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RE: Inlaws driving us crazy - 6/17/2008 5:21:05 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3201
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
If you know that family meetings are going to escalate to arguments, then don't go. You have a choice as to how involved you are in all this. Especially you, as you are the "in-law". You really don't have a say, except to be there for your husband.
Good post! You don't have to be "best friends" with them, but, as I said before, the Bible is clear about how you are to treat them.
And Laura is absolutely right. You will likely see no inheritance unless your FIL is fabulously wealthy... nursing home care can eat away an amazing amount of money in no time at all. I know from my personal experience with my Mother. Medicare and Insurance only partially pay for that type of care and only for a limited number of days. If he applies for Medi-Cal/Medicaid, he will not be allowed to have a large amount of money or assets. If he does, he won't qualify.
This is a very difficult situation even when all siblings are on the same page as me and mine were. Make peace with your husband's family as much as you are able, and commit the rest to the Lord...He will see you through this.
< Message edited by Kat_D -- 6/17/2008 5:27:22 PM >
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Inlaws driving us crazy - 6/17/2008 5:29:28 PM
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crankius
Posts: 4359
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: daisies4u
Wow. This is alot of drama. I am just sitting here wondering what I would do in a situation like this.
My first thought was.... I wouldn't be involved in a situation like this. In the grand scheme of things, does any of this really matter? You and your husband are not accountable to his family. They can rant and rave all they want, but you are both adults. You don't have to listen to it. As long as your husband is ok with the amount of help he has given his father, you don't owe any other family members any explanation.
If you know that family meetings are going to escalate to arguments, then don't go. You have a choice as to how involved you are in all this. Especially you, as you are the "in-law". You really don't have a say, except to be there for your husband.
The main thing is I don't understand is...if the FIL has written his will and left your husband a third of everything, there is nothing the other family members can do about it. He is a grown man and that was his decision. Who cares if the rest of the family doesn't agree? That is their perogotive. It is too late. What is the point of all the bickering? Just because the other family members are not happy with it does not mean that you should allow yourselves to be dragged into thier "drama".
And I agree with what KAT said. You should mentally prepare yourself to not have any inheritance, and make sure you are completely ok with that. Don't get sucked into the greed of the other family members.
If I were you, I would support my husband, and remove myself completely from the family squabble.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
He Himself is our peace! Ephesians 2:14:a
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RE: Inlaws driving us crazy - 6/17/2008 7:28:10 PM
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lindakaye
Posts: 28
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline
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Well I can see that if it was your family doing it to you, you would be able to handle it better. But because they are messing with your husband its hard to handle, am I right? I can take someone mistreating me but if they hurt my husband or my kids I seethe 
I don't think its legal for SIL to be writing checks to herself and sister. You might want to contact Dad's lawyer and let him worry about it.
Also if you have a Power of Attorney you usually have to make a report to the judge each year. I don't know how its set up. But if your Dad has to go on Medicaid, they will look back into his records and when they see that the family got money anytime during the 36 months before he applied for medicaid, they will have to pay it back. They are pretty strict about this and have ways of finding out.
I'm sorry your family has to go through this. I would just back out of any further meetings and if husband wants to go don't go with him. You can't fix it and that way you won't be so upset.
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RE: Inlaws driving us crazy - 6/18/2008 2:39:15 AM
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michie04
Posts: 13
Joined: 6/16/2008
Status: offline
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Well, home from work now and with a tall glass of ice tea will try to clear a couple things up.
Sorry, Laura and to anyone else I confused, I mistyped. That should have read "DH's dad" has plenty to pay for his care and owns land. Not "DH".
We own a few acres ourselves, but nothing like he does. So, no, DH doesn' have to pay for his care. Or will anyone else. There will be assets, that is why the siblings are all scrambling to make sure that they get theirs and more. Probably wanting to cut my DH out if they can is our guess.
To the poster who said that as an "inlaw" I don't really have a say, well that is what I have felt all along. Just wish someone would tell DH's Brother's wife that!! She is the one always spouting off about how my DH hasn't done enough, her DH did all the work and deserves so much, etc. She is the one who took the photo copies of my DD's agreement with Grandpa and passed it around. She obviously, with the rest of the family aside from us, thinks she has a say.
lindakaye, you are right in that I don't like anyone messing with my husband or children. Messing with just me is one thing, but ya better not mess with them!
And just for the record, thankfully Grandpa will never have to go on Medicaid. I'm certain of that. There will be an inheritance, but the "others" are the ones worried about who gets what and how much. Not us. DH never thought he'd get anything anyway knowing how his dad really feels. He was surprised to learn he was in the will!
Also, you all are right about this...from now on when they call a family meeting of all of us, I will politely excuse myself. Of course, DH knows what he's up against and likes me by his side for support. He'll just have to tough it out alone.
PS103, you gave me the first laugh over all this mess by saying "I wouldn't go around them if they were giving away free ice cream". Thanks, I needed that!
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RE: Inlaws driving us crazy - 6/18/2008 12:38:32 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3201
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
Status: offline
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quote:
That should have read "DH's dad" has plenty to pay for his care
That is good because with the average SNF (nursing home) cost of $80,000 per year, you can see that if someone lives for several years in that type of facility, it could wipe out even someone with substantial money/assets.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Inlaws driving us crazy - 6/18/2008 1:03:29 PM
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michie04
Posts: 13
Joined: 6/16/2008
Status: offline
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Kat, he's very blessed isn't he. As to the costs of nursing homes in my area, they run around 40-50K a year. Of course you can pay more if you want to, depending on the facility.
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It is just not worth it--not even if there *was* going to be money involved. 
