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RE: marriage or single - 7/23/2008 4:38:25 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 1109
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
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Fair enough. I'll stand corrected.
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RE: marriage or single - 7/23/2008 4:51:41 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1413
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
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But some of these Christian conselors who don't have any traning whatsoever in abuse situations will tell the woman to go back to their husbands and to "tough it out," which I think is the wrong thing to do. I think the reason why the Church has not any training in this area is because they have this mentality that it "Wont' happen in their back yard," but unfortnatly, it has, even with church folk.
I believe even though the husband has lured her in, she should not go into something, but go into a shelter which she can get some help from a trained professional other than the church.
_____________________________
Remembering Topher...
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: marriage or single - 7/23/2008 5:03:38 PM
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CheshireMuse
Posts: 90
Joined: 8/23/2007
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Why should she go into a shelter when she already has a home for herself and her children? It seems to me that would be even more upsetting to her family...but, counseling would probably be a good idea.
However, I do agree that the Church is poorly equipped to deal with abuse issues and tends to punish the victim by ostracizing them for daring to bring such a thing up.... I speak from personal experience.
I was told that it was basically my fault - I should be "more submissive", I should pray more, I should be meeker, blah blah blah.... never mind that my ex set foot inside the church twice a year - Christmas and Easter - and I coordinated children's church, taught Sunday School, helped with the youth projects, etc.... When it became clear that none of us were safe in the same house with him and we left, my church blamed me for the divorce. There was something wrong with ME because I couldn't live with or love that man any longer.
So, I left the faith. I walked away from God because, in my mind, if this is how God tells Christians to treat wounded people, I wanted NO part of it. It took 6 YEARS before I was able to even set foot inside a place of worship.
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
But some of these Christian conselors who don't have any traning whatsoever in abuse situations will tell the woman to go back to their husbands and to "tough it out," which I think is the wrong thing to do. I think the reason why the Church has not any training in this area is because they have this mentality that it "Wont' happen in their back yard," but unfortnatly, it has, even with church folk.
I believe even though the husband has lured her in, she should not go into something, but go into a shelter which she can get some help from a trained professional other than the church.
_____________________________
Peace,
Muse
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RE: marriage or single - 7/23/2008 5:06:04 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2392
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
But some of these Christian conselors who don't have any traning whatsoever in abuse situations will tell the woman to go back to their husbands and to "tough it out," which I think is the wrong thing to do. I think the reason why the Church has not any training in this area is because they have this mentality that it "Wont' happen in their back yard," but unfortnatly, it has, even with church folk.
I believe even though the husband has lured her in, she should not go into something, but go into a shelter which she can get some help from a trained professional other than the church.
That is why I said:
"You need help from people who understand the nature of abuse and addiction that you have experienced in your marriage. They need to be aware of ALL of the problems i.e. physical abuse, alcohol and drug abuse, and you need a plan to address these issue over the long term."
There are Christian (lay) counselors who do make these kinds of dangerous and bad calls, but this kind of things seldom happens with professional Christian counselors, and I personally have never witnessed a Christian counselor who understands the nature of abuse and addiction making such a ridiculous recommendation.
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RE: marriage or single - 7/23/2008 5:08:22 PM
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rtvasquez
Posts: 14
Joined: 7/23/2008
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I have prayed so much and so hard.... that i almost gave up.....i don't want to not pray.....
I feel that if I have to pray for forgiveness.....then so be it....i can pray and have prayed for forgiveness and blessings.....I know that in situations like mine...the abuse....people can lose faith....I didn't....i just tried harder...I guess that's why i was married for so long....
I still pray ...... I pray that i make a good choice and that God will forgive me if I make the wrong choice and through prayer.....STILL bless me in the choice i did make. the only way that I can deal with the choice I make is to bring GOD into the picture......I need to do this on my own with love from my children and GOD....without prayer....no choice is correct.
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RE: marriage or single - 7/23/2008 5:13:19 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2392
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
the only way that I can deal with the choice I make is to bring GOD into the picture......I need to do this on my own with love from my children and GOD....without prayer....no choice is correct.
Absolutely agreed, and God's love is something you already unconditionally have, and that will sustain you regardless of the choices your children make.
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RE: marriage or single - 7/23/2008 5:18:01 PM
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CheshireMuse
Posts: 90
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline
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I have.
quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
But some of these Christian conselors who don't have any traning whatsoever in abuse situations will tell the woman to go back to their husbands and to "tough it out," which I think is the wrong thing to do. I think the reason why the Church has not any training in this area is because they have this mentality that it "Wont' happen in their back yard," but unfortnatly, it has, even with church folk.
I believe even though the husband has lured her in, she should not go into something, but go into a shelter which she can get some help from a trained professional other than the church.
