Bad idea to pray together? (Full Version)

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Striving2BVirtuous -> Bad idea to pray together? (3/24/2008 4:15:01 PM)

I read a couple of Christian dating books over the weekend. One of the books advised AGAINST praying together during the "dating" phase. The reasoning was that praying together is almost considered just as intimate as sex. And that it makes it a little easier to cross the boundaries emotionally and end up being physically intimate. I wanted to get everybody's take on this? Opinions?



preserved -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/24/2008 4:26:44 PM)

I have never heard that praying together was not good...I feel that there is nothing wrong with sharing the Word of God thru prayers. However, it could give one false hopes if they are not on the same page. So...depends on what the prayers are about and if they allow God to make the final decision.



john_is_free -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/24/2008 4:41:04 PM)

I wish I had the guts, commitment, whatever to pray with my wife before we were married. It took a crisis for us to start... AFTER 10 years!

Just be sure that this is not to show how spiritual you are. It should be a time for equal sharing in prayer. Also it is not a time for one to point out the faults of the other. Ask beforehand if there is any particular area for prayer. If you are afraid of it turning physical do not hold hands or hug while praying. Use this as time to thank God for your virtous life and ask for continues help and protection.

Satan will not like this. He hates a praying, godly couple. So be prepared to do battle. He will work to keep secrets and sins hidden. Do not let pride, embaresment or guilt get in the way of prayer. Use this time to be open and repentant.

Pray is the mightest of weapons we have in this world. We are often told to pray unceasing, for each other, in all circumstances. I not think of a better way to maintain any type of relationship except through prayer.



Osano -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/24/2008 4:46:01 PM)

I agree it is not a bad idea to pray together provided that they are not completely alone or if they are with a group of people. It depends on the relationship. If the couple is engage then absolutely pray together but still limit time being alone. There is even more danger once you are engage to get into trouble. If they are not engaged they need to be careful and be accountable. "Let those who think they stand take heed, least they fall."

Personally I believe the danger is not so much in the praying together it is the assumptions about where the relationship is going. I personally will not pray or be with a guy alone where there is no chance of accountability. I believe this is especially true with married individuals.

An example would be his or her house or aparment alone, or even at a church with no one there. I think people can use their discretion here.



GodsSilverRose -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/24/2008 5:29:15 PM)

The relationship I have is centered around Christ so, yes, we DO pray together. It is a wonderful connection to share our love together with our love of The Lord. I cannot imagine not praying with him.

Rose



shadowspring -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/24/2008 6:26:56 PM)

Ha ha ha! I have read that before here on forums and it cracks me up!

I guess I am quite the brazen woman, because I pray with my kids, my friends, my neighbors, even my pastor! I used to pray with the entire singles group at church before I married! About the only person I rarely pray with is my husband, because he travels a lot so he is only home on weekends.

And even then, we usually pray with the kids, and even neighbor kids then! ROFLOL!

Lucky I'm not gay, because I often pray one-on-one with friends, but let me assure you, it has never turned frisky, not once.

Come to think of it, anytime I have prayed one-on-one with my husband, it has never turned frisky. I think it's probably because we were talking to God at the time, so getting intimate was not exactly on our minds when the conversation with God began. We are usually seeking wisdom or help for ourselves or a loved one when we pray, or thanking God for help He has already given.

Anyway, prayer usually puts our minds right on God, not each other. But maybe that's just us. [;)]



Szaftoo -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/24/2008 10:54:36 PM)

My husband and I prayed on our first date and on many dates while we were dating. We didn't make them long, drawn out prayers or pray every time we were together. However, we did pray at different stages of our dating or when we felt like we wanted to. I think it's important for married couples to pray together and it makes it easier if you start when you are dating.



SD456 -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/25/2008 1:01:05 AM)

I think praying together is very important. It's also a great way to commit the relationship/friendship over to the Lord on a regular basis. If a couple are worried about being alone while praying they can always pray at a park out on a park bench where there are people throwing frisbees and stuff around them.



Melitac -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/25/2008 2:36:42 AM)

I don't like the defining of praying with someone 'as intimate as sex'. I strongly disagree with this.
It is intimacy with God. It is two people being intimate with God, not with each other.

