RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (Full Version)

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ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 10:23:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

OK ladies here's a tough one.

When are we just supposed to listen to your problems and when are we supposed to fix your problems?


John, the only answer I have is what my M learned to do. He learned to listen until I managed to solve the problem myself.

Sometimes I would come to a point in my rambling about the problem when I realized I really did need help fixing it, and I would say so. Then he would make suggestions.

Most often I found, when I finally reached the end of things, that the answer I had was that the problem wasn't even what I thought it was in the first place. And most of the talking (and listening) was about defining the real issue. Once that was clear, I could much more easily find the answer myself. I did/do appreciate it when the answer was/is validated by the listener.

Sometimes when I was really confused, and he was too, he would just stop everything and say "you know what? I don't know. But I know the One Who does. Let's ask Him."

That wasn't called for or even a good idea in many situations, but on occasion it really was the exact thing that was needed.

uhmmm...I just realized that my last post and this one gave really true but serious answers. This is supposed to be a game thread.

Is that legal?[&:]

besiderself



utilityfielder -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 10:32:24 PM)

quote:


uhmmm...I just realized that my last post and this one gave really true but serious answers. This is supposed to be a game thread.

Is that legal?


Life is like that sometimes. [:)]

Now I have to ask a question:

Would you ladies like to be surprised by your husband planning a weekend trip?



kj88il -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 10:37:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: utilityfielder

quote:


uhmmm...I just realized that my last post and this one gave really true but serious answers. This is supposed to be a game thread.

Is that legal?


Life is like that sometimes. [:)]

Now I have to ask a question:

Would you ladies like to be surprised by your husband planning a weekend trip?


absolutely! be it with forethought...or spontaneous...it's all good!



AngelInWaiting1983 -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 10:38:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: utilityfielder

Would you ladies like to be surprised by your husband planning a weekend trip?


Most definitely!



shemaromans -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 10:41:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: utilityfielder
Would you ladies like to be surprised by your husband planning a weekend trip?

Yes!



shemaromans -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 10:43:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

OK ladies here's a tough one.

When are we just supposed to listen to your problems and when are we supposed to fix your problems?

That is a tough one and probably varies from woman-to-woman as well as problem-to-problem. Best course of action would be to ask her.


Question: Why do men like to compete with each other?



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 10:47:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

OK ladies here's a tough one.

When are we just supposed to listen to your problems and when are we supposed to fix your problems?


When she asks "can you just do this for me", you're pretty safe in assuming she wants you to fix it. Otherwise, like Esther said, it's 90% listening while we work out our own problems. You can throw in a question or two -- put on your counselor hat and listen attentively to what she's saying.

We're not just looking for someone who will fix our problems... we're looking for relationship. Talking=relationship.



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 10:49:15 PM)

quote:

Would you ladies like to be surprised by your husband planning a weekend trip?

Absolutely!! That would be spontaneous!! Of course, he'd need to make sure I didn't have other plans for that weekend. [;)]



Prairiehiker -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 10:51:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

OK ladies here's a tough one.

When are we just supposed to listen to your problems and when are we supposed to fix your problems?


Often times, us ladies really just want to talk an dbe heard and know that someone cares about us. If our men listen attentively, we can normally calm down enough to be able to think clearly and find solutions to our problems. However, if was say, take out the garbage, or fix the drain, that's a sign that we have a problem that we want you to fix.

I have no question to ask yet.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 10:52:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

OK ladies here's a tough one.

When are we just supposed to listen to your problems and when are we supposed to fix your problems?

This is how Hubby and I defined it;
When I finish the complaint, If I stop and make eye contact. It's a pretty good indication I want help. Especially if it is a pleading look.
If I vent, walk around, make dinner, vent, do something else, vent, make no eye contact other than the occasional glance to see if you are listening. I just want to vent and help will not be welcome. When I am done, a hug with no offers of help is usually welcome.



kj88il -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 11:31:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

OK ladies here's a tough one.

When are we just supposed to listen to your problems and when are we supposed to fix your problems?

This is how Hubby and I defined it;
When I finish the complaint, If I stop and make eye contact. It's a pretty good indication I want help. Especially if it is a pleading look.
If I vent, walk around, make dinner, vent, do something else, vent, make no eye contact other than the occasional glance to see if you are listening. I just want to vent and help will not be welcome. When I am done, a hug with no offers of help is usually welcome.