That is why I said:
"You need help from people who understand the nature of abuse and addiction that you have experienced in your marriage. They need to be aware of ALL of the problems i.e. physical abuse, alcohol and drug abuse, and you need a plan to address these issue over the long term."
There are Christian (lay) counselors who do make these kinds of dangerous and bad calls, but this kind of things seldom happens with professional Christian counselors, and I personally have never witnessed a Christian counselor who understands the nature of abuse and addiction making such a ridiculous recommendation.
_____________________________
Peace,
Muse
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RE: marriage or single - 7/23/2008 5:21:00 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2392
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CheshireMuse
I have.
quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
But some of these Christian conselors who don't have any traning whatsoever in abuse situations will tell the woman to go back to their husbands and to "tough it out," which I think is the wrong thing to do. I think the reason why the Church has not any training in this area is because they have this mentality that it "Wont' happen in their back yard," but unfortnatly, it has, even with church folk.
I believe even though the husband has lured her in, she should not go into something, but go into a shelter which she can get some help from a trained professional other than the church.
That is why I said:
"You need help from people who understand the nature of abuse and addiction that you have experienced in your marriage. They need to be aware of ALL of the problems i.e. physical abuse, alcohol and drug abuse, and you need a plan to address these issue over the long term."
There are Christian (lay) counselors who do make these kinds of dangerous and bad calls, but this kind of things seldom happens with professional Christian counselors, and I personally have never witnessed a Christian counselor who understands the nature of abuse and addiction making such a ridiculous recommendation.
Well, if this is true, report him. This kind of offense is grounds for having your license revoked.
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RE: marriage or single - 7/23/2008 5:22:11 PM
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CheshireMuse
Posts: 90
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline
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I wish I had. I'm not sure if there's a statute of limitations on this sort of thing or not... it was 11 years ago. And it was a "she"....
quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
ORIGINAL: CheshireMuse
I have.
quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
But some of these Christian conselors who don't have any traning whatsoever in abuse situations will tell the woman to go back to their husbands and to "tough it out," which I think is the wrong thing to do. I think the reason why the Church has not any training in this area is because they have this mentality that it "Wont' happen in their back yard," but unfortnatly, it has, even with church folk.
I believe even though the husband has lured her in, she should not go into something, but go into a shelter which she can get some help from a trained professional other than the church.
That is why I said:
"You need help from people who understand the nature of abuse and addiction that you have experienced in your marriage. They need to be aware of ALL of the problems i.e. physical abuse, alcohol and drug abuse, and you need a plan to address these issue over the long term."
There are Christian (lay) counselors who do make these kinds of dangerous and bad calls, but this kind of things seldom happens with professional Christian counselors, and I personally have never witnessed a Christian counselor who understands the nature of abuse and addiction making such a ridiculous recommendation.
Well, if this is true, report him. This kind of offense is grounds for having your license revoked.
_____________________________
Peace,
Muse
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RE: marriage or single - 7/23/2008 5:24:23 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1413
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
But some of these Christian conselors who don't have any traning whatsoever in abuse situations will tell the woman to go back to their husbands and to "tough it out," which I think is the wrong thing to do. I think the reason why the Church has not any training in this area is because they have this mentality that it "Wont' happen in their back yard," but unfortnatly, it has, even with church folk.
I believe even though the husband has lured her in, she should not go into something, but go into a shelter which she can get some help from a trained professional other than the church.
That is why I said:
"You need help from people who understand the nature of abuse and addiction that you have experienced in your marriage. They need to be aware of ALL of the problems i.e. physical abuse, alcohol and drug abuse, and you need a plan to address these issue over the long term."
There are Christian (lay) counselors who do make these kinds of dangerous and bad calls, but this kind of things seldom happens with professional Christian counselors, and I personally have never witnessed a Christian counselor who understands the nature of abuse and addiction making such a ridiculous recommendation.
I understand what you are saying, but I heard of many instances in which people who were not trained or had their head in the sand and don't think that this thing does not exist in the church misuse scripture especially where the woman is concerned. They tell them they need to be a good wife, take the abuse instead of saying, hey, "I'm not going to put up with it anymore."
I don't think Jesus want people whether they are men or women to be punching bags nor being called names or whatever.
That is why people who are single should check the person's mental state if you choose to marry these people. Check the way they treat you and if they do not treat you with respect and have those abusive traits, you are best to leave that relationship alone. If people do that, then there would be less bloodshed as we see with abuse situations these days.
_____________________________
Remembering Topher...
