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TaranWanderer -> RE: Is he too old? (4/30/2008 3:27:47 AM)
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I can't say I've been in your situation, but being a single guy in my late 30's, it's a situation that I may encounter at some point. I've also given it a lot of thought and there have been other forum threads in the past which have dealt with this. Here are a couple of things to keep in mind:
1) Age REALLY IS just a number. I always shake my head when people assume things based on the number of years a person has been alive. For example, I personally went through a lot of trials early on in my life that helped me mature mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So maybe at 19, I was as mature as someone who is 23 or 24..or even 30. Conversely, because I take pretty good care of myself, I can still run as fast as many guys 10 years younger. So, to assume things about people just because of their age without knowing anything about them is just plain ignorant.
2) What life stage you both are in IS a factor. I say this because I realize how much I've changed over the years. And it is likely that you and he will also go through many changes as you reach your 30's and 40's beyond. This is where I think if you are really spiritually grounded you can overcome these factors. But I definitely think it is a greater risk in a relationship if you can't relate well to each other as it may end up causing that "distant" feeling or lack of empathy.
3) People generally seem to have a natural bias against relationships where there is a big age gap. I encounter this a lot at my church where I often hear the words "ewwww" and "creepy" when the topic comes up. No matter what, most people will question the motives of a 40 year old who is interested in someone your age. Of course, people RARELY take into consideration whether the two persons personalities and interests match, spiritual maturity, etc. However, there are PLENTY of examples from posts on this thread and others on this message board that it can work. In fact, a few years ago an early 20's woman at my church married a pastor who is 12 years older than her and they appear to have a great relationship (they are even a mixed-race couple, which can be a challenge in and of itself!). I mean, if most married couples are at or near the same age, and the divorce rate in this country is 50+%, what does that say about age difference being the indicator of a successful relationship?
So, to answer your question from your OP, your relationship is NOT doomed simply b/c of the age difference. It would only be doomed if that was God's will. Of course, you will face opposition, but I think bottom line is: if you are both spiritually grounded and God is leading the two of you together, don't let anyone, FRIENDS or FAMILY, get in the way of that.
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