LOVE THAT!!



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/5/2008 11:40:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kj88il

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

OK ladies here's a tough one.

When are we just supposed to listen to your problems and when are we supposed to fix your problems?

This is how Hubby and I defined it;
When I finish the complaint, If I stop and make eye contact. It's a pretty good indication I want help. Especially if it is a pleading look.
If I vent, walk around, make dinner, vent, do something else, vent, make no eye contact other than the occasional glance to see if you are listening. I just want to vent and help will not be welcome. When I am done, a hug with no offers of help is usually welcome.


LOVE THAT!!

It really was great when we finally figured this out. It can be a serious issue until you do.[&:]



mutinywxgirl -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 5:38:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader

quote:

ORIGINAL: kj88il

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

OK ladies here's a tough one.

When are we just supposed to listen to your problems and when are we supposed to fix your problems?

This is how Hubby and I defined it;
When I finish the complaint, If I stop and make eye contact. It's a pretty good indication I want help. Especially if it is a pleading look.
If I vent, walk around, make dinner, vent, do something else, vent, make no eye contact other than the occasional glance to see if you are listening. I just want to vent and help will not be welcome. When I am done, a hug with no offers of help is usually welcome.


LOVE THAT!!

It really was great when we finally figured this out. It can be a serious issue until you do.[&:]

I am finding that when I am sharing with Jim, I just want to share with him - but I see the wheels turning with how to fix it. Right now, since we don't interact all that much (yet), it's not that big of a problem, but I do see where it will become one until it's addressed directly. All these ideas are GREAT! He's SO typically a man in this instance. LOLOLOL



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 7:18:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

OK ladies here's a tough one.

When are we just supposed to listen to your problems and when are we supposed to fix your problems?

If it's a relational problem that doesn't involve you, just listen.

If you're the problem, fix it!

If it's going to involve tools, getting dirty or money, fix it!



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 7:29:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PreserveWildlife

Many times when I've overheard a woman's conversation with another (usually in the kitchen at work, in the hallway as I pass by, etc) they are usually sharing intimate details of their personal life. Why? And what happened to discretion?

It's been lost. As have manners and most people's sense of decency and appropriateness.[&o][&o][&o]



.Pammy -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 7:45:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

OK ladies here's a tough one.

When are we just supposed to listen to your problems and when are we supposed to fix your problems?

My two cents about this one. I like Kimberly's post on it. I think it's important to remember there's something between listening and fixing. And that's supporting.



rgod -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 9:31:07 AM)

Hi everyone,

Great thread!

quote:


ORIGINAL: PreserveWildlife

Many times when I've overheard a woman's conversation with another (usually in the kitchen at work, in the hallway as I pass by, etc) they are usually sharing intimate details of their personal life. Why? And what happened to discretion?


I don't know if I can speak for all women, but I've noticed that women tend to talk about relationships and personal issues a lot more than men. This is the content of many of our conversations. And having a more personal conversation helps us to bond with one another. Although we are in the workplace, with a good friend, we'll share personal things. Now, I personally don't share much in the workplace because as they say "the wall has ears" and that is exactly how gossip gets started.

quote:


ORIGINAL: trainfan

I thought of one.

What is the deal with women who get all dressed up in a dress or skirt and nice top and then wear tennis shoes and ankle high white socks?


Either she is on her way to work and she has to walk a lot, she is in her office but sits behind a desk most of the time so she doesn't bother to change out of them (there are probably a pair of shoes under her desk or in a drawer in case it is needed), or her dress code is lax in her company and she can do it. Heels have a tendency to wear down or get scuffed. Concrete is especially murderous on them. So to save money (having to buy new shoes or get them reheeled), she might decide to save the tennis shoes for the sidewalk. If she wears them all day she might have forgotten her dress shoes. Whatever the scenario is - her feet will probably hurt if she puts on standard pumps and she wants to avoid the pain - so she has opted for the less fashionable tennis shoe.

However, there are some very nice, presentable, comfortable shoes that can be worn with a suit. Buying shoes with a lower heel, a broader heel, or choosing a very conservative wedge (depending on the dress code of the office), or a nice cute pair of slides (which can be very comfortable on a more casual day), or flats can be more comfortable than the standard pump, but still fashionable.

