for marriage? - 3/4/2008 11:16:03 PM
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Godsone
Posts: 23
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If you are married, how did you know you were ready for marriage? If you are single, when will you feel you ready for marriage?
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RE: ready for marriage? - 3/5/2008 5:22:51 PM
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moon_mouse
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I think it was when it started coming more naturally to think in terms of what would be best for future hubby and I as a family, rather than what would be good for me or for him.
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RE: ready for marriage? - 3/5/2008 5:45:09 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1179
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
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Being single, I think the way I really knew I was ready, was when I finally got to a point where God's love was enough and I knew it would always be therefore me. And when I realized after learning God's love, and its assurance, I would be able to discern, recognize and see that in someone else. I'm not afraid I'll make the worste mistake of my life anymore. Perfect love casts out all fear . . . and its true. I'm not afraid anymore. I know God's love, and I know how to discern it in others.
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RE: ready for marriage? - 3/5/2008 6:55:09 PM
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azroadrunner
Posts: 361
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From: Phoenix
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam
Being single, I think the way I really knew I was ready, was when I finally got to a point where God's love was enough and I knew it would always be therefore me. And when I realized after learning God's love, and its assurance, I would be able to discern, recognize and see that in someone else. I'm not afraid I'll make the worste mistake of my life anymore. Perfect love casts out all fear . . . and its true. I'm not afraid anymore. I know God's love, and I know how to discern it in others.
What she said.
_____________________________
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken ... lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket ... it will change ... it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. -C.S. Lewis
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RE: ready for marriage? - 3/5/2008 7:05:36 PM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4487
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I agree with Dakota... it was when I admitted that God was what I needed and was perfectly willing to spend my life without a husband. I was interested in being a better "me" for God.
When I met dh, I knew we would suit because He was mainly interested in being a better "him" for God... but he was also interested in me being a better "me" for God. I knew that together we would be better than apart. I knew marriage to him wasn't a mistake... like Dakota said about having no fear.
_____________________________
-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: ready for marriage? - 3/5/2008 10:08:27 PM
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Godsone
Posts: 23
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these are some really awesome answers. I really like what Dakota said about perfect love driving out all fear. 
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RE: ready for marriage? - 3/6/2008 4:42:39 PM
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sunluvingirl
Posts: 810
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When I meet the right guy, then I'll be ready! Actually I'm ready to meet the right one any time but....God only knows!!
_____________________________
"May my words and my thoughts be acceptable to You, O Lord, my refuge & my redeemer!"
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RE: ready for marriage? - 3/11/2008 4:12:41 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1179
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From: Midwest USA
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Thanks, az, HisC, MND88 and fluffmonkey!
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/1/2008 5:08:52 PM
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preserved
Posts: 1282
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As I am single..God has our mates already selected. He hears our prayers and waits until we are in line to receive His blessing. We are not always in line (in position) to receive what the Lord has in store for us....instead of what we want....As a chirstian often times we are busy doing His ministry and not really realizing what He is doing thru us...He is preparing us. The hardest part is having patience and not to settle less than what we've prayed for in a mate
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/1/2008 8:56:21 PM
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Godsone
Posts: 23
Joined: 11/27/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NoDumbBlonde
When are you ready for marriage?
1. When you have become the person you want to become (education, career, etc.).
2. When a partner becomes an asset and not a requirement to your own happiness.
3. When you cannot imagine life without them and see yourself growing old together.
4. When you are willing to give 100% 100% of the time regardless of how much/little they give or how you feel.
5. When you can share openly without any fear all your hopes and dreams, fears and failures, thoughts and feelings.
6. When there are no red flags in the back of your mind about ANYTHING.
7. When you realize that this person is truly your BFF.
8. When the Holy Spirit confirms that this is the person God has chosen for you.
9. When you realize that divorce is NOT an option and that the marriage covenant is for life.
10. When you realize that you won't be right all the time and that its ok if you're not.
11. When you realize that its more important that they can be themselves instead of who and what you want them to become.
12. When you can put their needs above your own.
13. When you can love and respect them even when you don't feel like it.
14. When you realize that they are not a child and you are not their parent but their partner.
15. When they are ready too.
That's when you are ready for marriage! 
