RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a homeschool chat thread!
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 4:51:56 PM
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Bagel
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Jen, once Brandon is grown, he most likely will gravitate toward the special person who was there for him, and he could depend on, YOU, and his relationship with the other special person will probably not be as special anymore and that is unfortunate for that other person.
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check out my blog at http://bagelslifehomeschool.blogspot.com/
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 4:54:46 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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This special person feels like taking a 2x4 to the other special person at the moment, though. 
He just walked out of school. Because his brother spoke. I mean, really, can we get any more immature? I am trying to figure out how to handle this. Since he wouldn't sit here and work with me, then I think I will just write up his assignment, and require a decent grade, and if he doesn't get them done, he doesn't go...anywhere. What do you think?
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 5:12:37 PM
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cynthia
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That sounds reasonable to me, Jennifer. How old is he - 15?
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When you stand up for what’s right, don’t expect the one in the wrong to be happy about. He may get very angry. That doesn’t mean you should back down and give in. It means you need to stand firm and diligently pray for him and for yourself.
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 5:17:55 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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Yes. Yesterday he was very tired and slept all afternoon and didn't get hardly any schoolwork done. So I told him he'd have to quit working at the pool (he is an aide there for two classes this session) if it became a problem. He IS laying down, and refusing to do the work I gave him, and is an extreme grump. Tonight is karate night. Well, if the work isn't done, I think he's going to have to stay home tonight, and if it still isn't done, no swim team in the morning, and no working at the pool. This is just getting ridiculous!
You remember how he went to the boat races last year and the paper gave him a camera and published two of his photos, and said he could be an official member this year? Well, Jody never called the paper even to see if HE was supposed to be working there this year, and so all year long he's been waiting for this 'real job' that they promised him...and the races start in TWO DAYS and his father is still clueless! Plus, he flew out this direction and doesn't even know if he's going to come visit. It's just so stupid. That man is SO STUPID! 
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 5:26:28 PM
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cynthia
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It sounds like he may be depressed. I guess hindsight is better than foresight, but Brandon knows his father is unreliable. He was relying on an unreliable person to get it together. He needs to learn not to count on his father for anything, but to be glad when his father does come through. Taking it out on you and not doing what he ought doesn't make his life better it makes it worse. He is making his own life worse by not preparing for the future by doing his school work. Not living up to his own responsibilities is hypocritical, as he is doing the same thing he is angry with his father about. I would tell him all that and then tell him that he is not doing anything else until he is on track with his personal responsibilities at home. He is not a baby. He is a young man. He has to forgive his father for being irresponsible and to reject that trait from his own life, so he will live a different and better life than his father has.
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When you stand up for what’s right, don’t expect the one in the wrong to be happy about. He may get very angry. That doesn’t mean you should back down and give in. It means you need to stand firm and diligently pray for him and for yourself.
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 5:31:54 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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quote:
Not living up to his own responsibilities is hypocritical, as he is doing the same thing he is angry with his father about That is a very good point. Unfortunately, Brandon will not really discuss the issue. He just says I am making him miserable.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 5:37:47 PM
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cynthia
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How you asked him how? He really is acting like a baby and is not facing the real issue. I'd hold him to his responsibilities, not let him do anything until he has completed what he must and in the meantime, I'd be praying that the Lord would guide me in dealing with Brandon His way.
_____________________________
When you stand up for what’s right, don’t expect the one in the wrong to be happy about. He may get very angry. That doesn’t mean you should back down and give in. It means you need to stand firm and diligently pray for him and for yourself.
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 5:40:23 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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That is very good advice. Anytime I try and talk to him, he just keep saying that we make him miserable and nothing is his fault, etc etc. He has always been this way.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 6:13:48 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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I love that pic, Sarah.
Well, I don't think his attitude is much improved, but he is doing his schoolwork now.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 6:20:43 PM
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Bagel
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He may not "get it" until he has kids of his own and sees his own personality in at least one of them. And then he'll look back and hopefully have his "Ah-Ha" moments and realize that your were consistent, and persistent with him and that it was a good thing. And hopefully, he'll appreciate that fact that you did this alone and in spite of the lack of support you get from those around you.