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: marriage or single - 7/23/2008 5:30:03 PM
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CheshireMuse
Posts: 90
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline
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(((((HUGS))))))
Don't give up, sweetie.... God never leaves us....
quote:
ORIGINAL: rtvasquez
I have prayed so much and so hard.... that i almost gave up.....i don't want to not pray.....
I feel that if I have to pray for forgiveness.....then so be it....i can pray and have prayed for forgiveness and blessings.....I know that in situations like mine...the abuse....people can lose faith....I didn't....i just tried harder...I guess that's why i was married for so long....
I still pray ...... I pray that i make a good choice and that God will forgive me if I make the wrong choice and through prayer.....STILL bless me in the choice i did make. the only way that I can deal with the choice I make is to bring GOD into the picture......I need to do this on my own with love from my children and GOD....without prayer....no choice is correct.
_____________________________
Peace,
Muse
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RE: marriage or single - 7/24/2008 2:43:58 PM
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Bridgitt
Posts: 237
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CheshireMuse
First of all, let me express how sorry I am that you find yourself in this situation. I will pray for things to become clear to you - that God will comfort and heal you and your family.
There are two things in your post that worry me greatly - 1) Your husband did not have this "change of heart" until AFTER he found out that another man was interested in you.... 2) The abuse you've endured has been ongoing for years and has resulted in a broken bone!
Some here will disagree with me strongly, and perhaps I approach this from a survivor-standpoint, however, I would not allow a man who had abused me for 17 years and even broken a bone to come within 2 miles of me ever again.
Harsh? I guess it is.... but, no more harsh than those naively telling you to go back to this man. I'm a Christian, and I believe that God can perform miracles, no doubt - but, He also gave us common sense. If I've been mauled by a lion, there's no way I'm going to be lured back into the cage - even if the lion swears on a stack of Bibles he's become a vegetarian! I believe we should trust God, but, to blithely walk back into a situation where you have been so severely abused on nothing but the word of the abuser is nuts.
Whether you reconcile with this man or decide to end the marriage is ultimately between you and God. I will pray that God clears away the confusion for you and makes the right decision clear.
I feel exactly the same way. Be careful and do not put yourself and your children in danger. The fact that your husband has "changed" right after he discovered that you are seeing another man, is suspicious.
My ex has done the same thing with me. We were already divorced when my husband, seeing a male friend talking with me, called me telling me he wanted to talk to me. When I went over his place he had bought me flowers. He told me he had changed, and that he wanted me back in his life. I told him that after 18 years of abuse with him, I had lost my love for him. He continued to insist and I told him that I needed time to think about it. Several months later, my kids, who had spent their Christmas at their aunt in Canada along with their father, told me that my ex was constantly bringing me down and critisizing me while talking to his sister. When my kids tried to defend me, my ex was laughing at them. No change there. I guess he felt threatened to be replaced but when the threat was over, he reverted back to his old nature!
Please be careful and do not hesitate to PM me if you want to talk. 
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RE: marriage or single - 7/24/2008 3:05:03 PM
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rtvasquez
Posts: 14
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline
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I have told him that I feel that he just changed because I met someone else....he said that yes...he did...BUT that he wants to make it up to me and that he wants us to raise our children together and be a family as the way he always envisioned us doing....together. However, when he mentioned that once we schedule a counseling meeting, I should move back home and we should be together while going through counseling...I said no....he was upset stating that how can we work through things if we are apart....and after telling him why but said okay...
I also mentioned to him that he has brought up (several times) an inheritance that I should be getting in about four years (a large one) and he mentions that we could do this and that....I told him why does he keep mentioning the money when I don't mention it...or discuss it with him....I wonder if this is why he has the sudden change of heart.....but how could I really know...
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RE: marriage or single - 7/24/2008 3:06:25 PM
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rtvasquez
Posts: 14
Joined: 7/23/2008
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Bridgett: Did he tellyou that he has been praying and such?
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RE: marriage or single - 7/24/2008 3:33:28 PM
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CheshireMuse
Posts: 90
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline
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HUGE red flags here.... I'm so proud that you insisted on keeping separate households while going through counseling. BRAVO!
I gathered that you've decided to attend counseling with him to try and reconcile. I will pray that everything works out for the best....
quote:
ORIGINAL: rtvasquez
I have told him that I feel that he just changed because I met someone else....he said that yes...he did...BUT that he wants to make it up to me and that he wants us to raise our children together and be a family as the way he always envisioned us doing....together. However, when he mentioned that once we schedule a counseling meeting, I should move back home and we should be together while going through counseling...I said no....he was upset stating that how can we work through things if we are apart....and after telling him why but said okay...
I also mentioned to him that he has brought up (several times) an inheritance that I should be getting in about four years (a large one) and he mentions that we could do this and that....I told him why does he keep mentioning the money when I don't mention it...or discuss it with him....I wonder if this is why he has the sudden change of heart.....but how could I really know...
