RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?
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Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?
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Total Votes : 79
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(last vote on : 5/5/2008 12:34:43 PM)
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/25/2008 12:44:36 PM
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txhoneydarlin
Posts: 616
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: Texas
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RC, That is what I would do as well - especially if I felt so strongly about not attending church. I just don't see the need to further injure a relationship by being disrespectful and speaking harsh and vitriolic words that I may someday regret. Maybe I was raised different, but where I'm from - the rules depend on who the house belongs to, whether it's parents, family or friends. You simply honor the rules - or you don't go live with that person or visit them if you can't abide by them, regardless of whatever kind of invitation has been extended. I always thought it was simple courtesy - maybe I'm wrong?
_____________________________
- Melissa
Unforgiveness is like taking poison and hoping your enemy will die. - Joyce Meyer
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/26/2008 10:26:02 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3466
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
Status: offline
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Reminds me of when my daughter was in her older teens, and she was having some issues. I had always told my children that as long as they lived in my home, they would attend church with me. At the time, she did not want to.
I saw that it was doing her no good for me to insist. As her parent, as an adult who is capable and willing to accept that maybe I was wrong, I decided suddenly, while in conversation with her, to just tell her, "All right, Jennifer. It's up to you from now on. I will no longer insist that you go to church. Just do what you want."
She had known my rules, and she knew how strongly I felt about them, and this scared her -- real badly -- because she thought I had given up on her, and if I had, she wasn't sure but what G-d had also.
The next Sunday night, she went to a party instead of to church, but when she got home, she sat down beside me and gave her heart to the L-rd in a clear, decisive way. She was 18.
Now, she is 36, a married woman with three children, and a believer. How I thank G-d for her and her brother, who both serve the L-rd with their family members.
Do I feel like I went back on my word? Some may say I did, but the fact is that as we grow and age, and our children do the same, there come times when we see things differently. If we have to be so stubborn that we cannot admit error and back up, that is sad.
The Scriptures are written to believers that they should not forsake gathering with other believers. I understand that. And while no where in the Bible does it say that we should force attendance on our adult children, there is certainly no place that says we cannot change our minds, once informed differently through later judgment, about things are are not clearly written in the Bible.
If the Bible says, "Stop committing adultry" or "stop stealing" or "stop serving other gods," that is clear, and we cannot change our minds. We can, however, change our minds about such decisions as (to our children) "You will not to the store" in one instance and "You may go to the store" after things have been clarified to us and we change our minds about a firm initial directive. This is the same thing.
Bottom line: if your parents tell you that you must attend church, either attend or move out.
< Message edited by Covaan_Meshuga -- 4/26/2008 10:32:46 PM >
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/26/2008 11:22:32 PM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 4559
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga
Reminds me of when my daughter was in her older teens, and she was having some issues. I had always told my children that as long as they lived in my home, they would attend church with me. At the time, she did not want to.
I saw that it was doing her no good for me to insist. As her parent, as an adult who is capable and willing to accept that maybe I was wrong, I decided suddenly, while in conversation with her, to just tell her, "All right, Jennifer. It's up to you from now on. I will no longer insist that you go to church. Just do what you want."
She had known my rules, and she knew how strongly I felt about them, and this scared her -- real badly -- because she thought I had given up on her, and if I had, she wasn't sure but what G-d had also.
The next Sunday night, she went to a party instead of to church, but when she got home, she sat down beside me and gave her heart to the L-rd in a clear, decisive way. She was 18.
Now, she is 36, a married woman with three children, and a believer. How I thank G-d for her and her brother, who both serve the L-rd with their family members.
Do I feel like I went back on my word? Some may say I did, but the fact is that as we grow and age, and our children do the same, there come times when we see things differently. If we have to be so stubborn that we cannot admit error and back up, that is sad.
The Scriptures are written to believers that they should not forsake gathering with other believers. I understand that. And while no where in the Bible does it say that we should force attendance on our adult children, there is certainly no place that says we cannot change our minds, once informed differently through later judgment, about things are are not clearly written in the Bible.
If the Bible says, "Stop committing adultry" or "stop stealing" or "stop serving other gods," that is clear, and we cannot change our minds. We can, however, change our minds about such decisions as (to our children) "You will not to the store" in one instance and "You may go to the store" after things have been clarified to us and we change our minds about a firm initial directive. This is the same thing.
Bottom line: if your parents tell you that you must attend church, either attend or move out.
The bible says keep your as plain as it says dont lie...
John
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/26/2008 11:31:10 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3466
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SovereignIsHe
The bible says keep your as plain as it says dont lie...
John
So when G-d said clearly to Moshe that He was going to destroy all Israel, then Moshe pled for their lives, offering his for them, and G-d said he would not destroy them all, He was at fault?
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/26/2008 11:54:17 PM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 4559
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga
quote:
ORIGINAL: SovereignIsHe
The bible says keep your as plain as it says dont lie...
