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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/13/2008 8:47:16 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1577
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Toronto the Good
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Who should make the first move? One of you, and if not one then the other.
As long as the move gets made - and it's an appropriate move - I don't care.
< Message edited by 9drtr -- 7/13/2008 8:55:06 PM >
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When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/14/2008 2:39:30 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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From: California
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quote:
quote:
quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
I believe in men being the pursuers/initiators, but I also can't deny the fact that Ruth took some initiative. My dad always says she didn't, but I read and read the passage, and can only see that she did.
Yes, she surely did some initiating!
I think it would be quite a stretch, though, to say that what Ruth did is something all women should do. Her actions were for a very specific situation in a very specific culture and she was under the direction of her mother-in-law who knew the culture and the laws of her people. In addition, Boaz had already shown his interest in her, but because of the laws in effect he couldn't be sure he had any right to say anything to her.
So I would say that Ruth's situation applies to a woman and she can initiate if:
She is a widow.
She has moved to a strange country whose laws and culture she does not know or understand.
She is living with and must support her mother-in-law who understands the laws and culture.
The mother-in-law tells her to do so.
Under those circumstances, I would even encourage her to feel free to slip into his home and lay down at the end of his bed and pull his covers over her, if that's what the mother-in-law said to do.
You go girl!
besiderself
With that line of reasoning I could say that I shouldn't stand alone for what is right like Daniel did because it only applies to young men under captivity.
Don't get me wrong. I myself am not an initiative taker (at least I try not to be), but I still can't deny Ruth taking initiative, and it doesn't do it for me to say it was different for her because of the circumstances. I don't remember anything about Boaz showing interest in her first, but that may be my own forgetfulness, so I will re-read the book.
FWIW, Although I think it is the man's place to take initiative, I don't think it is wrong for a woman to be friendly.
Also, even though I try not to take initiative, I have been on a couple christian dating sites in the past (although I'm not on any right now), and once in a while I would write a guy first because I figured, in a way, they had already taken inititative by being on the site. Some were interested in me, some weren't, but none objected to me writing to them. I mean, some didn't want to continue writing, but none of them thought I did anything WRONG in writing the first letter. One guy even explained some of the mistakes I made IN my letter, but he did not think he I was wrong to WRITE a letter.
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"We basically use what I have seen referred to as "get off your butt" parenting. It employs more interaction, more redirection, more prevention, and usually less spanking."
-Mrs. Wifey
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/14/2008 3:26:56 AM
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BugLady
Posts: 2711
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quote:
One guy even explained some of the mistakes I made IN my letter, but he did not think he I was wrong to WRITE a letter.
Explained some of the mistakes you made? Grammar? What? I don't get it. Mistakes from his perspective of how you should behave or truly mistakes?
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/14/2008 11:48:40 AM
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BugLady
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Oh, okay. Got it. That was nice of him. He probably learned that himself somewhere along the way.
_____________________________
• Human trafficking is the 3rd largest source of income for organized crime, generating $7 billion a year.
International Justice Mission
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/14/2008 11:30:32 PM
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vikingfan
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something I'm wondering is why the heck money needs to be involved at all. there are so many good free (or nearly free) ideas as a way to get to know somebody. go for a walk around the lake. enjoy a park. do a picnic. go rollerblading.
if one removes the money from the equation, I think things might go better.
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/14/2008 11:58:43 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3560
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quote:
ORIGINAL: skreyola
The one (or both) that is interested in the other should make the first move.
I know this has been discussed before, and I think one of the big lessons is that lack of communication prevents any formation of a relationship. So, while opinions may vary on whether a woman should ask a guy out or not, I think it's pretty clear that if she wants him to ask her out, she will risk having that desire unfulfilled if she doesn't at least let him know she's available if he did ask.
Ideally, a guy should take the lead, but that doesn't neccessarily mean he needs to make the very first move.
It's no use talking about relationship standards if there's no relationship, and it's quite possible (for a number of very good reasons) that asking her out might not even have entered the guy's head. If a girl is interested, she needs to let him know she knows he exists. Then she can wait for him to take the lead.
But expecting a guy to always make the first move? He might never ask, and you might find years later that if he'd know she was available/open to approach, he would have. You can put whatever theological spin on that and 'destiny' that you want, but I don't believe God will bring us things we aren't willing to extend our arm to get. After all, we would never advise that someone sit at home and pray for a job without going to businesses and applying for work.
My 2 cents. That and $5 will get you a cup of coffee.
Skrey,
This has really given me something to think about. Especially the part about him having a very good reason (maybe more than one) for not even thinking about asking.
~Blessings~
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You cannot leave the past behind, if you keep making it the present.
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/15/2008 12:02:10 AM
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trinigirl722
Posts: 339
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
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quote:
ORIGINAL: vikingfan
something I'm wondering is why the heck money needs to be involved at all. there are so many good free (or nearly free) ideas as a way to get to know somebody. go for a walk around the lake. enjoy a park. do a picnic. go rollerblading.
if one removes the money from the equation, I think things might go better.
I'm going to take issue with that from a female perspective. In my experience, things have not gone better with men I've met who were interested in low-cost or no-cost dates in the beginning. They ended up being takers, not givers. They weren't very considerate of my needs, and they were all too happy to let me pay the bill. So I just ended up feeling bitter and angry.
Personally, I think the free park and walk around the lake, etc., are wonderful once a couple has been out a few times. But in the beginning the man needs to pay to set the tone of the relationship and show he's willing to make an effort and sacrifice for the relationship.
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/15/2008 8:42:39 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Resonance
And doesn't kissing make babies?!?!
I don't seem to remember it working that way. But then again the Girl is 7 now and things may have changed. 
(although I doubt it)
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Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/16/2008 2:19:17 PM
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McFatty
Posts: 1084
Joined: 12/8/2007
From: Augusta, GA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: broyce1981
From what I remember kissing only makes babies if you're wearing a swimsuit. 
whew. That's good to know. I'll have to remember that.
note to self: don't kiss while wearing a swimsuit. Take it off first. (or am I not understanding something here?)
Wow, my health teacher in school was WAY off!!!!
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/16/2008 2:40:45 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3850
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And I always thought it was the watermelon seeds...
Who should offer a slice of watermelon first: the man or the woman?
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"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/17/2008 2:11:17 AM
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vikingfan
Posts: 72
Joined: 1/24/2008
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This question makes me think of a slightly different question that I'll bring up: does making the first move apply only to dating? or does it apply to guy/girl friendships too? I know girls that subscribe to both philosophies...figuring, hey, that guy over there looks like he's on fire for the Lord, I'd like to get to know him better as a friend, whether or not dating is even in the picture.
but the guy should make the first move, although the girl should try to help and encourage where possible.
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/17/2008 3:46:09 AM
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heymikey
Posts: 4
Joined: 7/17/2008
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If a woman is interested, then by all means she should make the first move. Especially how women (in general) tend to send mixed signals.
As far as paying for a date...I feel whoever asks should pay.
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RE: Who Should Make The First Move? - 7/17/2008 8:46:34 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7653
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
Who Should Make The First Move?
I should!
Hey Shema! Want to come drive the boat? I'll even let you buy me ice cream!! (I'll cover everything else).
(No way she could resist that!!)
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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My mistake was in giving too much info. in the first letter instead of keeping it at a simple hello. He was ABSOLUTELY right about that, and when I wrote other guys, I kept it much more simple.
If it were icky I don't think I would miss it so much. 