I enjoy praying with another person. It can be very moving.
But I never have ever felt as intimate with that person like I had known them carnally.
Prayer is spiritual. Sex is an act of the flesh. Two seperate things.

My 18 yo son just told me that he has heard discussions that a young dating couple should not be accountable for each other. I can see that this might happen if the couple is not cognizant that they are being held accountable by God while they pray. A mature christian is cognizant of the presence of the Holy Spirit. A young dating couple may lack this maturity.
But I would never suggest that prayer is wrong for them to do together.



Biblefreak -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/25/2008 6:04:28 AM)

My gosh! Who wrote this book('s?) I would start a relationship with prayer. And continue to pray all the time. That's silly.



FoxInSox -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/25/2008 8:47:30 AM)

quote:

The reasoning was that praying together is almost considered just as intimate as sex.


(giggle) that must make for a lot of sunday morning orgies [:D]

More seriously, I am extremely hesitant about those with whom I pray one-on-one. I've been pretty hurt/manipulated by by the church and churchy people doing churchy things (like praying), and I'm very guarded about it. I have a friend who was manipulated by a boyfriend once through their prayers together (or, rather, the prayers were distilled evidence of the on-going manipulation), and she was very hesitant after that to pray with people she was dating.

So...I get where this idea is coming from. Sort of. But, I still think it's silly.



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/25/2008 7:44:05 PM)

I agree, it is absurd to refrain from prayer. We are suppose to come together to pray, the Bible urges believers to do that, whether we are "dating" or not. But some people aren't just praying--your prayers should be sincere and your attitude should always be one of crying out to God, and edifying the other person. But if you or any dating christian finds that this is too much of a temptation, by all means do not do it. I pray with any and everyone and I do not feel sexually attracted to that person. I've prayed with people who prayed so fervantly and true, I cried real tears or vice versa. But I feel more like we've both come togehter to petition heaven and Jesus Christ was in the midst of us. It's awesome and amazing. Not really sexual . . .



Liveloved -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/25/2008 8:04:39 PM)

I think we are misunderstanding the concern here. When someone said that prayer is as intimate as sex, what they were talking about is an openness and transparency, a revealing of self, that is so intimate that it can lead to other kinds of intimacy such as physical, sexual intimacy.

This is no different than discussions that can take place in the workplace. Men and women get into personal discussions about their lives and that, too, can lead to a physical, sexual relationship that is sinful.

I think we are just talking about barriers that need to be in place in relationships so that we do not go beyond the bounds of what God desires. And, yes, prayer that is that personal and transparent CAN lead to intimacy that is NOT appropriate for people.

I guess I am one of the few who agrees with what you have read and would encourage you to heed their advice.[:)]



shadowspring -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/25/2008 9:14:30 PM)

So, who wrote the book?

I strongly disagree with it, but I am open to reading their p.o.v.



jaimestarcross -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/25/2008 11:44:51 PM)

I'm sorry but I don't agree with that opinion either...

I don't know of any folks who open themselves up to be too transparent
during prayer time with their boyfriend /girlfriend(when in the dating phase).
Not that this couldn't happen but I've not heard of anyone doing that.

When I was dating the man I eventually married in 2002 - we prayed together
but our prayers weren't that in depth about our personal issues or weaknesses.



song -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/26/2008 12:18:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Striving2BVirtuous

One of the books advised AGAINST praying together during the "dating" phase. The reasoning was that praying together is almost considered just as intimate as sex. And that it makes it a little easier to cross the boundaries emotionally and end up being physically intimate. I wanted to get everybody's take on this? Opinions?


That's silly.

I pray with everyone and anyone. Random homeless men on the streets... I'm definitely not tempted to go anywhere physically with them. [;)]

Besides if you're praying and talking about spiritual things, your attention is on Christ, and what better place should your focus be?



Melitac -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/26/2008 1:49:49 AM)

Like I mentioned above, prayer is spiritual, sex is of the flesh.

Correct spiritual christlike behaviour will lead to a deeper, closer walk with God. NOT the other way around.

It sounds like this could happen if the couples Walk was not strong. Or not real even.

So the real problem would lie in their Faith, not their prayer life. This is very important. A true Walk with God will not lead us into sin. But one that is superficial sure can.

