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deermousie -> RE: How To View The Molested? (4/29/2008 7:48:46 PM)
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I'm guessing that a person who was molested long term as a child is broken inside just like we all are broken, in one way or another, and probably more severely than some others.
The OP said this was a new thing for him to think about and he is struggling to find his balance in the Lord. I don't appreciate it that a person says he suddenly finds themself in a difficult place and is attacked for not having it all figured out like people who've been through this or have worked with people who've been through this or just have strong feelings about it. He said he wasn't sure his attitude and feelings were right and asked for help. Put your guns down, some of you. We shouldn't be shooting someone who is trying to do it right. Help him think this through; his question is an honest one that anyone in his position might have.
To just tell him to dump her because he's not good enough is unwarrented and unreasonable in the light of how God works in our lives. None of us is good enough; that's why Christ went to the cross. Don't forget it was for you, too, so don't look down on him. And you're asking this girl to suffer the loss of her relationship with him - more loss for her.
I was not molested, but I came from parents who should have gone to prison for what they did to their kids. I'm in my 50s and I still struggle. I have a sibling who is a violent sociopath - there but for the grace of God go I. My whole life has been colored and shaped by childhood. The biggest blessing to me has been my husband, who had no clue when he married me that I was such a wreck. To be fair, I didn't either, and a lot of things didn't come out until life got harder and the twisted thinking I had became more obvious. It's been a long, hard row to hoe, and I don't expect to be fully healed until I see the Lord face-to-face. But meanwhile, I can slowly plug the holes in the colander of my life, one at a time, and have done everything to make sure my own kid doesn't suffer the same lies. I'm sure some things have slipped through, but it looks like God has blessed her and she lives in a world of God's truth and her parents' love. I am ever so grateful! But I understand what it is to be handicapped by a catastrophic loss that others can't see.
Would my husband had married me if he knew of my injury? I've never asked him, but I can make a good guess: He would have thought about it a long time, prayed, sought wise counsel... and then he would have married me anyway because he thought it was God's will (because he did think it was God's will in the first place).
I think the OP will think long and hard about this, pray, seek counsel, and then do what God leads him to do. At least, his response up to now indicates this as a likely course. So give him wise counsel, you in the know (and some of you have), pray for him, and encourage him. This is a difficult thing and it may take a while to work all the different aspects through.
I have little advice to give in this specific matter, Amherst, because I am not knowledgeable about it. I ask that you keep in mind we are all the walking wounded in one way or another, and that God calls us to fervently love the brethren. God sometimes heals us by His hand, and sometimes by the hands of our Forever Family. You can be a blessing by being a casual friend, or maybe God will call you to marry this girl when she's old enough. I don't know, and right now I'm guessing neither do you. Listen to God and wise counsel, and may your heart be ready to do whatever God will ask you to do. His ways are always good, even when the present circumstances look iffy. The end is guaranteed.
God bless you and her; I am praying tonight for you both. May God heal her and give you great wisdom and kindness.
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