How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (Full Version)

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fist.sensei -> How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/26/2008 3:19:18 PM)

I'm sure everyone has met one. The guy or gal who connects with everyone. If you run into them, they make your day better. They can completely focus on the individual in front of them and they truly care about that individual.

Do you think people like that just have it naturally or that they worked on becoming like that?

I try to be like that sometimes, but honestly my brain just doesn't work that way. I know the ability comes out on occassion, but I can't focus my brain enough to develop it as a constant.

What do ya'll think?



Yeshuashme -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/26/2008 3:41:26 PM)

Hello....

I think you should just be yourself..... Just be The person God has Made you to be.
your ability to connect with others will come when You focus on that..... don't try to be
or act like others. I think most people can sense a fake person. So be sincere, and
Openly Honest. With Yourself and with Those Around you. Before you know it......
Youwill be One Of Those people who do connect and click with others. And people
will Love you for being you and for not being a fake person...

I hope that helps and makes sense....

Jesus.



buckifn -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/26/2008 4:47:56 PM)

be a good listener...most people want to talk to someone who they know genuinely cares and will hear what they are saying.



dance4joy -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/26/2008 4:53:19 PM)

I find that to connect with someone I absolutely have to be a good listener. . .this means turning off that hyper-active part of my brain that is constantly thinking of the next thing I'm going to say. When I take the focus off of myself and where I want the conversation to go that is when I'm really able to connect.



small_creation -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/26/2008 5:13:51 PM)

I think this is really a God-given talent, a blessing.

It's like this...I can't tell a joke. Even if I practice it and get the punchline in at the right time and not mess it up, my joke is received with tepid laughter. Get the other guy who has a funny streak in him to tell the joke...he tells the whole thing wrong from start to finish and still gets the big laughs...this is a talent, a funny person.

Same with really likeable people, the charismatic ones...you either are or you aren't.

Like other posters have said, be yourself, without guile. Your unique personality will show, and people will know and love you for who you are.

j



Silverflame180 -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/26/2008 6:32:37 PM)

Yeah, usually the people I think of like that either make me laugh easilly, optimistic happy people, or just good listeners who genuinely care about the answer when they ask "How are you?" The difference? God. You can definately be this person to people around you, and may be already without even realizing it.

Like somone else here said, I think it is all about being genuine. You should pray about it. Instead of trying to be like someone else, ask God to give you more confidence and joy in the person that you are, to be more caring and compassionate toward others...In short, just ask Him to let people see more of Jesus in you! He'll answer you. I used to be terrible with people, but God showed me the importance of walking in His gifts of peace and joy and the confidence that comes from that....when people see the Holy Spirit in you, they're drawn right to you. Once again, you might be that special person in some peoples' live without even knowing it. The difference is God :0)



deermousie -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/26/2008 11:09:04 PM)

1 Pet. 1:22 says it's God's will we fervently love the brethren. A person who will fervently love us is irresistable!



fist.sensei -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/26/2008 11:40:53 PM)

I'm not uncomfortable with who I am or anything like that.

I'm mostly curious to see if having that much focused energy on others is something that comes naturally to those types or if they had to work on it.

Not 'work on it' as in changing your personality, but 'work on it' as learning new habits and communication skills.

I guess my question should've been 'Do you think it is innate or learned?"



sunluvingirl -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/26/2008 11:44:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dance4joy

I find that to connect with someone I absolutely have to be a good listener. . .this means turning off that hyper-active part of my brain that is constantly thinking of the next thing I'm going to say. When I take the focus off of myself and where I want the conversation to go that is when I'm really able to connect.

Oh, this is soooo my problem![:(] I know its only with God's help I will be able to overcome this.



song -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/26/2008 11:55:59 PM)

I agree with whoever said it was a God given gift.

"The curse" I sometimes I call it. [;)] Because even though people connect with you easily and love to talk to you, you usually end up knowing everything about everyone's problems... it can be quite daunting. Sometimes I just want to talk about happy things! [8D]



dance4joy -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/27/2008 8:09:09 AM)

quote:

Not 'work on it' as in changing your personality, but 'work on it' as learning new habits and communication skills.

I guess my question should've been 'Do you think it is innate or learned?"


I'd have to say both. . .some people come by it naturally, others have to work a little harder at it (like me).



