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Value of Intelligence. - 7/4/2008 5:56:39 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
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What is the value of intelligence within a relationship?
Does one with intellectual promise bring more to a relationship than one who isn't as intellectually exceptional?
Does lack of academical achievements send up red flags for you? If not, what use does it bring opposed to the studious individual?
Do you feel more secure with someone who is quick with numbers, easy with finances, business manageable, and maintains an impressive schedule/application opposed to someone who is less adequate with mathematics, lacks in wealth, and an excessive procrastinator?
What assessment does intelligence hold over whether or not you're satisfied in a relationship?
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/4/2008 8:57:47 AM
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IonMoon
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I think it is important for the couple to be about equal in intelligence. If one is much smarter than the other, it can cause conflict.
As for formal education... it is unimportant to me (though I have been married for 19 years to my first boyfriend and have no intention of re-entering the dating scene, so it is kind of a moot point).
For me, someone who is self-educated and successful in their field, but with no degree, would be just as attractive as someone who has a degree. In fact, there are a lot of people who go to college for many years who are pretty boring and not really all that motivated.
So... I am interested in people who are intelligent, curious, knowledgeable, and highly motivated--but not so overly focused on career/intellectual pursuits that they can't relax and have fun, but I don't care so much whether or not they have a degree.
There is a mismatch to an extent between my dh & I regarding this- he isn't a lot less intelligent than I am, but he thinks he is... and he really lacks motivation. It has been a problem for us over the years.
I am more successful in my career/education, but that hasn't really been a problem. Well, it has a little lately, but not because he isn't as successful as I am, but because he isn't as successful as he could be.
It is the mismatch in work ethic/motivation that has caused the most comflict for us.
Tara P
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/4/2008 9:38:56 AM
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car2ner
Posts: 2774
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>>What is the value of intelligence within a relationship?
IMHO it is very important. No man who didn't have a few good working braincells between their ears, had more than a chance of friendship with me. May I say that m'love is very smart, as is the whole family...not bragging, I am just impressed.
>>Does one with intellectual promise bring more to a relationship than one who isn't as intellectually exceptional?
There has to be a balance. I would expect couples of like mind to enjoy each other's company, best.
>>Does lack of academical achievements send up red flags for you? If not, what use does it bring opposed to the studious individual?
It is not the lack of academical achievement that would send up the flags. Life circumstances may have alot to do with how much formal education someone has. That has nothing to do with intelligence or what type of intelligence someone has. A red flag would be for someone who has had opportunities but squandered them by lack of integrity or laziness.
>>Do you feel more secure with someone who is quick with numbers, easy with finances, business manageable
Someone you are going to spend you life with needs to be able to handle money well, etc.
>> and an excessive procrastinator?
Who in their right mind would want an excessive procrastinator as a partner? Someone who likes to complain about having to do all of the work all of the time???
>>What assessment does intelligence hold over whether or not you're satisfied in a relationship?
As I so enjoy telling my husband, smart is sexy.
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"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/4/2008 9:41:40 AM
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car2ner
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But what I REALLY want to know is this: why do you ask?
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"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/4/2008 10:05:16 AM
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Szaftoo
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There is "book" smart and "street" smart and they both have their advantages in a relationship.
For me personally, I find intelligence very attractive. It's nice to be with someone who is good with finances and numbers but not necessary as I can take care of that myself. Wealth and being an excessive procrastinator have nothing to do with intelligence.
My husband and I are not the same in education and intelligence and it doesn't matter.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/4/2008 5:32:12 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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I think I have an unusual take on intelligence. Although when tested I rank rather high on the IQ charts, that number alone determines nearly nothing about me. I don't think that your average IQ test assesses the entire potential of the person--it only tests one 'kind' of intelligence.
Everyone is gifted in some way. It is what they DO with those gifts that matters. So a person's attitudes, what they do with what they have, their outlook on work, life, etc--these things matter much more to me than what their grade in math was.
