What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (Full Version)

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Karaboo2 -> What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/10/2008 11:11:43 PM)

Okay ... this thread is being started so that all those seasoned moms out there can share there little pearls of parenting with the new moms and moms-to-be. This is just meant to be a thread full of wisdom and encouragement, without directing suggestions at any particular person.

I'll start:
I wish I had realized sooner that just because something works for a million other kids, it might not work for mine ...
And I wish I had heeded the advice of people who suggested sleeping when the baby slept -- ignoring that wisdom made for some very long days and nights for several months!



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/10/2008 11:30:38 PM)

My bit of advice is, if you want bfing advice, don't go to any other source other then Le Leche League...they are seasoned in their advice, and it has stood the test of time. Too often I have seen bad advice in parenting books or from people that just don't understand nursing...and unfortunately new moms tend to latch on to that advice and it can really negatively affect the nursing relationship.

My other bit of advice (general advice) would be that if "they"...they being those "well intended" nosy busybodies that most moms and dads have to run into everywhere they go... aren't helping raise your child then they really have no say in how you are doing it...you don't have to answer to them, and you don't have to justify your own decisions to them. Tell them to butt out. The sooner you stand up for yourself the easier in the long run it will be.



mistichd -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/12/2008 8:00:28 AM)

I'm the mother of one beautiful 18 year old girl. If I had been a little smarter, I would have kicked back, relaxed and spent more time just enjoying her company instead of working myself nearly to death trying to be good at every little thing. A little less face wiping and a little more kissing and hugging.

You can see her picture here. She's the best gift God every gave me.



W.O.F. -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/12/2008 8:21:45 AM)

I wish I had known to not let anyone watch my child who didn't have the same knowledge and convictions about breastfeeding!

I was trying to finish college and had arranged my schedule to be able to still nurse my then one year old firstborn.

My babysitter (who happened to be my mom) would give her the "emergency bottle" 5 minutes (5 lousy minutes) before I would get home....and I got home at the same time every day! I would have understood if it had been 30 minutes or even 15...but 5?!?!?!?!?!?!

I would also never have my mom babysit a child for me on a daily basis. She is a good woman...and was a good mom to me, but she does not respect others wishes for their children......and takes it personally when you don't "do it the way she did".



Georgia-Peach -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/12/2008 8:26:38 AM)

I wish I would have known to be more relaxed about breastfeeding and not so worried that my milk supply was going to dry up or not be enough for him. We made it to 13 months so needless to say I worried over nothing. I am silly like that [8D]!

One thing I never regretted as a new mom was all the time I took to just relax with him, snuggle with him, and just enjoy him as a little guy. I spent a many a day on the couch relaxing while he slept on my chest and this is something I have never regretted. Maybe the house went a bit during that time, but it was time well spent. They are only little for so long and before you know it you will be chasing around a 15 month old wondering where the time has gone. So my advice (though its not something I wish I had known because my mom drilled it into me) is enjoy every minute even the moments where you are frustrated beyond words, enjoy every minute with your children.



isaacsmom -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/12/2008 9:40:19 AM)

I've learned that babies are easiest when you just "go with it". They grow and change so fast, that just when you think you've got a routine down, they change! So life is much easier when you really just fly with it and not stress about the little things -- because they'll change the next day!

And I've learned that it's important just to hold them when they want to be held. You can't "spoil" a baby by holding them too much. Before you know it, they'll be pre-schoolers and want to run and play and be independent. And then I guess they start driving! LOL! I was a teenager when my youngest brother was a toddler and he was my sweet little man and I took care of him just like a second momma. Now he's driving his own vehicle and about to graduate! [sm=crystreams.gif]

My oldest is only three, so that's all I've learned so far. [:D]



IAMJulie -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/12/2008 5:30:43 PM)

I've learned that it's OK to change your mind about things. Just because I thought one way once doesn't mean I have to keep thinking that way.

Whatever is I'm going through is not a permanent situation. This too shall pass!

When it comes to your convictions never quit on your worst day. This applies to BFing especially! And if you do end up changing the way you do something, don't waste your mental energy by feeling guilty about it.



Eliana -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/14/2008 3:24:21 AM)

Fantastic stuff! I'm definitely bookmarking this thread!



justjennhere -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/14/2008 4:48:47 PM)

I wish I had known that what works for one baby won't always work for another baby. (As was already mentioned.) My two babies are totally different!

I wish I had known that other people don't always know more about taking care of a baby than I do. (I thought I was an idiot in a world of experts. Even people who didn't have children were experts!)

I wish I had known that spending time holding, cuddling, loving a baby ISN'T wasted time. I always felt guilty if the house wasn't perfectly neat, the laundry wasn't always folded the minute the dryer stopped, supper was a little late, etc.

I wish I had known to just relax and enjoy instead of spending those newborn days constantly fretting over every little, tiny thing!



Royal.Fortress -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/17/2008 9:24:46 PM)

Keep it comin' ladies!