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Bagel Lisa
check out my blog at http://bagelslifehomeschool.blogspot.com/
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 9:53:13 PM
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zoebob
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Sarah and I are in chat and having fun but are by ourselves. Come join us
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 10:00:00 PM
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cindybode
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
Cindy, do you sell your soap on Etsy?
Umm, I don't think so. What is Etsy? 
Actually I don't sell it at all. I'm afraid that if I started selling it, it would stop being fun, if you KWIM. I will bless family and friends with it and do a batch if someone asks for it. This particular batch is going to Brandy.
I'm sorry about Brandon's attitude. I don't know if it would help at all, but when Jesse was doing the it's-everyone-else's-fault thing I started sitting down with him and talking him through specific situations. Stuff like ok, this is what happened and this is how you responded. What other choice could you have made? What do you think would have happened if you'd done the other thing? I can't say his attitude had completely turned around but it has helped him see how he contributes to his own problems. I don't know if that would make things better or worse with Brandon. Maybe you should just stick to the frying pan idea. 
We just started watching a dvd on Isaac Newton. It's got some talking heads who I hope can make the subject interesting. Jesse likes biographies as long as the presenters don't bore him to death. Well, the king was just beheaded so maybe there's hope. 
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If you lock in any creature, from rats to chickens to pigs to people, 10 to 30 or more in a box and force feed them you'll create little monsters. Confinement Education School Operations (CESOs) just don't compare to naturally pastured free-ranged kids.
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 10:53:51 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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quote:
I don't know if it would help at all, but when Jesse was doing the it's-everyone-else's-fault thing I started sitting down with him and talking him through specific situations. Stuff like ok, this is what happened and this is how you responded. What other choice could you have made? What do you think would have happened if you'd done the other thing? I can't say his attitude had completely turned around but it has helped him see how he contributes to his own problems. I don't know if that would make things better or worse with Brandon
It wouldn't work. Brandon doesn't discuss-he blames. If I said, 'When Nathan moved your book and you screamed at him, what would a better way of handling it be?' and he would say, 'Nathan never gets punished for anything he does, everyone just hates me and I am the only one that does anything around here and why don't you get a job and why are you so mean to me and why don't you ever do anything around here and this is your fault and that is your fault and I never get anything I want....'
He is completely unreasonable.
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 11:26:58 PM
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Bagel
Posts: 357
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From: Oregon
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You've probably done this, but have you verbally just refused to accept responsibility everytime he shifts the blame to you? "Wear mom down by consistently taking the focus off of myself". I don't have any teenagers........yet (though one will officially arrive next year and I see the signs now), so I don't have experience to draw from. But I have seen adults blame everyone for things that are really consequences of their own actions but they refuse to accept their part.
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Bagel Lisa
check out my blog at http://bagelslifehomeschool.blogspot.com/
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RE: July ... picnics, pools, and parties ... and a home... - 7/22/2008 11:28:35 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8873
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From: land of limbo
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
quote:
I don't know if it would help at all, but when Jesse was doing the it's-everyone-else's-fault thing I started sitting down with him and talking him through specific situations. Stuff like ok, this is what happened and this is how you responded. What other choice could you have made? What do you think would have happened if you'd done the other thing? I can't say his attitude had completely turned around but it has helped him see how he contributes to his own problems. I don't know if that would make things better or worse with Brandon
It wouldn't work. Brandon doesn't discuss-he blames. If I said, 'When Nathan moved your book and you screamed at him, what would a better way of handling it be?' and he would say, 'Nathan never gets punished for anything he does, everyone just hates me and I am the only one that does anything around here and why don't you get a job and why are you so mean to me and why don't you ever do anything around here and this is your fault and that is your fault and I never get anything I want....'
He is completely unreasonable.
Sounds like my DD2
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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