A man gifted with mechanical abilities who works hard and uses them to the fullest will be much more attractive to me than a genius with a bad attitude who can't hold a steady job because nothing is 'fun' enough.
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Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/5/2008 1:07:22 AM
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Prairiehiker
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Intelligence and looks are something that you didn't do much to get. It's either you have it or you don't.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/5/2008 11:29:02 AM
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Prairiehiker
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quote:
What assessment does intelligence hold over whether or not you're satisfied in a relationship?
I think for me, intelligence isn't a big factor. As long as the guy is interested in the world around him and can express his opinion about them, than that is good. As long as he can carry a conversation, not necessarily about any particular topic, then that's good enough. As long as he has some personal interest and pursuing it, let's say, cycling, or mountain climbing, and pursuing it with a gusto, then, I'd prefer that over a guy who can recite Shakespeare, or have PHD on any areas.
What I would consider lack f intelligence, is really lack of passion for something. Then that person wouldn't have any interests to pursue and study and devote their time and energy. Passion is more my criteria for intelligence because it's what drives it. I work with a few people that are constantly talking about politics, and I see no point in it really. I mean, they are not doing anything to change the world by voicing their opinion. If they were running for office, then that would make a difference. But talking on and on about a certain topic which they don't even participate in, like, what is that for?
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/5/2008 7:18:54 PM
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Anamchara
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In general terms, yes I am more attracted to people who are intelligent. I dont think intelligence is always reflected by your class rank or gpa. I have a father who is "street" smart as far as practical skills. I have two sisters who I consider Very book smart. I would rather be in a relationship with someone who is street smart, and knows practical skills... yes in my opinion they bring more to a relationship/or friendship in general. Book intelligence (taxes, financial questions can typically be looked up or researched... googled :) ) I find people who are street smart more enjoyable to talk to...but then I like it when people challenge my thinking(it only makes me stronger). Therefore as I do hope that who I marry is intelligent, I wouldnt say it is a red flag for me...I am sure their talent lies in another place. Just my 2 cents..
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/5/2008 10:35:37 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1173
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
What is the value of intelligence within a relationship?
Does one with intellectual promise bring more to a relationship than one who isn't as intellectually exceptional?
Does lack of academical achievements send up red flags for you? If not, what use does it bring opposed to the studious individual?
Do you feel more secure with someone who is quick with numbers, easy with finances, business manageable, and maintains an impressive schedule/application opposed to someone who is less adequate with mathematics, lacks in wealth, and an excessive procrastinator?
What assessment does intelligence hold over whether or not you're satisfied in a relationship?
Well, I'm a HUGE nerd. Intelligence is pretty important to me. Academic achievement however, is not. A couple of months ago, I dated a guy who had a master's degree - but as we spoke, he wasn't really intellectual or analytical. Since I am, it was very difficult to have conversations with him - he wanted to talk about tv shows a lot - which I can do - but I tend to analyze and think about the ways in which messages are conveyed in a program - about the character or the larger point that the writers are trying to make about the human condition or a societal issue - rather than whether a certain joke was funny. I'm not putting that down - it is just a preference. I met another guy around the same time - I think he had an associates degree. He was so smart - I just loved talking to him! We could talk about anything - whether it is history, technology (once we had a great discussion about global satellite positions and cell phone reception and triangulation - it was pretty cool - we came up with this interesting theory about it - I don't know if it is plausible - but it was fun to talk about it), music, just anything. The last guy that I dated was really smart as well - and very analytical (he studied law for a while and had another graduate degree in another technical area) - so it was a challenge to think logically through arguments - he was gentle with me because there were some arguments where he could have just nailed me to the wall because I'm not yet sharp enough - but he didn't - he just challenged me. This is one of the things that I really miss about him.
So, no, I think it would be extremely difficult to be with someone I couldn't talk with. I don't think that he has to necessarily be quick with numbers or mathematics - I don't really equate that with intelligence - but I think I tend to get along quite well with people who see connections between things - are analytical and are basically divergent thinkers. I don't care about wealth or procrastination - that isn't important to me. I think I'd be a good match for someone who is business-minded. I can see the big picture - but have a hard time with the day to day details.
