I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (Full Version)

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gaylel1 -> I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/4/2008 11:47:40 PM)

I'm glad that my Christian church family care about me and cares about what I feeling because my real family when I get in trouble or ask them for help for anything, they seem to cast me aside and forget about me when I need something or a favor or anything.

You see, since my mom and dad divorced, I never had any real family if they helped me in a crisis or anything. They never prayed for me or loved me and say that they care about me or helped me or anything. I had to stuggle and had to do things for myself. And if I do ask my real family for help for anything, its always like "Its your fault," or question me about my past or anything. I feel like, since I am the youngest, I'm treated like an outcast, and has been for a very, very long time.

I go to work, I try to get my life right, but I cannot do anything right by my family, even though I try.

With this moving situation, they don't want to help me. They don't care if I end up in the street because I guess they want that and want to see me fail and fall on my face.

But with my church family and christians, they care and their prayers and encouragement keeps me going and encourages me to do things. They don't question me or judge me, they love me as a sister in Christ.

And my girls I teach in church keep me going. They gave me a birthday card, since I celbrated a birthday today. My family never gave me anything at all.

But there are times that I wish that I turn the clock back and long for a real family, a mom and dad who cared about me and loved me for who I am, brothers and sisters who loved me and hug me and just a real family.

Least I do have one in the church.

Has anyone feel sometimes like I do sometimes?



Konstantinos -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/5/2008 6:01:52 AM)

my family is not even christian to begin with, so yes.

and especially my mom always expects too much of me.



deermousie -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/5/2008 2:02:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gaylel1
You see, since my mom and dad divorced, I never had any real family if they helped me in a crisis or anything. They never prayed for me or loved me and say that they care about me or helped me or anything. I had to stuggle and had to do things for myself. And if I do ask my real family for help for anything, its always like "Its your fault," or question me about my past or anything. I feel like, since I am the youngest, I'm treated like an outcast, and has been for a very, very long time.


Me, too. My parents didn't divorce, but my father was a violent wife beater and child abuser, and my mother didn't talk to me unless I "bought" her attention with humor or talking trash about other people. Well, OK, she also threatened to disown me if I didn't admit I felt loved and happy, regardless of the constant abuse and neglect she insisted wasn't happening. I "knew" by time I was 4 that I was worthless and unloveable. Smell the sulfur? Sounds and smells just like yours. We didn't deserve this, Gayle.

quote:

I go to work, I try to get my life right, but I cannot do anything right by my family, even though I try.


You might see your family has a "script" that says "Gayle is no good and not worth helping. In fact, it would be good to see her fail (again)." Sound familar?

These scripts are hardy and don't seem to be dented at all by reality. I'm the family's first college grad, first college teacher, first stable marriage and first non-abusive parent, but I'm a "failure" in their eyes. Go figure!

quote:

With this moving situation, they don't want to help me. They don't care if I end up in the street because I guess they want that and want to see me fail and fall on my face.

But with my church family and christians, they care and their prayers and encouragement keeps me going and encourages me to do things. They don't question me or judge me, they love me as a sister in Christ.


People who love God get trained in reality. We're to tell the truth and fervently love the brethren (I Pet. 1:22) and edify (build up) the body of Christ, and some of us do our best. I swear, families like yours and mine have their fingers in theirs and are going, "La la la la la nobody's hearing nothing!" Thank God for our brothers and sisters in the Lord! They were my only family for years, too.

quote:

And my girls I teach in church keep me going. They gave me a birthday card, since I celbrated a birthday today. My family never gave me anything at all.


Oh, Gayle, I wish I were there in the room with you. I want to throw my arms around your neck and weep. And take you out to lunch or something nice. Happy birthday, dear heart. You are not unloved (but your family is a trainwreck). You still aren't unloved. And your girls have it right; I'm so glad you have them. And I wish I was there to help you move.

quote:

But there are times that I wish that I turn the clock back and long for a real family, a mom and dad who cared about me and loved me for who I am, brothers and sisters who loved me and hug me and just a real family.

