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Ninjaearth -> RE: Wanting to Give Up??? (5/20/2008 12:42:35 PM)
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I completely understand. I remember years, ago, in my teen years when I first fell in love with an incredible but strange and weired that helped me open up and have fun with life (in a good way). Slowly, I began noticing her and her the influence she had on me. I soon wanted to be with her whenever I could; I was even willing to walk several miles from my home to her home, despite dangerous obstacles that blocked my path. To me, it didn't matter because she was all I wanted to know; I wanted to see her and be with her, no matter what. After she broke it off several months later, I felt my heart shatter and for the first time ever I cried intensely. For weeks and months I shut myself up in my room, blamming everyone, and wishing her to come back to me. Well, I wasn't saved at that time, but two months after this I was. After that, though, I had prayed to the Lord about her coming back to me. I sooooo much wanted to be with her because I believed that she and I were meant to be together! One day, I thought my prayers were answered when she called to tell me that she loves me. I shouted and jumped for joy. Of course, in this, there were times where I wasn't quite sure whether or not we were completely on the same page, but eventually going through my second year of college, I realized how different she was. She was only a grade lower than me, so the year I transferred to my second college (for my second year) she graduated high school. So, the day after I attended her graduation, that's when I noticed a slight change in behavior, which is normal. However....she went to take an entry test into college in Baltimore and that's when she really started changing. I noticed that her heart became cold, ever time I called her you could her the unpleasant tone in her voice that said "Just go away and leave me alone" and she even said "Hey Reggie" in a callous sort of way. In the end, we went our separate ways; she claimed that she had met someone at the college and that they were meant to be due to "signs" that indicated it was from God. The most interesting thing was....so did I! I thought the same thing when it came to her. So...was I wrong? Was God wrong? No, God was right, I was wrong. So, was my prayer answered? No.
I said all of that to say this: when we are praying for something everything that is good and perfect comes from God. This is not to say that if something goes wrong, then it's not God, because God uses anything to discipline and teach us what He desires for us to do in glorifying Him. In fact, He has a perfect reason for letting things go awry in the relationship. The good thing that may come from loosing a relationship is that we get to experience something else God has in store for us. But as I once thought: "We good is a broken heart?" or "What in the world could be perfect about praying about something, getting the so-called answer to it, and then loosing it again!?" Good question. I don't know. At best, this is all that I can say: God's ways are not ours and His thoughts are higher than ours. As a result, He will do somethings that we will not understand (at first) and as such will seem like it's nothing and pointless. In truth, it has a big point and a purpose. That purpose is that God uses suffering, like a broken heart, to help strengthen our desire for Him and the will He has for our lives. The best part about the broken heart is that we get to experience God in a whole new way of life that we couldn't have realized with our heart whole. Furthermore, God may intend to use this situation to help you encourage others (like I am doing now) all due to the fact that you have experienced a painful event that left you in of need of God's wisdom and restoration. The pain of a broken heart is so great that you will feel the need to isolate yourself, thinking it will protect you. It won't. In truth, it only gets worse. For the rest of your life, this pain (the memory anyway) is going to be with you. What you can do now, is use it to your advantage.
How do you do that? You use your broken heart in a such a way that you begin to evaluate yourself in how you can serve God during this time of pain and turmoil. Also, use this time to draw near to God (Hebrews 10) and use it as an opportunity to express your shortcomings to him. Also, remember this: If God's means for you have something, it will be yours and you will not loose it. James said that all good and perfect gifts come from above from the Father of lights (God) and He doesn't change His mind (James 1:17). Thus, trust in God to fulfill His promise of having a mate for you and that when you receive her you shall be full of rejoicing. In the meantime, be patient and keep running the race that is set before you (Hebrews 12) with patience and endurance. Remember those who were before you who desired something great, but in the end received something greater. Even if you keep running and God decides not to give you a wife (a scenario that I'd have to think about myself) then that shouldn't stop you from running the race. Even moreso, do not isolate yourself but get together with some close brothers-in-Christ and lay your burdens on them; let them encourage you and build you up, as long as they can provide Godly wisdom and encouragement to you. The most important thing to do: take it to God in prayer. Philippians 4:6 tells us that we are to make our request known to God, with ALL prayer and petition (talking and asking) so that we may discern the good, perfect will of God in our lives. So, be bold and believe in what God will do for you, as long as you remain faithful in serving Him. So, again, I encourage you. Pray, cry, talk about it, do what you need to that is good so that you can recover from a broken heart. I know that it took me years to recover; it has affected my ability to recognize whether I "love" a woman or not. How you define that, is crucial, but remember to look for a woman who is a Godly and has a strong relationship with God (strong knowledge in prayer and the Word of God and is pure and modest and she's characterized by her love for God and a good reputation). So, I understand, my brother, about your pain. Just remember that God may use you to encourage and comfort others who have experienced the same thing (1 Cor 10:13). God bless you and you'll be in my prayers!!!
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