But above all of this - I look to see if the man has allowed his intellect to come under the direction of the Holy Spirit. If not, then the intellect just becomes another fleshly thing - and no matter how much I enjoy this aspect at first, it will ultimately become a hinderance. Our intellect must, like any other ability - be spirit-controlled.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/6/2008 2:25:36 PM
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Harvie
Posts: 1242
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From: california
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
What is the value of intelligence within a relationship?
Does one with intellectual promise bring more to a relationship than one who isn't as intellectually exceptional?
Does lack of academical achievements send up red flags for you? If not, what use does it bring opposed to the studious individual?
Do you feel more secure with someone who is quick with numbers, easy with finances, business manageable, and maintains an impressive schedule/application opposed to someone who is less adequate with mathematics, lacks in wealth, and an excessive procrastinator?
What assessment does intelligence hold over whether or not you're satisfied in a relationship?
One of the main qualities I was looking for in a husband was a godly man who was bright, smart, intelligent, biblically literate, and who had an abundance of common sense.
I am not sure what you mean by "intellectual promise" and "intellectually exceptional."
Again, I am not sure what you mean by a "lack of academic achievements," either. My wonderful DH has a college degree, and has also graduated from Air Command and Staff College (he is an active duty military pilot by profession). I consider those to be academic achievements, but not necessarily the same ones that I possess (I have a doctorate, and graduated undergrad cum laude as the valedictorian, and also graduated from law school cum laude.)
My husband is better with numbers than I am, despite the fact that I have more formal education, lol. Neither one of us are procrastinators. But, we are not wealthy, either -- he has chosen a career path of service (military pilot), and I gave up being a trial attorney to be a stay-at-home wife; we are storing up treasures in heaven, not in a bank account.
It seems to me that you are equating intelligence with education and wealth ... and I don't always equate those items, personally.
_____________________________
 PLEASE PRAY FOR MY DEPLOYED (AGAIN) HUSBAND ... THIS IS HIS FIFTH TIME
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/7/2008 6:28:57 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 8558
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rainbowtvp
There is a mismatch to an extent between my dh & I regarding this- he isn't a lot less intelligent than I am, but he thinks he is.
I've been in his shoes lately. Probably a time too many.
quote:
ORIGINAL: car2ner
But what I REALLY want to know is this: why do you ask?
My own personal assessment.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/7/2008 6:36:49 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Szaftoo
Wealth and being an excessive procrastinator have nothing to do with intelligence.
It isn't the source, no, but it does play a role. But the question in context wasn't specifically limited to intelligence, but management and the like, based solely on security.
quote:
My husband and I are not the same in education and intelligence and it doesn't matter.
I guess it depends on the individuals perception of intelligence.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/7/2008 7:00:21 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 8558
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
I think I have an unusual take on intelligence. Although when tested I rank rather high on the IQ charts, that number alone determines nearly nothing about me. I don't think that your average IQ test assesses the entire potential of the person--it only tests one 'kind' of intelligence.
It's actually not that unusual considering I've heard the same assessment twice from two other individuals.
I'm not sure where I rank in terms of IQ. I do know I lack when it comes to book smarts, though.
quote:
Everyone is gifted in some way. It is what they DO with those gifts that matters.
How does one determine those gifts and use them effectively?
quote:
ORIGINAL: song
I always council people to be with someone who has equal intelligence.
I doubt it's possible to narrow down intelligence to a point where the equality in intelligence is 100% accurate.
As Jenny said, tests only measure one form of intelligence.
If in a couple, one does exceedingly well on a test and the other does inferior, does that mean the couple is unequally balanced solely based off of that test?
quote:
Personally, I am totally turned off by a man that I feel is less intelligent then me
Hypothetically speaking, God has chosen a man for you. This man is far less in terms of intelligence than what your standards hold. Would you let that fact alone separate you from other qualities he has?
quote:
and if I meet a man that's been to college he instantly becomes attractive
What is your opinion of one who hasn't been to college?
