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What's my line? - 6/30/2008 4:22:49 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2751
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
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Some of us in this folder (myself included) tend to be shy in some situations and have problems starting a conversation with someone we do not know. I can talk to women in my store (on the rare occasion they come in) no matter how attractive (or unattractive) they are, I could do the same thing at my previous job as well b/c I had something to talk about. So say for instance I am at church or grocery shopping or whatever and I see an attractive woman who I don't know. My greatest fear with starting the conversation is coming across as some creep, moron or desperate guy. What could I say to someone I don't know so as not to come across as such?
Perhaps people could share how they have started a conversation or how someone has started a conversation with them, something more than a quick "hi how are ya".
BTW I am not talking about cheesy pick up lines.
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Buy local, support local retailers.
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RE: What's my line? - 6/30/2008 4:26:47 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3352
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
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quote:
ORIGINAL: trainfan
Some of us in this folder (myself included) tend to be shy in some situations and have problems starting a conversation with someone we do not know. I can talk to women in my store (on the rare occasion they come in) no matter how attractive (or unattractive) they are, I could do the same thing at my previous job as well b/c I had something to talk about. So say for instance I am at church or grocery shopping or whatever and I see an attractive woman who I don't know. My greatest fear with starting the conversation is coming across as some creep, moron or desperate guy. What could I say to someone I don't know so as not to come across as such?
Perhaps people could share how they have started a conversation or how someone has started a conversation with them, something more than a quick "hi how are ya".
BTW I am not talking about cheesy pick up lines.
The same thing they have been doing forever and the same thing we do on here when we can't think of a topic. The weather. It can always lead to other topics but it is a good starting place. We all make fun of it, but it works.
_____________________________
Nadine
"It's like everything good collided today" quote from my 9 yr old daughter
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RE: What's my line? - 6/30/2008 4:39:17 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2751
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
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The weather is always a good topic but it seems almost..... predictable. I guess I was thinking of something a little different or creative.
_____________________________
Buy local, support local retailers.
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RE: What's my line? - 6/30/2008 5:08:15 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7128
Joined: 9/5/2006
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Depending on the woman and the situation any line or approach can make you seem like a creep, moron or desperate guy. You can't let that stop you. Some women are just like that or are having bad days etc.
Normally if you can get her laughing you're most of the way home. The approach would differ according to where you are and who she is.
I'll admit I seldom meet people in stores etc (But then I've not been looking too long). I am a master of the drive by compliment though. Just a few hours ago in teh airport I approached a lady in passing, caught her eye and said "You have beautiful eyes" She kind of blushed, smiled and said thank you. If it wasn't for my plane boarding I would have had an opening to talk some more "Traveling on business or vacation?" "where are you going?". Ask questions that need more than a yes or no to answer and read her mood as she answers. If she's receptive or enjoying the conversation then keep going.
And of course the weather always works.
Just be confident (for some reason women like that) be cheerful and have fun.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: What's my line? - 6/30/2008 5:13:24 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7128
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FunBetty
If you get too different or creative then a bad delivery will come across as cheesy.
It's best to just be natural and talk about surrounding circumstances. Unless you are really a cheesy guy to begin with, then the cheesy lines would be entirely appropriate. 
Did I hear someone call for me?
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: What's my line? - 6/30/2008 6:20:05 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1836
Joined: 11/8/2007
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Ok...well, for one thing, if I can't think of something to say to another human being, is there a chance it's because I am too worried about how I will come across, what they will think about me, and whether I will make an impression? Or perhaps, like me on the plane to and from the GT...that I just don't want to be bothered?
Maybe changing my thinking habits would help. Perhaps if I thought of that other person as someone who desires companionship, who has pain in their life, who knows how to laugh, who might have something to teach me, or who needs a smile and a little warmth in their lives instead of worrying about what they will think of me, I might find it much easier to start up a conversation.
Just today I was looking at cars (PLEASE pray for me about this stupid car decision...) and a perfect stranger was looking at the same car. The stranger said "Onstar". That's all they said! And I replied "Yep, my last car had that, at least until they went digital...it was pretty cool....blah blah blah".
So...you can say "Onstar." Or "Peanut Butter". Or "Tut tut looks like rain".
