Are you and your spouse victorious after spousal abuse? (Full Version)

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funny_girl -> Are you and your spouse victorious after spousal abuse? (3/30/2008 11:21:02 PM)

80% of abusers aren't even aware that they are abusing.

I realize that some may not want to be exposed but I was interested in hearing some success stories of those who may have endured abuse yet saw God work miracles and give them the victory in their marriages.



Hislittleone -> RE: Are you and your spouse victorious after spousal abuse? (3/31/2008 3:28:58 AM)

There are stories of miraculous changes in formerly abusive relationships but I would NOT EVER advise someone to stay in an abusive situation. You just don't know if the abusive spouse will choose to listen to God's call on their lives. They may be open to a miracle or their hearts may be too hardened. It's best to get out and stay safe until you see a definite, consistent change for a very long period of time.
'



car2ner -> RE: Are you and your spouse victorious after spousal abuse? (3/31/2008 5:51:42 AM)

I stayed way too long expecting a miracle. I truly believe that God released me from that relationship and my ex and I have forgiven each other and are on friendly terms. That is the term we should have been on from the start but I was too stubborn and niave to pay attention to red flags.

So this is and isn't a "success"story. It did not end up in a death-till-you-part union (well, it almost did, my death).
It is a success in that it appears that my ex is living a much more productive and fruitful life on the other side of the globe. I know I am blessed here.



TMeeks -> RE: Are you and your spouse victorious after spousal abuse? (3/31/2008 9:56:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: funny_girl

80% of abusers aren't even aware that they are abusing.

I realize that some may not want to be exposed but I was interested in hearing some success stories of those who may have endured abuse yet saw God work miracles and give them the victory in their marriages.

Sometimes, I think we have a very narrow definition of God working to heal these situations. We only accept, as from God, those healings that come solely from prayer or laying on of hands, etc.

But, much of the abuse that Christians are enduring from their spouses may be due to minor brain damage or malfunction in their mates. God leading us to the knowledge to be able to recognize and treat these abnormalities is just as valid a work of God in our lives as any spectacular 'miracle'.

It really doesn't matter HOW the abuse is reversed. What matters is that it IS reversed. And, that is true for the abuser as well as the abused.

One of the things that needs to be asked of an abusive mate is whether or not they have ever had a head injury... like falling off a bike or a car accident. I know this isn't the 'spiritual' thing to do. But, God is the God of ALL knowledge and ALL truth, not just the truth in our little 'spiritual' boxes. [;)]

Just go to Google and enter (with quotes) the phrase "Aggressive"+"Left Temporal Lobe" to see what I'm talking about.



funny_girl -> RE: Are you and your spouse victorious after spousal abuse? (4/2/2008 5:53:14 PM)

I guess it's only fair to say that my marriage has overcome abuse.

My husband didn't know he was doing it until he started doing some research on the subject and had to answer yes to many of the signs. I think it's still hard for him to admit it sometimes and we have put it behind us but it happened. I kept praying for him and God performed a miracle in my marriage. Most of the abuse ranged from control and anger. Once my husband realized that I loved him unconditionally, it was as if he was born again! He cried and cried! It was rooted from childhood and his personality type played into a lot of how he was responding. He even sat down with our children and confessed to them and committed to them and myself that he would change. It's was real tough for a while and even though it was recommended that we separate until he received professional counseling, we were committed to each other and stayed together through the whole process.

I'm a survivor of bulimia and emotional abuse while being a Christian and in the ministry. I believe there are others out there with serious issues like I had and feel alone. We can't put levels on sin. Sin is sin. Forgiveness is forgiveness. God is patient not wanting any to perish. Sometimes we get off track but God knows the intents of our hearts and He works with us to make us ready for His soon return!

I now love and adore my husband and I know he loves and adores me! Praise to His name!!!!! We are more than overcomer's!