Least I do have one in the church. Has anyone feel sometimes like I do sometimes?


I've felt like this for 55 years or so, every minute of every day. If you find a way to turn back the clock and get a real family, I want to know immediately! [:D] My life (like so many people) has an enormous hole in it. I hurt. Greatly. So do you. I expect it will more or less stay there until you and I see the Lord face to face, and then we shall be like Him and whole. We bring glory to God in that we are the walking wounded and STILL we trust God and wait for the healing we long for. So I thank Him for it now.

Meanwhile, we can find some healing and great good by plugging our lives into others. Being a parent and not abusing but loving my child has been very healing for me. You have your girls, and you're all benefiting. The life lived for others is never wasted, and who did this more than Jesus? We are to grow up into Him.

Ever read the Chronicles of Narnia by Lewis? That man was a genius in understanding God, and he makes it so simple to understand. The scene about the dwarves in the stable - they can't see reality. Like our families.

We turn around from the people who should have loved us but can't even see us, and behind us we see beautiful Narnia and the Great Lion with love in His eyes. And it's for us!

You aren't a black sheep in your family - you are the only white sheep in a family of black sheep. God grabbed you by the collar and hauled you out of that hell-hole, and put His name and love on you. You, by His grace, are probably the only one to make it out alive from your family. You can pray for them and do good for them, and get your love cup filled by the folks at church. You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip or an unloving family. Pity them, and rejoice in your place in God's family.

And again, happy birthday, dear heart. Be of good cheer - your sin is forgiven and you are loved. By me, too. (((birthday hugs)))



Kat_D -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/5/2008 9:05:38 PM)

Oh, Gayle, Happy Birthday, my friend!

I'm so sorry for the pain you are experiencing...but never forget that even "when your mother and father forsake you, God will lift you up." (paraphrase) The Lord will see you through this difficult time....trust Him, He will not fail you...He loves you very much! (((((Gayle))))))



BJinWA -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/6/2008 12:20:26 AM)

gaylel1.....

I want to tell you that i appreciate you. your post to me helped me and i won't soon forget it.

my father used to say you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives.....obvious, but still sometimes hard to accept.

i wish i could take the hurt from you..but i know someone who can. Jesus.

hugs to you, please let me be one of your family.



lightshineon -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/6/2008 9:46:21 AM)

Gayle Jesus had family that treated him that way also. Read Mark chp 3, and others. They thought he was crazy, and came to take charge of him. He was the outcast in his family also, though things changed after the Resserection. Jesus, did not let his familys negative thoughts get him down, knowing he was here on this earth for a greater thing. My daddys family still treat him badly, though he is 72 years old. Take it for what it is they are wrong, pray for them to change, and I know you from these post. You are strong, and determined and a winner, if they cannot see the greatness of you, and the destiny the Lord has for you that is their problem, because I know you only from the internet, and I can see.
Blessings



rgod -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/6/2008 5:04:38 PM)

Gayle,

I'm so sorry to hear about what is happening with your family, but so glad to know that God has given you a new family - your brothers and sisters in Christ to help you through this time. It hurts, but he has promised then when our mothers and fathers forsake us that He will not. Hold on, and I pray that there will be comfort for you today. And by the way, happy belated birthday.

rgod



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/6/2008 6:21:59 PM)

Gayle,

I know there are times when we wonder if we have been forsaken. But we must remember that we have not been. Thank goodness, you have a christian family--many do not have even that. And ours to please is Christ, and no one else. The first step toward releasing such pain, is realizing, you family cannot provide the kind of support you have, and it is nothing that you can do to provoke or create it. Let it go. Let go of the rejection and the pain and the hurt. Sometimes, we hold on to that old pain, and we say, "Woe is me!" And of course, grieving is IMPORTANT! (((HUGS)))

But after a while, you have to realize you're not a loser. You'r not down and out. Youre not forgotten. There is someone who has engraved your name on His palms. There is someone who remembers you like a nursing mother or a nursing father. There is someone who counts the hair on your head. It is our heavenly Father.