Biblefreak -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/27/2008 8:19:56 AM)

I am one of these people. I always have been. God has blessed me with the gift of meeting people where they are. No matter who they are. All I do is offer a smile and kind words.



preserved -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/27/2008 9:49:11 AM)

I think it's both...Some people are naturally outgoing and others have to work at it...



NoDumbBlonde -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/27/2008 4:33:17 PM)

I just read a quote by Andrew Carnegie earlier today about something similar. Wish I could remember the quote but its about taking the focus on of self and spending time focusing on others. It's about really listening and learning about others, showing a concern more about them than what they think about you. The idea is to put that special emphasis on other people for 2 months. (I guess to form a habit). I think it has to do as much with stop thinking how others perceive us and start thinking of others.

I also think self-confidence has a big part of it. Letting go insecurities and learning to accept yourself. I have known people that seem to be the welcome wagon every time you see them. A friend of mine is like this. She did the pageant circuit when she was younger and made it to 1st runner up in my state. She has the poise, confidence as well as caring and compassionate. I know she may not always feel like Miss America but she sures looks like it. This is so much NOT my nature to be so extraverted and assertive but I guess I can learn. I figure you can psych yourself out and just force yourself to believe in yourself and put others first. If you learn the trick, let me know.



delete123 -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/27/2008 5:11:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: song

I agree with whoever said it was a God given gift.

"The curse" I sometimes I call it. [;)] Because even though people connect with you easily and love to talk to you, you usually end up knowing everything about everyone's problems... it can be quite daunting. Sometimes I just want to talk about happy things! [8D]


Yes it's hard on line but in person people are drawn to me and tell me things.
I had a woman tell me her whole life story in 10 minutes while we waited for the bus.
I also had a coworker tell me she called out sick because she can not use a public restroom, Now did I really need to know that [&:]
I do not know why I have this gift, because I am rather shy, but people just tell me things and are drawn to me.
Maybe they feel less threatened, because we are genuinely friendly.

I do the same as Biblefreak, I smile and say Hey how are you? Be prepared some people will really tell you how they are, lol!

CRH



jaimestarcross -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/28/2008 12:05:45 AM)

quote:

I'm sure everyone has met one. The guy or gal who connects with everyone.



*To me, that's like being around someone who takes everyones side in a debate -
I find that annoying...



godchosemetowork -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/28/2008 10:35:41 PM)

I enjoy talking to everyone and people come to me a lot because I listen and feel their pain. I just love people, but it wears me down at times. I now know what my Mom meant when she said "the cares of the world will weigh you down". It starts to take a toll on you, and if you're not careful you will fall into that same slump with the person that needs you to listen.



GregandJenny -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/28/2008 11:04:58 PM)

quote:

I think you should just be yourself..... Just be The person God has Made you to be.


AMEN

Don't be what you'e not. Those of us that connect with "everybody" don't always want to be that way. It's what God has given us. and when you do connect with everyone there is much required.


GH



TMeeks -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/29/2008 12:30:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fist.sensei

I'm sure everyone has met one. The guy or gal who connects with everyone. If you run into them, they make your day better. They can completely focus on the individual in front of them and they truly care about that individual.

Do you think people like that just have it naturally or that they worked on becoming like that?

I try to be like that sometimes, but honestly my brain just doesn't work that way. I know the ability comes out on occassion, but I can't focus my brain enough to develop it as a constant.

What do ya'll think?

I think that you would enjoy a small business book called, "FISH!". It's about the Seattle Fish Market and how it became the most famous fish market in the world.

They did so with a few simple principles. The most powerful of them is, "BE THERE".

What "BE THERE" means is that they decided to conscienciously stop what they were doing, like sorting fish, when a customer asked a question. They stop. Look at the customer and give them their full attention and then give the answer completely... only returning to the sorting when the customer is satisfied. We can, as they have done, teach ourselves to do this.

But, it comes harder for some than others. Believe it or not, you have pointed out why. It's the way our brains function. A person that has cingulate issues, for instance, might not be able to change from one thought to another very easily.

Others, whose memory storage and retrieval areas are in an area that fosters great concentration on another person may have no trouble at all.

I'll give you an interesting story. Dr. Halverson was the Chaplain of the U.S. Senate. If you came up to him after a service he seemed distracted and distant. But, when you met him in his office it was as if the entire world stood still and there were just two people in the universe... you and him. He was entirely focused on the person right in front of him in that situation. Now, you won't believe this. But, I think some of the difference in focus may have had to do with the differences between sitting and standing. When standing he was projecting out. When sitting he was taking in. That made him both a great preacher and a great listener... but, not at the same instances.