John
So when G-d said clearly to Moshe that He was going to destroy all Israel, then Moshe pled for their lives, offering his for them, and G-d said he would not destroy them all, He was at fault?
Are you really aguring that God doesn't keep His word? What's next, God really didn't know how many righteous were in Sodom?
John
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/27/2008 12:10:00 AM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3466
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
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I am just reading the clear Scriptures. He said one thing, and after Moses pleads, He did something else. He is G-d, the Almighty, who never changes. He had a plan, and He stuck with it, while Moshe learned a lesson. Has nothing whatsoever to do with Sodom.
When we don't understand the Scriptures, we must chalk it up to human frailty, not G-d-error.
< Message edited by Covaan_Meshuga -- 4/27/2008 12:16:01 AM >
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/27/2008 12:36:38 AM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 4559
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga
I am just reading the clear Scriptures. He said one thing, and after Moses pleads, He did something else. He is G-d, the Almighty, who never changes. He had a plan, and He stuck with it, while Moshe learned a lesson. Has nothing whatsoever to do with Sodom.
When we don't understand the Scriptures, we must chalk it up to human frailty, not G-d-error.
I understand the scriptures in quesiton enough to figure that God's was teaching Moses how to be a shepard and an intercessor... He was leading Moses...
What does this have to do with a Christian being faithful to his or her word?
John
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/27/2008 12:49:05 AM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3466
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
Status: offline
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So we are writing about our words?
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/27/2008 11:46:17 AM
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Zedd
Posts: 33
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline
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Sorry for keeping you all in the dark for so long! Before I explain the outcome of the situation I would just like to touch base on one thing.
The reason I came to this forum was to ask for advice, not to strike up conflict, or to poke fun; I genuinely wanted the opinions of Christians.
Unfortunately you vary so greatly in opinion (seems split down the middle) that I didn't exactly feel as if this was the right place to go for advice.
Some of you are so hung up on "I'm an adult, respect me" that you don't see the disrespect that is shot in my direction. And like SovereignIsHe explained time and time again; half of you have been holding me to a higher standard than my Christian parents. I really hope you see how erroneous that is.
Fortunately my parent's pastor did. My mother, my step-father, and I discussed the situation with him this Saturday. I took 15 minutes to explain to him the situation, exactly as I had explained it to all of you, BOTH sides of the coin. (I know a lot of you have been negating my ability to do this as an instrument to discredit me. I think that is ridiculous.) After about 10 minutes of further discussion, he agreed that it is in no way right or Christian for my parents to go back on their word, and furthermore to threaten my living with them as a means to gain my church attendance.
His thoughts were this; [Wouldn't it be nice if your mother came up to your room and said, "Zedd, I know you don't want to goto church, and it's fine. If you want to sleep in, sleep in, if you want to take this morning to study, then study." And wouldn't it be nice if you responded with, "No Mom it's fine I'm going to go anyway because I know you want me to go."]
His illustration was that of cooperation and respect. Neither of which I could give while the choice and religious authority of my person was being threatened. He understood that.
Today I did goto church. It was my choice. I'm glad I could make my mother happy by doing so.
For the 56% of you who think otherwise, I pity you, hope you look at this situation, and re-evaluate your positions.
Thank you again!
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/27/2008 12:06:00 PM
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OLEEguacamole
Posts: 1055
Status: offline
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zedd you MUST remember that we were given very little info on your situation and then you stopped participating.
forums often discuss things to an extreme point, that's the nature of forums especially when the advice seeker is not around. the discussion becomes largely hypothetical.
i have been on the RECEIVING end of unreasonable parenting as a young adult. been there done that. i have also been involved in young adult son vs mom. (not me) and have seen those kind of situations result in stress on the mom that ended up hospitalized.
be careful. you can do harm to relationships and people even when you're right and she's wrong. being that you're a man now, sometimes you just have to do the right thing, fair or not.
of course we know very little ofYOUR situation.
_____________________________
there's life in a pit.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/27/2008 12:24:34 PM
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Corne
Posts: 1215
Status: offline
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Zedd,
Earlier you stated that going to church would violate your beliefs and for that reason you should not have to go. Now that you have proven you are right to your own satisfaction you can go to please your mother?
I hope you re-evaluate your own postion. That of being a man. You have some responsibility here too.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/27/2008 1:24:29 PM
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Zedd
Posts: 33
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Corne
Zedd,
Earlier you stated that going to church would violate your beliefs and for that reason you should not have to go. Now that you have proven you are right to your own satisfaction you can go to please your mother?
I hope you re-evaluate your own postion. That of being a man. You have some responsibility here too.
for that reason I should not be forced to go*
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/27/2008 3:56:28 PM
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relady
Posts: 1049
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
Status: offline
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Zedd, I am so glad things are working out! I do hope that you will continue to choose to go to church occasionally, you never know what you might learn or soak up that will benefit your spiritual journey, wherever it may be taking you.  Just keep an open mind about your spirituality and God and you might be surprised where God will take you. Be blessed!