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/7/2008 7:36:06 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Intelligence and looks are something that you didn't do much to get. It's either you have it or you don't.
Genetics, basically. (assuming that's what you were referring to.)
Developmental biology and inheritance may determine a portion of your physical and mental success, but I don't think its the key of unlocking true potential.
quote:
ORIGINAL: ebony101
What a technically worded post GrapeApe? Are you seeking information for a thesis or a dissertation? 
Sometimes I'm told I'm too technical, but thanks. 
This is merely a lesson I'm trying to teach myself. Whether or not I'm holding the value of x at a higher standard than it should be, and the effects it has on my own attitude as an individual and in my relationship.
quote:
1. I have discovered that I enjoy having a decent conversation - an actual exchange of words, ideas and thoughts. Nothing too technical but more than simple one or two word responses. Somehow when I meet guys who haven't completed high school I just cannot have a good conversation with them.
I had the same problems, simply because I was shy and generally didn't know how to carry on decent conversation, let alone an educational/intelligent one.
I learned that I needed to improve and expand, and since conversation is what I lacked, I lengthened my vocabulary. It did give me the confidence to maintain a conversation, which provided me with the courage to be more social.
quote:
I would just like to add that intelligence does not mean, that you can't have fun and that your conversation must always be intellectual that would be very dull indeed.
99% of the time, I'm never serious.
This might be a new record for me.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/7/2008 7:56:00 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 8558
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
Intelligence is pretty important to me. Academic achievement however, is not.
I've always thought that academic achievements was the most effective display of intelligence. It's one of the reasons why I have considered myself lesser.
quote:
We could talk about anything - whether it is history, technology (once we had a great discussion about global satellite positions and cell phone reception and triangulation - it was pretty cool - we came up with this interesting theory about it - I don't know if it is plausible - but it was fun to talk about it), music, just anything.
Thanks for displaying your nerdiness. 
quote:
I don't care about wealth or procrastination - that isn't important to me.
You're one of the few to admit that.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Harvie
I am not sure what you mean by "intellectual promise" and "intellectually exceptional."
One possessing the ability to be successful based on the knowledge they've obtained, who's future is as bright as their mind. That's what I would consider intellectual promise.
I would, of course, use Einstein as an example of the intellectually exceptional.
quote:
Again, I am not sure what you mean by a "lack of academic achievements," either.
One who doesn't do exceptionally pertaining to school associations. Someone who struggles just to get by in grades and whatnot.
quote:
It seems to me that you are equating intelligence with education and wealth ... and I don't always equate those items, personally.
Based on society and our worldview, intelligence is usually associated with college graduates and those who are academic achievers. I'm trying to explore outside of that perspective.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/7/2008 10:43:10 AM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6949
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From: WA
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quote:
How does one determine those gifts and use them effectively?
Well, speaking as a homeschooling mom...my firstborn never played with toys. He didn't play with them because they served no real purpose. He wouldn't even play with Legos until we bought him sets with moving parts so that he could create machines that actually did work. He's also wonderful with computers, can fix almost anything that breaks around here, cannot sit still for more than an hour at a time, and learned to fly a plane when he was 13.
So I encourage him to learn multiple computer languages, learn mechanical drawing (to be followed with CAD), get books at the library about lawnmowers so he can fix his and make money mowing, and that sort of thing. Generally a person's interests will head in the direction their talents head, and it is just a matter of being diligent about them and finding a career path that fits them. Brandon has realized that he will NOT be able to work a desk job and should not attempt to make himself do so, at least not for the full 40 hrs/wk. He is thinking seriously of doing some time in the Air Force and becoming an engineer. He also loves inventing things.