But reach out. And not just for your own sake. Because God may have put you in that situation for the very purpose of giving that person the little push they need to get through the rest of the day.
besiderself
_____________________________
If we are concerned about truth because it is beautiful and good, we will not wield it as a sword to slash…offer truth humbly, as something of great value…guard against…tainting it with a prideful, callous or defensive delivery.
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RE: What's my line? - 6/30/2008 6:31:37 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3352
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
Ok...well, for one thing, if I can't think of something to say to another human being, is there a chance it's because I am too worried about how I will come across, what they will think about me, and whether I will make an impression? Or perhaps, like me on the plane to and from the GT...that I just don't want to be bothered?
Maybe changing my thinking habits would help. Perhaps if I thought of that other person as someone who desires companionship, who has pain in their life, who knows how to laugh, who might have something to teach me, or who needs a smile and a little warmth in their lives instead of worrying about what they will think of me, I might find it much easier to start up a conversation.
Just today I was looking at cars (PLEASE pray for me about this stupid car decision...) and a perfect stranger was looking at the same car. The stranger said "Onstar". That's all they said! And I replied "Yep, my last car had that, at least until they went digital...it was pretty cool....blah blah blah".
So...you can say "Onstar." Or "Peanut Butter". Or "Tut tut looks like rain".
But reach out. And not just for your own sake. Because God may have put you in that situation for the very purpose of giving that person the little push they need to get through the rest of the day.
besiderself
_____________________________
Nadine
"It's like everything good collided today" quote from my 9 yr old daughter
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RE: What's my line? - 6/30/2008 7:35:49 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 1085
Joined: 12/11/2007
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I think I have an easier time starting a conversation than actually maintaining it. I view good conversations like playing tennis. You say something, and the other person responds. If the person doesn't show any enthusiasm in continuing the conversation, then I don't push it and just end it.
What makes starting a conversation for me is that I tend to hang out with people or groups that I have similar interests with. So, if there's a new person in the group, or if I'm the new person in the group, my approach is to always asks non threatening, somewhat personal but not too personal questions. I find that people are very responsive when you show an interests in who they are. But my interests in the person dies when they get wayyyy too comfortable just talking about themselves and not returning the questions to me. People like to know and be known. I'm no exception.
I do this approach in a book store, in a climbing club, at the beach, at work, at church, etc. Just about everywhere. Just be interested in people, and go with the flow.
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RE: What's my line? - 6/30/2008 8:00:43 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1531
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From: IL (NW Central)
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i hate to admit this...it makes so many people crazy.....but i have the opposite problem. i can talk to ANYBODY about anything. the bad part of this is...there are a lot of guys that take this the wrong way...and think we made some 'connection' when that was the furthest thing from my mind. (giggle)
i think all my years of working in the airline industry really honed this skill. whether i was working the ticket counter or gate....or especially when i was a flight attendant...i learned to just approach the other person, dive into a conversation based on where they were travelling to/from, what they were wearing, the weather, where they may be staying, fear of flying, a book or magazine they were carrying.......whatever!
but craig...i think a fail-safe way to compliment a woman without having to worry about "coming across as some creep, moron or desperate guy" is to say something along the lines of, "that's a beautiful (colored blouse, jacket, scarf, bag....blah blah blah). my (mother, sister, daughter) (loves that color too, has one very much like it)."
or you could go with the "that's a beautiful (whatever). that would be a great (bday, christmas...) gift for my (whoever). where did you get it?"
just always remember to ask OPEN-ENDED questions!!!!! don't say stuff like "do you live in (wherever)?" or "do you like that book?" instead....say "ah.......(title of book)....i saw that at borders the other day and almost got it. have you read any of his/her other works? how does this one compare?"