Auben -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/18/2008 3:58:48 PM)

Don't expect to get a lot done. Pick a few (1-3) things that must get done and worry about the rest later. A messy house will not kill you. A late dinner or eating something quick and easy won't hurt.

15 minutes of planning or packing will a world of trouble later on.

This is one of the few times in someone's life when you can't over pack. Bring that extra outfit...and I'm talking to you! Bring 2-3 extra for the baby! Keep them in the car if you must but keep them somewhere.

They really are changing every day so take pictures! Just don't expect everyone else to see every video and every photo. Pick out the cutest few for everyone else.

It really won't hurt them to cry for 5-10 minutes, even if they are hungry or their diaper is full. If you feel overwhelmed take a few minutes for yourself. I'd lock myself in the bathroom and just pray for a few moments. That doesn't make you a bad mom.



2shaye -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/18/2008 4:04:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Auben
It really won't hurt them to cry for 5-10 minutes, even if they are hungry or their diaper is full. If you feel overwhelmed take a few minutes for yourself. I'd lock myself in the bathroom and just pray for a few moments. That doesn't make you a bad mom.

That's what I was gonna say! [:D]



LaurainAL -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/18/2008 4:11:37 PM)

I wish I had known that I was going to bleed for weeks after birth.

I am glad I didn't know how hard it was going to be, though. I might have chickend out [sm=chicken.gif]



doinkdom -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/18/2008 4:19:44 PM)

I wish I had paid more attention to what the bible says about child-rearing, which is quite a bit instead of listening to Dr. Spock or any other celebrity guru who happens to write a book.

God's instructions are enough...they are not always easy, but they would've been enough for us.

I also wish I had played with my kids more at random moments.

I taught my children the rules, the regs and somewhat how to live and live well, but I didn't teach them about struggles and how to suffer well.

And, again...played with them more.



Memaw. -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/18/2008 4:58:42 PM)

I wish I would have paid more attention to the poem I read on my doctors' wall.

Babies Don't Keep

Cleaning and scrubbing
can wait till tomorrow...
for babies grow up
we've learned to our sorrow...
So quiet down cobwebs-
dust go to sleep...
I'm rocking my baby
and babies don't keep!!



Royal.Fortress -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/18/2008 5:48:00 PM)

Awwww ... that's an awesome poem! I might just print that out!!



danas_mom -> RE: What I Wish I Had Known as a First Time ("New") Mom (4/22/2008 4:32:47 PM)

Some of this is going to be echoing what was already said, but:

* Remember that YOU are YOUR baby's mother for a reason. Kids may not come with instruction manuals, but you come with God-given intuitions and instincts. Use them. That's not to say that you should never listen to advice given by doctors, other moms, parenting experts or that you should ignore time-tested wisdom - but you know your child better than anyone. Learn their cues, listen to them, and pray for guidance. Everything else is secondary.

* Don't be afraid to ask questions. You will not sound stupid, you will not be laughed at. Parenting is a daunting task and it's ok to feel a little overwhelmed at first. It doesn't mean you weren't cut out for this, it just means you are taking on something new and want to do a good job.

* SLEEP WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE, especially with a newborn. You may think that you'll have another chance to nap in a few hours and the laundry/dishes/whatever is more important, but there's no guarantee that the baby won't be too fussy to nap well later and you've missed your chance to rest. It's very, very hard to keep up with a newborn's needs when you're utterly exhausted.

* Let your hubby help you out with everything he's comfortable doing, and even some things he's not. He may not do things the way you do, but if he's not endangering the baby in any way, let him do it his way. He needs to learn just like you did, and you don't gain any extra "mommy points" by pushing him out of the way and doing everything yourself. The only person you're impressing with your Super!Mommy routine is you.

* Give yourself a good 20 - 30 minutes every day to take a shower, brush your hair, put on clean clothes and relax while hubby takes care of the baby (or while the baby is napping if you are at home alone with them all the time). You really do feel better when you're clean and have taken a few minutes to refresh yourself.

* If at all possible, find a group of people with kids that are close in age to your own - whether IRL or online - and chat with them often. You'd be surprised at how many 'my baby is doing XYZ, is this normal?' things you're wondering about can be answered by your parenting peers rather than the pediatrician. (Not to say you should never consult your pediatrician if you really feel something is amiss!)

* Arm yourself with knowledge. You really do need to keep up with the latest info on things like carseat safety and product recalls. Also, don't be bullied into thinking you have to do everything the way your mother (or MIL) did them. Some parenting do's and don'ts will never change, but some do. Choosing to do things differently does not mean you think they didn't do it right.

* Enjoy the moment and enjoy each individual child. Babyhood, and childhood, really is fleeting and it's something you can't get back once it's gone. When you're able, take a few moments to write things down that your baby is doing or something that is going on around you at the time - especially the things that are unique to that child. They love hearing about what they were like as babies as they grow up. You think you'll remember those moments, but unfortunately that's not always the case.



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