Prairiehiker -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/29/2008 12:06:28 PM)

I don't think it's something you try to be. It's something that you are. You might want to be that person that people are drawn to, but it will take a long time, and maybe even a painful process, for be that person.

Self help book tells you how to behave. But people, believe it or not, can see right through you. People can tell if you're following some formula to achieve an end, or if you are genuine. A lot of people have learned to behave like the Carnegie books prescribed. But again, if it's not real in you to be authentically interested in people, it would only be a matter of time until you know in yourself that you're not that caring, or you're not that interested in people. People will pick up on that very quickly.

I have a friend who is every bit a people person. She has an aura about her that makes people drawn to her. This person doesn't have much in terms of material possession, or outward beauty. But spend 5 minutes with her, and you'll be renewed, revitalized. She's like a fountain in the middle of the dessert. And to this day, I don't know what it is, other than God genuinely gifted her with that kind of energy. I'm privileged to know her.

Having said that, I believe that God can work a process in us to make us that person. But He has to work within you. He has to transform your heart and your mind. And as I said before, it could be a painful process. It's about seeing people the way God sees them. Otherwise, if we keep looking at people with out own eyes, we'll judge them as worthy or not worth of our time and attention.



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/29/2008 3:59:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GregandJenny

quote:

I think you should just be yourself..... Just be The person God has Made you to be.


AMEN

Don't be what you'e not. Those of us that connect with "everybody" don't always want to be that way. It's what God has given us. and when you do connect with everyone there is much required.


GH

Amen, amen, amen! Exactly. You shouldn't try to be what you are not. Period. It is a certain "gift" to be that sort of person. But like GregandJenny said, it comes with a LOT of responsiblity. Usually, God gives those who have this gift the ability to handle the responsibility. I happen to be one of those people and its not all a bed of roses or a walk in the park. But I also know that there is much more to this gift than you see, much more! Be yourself and enjoy being that.

What I can say, is that whenever I meet someone, my motive is always, "what can I do to make their life better, bless them, etc.etc." I rely very heavily on God and His guidance when interacting with people, and I genuinely enjoy people.

Be yourself, and find out the exciting beautiful purpose God has for you! you won't be disappointed! [:)]



CoeurdeLeon -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/29/2008 5:22:18 PM)

quote:

I guess my question should've been 'Do you think it is innate or learned?"

Yes.[;)]

There is a part that can be learned and worked on.

1. Have no need to talk about yourself. Be willing and prepared to listen fully without asking or expecting to be heard in return. That sounds like a negative but it's not. Once you get over the need to talk about yourself, it frees you up to listen attentively, more objectively and in a relaxed manner and it gives you the opportunity to relate your own experience if it is pertinent or helpful, not just because you want to say it.

2. Practice being able to express the exact feelings that you think you'd experience in someone else's shoes. This is difficult. We don't want others to think we're a bad person. But, if you can say "That would make me want to eat chocolate for a week" or "That kind of thing frustrates me so much I'd like to take a baseball bat to something", it releases the other person to express exactly how they do feel. They know you're real and that you won't think less of them and that makes them more comfortable.

3. Use humor. This won't work if you don't see something amusing in *almost* every circumstance. But, if you do, use it. Humor brings things into perspective, laughter releases tension and everyone likes to be around someone who makes them feel better.

There are a few other things that are more difficult to explain but I will try if you wish.

Do be aware that, as others have said, it is draining. If you are naturally an introvert you will need time away from people to recharge. There is a healthy balance that needs to be maintained.



TMeeks -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (3/29/2008 11:06:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

I don't think it's something you try to be. It's something that you are. You might want to be that person that people are drawn to, but it will take a long time, and maybe even a painful process, for be that person.

Self help book tells you how to behave. But people, believe it or not, can see right through you. People can tell if you're following some formula to achieve an end, or if you are genuine. A lot of people have learned to behave like the Carnegie books prescribed. But again, if it's not real in you to be authentically interested in people, it would only be a matter of time until you know in yourself that you're not that caring, or you're not that interested in people. People will pick up on that very quickly.

