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Keabird -> RE: marriage again (4/25/2008 7:14:19 PM)
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Just in case anyone feels I was a bit vague about the animal thing, I will explain specifically what happened in this instance. I'll furnish some background info.
As a teenager, I bred budgerigars (parakeets to some![:)]) I had stopped in my first marriage, and have always wanted to take up the hobby again. Hubby, with his aversion to smells and noises, has not been keen on me getting them, saying they are too messy and he can't stand their chirping. So I didn't get them - until we split up last year, and I thought it was going to be permanent. So I got a pair of birds, kept inside, in a cage which I keep tidy and clean.
When hubby and I reconciled, he accepted that they were there without a fuss (ironically he also had birds as a teenager but his were outside, in a much warmer climate. How he coped with the chirping then, I have no idea!)
My birds are in a room on their own, which is the sunniest one that is unused. Originally I thought he would want it for his artwork, but he didn't. Our house is up on a hill on the coast, with prevailing winds off the sea in one direction, and northerly winds from another direction. There is no suitable site on the section in which to keep them outside. (Birds can handle a certain amount of cold but not drafts, according to our local breeders.) We initially tried having the birds outside in a big cage on the deck, but I could see they were always fluffed up trying to stay warm, and there was always a wind. On top of that, the local cats discovered them. So I insisted on bringing them inside, and that's when they got put in the small sunny room, that hubby didn't want to use anyway. He did accept that without much fuss.
SInce then I have added another pair of birds, and they are all in a bigger indoor flight, which I also am careful to keep clean.
Fast forward to last week. We are heading into winter, and being in the wind, the house gets chilled. I noticed one of my birds was sick - some kind of breathing problem. I alerted hubby and said the bird would need to be kept warm. My intention was to put a heater with a thermostat on in the room, just enough to keep the chill off the room. Hubby threw a fit, citing high power bills, and physically removed the heater from the room. I was very upset, but I let it go and hoped the bird would get better anyway. That was about a week ago. A few days later, the bird was worse, so after trying various home remedies recommended by our local breeders (keep in mind here that hubby hates spending money on anything that is not of benefit to him so I was trying to avoid vet fees) I finally took him to a vet. The very first thing she suggested was putting a heater in the room to keep him warm. She gave him a shot etc, and I came home. I told hubby what she said about the heater, so then he said I could just have it going at night. So I let it go at that.
However, I was thinking about the coming winter, and how it is going to get MUCH colder, even inside, and I nicely suggested to hubby last night that perhaps I could pay the extra for any power bills if I felt a need to have the heater going even once the bird is better, for the sake of all the birds.
That is when he had the tantrum. He said a flat "no" and then proceeded to call me not very nice things, and eventually the behaviour described in my first post.
Of course, I could get rid of all the birds - that would please him. But that would mean that he gets to have the hobby he wants (thousands of $ of militaria) but I do not, unless he preapproves everything I do with the hobby. THis is no exaggeration and the control comes out in many other areas too.
For me the bottom line here is one of kindness and treating animals properly. Unfortunately he is not a kind person and I really struggle with that too.
Anyway just wanted to give a better idea of why this happened last night. His tantrums in previous weeks were about other issues.
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