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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/26/2008 5:55:00 PM
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reach
Posts: 1295
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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My friends brother took 3 kids in, as the mother and father were in jail and rights were singed to the state.
These children lived with them, and were the neices/nephews of my good friend. It was great that they were able to get in a stable home and that they all shared a common background.
After 5-6 years, they went back to the state because the kids told lies to the case worker and the family had to go to court. They told lies and stole. Whatever lie was told they all backed it up. And got this nice family in so much trouble that they almost lost their biological children too. The Dad was a Pastor and it caused problems for them at the church because some people beleived the kids. It was just a mess and it took about a year to clear it up.
Not to scare, but they just had more problems than the parents could deal with. So if a child is taken from their bio parents, you might be sure they get all the counseling, etc that they need.
IMHO: The big problems started after they started having bio kids. They has custody of the 3 kids before they had kids. They thought they could not have kids and then boom, boom, boom, 3 kids of their own. I think the adobpted kids felt threatened that they were going to be sent away because they had bio kids.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/26/2008 10:51:36 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 6340
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: CA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
We're planning on fostering and maybe adopting in a few years. Right now, we're in a transition phase and once we're out of it, we'll get things set in motion.
Is there anyone here who has fostered/adopted families? There was a case here recently where four children were taken from their parents, and the CAS mentioned it is pretty near impossible to place all the kids in the same home. This is actually something that we are willing to do, and I'm wondering if anyone else has done it and if they've found any unique challenges.
My parents adopted my sister and I. We are half-sisters by birth. I think their biggest challenge was that we had bonded with each other and didn't have a desire to bond with the rest of the family. Of course, there was a reason we didn't want to bond with them.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/27/2008 10:31:13 PM
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drmomjoyce
Posts: 94
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: hamilton, canada via perth aust
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
We're planning on fostering and maybe adopting in a few years. Right now, we're in a transition phase and once we're out of it, we'll get things set in motion.
Is there anyone here who has fostered/adopted families? There was a case here recently where four children were taken from their parents, and the CAS mentioned it is pretty near impossible to place all the kids in the same home. This is actually something that we are willing to do, and I'm wondering if anyone else has done it and if they've found any unique challenges.
HI Lexie
thanks for jumping in on this thread - its so nice to share concerns and joys particularly related to foster/adoption.
In my limited experience, I have seen a few children adopted, my own included. I am a single parent and my entire family live in 2 other countries than here. I would make sure that you have really really good supports around you - people who will love these chldren no matter what and will treat them like your own children. I also think that if you adopt after you have had your own biological children, the bonding is not as easy. You have a natural love for your own bioligical children because they were born to you, but with adopted childnre you want the same love but it doesnt always come so naturally - this is based on my limited expereince. I would also do lots of reading - which i regret i didnt do - to prepare yourself and also to prepare the children. There is a book called Toddler adoption - the weavers craft by Mary Hopkins-best. I think that book is fabulous and there dont seem to be too many around but personally i learnt more in the 4 or 5 chapters that i read than in the 10 weeks of the compulsary course i had to do to adopt my boy.
All the best and i wish you well in your future. Its not easy but God gives the strength if we rely on Him - something i need to learn more.
Joyce
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/28/2008 2:33:17 PM
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kb4good
Posts: 10
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline
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We have adopted 2 children who were in the county foster system. They were 3 1/2 and 5 (brother and sister) when we adopted them 11 years ago. Our son has struggled with ADHD but is a total gem. I'd take another 100 of him without batting an eye. Our daughter is 16 now and struggling. The trauma from her early years has caused her to have mental illness. As she is getting older, the illness is showing itself more. We deal with rage, defiance, opposition, attachment disorder, eating disorder, rebellion. It is challenging but still, there is a terrific young lady in there who doesn't understand why she keeps doing what she does.
People have often asked us if we ever wished we hadn't adopted her. There has never been a time that I have wanted to send her back. Never. She, even with her unique situations and problems, is a true gift from God and He gave her to us, to mold and shape us in addition to helping to mold and shape her. We are a team and will get thru this together.
I love my children. My life has been changed for the better because of them. I hope this insight helps.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/28/2008 6:55:51 PM
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ladyingrace1979
Posts: 300
Joined: 3/14/2008
From: Fresno CA
Status: offline
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I have been reading this thread, mostly out of curiosity and I just wanted to say that you all are amazing people! Truely amazing! You have taken in children who are not your own, some with difficult issues, and loved them! What a beautiful picture of God's love. He takes us in, all our issues and sin, and loves us. So thank you for all you do and are doing for your kids.
Kim Q
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/28/2008 7:24:21 PM
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drmomjoyce
Posts: 94
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: hamilton, canada via perth aust
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kb4good
We have adopted 2 children who were in the county foster system. They were 3 1/2 and 5 (brother and sister) when we adopted them 11 years ago. Our son has struggled with ADHD but is a total gem. I'd take another 100 of him without batting an eye. Our daughter is 16 now and struggling. The trauma from her early years has caused her to have mental illness. As she is getting older, the illness is showing itself more. We deal with rage, defiance, opposition, attachment disorder, eating disorder, rebellion. It is challenging but still, there is a terrific young lady in there who doesn't understand why she keeps doing what she does.
People have often asked us if we ever wished we hadn't adopted her. There has never been a time that I have wanted to send her back. Never. She, even with her unique situations and problems, is a true gift from God and He gave her to us, to mold and shape us in addition to helping to mold and shape her. We are a team and will get thru this together.
I love my children. My life has been changed for the better because of them. I hope this insight helps.
Thankyou for presenting a not so easy situation but yet presenting the hope that we have thru God to get thru even the difficult days. I felt that i had to adopt my son as i knew him so well and the other 'mothers' in his life were not capable or unwilling (as in their aim was to foster only - which is perfectly good). I believe if God has laid it on your heart to adopt he will also give you the strength to get thru each day as well. There have been dark moments for me - mostly to do with the deaths of 4 children/babies within my circle of friends, jsut prior to him coming home - but God has carried me thru even though i doubted frequently if i misread His will. Satan surely has his hand nearby and he has no desire to see me raise this child as one of God's.
I wish you well along with all other adoptive parents and i hope that we can keep this thread going to be an encouragement to adoptive or foster parents as well as for those who would like to persue this way to reach out to children in need.
May God bless you all
Joyce
< Message edited by drmomjoyce -- 6/28/2008 7:48:19 PM >
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