Let go of the past and all of its hurts. They cannot heal you and they cannot make everything OK. Only God can do that for you, and He loves you beyond measure. Who can separate us from the love of God? Can peril, or famine, or death? Nothing. I pray that you will know the height, dept, and width of God's love to an even greater degree, and you will go forward knowing you are cherished and BLESSED by Him. There is a beautiful scripture that says, "Let the weak say I am strong, and let the poor say I am rich!" In Christ, who fills all in all we can be more than overcomers. We can take the joy that He gives and live each day to the fullest. We can take that famine of love we lacked in childhood, and give it to another. Give your love away, extravagantly. Because love, whether given or recieved . . . is still love.

Happy Birthday!



buckifn -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/7/2008 2:23:24 PM)

Happy Birthday Gayle. I hope you go do something special for yourself this week just because you can and because God loves you.

There is a friend that loveth at all times and that friend is Jesus. He has adopted us into His royal family and that is an honor beyond what our human minds can even take in.

Many of us have tough family situations but lifting our eyes to Jesus makes even the worst day bright again.



Judah1966 -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/7/2008 7:05:56 PM)

(We bring glory to God in that we are the walking wounded and STILL we trust God and wait for the healing we long for. So I thank Him for it now)
Oh my gosh those words are soooo anointed.Happy Birthday my precious sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I read your post twice and the responses.And cried like a baby.You are blessed to recieve such awesome replies!You are not alone, Jesus said some of our worst enemies would be members of our very own families.I posted a comment that reads "You can be hated all your life and never get use to it".We need to know or meditate on how much God loves us till it sinks in and we really get it maybe then we wont care who hates us anymore I dont know but I do know I have been hated since my conception and thats a fact.The stories I heard from those who were suppose to love me would curl people toes so I usually keep my mouth shut and still have to shake my head sometimes and focus on Jesus to erase or not think the thoughts that sometimes comes back to my mind.The emotional abuse made me feel black and blue all over and I could never tell anyone because I was beaten down so bad and felt invisable like I didnt belong I didnt know what had hit me.It took years of councel just to figure it out.The voilence was also constant I watch my Dad almost kill my Mother twice,My Mom told me once to get out of the car because she was going to run my Dad down and she almost did.She also knifed him on one occaision he broke her ankle on another.I watched in Horror as my Mother came out of my siblings apartment beaten black and blue like she had been in a horror movie it was over my 45.00 child support money they wanted to keep. My Mom told me after she got pics developed to supposeably take them to court, after seeing those pictures over and over they were laided out I tore them up I guess I felt to blame because I wanted my child support money I was 10 really my Mom talked me into it,when she saw them tore up she blamed me and said I ruined everything and it was all my fault I think she physically hurt me but I blocked that out she later said she was sorry but telling me that info broke my brain(I had blocked that out too) and I spent about a month in the hospital I had just had my 4th child I was 25.Not to long after that my Mom said she couldnt handle it anymore and sent me to live with the very person that beat her so bad(that really sent fear into me I got Post tramatic stress syndrome I still have it. I never got any child support from my Dad even after I went to live with my Mom again a year later.She also treated me like an outcast after that all the shame and blame of that situation was throw on me until she committed suicide in 1992.There was sexual abuse to the point of yuck.I am now 42 and you would never know by looking at me what Ive been through.One of my doctors said Sherri God is carrying you people that go through just some of what youve been through dont make it they are either dead or insane for the rest of their lives, I see them everyday.Forgivness praise God His Spirit has assisted me with that.I just wanted them to love me but deep down I always knew they hated me and they still do, my siblings anyway my parents are gone but they all were hurt too.I still pray for them but I keep my distance for safety sake goodness knows I tried.They would tell you Im the black sheep but I know Im not.One day everything will come to light thats why I want to do whats right I want my Father to be proud of me.One last thought.I stood up to my Mom once when she said Jesus`s name so wickedly I looked at her with vengence and stated firmly DONT SPEAK HIS NAME LIKE THAT YOU DONT KNOW HIM.And I promise you her eyes went into pen size over and over it was as though God showed me spiritually the demons that was in her that were really talking to me But underneath all of them was my Mother this scared hurt little girl.It was like He was saying Sherri you are not fighting against flesh and blood but with evil spirits that most cant see.Satan hates you soooo much because I love you soooooo much.Theres alot of hurtng people out there and If I hadnt walked the walk I wouldnt pray like I do.I love you too. If youd like to see how I look now send me an email or a friend request to my myspace praise God for what He has done and what He will do.