I feel that it is dangerous advice to ever tell someone not to pray or seek the Lord.
This is not scriptural at all. This is not what the Bible teaches.



rebelyell -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/26/2008 2:08:56 AM)

If praying together is as intimate as sex, then you certainly should not pray with your same-sex friends.



OLEEguacamole -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/26/2008 2:40:54 AM)

i have heard it recommended, not praying with someone you're dating, but it wasn't about increasing the temptation of physical intimacy it was about fostering premature emotional intimacy. for a season dating needs to be about getting to know one another. you might realize after a time that a perfectly good dating mate would not be the right life long mate. two people praying together alone (two DATING people) increases the emotional and even spritual bonding, possibly masking the, getting to know you before i'm extremely attached and don't want to let go, feelings.

it doesn't mean you don't pray in a group with that person present etc.



Szaftoo -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/26/2008 10:12:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Liveloved

I think we are misunderstanding the concern here. When someone said that prayer is as intimate as sex, what they were talking about is an openness and transparency, a revealing of self, that is so intimate that it can lead to other kinds of intimacy such as physical, sexual intimacy.

This is no different than discussions that can take place in the workplace. Men and women get into personal discussions about their lives and that, too, can lead to a physical, sexual relationship that is sinful.

I think we are just talking about barriers that need to be in place in relationships so that we do not go beyond the bounds of what God desires. And, yes, prayer that is that personal and transparent CAN lead to intimacy that is NOT appropriate for people.

I guess I am one of the few who agrees with what you have read and would encourage you to heed their advice.[:)]


Though I respectfully disagree, I completely understand what you are saying. When we pray with others, we take the chance of making ourselves vulnerable. We are usually praying for a need or concern that the other person now knows about and which could be used against us.

That was not the case with me and my husband while dating but it could happen, however, it could also happen with anyone we pray with.



Liveloved -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/26/2008 10:59:02 AM)

quote:

That was not the case with me and my husband while dating but it could happen, however, it could also happen with anyone we pray with.


Yes, we do make ourselves vulnerable if/when we pray honestly. And part of that 'hurt' that can occur, when it takes place in a relationship with people of the opposite sex, is the leading into greater intimacy than should take place.

I know it 'sounds' all wrong to discourage prayer. But I ask you, if you are married, would you pray about intimate things with a person of the opposite sex who is also married? (I'm talking about on a regular basis, alone.) I would not. I think it would be making myself and him vulnerable and putting us in a position that could lead to wrong behavior.
(And don't use someone who you couldn't see yourself sexually involved with as your example---choose a good looking, attractive person of the opposite sex.)

I would not go out to dinner on a regular basis with another man. This is what we are talking about.



FoxInSox -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/26/2008 2:55:13 PM)

Liveloved,

Just to play devil's advocate...would you go out to dinner alone with a man you were seriously dating?



Striving2BVirtuous -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/26/2008 3:33:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowspring

So, who wrote the book?

I strongly disagree with it, but I am open to reading their p.o.v.


I'm soooo sorry. But I am having a hard time recalling WHICH book gave that advice. I bought 4 books And pretty much read them all. I read the following books:
1) Boundaries in Dating: Making Dating Work (Henry Cloud)
2) Sex and Dating: Question You Wich You Had... (Mindy Meier)
3) Sex and the Single Guy (Joseph Knable)
4) The Ten Commandments of Dating (Ben Young)

And I will also mention that the chapter had the following quote:
"A couple that PRAYS together LAYS together"



Liveloved -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/26/2008 7:24:02 PM)

quote:

Liveloved,

Just to play devil's advocate...would you go out to dinner alone with a man you were seriously dating?


You know me too well. [:D] Sure. But I would have to be very cautious because I KNOW me--- I love Jesus but my flesh is still there and intimacy is what God made us for but our flesh taps into that and uses it to lead us into wrong things. KWIM? I do. So, after 32 years of marriage, I still know that I would be very cautious---



Liveloved -> RE: Bad idea to pray together? (3/26/2008 7:25:35 PM)

quote:

And I will also mention that the chapter had the following quote:
"A couple that PRAYS together LAYS together"


And I have to add that the very best prayer that my spouse and I share IS IN BED!



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