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RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly - 5/29/2008 1:44:09 AM
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kj88il
Posts: 1531
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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this is just miserable! i can't concentrate to read...and i definitely can't sleep...so i'm back here.
THIS is how bad i'm feeling. i'm thinking of how great my ex would be right now. all his other faults aside...my tall, handsome, southern gentleman knew how to take care of me. where is my caretaker tonight? not here, that's for sure. so i lie in bed and cry and cry and cry.
and when i get up and get back on here, what do i read? fun betty reminding me "We go through tests, trials, grief, anger, depression, and we don't know how much more heat we can take. But God is our ultimate purifier....not giving us more than we can handle -- for He knows exactly how much fire we can take--- but it is through these experiences that cause us to lean on Him and grow in such a way that He is glorified and His reflection (and not our own) is seen in us."
Lord...i sincerely doubt my ability to come thru this...let alone come thru it gracefully! i've been anything but graceful today. and when my heart starts yearning for those that i know aren't good for me...that's just the enemy coming at me harder and harder. You have to hold me up, Lord...i'm broken. body and soul...i'm broken. so, i surrender. if this is what it took for You to get my attention...You have it. lead me. heal me. help me. whatever it is...where ever it leads...may Your will be done. in Jesus' name, i ask all these things...and thank You and praise You for what You're going to do in my life. thank you. thank you. amen
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Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly - 5/29/2008 9:59:26 AM
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FunBetty
Posts: 5237
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dr Pepper Country
Status: online
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I came in here to say good morning and saw myself quote! Wow, I'm humbled.
Kimberly, I hope you were able to get some rest last night. Praying for you, sista!
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RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly - 5/29/2008 4:08:44 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1531
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
Hey, Kimberly. I finally found your site. Yea!!!
But I see you're hurting... inside and out. I'll definitely be keeping you in prayer. I'll try to stop in here more, but it's back to work for me.
hey, michelle. welcome!!! so did you find anything you couldn't live without last night? (i mean clothes...not men! giggle)
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly - 5/29/2008 7:45:25 PM
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collie1
Posts: 746
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: The Place to Go: Idaho!!
Status: offline
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Kimberly, I wish I could come and be company for you at least. I'd nod off on occasion, but at least you'd have a real person to talk to.
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RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly - 5/29/2008 9:48:47 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1531
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: utilityfielder
Kimberly, do you ice your knee and does that help?
i alternate....ice pak and heat pak. just when i start to think it's not too bad...i get up to walk to the kitchen, or i my pill wears off. all i can think today is "i just have to get thru til my dr's appointment tomorrow."
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly - 5/30/2008 1:48:02 AM
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kj88il
Posts: 1531
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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don't you just get disappointed with people sometimes? a hundred times this week, i've muttered/cried, "why do you have to be like this? you could be so much better!" but, of course, i haven't actually TOLD that person. i just bite my tongue and keep my sorrow to myself. of course, very often, it's accompanied by,"WE could be so much better!"...because i have failed so much, myself. but sometimes, it's just sooooooo easy to see the "better" in someone...and they just refuse to "be" it.
i know...i know...there's nothing to do but pray. i can't make somebody else change...especially when i have so much work to do myself.
if i could get down on my knees...that's where i'd be. 
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly - 5/30/2008 5:39:27 PM
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collie1
Posts: 746
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: The Place to Go: Idaho!!
Status: offline
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(((Kimberly)))
How was the doctor appointment today?
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RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly - 5/30/2008 5:51:11 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1531
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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so my dr's appointment went as expected. minor improvement...but need to keep resting it...so no work. and acutally.....he just gave me a "NO WORK" period release. so now i'll collect on some of the short-term disability insurance i've been paying in...and look for a new job. 
it's not like i didn't know it was coming, but it was so disappointing to hear him say i probably shouldn't ever drive again. i never thought i'd do this long-term, but i really enjoyed so many apsects of driving. i'm really depressed my career-for-a-year has come to an end.
the most depressing thing, of course, is there is no way i can make the same kind of income in this depressed rural area. i'll be lucky to find a job at $8-10/hr...unless i want to commute over an hour each way (and with fuel prices the way the are...no thanks!).
so......i am determined to get started on certification for medical transcription. typical for me and my poor timing...i've missed the chance for any summer classes. but that gives me a couple months to look at each program, try to get some financial aid in place, etc.
hey... if anyone does MT (or even medical coding)...or knows someone who does...maybe you could share my name and have them contact me via email? i would love to pick their brains on training, in-house vs internet/at home work, etc. (thanks...in adavance!) 
and so a new chapter begins......  Lord...i'm gonna need plenty of guidance and LOTS of big, flashing signs as i begin this new journey. please don't let me spin my wheels...or get sidetracked on the wrong path. help me keep my eyes on You. bring people who can direct me and help me into my life; i pray my heart is open to what they have to tell me. i thank You, in advance, for the good You will bring of this disappointment, and for the abundance You are going to bless me with as i begin a new career that will glorify You. thank You for always having a plan for me...and thank You for the healing You have yet to work on my poor ol knee. You are a mighty and faithful God. all these things i ask in Jesus' name...amen.
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly - 5/30/2008 7:49:31 PM
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collie1
Posts: 746
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: The Place to Go: Idaho!!
Status: offline
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Kimberly, you are amazing!
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RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly - 5/30/2008 8:56:47 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1531
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: collie1
Kimberly, you are amazing!
well, thanks...but i can't even imagine why you said that. i feel soooo totally unamazing right now.
i had to drive into town to go to 'aunt margaret's" visitation (she and her sister were my toddler sunday school teachers. ). on they way in, i must've passed a dozen big trucks...and just wanted to cry. i'll probably NEVER again say 'i drive one of those.' i worked SO hard to do that! and i was good at it!! and now it's gone. no more travelling. no more seeing my kids every other week. no more freedom. no more stopping at my favorite bbq place in georgia. no more driving out west through those majestic mountains and forests. no more minnesota or wisconsin lakes. no more kentucky and tennessee foothills. no more mississippi cottonfields in bloom. no more windy roads thru the northeast. and no more (one of my favorites) driving thru chattanooga, crossing nickajack lake, and up and over monteagle. i get this sense of peace like no other when i drive between atlanta and nashville...via chattanooga. and now...who knows when i'll be back there.
i'm sorry i'm still whining, y'all. i was doing pretty well, til i got to the funeral home and everyone kept saying "so what are you doing now, kimberly?" or "are you still driving one of those big trucks, kimberly?" and my mom would pipe up "oh no! she can't drive anymore." just hearing it made it really sink in, ya know?
it's not like this was my lifelong career, or my heart's desire. so why is it bothering me so much tonight?
Lord....please fill up this hole in my heart tonight. i know You know i'm hurting...but please...i need Your Holy Spirit to fill up everything that's drained outta me today. i want to say all kinds of wonderful things...i've typed a dozen of them...but it wasn't real. my heart wasn't in it. it all sounded like a good prayer...but when i read it...i couldn't feel it. i'm so tired of crying, Lord. and of being alone. and now i've lost this thing that gave me joy. so i most definitely DON'T feel like praying tonight. You're just gonna have to hold me, and get me thru tonight. i just can't do it, Lord. i'm begging for You to hold me up here . all these things i pray in Jesus' name...amen.
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly - 5/30/2008 11:27:03 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12860
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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Hey Kimberly - just wanted to share with you a saying that my counselor gave to me a couple of weeks ago - it's a quick prayer she says when things get "hairy".
Lord, give me grace for the moment and strength for the day.
We're all praying.
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When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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and having the curtains open and the sun shining in at least makes me FEEL perkier than i really am. 