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: What's my line? - 6/30/2008 8:37:56 PM
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JustJeannie
Posts: 2694
Joined: 6/14/2007
From: the state of confusion
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kj88il
i hate to admit this...it makes so many people crazy.....but i have the opposite problem. i can talk to ANYBODY about anything. the bad part of this is...there are a lot of guys that take this the wrong way...and think we made some 'connection' when that was the furthest thing from my mind. (giggle)
i think all my years of working in the airline industry really honed this skill. whether i was working the ticket counter or gate....or especially when i was a flight attendant...i learned to just approach the other person, dive into a conversation based on where they were travelling to/from, what they were wearing, the weather, where they may be staying, fear of flying, a book or magazine they were carrying.......whatever!
but craig...i think a fail-safe way to compliment a woman without having to worry about "coming across as some creep, moron or desperate guy" is to say something along the lines of, "that's a beautiful (colored blouse, jacket, scarf, bag....blah blah blah). my (mother, sister, daughter) (loves that color too, has one very much like it)."
or you could go with the "that's a beautiful (whatever). that would be a great (bday, christmas...) gift for my (whoever). where did you get it?"
just always remember to ask OPEN-ENDED questions!!!!! don't say stuff like "do you live in (wherever)?" or "do you like that book?" instead....say "ah.......(title of book)....i saw that at borders the other day and almost got it. have you read any of his/her other works? how does this one compare?"
OKAY, KJ. Do I get to say "NO Fair! That's what I was gonna say!" now???? 
_____________________________
Jeannie
Who needs coffee??????
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RE: What's my line? - 6/30/2008 8:52:17 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1531
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JustJeannie
quote:
ORIGINAL: kj88il
i hate to admit this...it makes so many people crazy.....but i have the opposite problem. i can talk to ANYBODY about anything. the bad part of this is...there are a lot of guys that take this the wrong way...and think we made some 'connection' when that was the furthest thing from my mind. (giggle)
i think all my years of working in the airline industry really honed this skill. whether i was working the ticket counter or gate....or especially when i was a flight attendant...i learned to just approach the other person, dive into a conversation based on where they were travelling to/from, what they were wearing, the weather, where they may be staying, fear of flying, a book or magazine they were carrying.......whatever!
but craig...i think a fail-safe way to compliment a woman without having to worry about "coming across as some creep, moron or desperate guy" is to say something along the lines of, "that's a beautiful (colored blouse, jacket, scarf, bag....blah blah blah). my (mother, sister, daughter) (loves that color too, has one very much like it)."
or you could go with the "that's a beautiful (whatever). that would be a great (bday, christmas...) gift for my (whoever). where did you get it?"
just always remember to ask OPEN-ENDED questions!!!!! don't say stuff like "do you live in (wherever)?" or "do you like that book?" instead....say "ah.......(title of book)....i saw that at borders the other day and almost got it. have you read any of his/her other works? how does this one compare?"
OKAY, KJ. Do I get to say "NO Fair! That's what I was gonna say!" now????
i think we've been borged.....resistance is futile........ we just THINK alike, it seems, my dear. 
(everyone else.....just LEAVE IT ALONE!!! we're enjoying our little visit to fantasy land where that's a good thing. )
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: What's my line? - 6/30/2008 8:58:58 PM
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makarizo
Posts: 2774
Joined: 4/13/2005
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interesting... I am always ready to witness, comes sooooo very easy, when someone talks to me they can tell I am both listening, and interested in what they are saying, I can bring ANY conversation into the direction of Christ in such a way that it is interesting.
so where women are involved, I would never consider dating (as defined by the crosswalk majority) a non christian woman... not optional, just wouldn't happen.
but they are by far the easiest to talk to, to start a conversation with.
there is no "line"... words are always pulled directly out of the moment, and with divine providence.
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RE: What's my line? - 7/1/2008 9:51:02 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 2991
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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well i think this is where ideas from the thread in praise of casual dating can be helpful. if someone is shy, nervous, new to dating, afraid, etc ... becoming more familiar with the opposite sex through no pressure "dates" will certainly help relax someone and get them more comfortable maintaining conversation and learning "lines". if something is a problem, why avoid it and not gain experience to develop yourself.
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RE: What's my line? - 7/1/2008 12:50:18 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2751
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
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quote:
Ok...well, for one thing, if I can't think of something to say to another human being, is there a chance it's because I am too worried about how I will come across, what they will think about me, and whether I will make an impression? Or perhaps, like me on the plane to and from the GT...that I just don't want to be bothered?