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!
Wow thank you so much NoDumbBlonde. These answers are awesome!!
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/2/2008 12:29:36 PM
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ladyingrace1979
Posts: 163
Joined: 3/14/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NoDumbBlonde
When are you ready for marriage?
1. When you have become the person you want to become (education, career, etc.).
2. When a partner becomes an asset and not a requirement to your own happiness.
3. When you cannot imagine life without them and see yourself growing old together.
4. When you are willing to give 100% 100% of the time regardless of how much/little they give or how you feel.
5. When you can share openly without any fear all your hopes and dreams, fears and failures, thoughts and feelings.
6. When there are no red flags in the back of your mind about ANYTHING.
7. When you realize that this person is truly your BFF.
8. When the Holy Spirit confirms that this is the person God has chosen for you.
9. When you realize that divorce is NOT an option and that the marriage covenant is for life.
10. When you realize that you won't be right all the time and that its ok if you're not.
11. When you realize that its more important that they can be themselves instead of who and what you want them to become.
12. When you can put their needs above your own.
13. When you can love and respect them even when you don't feel like it.
14. When you realize that they are not a child and you are not their parent but their partner.
15. When they are ready too.
That's when you are ready for marriage!
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!
I think that's a pretty high standard. I struck out on the first one. I'm still growing as a person in my career. And #4, no one can do that! Perhaps your list should be that you desire and are striving toward these things. I've been married for 16 years and still don't get it right 100% of the time but I am growing and he is growing and we are growing in oneness.
Kim Q
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/5/2008 9:42:48 PM
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song
Posts: 623
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From: The Puget Sound
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MND88
If you are single, when will you feel you ready for marriage?
When I find someone that wants to marry me and I want to marry him.
Otherwise, you're never really totally "ready" to love someone unconditionally ALL the time. Everyone, even really good Christian married people, have their selfish days.
_____________________________
be who you are. those who mind don't matter. those who matter don't mind.
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/6/2008 3:40:37 PM
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crm4souls
Posts: 127
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When you know, you know...if you have to justify or tell yourself the the person will change...watch out.
When you know, you know!
_____________________________
"Beloved I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in HEALTH just as your soul prospers." 3 John 2 www.Power3Diet.com
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/9/2008 8:42:02 PM
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AngelInWaiting1983
Posts: 2998
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From: South Carolina
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I don't know when i'll be ready for marriage. Some people say you never truly are. I have the feeling i'll know when its the right time. I want it to be one of those that after 20 years of being married he says he loves me more then, than the day he married me.
_____________________________
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/9/2008 10:41:44 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 1823
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From: under scrutiny
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When my Father says "This one's safe. It's okay now."
_____________________________
Just because you do not believe the truth- does not change the truth.
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/11/2008 9:09:29 PM
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russellwood265
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: Aberdeen, Scotland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NoDumbBlonde
When are you ready for marriage?
2. When a partner becomes an asset and not a requirement to your own happiness.
What exactly is the difference? Is it that you're ready for marriage when your partner becomes an advantage towards your happiness, and not crucial? Does that then mean that you'e ready when you don't NEED your partner (or your partner's presence) for happiness?
_____________________________
Even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honourable behaviour (1 Peter 2:12)
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/12/2008 12:25:40 AM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4487
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To me it means that my husband cares about my well-being over and above my own wants and desires (which could be harmful.) Another way of putting it is that he protects me. In the long run, it does add to my happiness, joy, and our relationship- but only if I accept it and have a proper attitude towards true love.
A similar aspect is that you don't need a spouse/their presence for your happiness because they will disappoint you or become disappointed in you at times. Sure, a good relationship adds to the feelings of happiness and joy... but there's got to be more than "fun" and "good feelings" to base the relationship on when the hard times come. If not, when the happiness is missing, you go looking for greener pastures.
_____________________________
-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/12/2008 3:28:10 PM
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ladyingrace1979
Posts: 163
Joined: 3/14/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: russellwood265
quote:
ORIGINAL: NoDumbBlonde
When are you ready for marriage?