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/27/2008 4:01:14 PM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 4559
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Zedd
Sorry for keeping you all in the dark for so long! Before I explain the outcome of the situation I would just like to touch base on one thing.
The reason I came to this forum was to ask for advice, not to strike up conflict, or to poke fun; I genuinely wanted the opinions of Christians.
Unfortunately you vary so greatly in opinion (seems split down the middle) that I didn't exactly feel as if this was the right place to go for advice.
Some of you are so hung up on "I'm an adult, respect me" that you don't see the disrespect that is shot in my direction. And like SovereignIsHe explained time and time again; half of you have been holding me to a higher standard than my Christian parents. I really hope you see how erroneous that is.
Fortunately my parent's pastor did. My mother, my step-father, and I discussed the situation with him this Saturday. I took 15 minutes to explain to him the situation, exactly as I had explained it to all of you, BOTH sides of the coin. (I know a lot of you have been negating my ability to do this as an instrument to discredit me. I think that is ridiculous.) After about 10 minutes of further discussion, he agreed that it is in no way right or Christian for my parents to go back on their word, and furthermore to threaten my living with them as a means to gain my church attendance.
His thoughts were this; [Wouldn't it be nice if your mother came up to your room and said, "Zedd, I know you don't want to goto church, and it's fine. If you want to sleep in, sleep in, if you want to take this morning to study, then study." And wouldn't it be nice if you responded with, "No Mom it's fine I'm going to go anyway because I know you want me to go."]
His illustration was that of cooperation and respect. Neither of which I could give while the choice and religious authority of my person was being threatened. He understood that.
Today I did goto church. It was my choice. I'm glad I could make my mother happy by doing so.
For the 56% of you who think otherwise, I pity you, hope you look at this situation, and re-evaluate your positions.
Thank you again!
Zedd,
One very important thing in all this... Regarding the higher standard... The more knowledge of God's word and laws that you come to understand the more you are going to be held accountable where it counts, between you and God... I hope more than anything that all this sparks something in you and this is the start of something that will change your life forever.
John
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/28/2008 2:06:30 PM
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narnia
Posts: 530
Status: offline
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Ellie-Mae asked, and I would like to know too-waht will you be doing this summer, Zed? Since classess are over.
The other thing that has puzzled me was your statement that your father was not pleased with your progress. Progress in what?
You said you don't drink and drug nor do your friends. You have a governement scholarship to school-so what progress didn't your father like?
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/30/2008 12:01:53 PM
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Zedd
Posts: 33
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: narnia
Ellie-Mae asked, and I would like to know too-waht will you be doing this summer, Zed? Since classess are over.
The other thing that has puzzled me was your statement that your father was not pleased with your progress. Progress in what?
You said you don't drink and drug nor do your friends. You have a governement scholarship to school-so what progress didn't your father like?
This summer I'm working full-time doing Landscaping and going to school part-time.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/30/2008 6:58:30 PM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 4559
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: online
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As for your hypothetical, really has nothing to with this thread, statement...
quote:
I mean did the mother say, that no matter your lifestyle, your actionsj, your sins, your denouncing of God: this place is yours free of charge forever and ever amen.
From what we know the mother and son agreed that the son could live without having to go to church... As for his actions, that's another thread and I believe I even mentioned there could be actions that would give cause for the mother to remove him... Lifestlyle, the denouncing of God... All known before she agreed to allow him to live there, his view were of no surprise... For the record I never said it was a never ending deal... Only those folks who like to argue from points that have nothing to do with the OP brought that into question... Like many on this thread your view(s) entailed jumping from the gist of the thread down a one if not many rabbit holes in order for your view to have even an ounce of validity...
I believe the mother's pastor handled the situation in the best intrest of all those involved, and mostly in the best intrest of the mother in the long run and now Zedd is on the hook even more for his increased knowledge of God's truth... Hopefully it's the start of the something good in his life, agree?
John
(edited to remove response to deleted post)
< Message edited by Kath -- 4/30/2008 8:07:33 PM >
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/30/2008 7:14:34 PM
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Qtman
Posts: 10730
Joined: 3/21/2006
From: Crimson Tide Country
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It would appear that Zedd and his mother have reached a settlement. Can we not do the same thing and let this discussion go?
_____________________________
Don't take life here to seriously. No one gets out alive.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/30/2008 10:52:22 PM
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Zedd
Posts: 33
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Qtman
It would appear that Zedd and his mother have reached a settlement. Can we not do the same thing and let this discussion go?
No one is making you post here.
quote:
ORIGINAL: rcjames
John, it might not be a positive thing to stick to a wrong or a misunderstood position.
I mean did the mother say, that no matter your lifestyle, your actionsj, your sins, your denouncing of God: this place is yours free of charge forever and ever amen.
Thanks
RC
edited for spelling
Nevermind. Just "lol."
< Message edited by Zedd -- 4/30/2008 11:03:29 PM >
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