Maybe changing my thinking habits would help. Perhaps if I thought of that other person as someone who desires companionship, who has pain in their life, who knows how to laugh, who might have something to teach me, or who needs a smile and a little warmth in their lives instead of worrying about what they will think of me, I might find it much easier to start up a conversation.
I don't think this is the case at all. I am just very bad at small talk and thinking up questions on the spur of the moment as some other posters have also pointed out about themselves.
Years ago there was a Calvin and Hobbs cartoon in the paper, it was 3 or 4 frames long. In the first frame the bully walks up to Calvin and calls him some name, in the next frame (or 2) Calvin stands there loooking at him. In the last frame Calvin says "come back tomorrow and I'll have something to say back". While the situations I am in don't involve a bully, I feel like Calvin sometimes when I don't have a quick reply. I just stand there b/c I can't think up what to say next. As soon as that happens I feel like I am not making a good impression. You don't get a second chance to make a first impression.
_____________________________
Buy local, support local retailers.
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RE: What's my line? - 7/1/2008 2:13:24 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 6155
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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You know Craig, I'm the same way too. I don't do small talk at all. I don't go out of my way to talk to strangers in airports, I don't go out of my way to greet someone unless I have something specific I wish to discuss.
I read an article meant for immigrants moving to the US and one of the things that it touched on was how Americans have this need to fill uncomfortable silences with small talk. We feel like we have to talk to fill that void.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to small talk, or feeling comfortable about it. The more uncomfortable you feel about it, the more it's going to show and you'll just look unconfident and ill at ease.
You say you have no problem talking to people in your store, whether they're men or attractive women. That's because you're comfortable, and you're not creating simple 'small talk'. You're sharing your wisdom with someone else hoping to enrich his or her life with your knowledge. That's awesome! That's what you need to carry out in your everyday life.
I posted something on my PFY a while back. When the weather turns from cold to cool I roll the windows down in my car and take my hair down. I feel absolutely beautiful when I do that. And I always have guys looking at me, waving at me, stuff like that. I'm no more beautiful then normal, I just feel it and thus people notice.
That's what you need. You need something that will make you feel confident in yourself to take with you so when you see an opportunity you don't hesitate to grab it. *huggles*
Oh!quote:
You don't get a second chance to make a first impression.
Yes you do! *dances* Prime example! When I first moved here I went with my lifegroup to a movie and there was this HOT guy that went. My girlfriend and I were cracking up because we sobbed through the movie (Ladder 49) and cried our makeup off. We couldn't believe we did that in front of this guy. The rest of the night he eyed us wearily but didn't say too much.
He left for a couple of years and then recently was the host for my best friends life group. She reintroduced us, and we got to talking and now he's going to accompany me to an event I need an escort for. We have a great time talking together so I can say that you can DEFINITELY get a second chance with someone. 
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RE: What's my line? - 7/1/2008 7:09:28 PM
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okrox
Posts: 138
Joined: 4/28/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
Ok...well, for one thing, if I can't think of something to say to another human being, is there a chance it's because I am too worried about how I will come across, what they will think about me, and whether I will make an impression? Or perhaps, like me on the plane to and from the GT...that I just don't want to be bothered?
Maybe changing my thinking habits would help. Perhaps if I thought of that other person as someone who desires companionship, who has pain in their life, who knows how to laugh, who might have something to teach me, or who needs a smile and a little warmth in their lives instead of worrying about what they will think of me, I might find it much easier to start up a conversation.
Just today I was looking at cars (PLEASE pray for me about this stupid car decision...) and a perfect stranger was looking at the same car. The stranger said "Onstar". That's all they said! And I replied "Yep, my last car had that, at least until they went digital...it was pretty cool....blah blah blah".
So...you can say "Onstar." Or "Peanut Butter". Or "Tut tut looks like rain".
But reach out. And not just for your own sake. Because God may have put you in that situation for the very purpose of giving that person the little push they need to get through the rest of the day.
besiderself
EXCELLENT reminder, that it's NOT ALL ABOUT ME.
Gold Stars for you, Toots!
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Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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There is another guy -- same thing... I never seem to be able to just converse with him at church. But it seems to come so naturally at parties... I got to know so many people by participating in several church activities but when it comes to these two guys who I've rarely, if ever, have seen outside of church, I'm speechless.