Prairiehiker -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/7/2008 7:27:45 PM)

Yes, I can relate. This is the story of my life. But I've taken steps to heal. FOr the time being, I've distanced myself completely from my family. It just wasn't a healthy situation to be in.

What can I tell you. I think realizing the dysfunction of my family drew me closer to God. And as it stand, I'm trying to empty my heart from the bitterness and hurt that I've felt and experience from years of unfair treatment from the people that are supposed to love and protect me(i'm not sure what to call it, maybe neglect, maybe abuse, neither sound right). This is where I try to bring my thoughts captive to God as when I let those thoughts run, I just feel more hurt and angry.

Hopefully, this distance will bring healing. I don't know. I would never advice you to distance yourself from your family unless you're fairly self sufficient. I also don't have a church family even though I go to church. I'm praying that God will bring some people in my life that can aid in the healing process. I know that eventually, I'll have to forgive my family. Perhaps I have forgiven. I just don't want to relate to them at this point of my life.

I can pray for you to find the people in your life that would love and accept you for who you really are.



deermousie -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/7/2008 10:34:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I think realizing the dysfunction of my family drew me closer to God. And as it stand, I'm trying to empty my heart from the bitterness and hurt that I've felt and experience from years of unfair treatment from the people that are supposed to love and protect me(i'm not sure what to call it, maybe neglect, maybe abuse, neither sound right). This is where I try to bring my thoughts captive to God as when I let those thoughts run, I just feel more hurt and angry.


Boy, we could start a club, huh.

I like what Prairiehiker says about our hurts drawing us to God; my husband likes to remind me that all the pain and rejection I went through is what it took for me to finally turn to God. So look at the equation: x number of years of pain versus endless years of being in heaven with God and great rejoicing. OK, I can buy that! [:)] I would have liked it if my life had been easier, but God says He doesn't withhold any good thing from him (or her) who walks uprightly (Ps. 84:11) so God isn't holding out on me. When I see as He sees, I'll say it was the perfect thing and thank You so much! Meanwhile, since I can't see His hand, I'll trust His heart. And keep forgiving my family, over and over. Maybe some day the hurt will go away here, but for sure God will wipe my tears away in heaven. Yay!



Judah1966 -> RE: I'm Glad My Christian Family Care, Because My Real Family Don't... (5/8/2008 12:00:24 AM)

Agreed.As far letting the pain go as I think one person posted Oh if it were that easy.We are very detailed only God knows how much so.The pain I had was soooo big I never could have cried enough tears said enough prayers went though enough verses sought more therpy exersized enough energy.Nope only Gods miraculas touch did it for me and He only did after years of work for me to be willing to trust Him even that much, He is such a gentleman.One day in 03 I felt extremely ill I thought I had to throw up water was filling my mouth I was gagging, my boss said I looked so sick, when I got home I ran to the bathroom and all of a sudden it was like a big ball coming up from my belly and out of my mouth and I began to cry like I thought the whole neighborhood would hear me it lasted for 30 minutes I said God I dont understand whats happening but I praise and thank you and I believe your healing me but I was still so scared, I also interseeded for others who came to mind.I believe he told me this was the pain I was not able to feel as a child and still wouldnt be able to without Him holding me as an adult.And since then the pain is gone like it was never there.I still feel compassion for others who have been abused but I dont continually cry like I use to with no lasting results.He healed me of that terrible saddness @ the best time for me and only He knows the best time for each of His children that have such deep hurts.



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