Gee ... I sound like a catalog. Next question.


quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: utilityfielder
OK I will go for it:

When a woman asks a guy how she looks in an outfit, does she want an honest answer?


I feel bad for men when I hear people ask this question. It can be a minefield. The answer is, sometimes we want an honest answer. Like if I were pregnant or were already sensitive about my weight, and I asked this question, I wouldn't want him to say "How do you look in that dress? Heavy baby." In that case, "I don't think that outfit does you justice" would work pretty well. Of course, if we are in the store and I haven't bought the outfit yet, then a diplomatic response could be "I like the last one you tried on better" or "I don't like the way this hangs on you, maybe something else" or something like that.

I love the answer that collie1 gave (great)! Also, if he can keep the answer focused on the clothes and not on my body that makes "bad" news easier to take.



OK - my question is ....

Why do many men not like to ask for directions when they are lost?



John_O -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 9:47:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rgod
Why do many men not like to ask for directions when they are lost?


Because men are never lost. We are just exploring alternative routes.

(Honestly I can't speak for most men on this issue. I never get lost. (I have an excellent sense of direction and spacial relationships) I do get turned around sometimes and then I will stop, ask, and get reoriented.)



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 9:47:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

OK ladies here's a tough one.

When are we just supposed to listen to your problems and when are we supposed to fix your problems?

If it's a relational problem that doesn't involve you, just listen.

If you're the problem, fix it!

If it's going to involve tools, getting dirty or money, fix it!

[:D][;)]



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 12:54:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: utilityfielder


Now I have to ask a question:

Would you ladies like to be surprised by your husband planning a weekend trip?


Only if I am surprised with it at least 5 days -a week in advance. I'm not as spontanious as I used to be.[&:]



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 1:12:37 PM)

I knew my first question would not be that popular. Maybe I'll go ask it in the real He Says.[8D]
Thank you PreserveWildlife for being brave enough to answer.



Why do you guys need 20 different screwdrivers, 20 different wrenches etc.?



John_O -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 2:20:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader

I knew my first question would not be that popular. Maybe I'll go ask it in the real He Says.[8D]
Thank you PreserveWildlife for being brave enough to answer.


Was that the "acting stupid" one?

If so, perhaps they really don't know where stuff went. M rearranged the cabinets like most people change socks. [:D]



quote:

Why do you guys need 20 different screwdrivers, 20 different wrenches etc.?


Keeping with the foot theme, Why does a woman have to have 20 different pairs of shoes?


We need all thsoe various sized and shaped tools becuase the fasteners (screws and bolts) come in various sizes and are located in various places. Then of course for wrenches you normally need 2 of each size (the bolt head and nut are normally the same size) to loosen ot tighten most things.



So, Why does a woman need so many shoes?



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 2:21:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: utilityfielder

quote:


uhmmm...I just realized that my last post and this one gave really true but serious answers. This is supposed to be a game thread.

Is that legal?


Life is like that sometimes. [:)]

Now I have to ask a question:

Would you ladies like to be surprised by your husband planning a weekend trip?


Oh WOULD I...Oh YEAH!!!!

And let me tell you why fellows:

It's because of the forethought that goes into that. You WANT to bless me. You are THINKING of ways to bless me. That translates into I AM LOVED AND CHERISHED.

WOOOHOOO, yes!

Now, here's the caveat:

If you plan it for the weekend that you KNOW the in-laws are coming. Or the boy-child has his championship game or girl-child has recital. Or VBS starts Monday and I am the director and therefore have 40 million things to get done before Monday...

THINK. That's all I'm asking. And if you DO plan it on THAT weekend, then don't get your feelings hurt if I'm not so very enthusiastic.

besiderself



jazzlvr -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 3:52:19 PM)

quote:

Question: Why do men like to compete with each other?



Just because it's fun.

How boring would a football game be if everyone was on the same team?


Here's a question: Why do women go to the ladies room in groups?



jazzlvr -> RE: He says/She says for Singles (May Game Thread) (5/6/2008 3:54:35 PM)

quote:

Why do many men not like to ask for directions when they are lost?



I have no clue why some guys refuse to stop and ask directions. I'd rather stop and ask for directions than look stupid wandering around pretending I knew what I was doing.



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