Nate, my second-born, is a totally different animal. Loves to take pictures (he gets that from his dad, who is a talented photographer but was never diligent enough to make something of himself in that area), adores animals, etc. He has an overdeveloped sense of right and wrong (which he gets from me...it may be innate or have something to do with being raised by law enforcement officers of various kinds) and is thinking seriously of working towards FBI. But he is young and has plenty of time.
So I guess what I am saying is to take your childish dreams and be adult about them. Whatever it is you love to do, you need to work hard at, not treat as a hobby. Be generally responsible in your life (finances, how you treat people, etc) and you will have a leg up on most men in this day and age!
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/7/2008 12:40:24 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1173
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quote:
I've always thought that academic achievements was the most effective display of intelligence. It's one of the reasons why I have considered myself lesser.
Interesting. I guess to me, academic achievement often means that you've had the opportunity (money, time, and support) to go to college. I know plenty of smart people who've never set foot in a college classroom. And I know people who, had it not been for their parent's money, would not have been able to make it. My sister and I are the only people in our family to go to college. So, I know lots of people who aren't college educated - and sometimes they feel ashamed of not being "educated." Or they automatically think that people who went to college are smarter. But that simply isn't true. But, a lot of people who go to college contribute to this myth - they think that because they are college educated that they can be snooty about it. Usually, these are people who have never actually held an every day job where people treat you like a piece of trash because you don't have a degree. (Been there, done that, am thankful for the experience.) Or they've never taken the time to get to know people who are smart, but don't have a degree or some fancy "titled" position. Trust me on this ... intelligence and academic achievement - even career achievement - are not always related.
So, please don't consider yourself to be a lesser person or think that you have some huge disadvantage. Just be who you are. If you are nerdy (like me), then be nerdy. I was nerdy long before I got any degree - and if I didn't have one, I'd still be nerdy. And I'm not ashamed of that - I'm glad for the way that God made me. If you have a huge compassionate heart - or if you are driven - or if you have an unusual amount of integrity - or if you are artistic - or if you are very discerning (the spiritual equivalent to "street smart") - or if you are some combination of those things - then just be that. It all comes from God and ultimately, the only thing that matters if all of our gifts (and all of our flaws) are in submission to the Holy Spirit. God is the one that grants wisdom.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/8/2008 6:36:16 PM
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PaleHawkWoman
Posts: 329
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
What is the value of intelligence within a relationship?
Does one with intellectual promise bring more to a relationship than one who isn't as intellectually exceptional?
I'm not sure they bring more, but if two peroplcannot communicate and be understood by each other, there are going to be some huge problems.
[Quote]ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
Does lack of academical achievements send up red flags for you? If not, what use does it bring opposed to the studious individual?
Its not lack of academic achievement that would concern me but lack of effort. Often how one does in school reflects how one will do in life. However, there is a difference between learned and educated, and learned usually entails a broader base of knowledge than educated.
[Quote]ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
Do you feel more secure with someone who is quick with numbers, easy with finances, business manageable, and maintains an impressive schedule/application opposed to someone who is less adequate with mathematics, lacks in wealth, and an excessive procrastinator?
I prefer someone who is hardworking, sensible with money, and has some degree of ambition to succeed at what he does in life. Wealth is not a factor, but I would not want a man who is a spendthrift or financially foolish. Procrastination is not admirable either. As far as a schedule, he needs to make time for family- workaholics are miserable to live with unless your idea of marriage is to do everything on your own.
[Quote]ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
What assessment does intelligence hold over whether or not you're satisfied in a relationship?
I'd say that I would be very unsatisfied with someone who lacked at least average intelligence. I prefer someone with above average intelligence. Geniuses tend to be arrogant, tho, and that would be very unsatisfying as well.
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RE: Value of Intelligence. - 7/9/2008 10:31:59 AM
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bluestone
Posts: 2934
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Intelligence is very important to me. Dating someone who can not grasp basic concepts that are important to me, and vice versa, would lead to a boring relationship.
Normally it only takes one or two dates to realize the mental divide is too wide to swim.
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