biggest help? (Full Version)

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BornAgainDan -> biggest help? (6/6/2008 12:46:42 PM)

my wife and i have been married for about 6 weeks. it would seem neither of us are living up to the expectations we've had for one another. she has some trouble opening up and without that communication it's hard to know what will make things better. i suppose my question is, what would YOU say has been the key to sustaining a happy marriage?



truthrevealed -> RE: biggest help? (6/6/2008 2:26:25 PM)

JESUS...PERIOD!!! I know it's the "politically correct" thing to say but try as I might to conisder other things I KNOW that the grace of God has been our rock (and reason) for our true and ever progressing friendship. It blessed me very much to hear many years ago that when a couple finds themselves in disagreement(strife etc) it is because one or both are really disagreeing with God...not each other. As long as there is a sincere desire to follow God and to grow in your relationship with God individually your growth as a couple is automatic!



NoShow -> RE: biggest help? (6/6/2008 2:33:42 PM)

Living up to the expectations you have for yourselves as godly husband and godly wife.

Focus on yourselves, not each other.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: biggest help? (6/6/2008 2:37:39 PM)

quote:

Focus on yourselves, not each other


AMEN!!

Not a selfish focus ("What can I get?") but a selfless focus ( "What can I give? What can I do better? How can I bless him/her?")



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: biggest help? (6/6/2008 3:07:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom

quote:

Focus on yourselves, not each other


AMEN!!

Not a selfish focus ("What can I get?") but a selfless focus ( "What can I give? What can I do better? How can I bless him/her?")


I'll AMEN that too.
Be humble, willing to say your sorry first when you're both in the wrong.



jaimestarcross -> RE: biggest help? (6/6/2008 4:02:11 PM)

Our daily relationship with Christ - separately and together as man and wife.
The other thing is to seek help for problems/situations as early as possible so that the problem doesn't become a stronghold in your spouse's life or a stumbling block in your marriage.



CatholicCritter -> RE: biggest help? (6/6/2008 6:38:15 PM)

Keep your eye on the prize.

The prize is Heaven. We are two who became one being through marriage, not two separate beings on some kind of team. Put up a big sign somewhere you'll see it every day that says, 'ME THIRD' and you'll be reminded of what agape is--self giving love.



4IMPersuaded -> RE: biggest help? (6/7/2008 6:10:55 AM)

Okay, I agree-- completely with the other posts here, but can I tell you what my dh would say about this? He would say that one of the secrets to over 18 happy years is that I will not be ignored! [:D] I don't allow him to retreat into his "pitty party for one." I MAKE him talk to me. James Dobson says that communication is the key to your marriage (I have the book, never read it). He's right. You have to talk to each other-- isn't that what got you together in the first place? Do you enjoy each other's company? If you can't communicate your fears, wants, expectations (in a loving and healthy way) then you can't begin to know where to start.

Hang in there, this is a difficult transition for anyone.



car2ner -> RE: biggest help? (6/7/2008 7:21:26 AM)

Treat others the way you want to be treated. The good ol' golden rule.
That being said, realize that men and women don't think the same way, or for that matter, any two people. Sometimes hurt comes unintentionally because one thinks the other thinks the way they do and "how dare they" when they didn't dare at all.
Don't use this concept to excuse red flags, though. Remember, you can tell someone...:"the bridge is out" but you have limited responsibility to keep them from going over the edge. Ultimately that is God's job and theirs.



futuremartyr -> RE: biggest help? (6/11/2008 12:44:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLindros

my wife and i have been married for about 6 weeks. it would seem neither of us are living up to the expectations we've had for one another. she has some trouble opening up and without that communication it's hard to know what will make things better. i suppose my question is, what would YOU say has been the key to sustaining a happy marriage?


1)Jesus
2)Low expectations
3)Oneness is a process Gen 2:24
4)Weaknesses and differences are meant to bring us closer to oneness, not closer to isolation
5)conflicts happen in all marriages, it's how you deal with them that brings you closer to oneness or isolation
6)Love is a choice
7)That "in love" feeling comes and goes
8)Marriage is a covenant with God and our spouse
9)Treat others as more important than yourself and look out for the interest of others, not just your own Phil 2:3
10)Communication is VERY important



Pinksultana -> RE: biggest help? (6/12/2008 3:30:38 PM)

willingness - to listen, tp try something a different way, to listen to an oppoing opinion...

also can i reccomend some great books!!!

these books one if for the girl to read and one is for the boy (very enligtening) "for women only" and "for men only" we found these very helpful in our 2 year ofmarriage and wished we had them right at the start

God bless you in your marriage...



TorchHeart -> RE: biggest help? (6/12/2008 3:56:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoShow

Living up to the expectations you have for yourselves as godly husband and godly wife.

Focus on yourselves, not each other.



BINGO!!!!

And remember, you've only been married for 6 weeks. You're probably still adjusting. Just realize that, and work with one another. A marriage is what you put into it. Give each other time, effort and love. You'll do fine.



pbaribeault -> RE: biggest help? (6/12/2008 4:03:54 PM)

Grace...

For the other... for self... in essence, plenty of 'slack' (presupposing good intentions, unless proven otherwise).



evryknee -> RE: biggest help? (6/12/2008 4:27:45 PM)

In looking at your other post - she may see you as critical and she may shut down. So, I'd say, pursue humility and recognizing one's own sins in light of the Lord (taking the log out).



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