I have a friend who is every bit a people person. She has an aura about her that makes people drawn to her. This person doesn't have much in terms of material possession, or outward beauty. But spend 5 minutes with her, and you'll be renewed, revitalized. She's like a fountain in the middle of the dessert. And to this day, I don't know what it is, other than God genuinely gifted her with that kind of energy. I'm privileged to know her.

Having said that, I believe that God can work a process in us to make us that person. But He has to work within you. He has to transform your heart and your mind. And as I said before, it could be a painful process. It's about seeing people the way God sees them. Otherwise, if we keep looking at people with out own eyes, we'll judge them as worthy or not worth of our time and attention.

Hi PrairieHiker,

The type of self help that you describe ends up being incongruous in our minds and that is why it doesn't work. But, we can bring about enormous changes in our life that run very deep. It depends on how one makes the choice to change.

The change from being a non-Christian to a Christian results, for instance, in massive changes in some people. [:)]

But, other practical changes can come about too. If a person has been told at some time in the past that they are bad at math, that memory becomes self-fulfilling unless it is countered with the truth. Every time a math problem faces that person, their brain brings up that old assessment and they can give up without even giving it a try.

But, when they learn to take those thoughts captive, and say to themselves, "I know that I was told I'm not very good in math. But, I am going to do this problem." then they can break the power of that past 'fear' memory and actually change it to a faith memory ("I did it!") by successfully applying the new memory of success. While we usually apply RENEWING our minds to spiritual things it has much broader implications than that.

I think it is well worth the effort for EVERY Christian to conscientiously learn to "BE THERE" for people. If more parents learned to BE THERE for their children; and, more husbands would learn to BE THERE for their wives then all of us would be a lot happier. All it takes is a choice and practice. [:D]



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (4/19/2008 11:30:55 PM)

Quite frankly, I cannot see why anyone would want to be this type of person? Why would you want people to confide in you? That's like me saying, "I'd love to be the kind of person that is serious and grave all of the time." I mean, what is my motive for wanting to be something that I am not? Wanting to be a better Christian, I can understand. But, otherwise, no. Why be something you are not? Why want to be something you are not. If people do not normally come to you and confide, so what? It just means your a different kind of person that another. Thank goodness! God made us all different. Life is too short to try to contort ones personality into something else to get certain responses from people. Instead, we should focus on pleasing God and becoming more Christ-like. If that is what you meant, then kudos! If not, why bother? Just focus on being like Him.

Hope everything works well!



rgod -> RE: How do you become "that guy/girl", who connects with everyone? (4/23/2008 3:54:30 AM)

quote:

Yes it's hard on line but in person people are drawn to me and tell me things.
I had a woman tell me her whole life story in 10 minutes while we waited for the bus.
I also had a coworker tell me she called out sick because she can not use a public restroom, Now did I really need to know that
I do not know why I have this gift, because I am rather shy, but people just tell me things and are drawn to me.


I can relate to this wholeheartedly because this is the way that I am. I can sit with people for a little while and they just tell me things about themselves. People have always felt comfortable telling me things, but when I said yes to ministry (whatever that means ... it isn't for traditional church pulpit ministry, that's for sure), it was like God flipped a switch inside of me and this was intensified exponentially. I also had a strong desire to connect with people before I said "yes" and I prayed for it. Now, I can often connect with people fairly easily - although maintaining a longer term connection is a challenge. You can develop this gift by listening to people, demonstrating an interest in what they are saying - asking probing (but not nosy) questions, etc. Or better yet, you can pray about it and ask God about it. Nothing wrong with that.

But just know that there are down sides to this gift too. It can be very draining - often people don't care about you but might just want you to listen to their problems. People often think that they know you better than they actually do. Sometimes you learn things about people that really, you'd rather not know. Sometimes there is a lot of pain associated with it as well. You worry about people. You find yourself praying for people and weeping along with them. There is a vulnerability there (at least in my experience) that you can't always just turn off.

That being said, I think that you should just focus on being yourself. I believe that God equips us with gifts so that we can do what he has called us to do. I think that I have this gift because I often find myself in situations where I must stand with people, encourage, pray, or in some other way help people with some emotional issue. There is value in both types of gifts - in connecting and also being able to love people but be a bit more distant. I know a man who is an administrator who is this way. He loves people and has a tender heart, but can be a bit distant. He has to make tough decisions and he is good at that while still maintaining godly sensitivity. There is tremendous value in that. I trust that God will equip you for the purpose to which you are called.



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