MrsOliver -> RE: Are you and your spouse victorious after spousal abuse? (4/4/2008 11:43:23 PM)

Funny Girl!
Hello, I know what you are talking about and I appreciate your honesty and outlook on Christianity, sinning and forgiveness!
My husband was a victim of abuse and he was abusive. He did not count the verbal abuse as 'real abuse' but he knew the physical had crossed the line. He has been saved for many yrs. Grew up in a very strict, controlling, critical, single mother household, him being the eldest and having to grow up much faster than he should have.
Other things in his life contributed to his anger and resentments. By the time we got together he was abusing alcohol and getting out of a very abusive, crazy marriage. (She was physically abusive to him). I was there to save him, so I thought. 6 yrs later I found out that I couldn't and through a series of events he escalated and everything just kept getting worse and worse until I left him. I knew the Lord had given me a vision of him as a minister preaching the Gospel and I knew his heart was pure and for the Lord, but that isn't what was flowing out of him. I began my quest to #1 experience the "Threshing Floor' prayer and #2 fully understand falling in love with Jesus!
the Lord taught me HOW to pray for my husband efectively and how to love him effectively. He showed me my husband through HIS eyes!
After several months of prayer, fasting, and litterally crying out to God, a miracle happened in my husbands heart! I had to 'finally' tell my pastor and leaders at my church, because I chose to leave him and had to explain my Biblical reasons. For the first time I had to expose him, which was the most difficult thing for me. BUT THAT IS WHERE THE HEALING BEGAN! Praise God!
Today, he is a Minister serving the Lord with his whole heart, soul and mind! He leads our praise and Worship team and he is our mens leader with a powerful testimony!
Gods brings us through these things to grow us and to give us a testimony that will bring Glory and honor to him.
I love and adore my husband, he is MORE THAN I EVER PRAYED FOR!! He is my GIFT!!!!
We testify to many couples, we provide marriage "coaching' and we are leaders in our marriage ministry.
God ONLY uses those, who have been through the fire and proven again!

this is the way I see it: If you dont' have a testimony, because you haven't passed any great test...then I don't care how great or perfect your life is.
When we are witnessing, we HAVE TO SHOW THE LOVE, POWER, FORGIVENESS AND PROMISES OF GOD!
I know them all very well, I don't hold back, I don't get intimidated by anyone and I know, like I know, like I know....THE MIRACULOUS POWER OF GOD!
I pray my testimony blesses you!
Mrs. Oliver



funny_girl -> RE: Are you and your spouse victorious after spousal abuse? (4/7/2008 1:53:32 AM)

Yes, your testimony is a blessing to me! Thank you for sharing MrsOliver!



Brooke313 -> RE: Are you and your spouse victorious after spousal abuse? (4/10/2008 5:26:19 PM)

Hi Funny_Girl

I too am a product of spousal abuse. My husband was abused as a child as was I and we abused each other. We often got into shouting matches and fist fights, etc., in our younger years. Once, he got mad at me and threw his dinner out the back door. There was also verbal abuse and sexual abuse ( not to our children, but to me)on his part. When he got into to trouble with the law because of the sexual abuse, (he was caught with an elderly woman in our community), everything came to a head and we had to do something. He went to jail for 90 days and has to register as a sex offender until 2013. We are still feeling some of the after affects of this behavior.

We have been in counseling together and we separated for two years after all of this happened. The separation was mainly to keep me and our children safe while we were trying to get things worked out. We have come out on the other side of this. My husband has accepted Christ and we all go to church together and serve the Lord together. It has been truly a miracle in the making. We hope to eventully be able to share with others in our community and people in general what the Lord had done for us, but the reality of the situation is such that we will need some help from God in order to make that work.

I love mu husband dearly and believe that God has brought us out of that dark time and that He will in time give us a place to minister and serve Him and we will be able to use this situation to help others.

Thanks for sharing your story and I pray that you continue to have God's fullest blessings in your lives.



Melitac -> RE: Are you and your spouse victorious after spousal abuse? (4/14/2008 3:22:17 AM)

My abusive ex spouse died of his own hatred this past Thursday. We had 2 kids.

He beat me black and blue and I hid it the entire 2 years we were married. When I finally told the truth,
nobody believed me.

I am proud of my current husband/their real Dad, of his raising my kids. I am also proud of my kids for holding their natural fathers hand when he died.

They did right by him, but he failed his kids.
I forgave my ex of his abuses on me years ago.

But I just can't skip it in how he hurt the kids....

My "victory" is how he cannot hurt them anymore,and that they have the rest of their lives to live right.



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