2. When a partner becomes an asset and not a requirement to your own happiness.
What exactly is the difference? Is it that you're ready for marriage when your partner becomes an advantage towards your happiness, and not crucial? Does that then mean that you'e ready when you don't NEED your partner (or your partner's presence) for happiness?
This one I get. I had to learn it after marriage, but I got it. It is not my husbands job to be my source of happyness or joy or peace, those can only come from my relationship with Jesus Christ. My husband magnifies that in my life, he compliments what God is doing, he is a blessing, but he is not my source of happyness. To expect another person to fill that in you exclusively is a big order. If I depend on my dh for that what happens when he can't do that? What happens when he disappoints me, or worse God takes him home.
Do you see what I mean?
Kim Q
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/12/2008 3:34:13 PM
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ladyingrace1979
Posts: 163
Joined: 3/14/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NoDumbBlonde
quote:
I think that's a pretty high standard. I struck out on the first one. I'm still growing as a person in my career. And #4, no one can do that! Perhaps your list should be that you desire and are striving toward these things. I've been married for 16 years and still don't get it right 100% of the time but I am growing and he is growing and we are growing in oneness.
Kim Q
Yeah, it may seem like high standards but don't we deserve the best in whom ever God sends in our direction? Of course, we're all a work in progress but too many people jump without considering what "forever" truly means. None of us gives 100% all the time but if we strive to and are willing to even when we don't feel like it, that's the majority of the battle. I guess its the commitment of putting someone else ahead of ourselves is the true meaning. Selfishness is the key to divorce so understanding that in the beginnning can help avoid it. Of course that means the other person has to be in the same place too.
I'm not disagreeing with your standard. You are right that most people have no concept of forever or the commitment that means. You even said that it is the striving for and desiring of giving 100%. But as a wife I know that my husband is not able to give 100% and I extend grace to him, forgive him when he fails. And does the same for me. You cannot expect either partner to be what they will be in Christ before marriage. The beauty of marriage is growing in oneness and Christlikeness as individuals and as a couple. God uses my husband in unique ways to spur me on toward godlyness, and He uses me in my husbands life in the same way.
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/12/2008 8:41:49 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1179
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
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quote:
Yeah, it may seem like high standards but don't we deserve the best in whom ever God sends in our direction?
No, I don't think we deserve the best. We deserve NOTHING. We're fallen, sinful humans who are deserving of the death of the cross. Everything we recieve is a gift for which we should be humbly thankful . . . even a spouse is a gift (no matter how perfect or imperfect they or we are). We are all a work in progress--and will never achieve perfection this side of heaven (although its okay to try). You're truly ready for marriage, when you can make a committment before God and man and keep it. When you're ready to live for God and His will above all else. That means you will keep your committment. You will be faithful and true because it is God whom you hope to please and not man or yourself.
Blessings!
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RE: ready for marriage? - 4/14/2008 2:33:24 PM
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russellwood265
Posts: 10
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: Aberdeen, Scotland
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ladyingrace1979
quote:
ORIGINAL: russellwood265
quote:
ORIGINAL: NoDumbBlonde
When are you ready for marriage?
2. When a partner becomes an asset and not a requirement to your own happiness.
What exactly is the difference? Is it that you're ready for marriage when your partner becomes an advantage towards your happiness, and not crucial? Does that then mean that you'e ready when you don't NEED your partner (or your partner's presence) for happiness?
This one I get. I had to learn it after marriage, but I got it. It is not my husbands job to be my source of happyness or joy or peace, those can only come from my relationship with Jesus Christ. My husband magnifies that in my life, he compliments what God is doing, he is a blessing, but he is not my source of happyness. To expect another person to fill that in you exclusively is a big order. If I depend on my dh for that what happens when he can't do that? What happens when he disappoints me, or worse God takes him home.
Do you see what I mean?
Kim Q
So...the ideal spouse would be someone who is used by God to enhance your relationship with Jesus? Obviously there are more criteria than this, such as God's calling, otherwise almost all pastors would be the most eligible bachelors!
_____________________________
Even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honourable behaviour (1 Peter 2:12)
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