_____________________________
Peace,
Muse
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RE: marriage or single - 7/24/2008 4:05:17 PM
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rtvasquez
Posts: 14
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline
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I did say that I will attend counseling with him....but if I am honest with myself...I don't want to stay in the relationship...there is too much past that is not any good....he played too many mind games to justify his actions...we have been talking now and it just makes me mad....perhaps I still have too much anger when we discuss things....because he thinks we should just focus on the present and forget about the past....I think that we should discuss the past to better the future by obtainning forgiveness....
We see the past as different...and we don't agree on alot of the situations.....this makes it hard for me to continue the relationship....I don't want to be playing mind games with him....
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RE: marriage or single - 7/24/2008 4:51:38 PM
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CheshireMuse
Posts: 90
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline
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Of course he wants to forget the past! There's nothing he has to answer for, if he can get you to do that. He doesn't have to actually deal with and address the abuse issues, or the "mind game" issues, or the addiction issues or anything else.
Forgetting the past is another way of negating his personal responsibility. He says he's praying to God? If he is, he's certainly not acting very repentant. He's acting like a clever abuser who has pushed his spouse over the line and is trying to convince her not to cut him off.
All that, "let's start over" stuff....
I'm sorry sweetie... I honestly believe this man is playing you because he's worried you might actually divorce him. He knows you've discovered that other men will be interested in you and treat you well.... He knows you've got a bit of money coming in a few years.... You see, you aren't under his thumb anymore... so, what can he use to get you back under his control? Hmmm.... let's see.... you're a Christian, and you love the Lord....
I'll let you connect the dots...
quote:
ORIGINAL: rtvasquez
I did say that I will attend counseling with him....but if I am honest with myself...I don't want to stay in the relationship...there is too much past that is not any good....he played too many mind games to justify his actions...we have been talking now and it just makes me mad....perhaps I still have too much anger when we discuss things....because he thinks we should just focus on the present and forget about the past....I think that we should discuss the past to better the future by obtainning forgiveness....
We see the past as different...and we don't agree on alot of the situations.....this makes it hard for me to continue the relationship....I don't want to be playing mind games with him....
_____________________________
Peace,
Muse
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RE: marriage or single - 7/24/2008 5:08:04 PM
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rtvasquez
Posts: 14
Joined: 7/23/2008
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Muse: thanks
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RE: marriage or single - 7/24/2008 6:11:31 PM
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CheshireMuse
Posts: 90
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline
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Oh, honey... I'm so sorry....
That last post came off so much more harsh than I meant it to..
Please forgive me...
quote:
ORIGINAL: rtvasquez
Muse: thanks
_____________________________
Peace,
Muse
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RE: marriage or single - 7/24/2008 6:26:06 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2392
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rtvasquez
I did say that I will attend counseling with him....but if I am honest with myself...I don't want to stay in the relationship...there is too much past that is not any good....he played too many mind games to justify his actions...we have been talking now and it just makes me mad....perhaps I still have too much anger when we discuss things....because he thinks we should just focus on the present and forget about the past....I think that we should discuss the past to better the future by obtainning forgiveness....
We see the past as different...and we don't agree on alot of the situations.....this makes it hard for me to continue the relationship....I don't want to be playing mind games with him....
There is a famous saying: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." Not dealing with the past issues in your situation would truly be a disastrous mistake. When you meet with the counselor, I would make sure he was aware of all of the past issues including the physical abuse, and drug and alcohol abuse, and I would ask him if these were issues in which he/she is trained to deal with. If the answer is no, I would ask him/her to recommend someone who is. The reality is that your husband has a long hard road ahead of him because these are very big and destructive issues he is dealing with, and by your description it doesn't seem that it has really acknowledged how big a problem it is. Though counseling he will either be forced to deal with the problems, or he will choose to leave on his own because he is not ready to change. I would encourage you to hold your ground until you husband has demonstrated real change to both you and your counselor.
I will be praying for you.
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RE: marriage or single - 7/24/2008 8:26:03 PM
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rtvasquez
Posts: 14
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline
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I hear your words.....
He just tells me that the Lord has heard his prayers....and that he is blessed and will be given blessings because he is changing...
I haven't seen him do anything or look as if he has.....he has been trying to be so loving...but to me...all he does is try to be intimate....alot....as if this would make everything okay.....
he used to do this when he did something wrong and didn't want to apologize.....or didn't want to discuss something.....distraction is what it became....and I still feel that he is doing the same thing....but how can I tell him no when he'll say that he is trying hard to keep our marriage together and I won't even give him the chance.....
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RE: marriage or single - 7/24/2008 10:02:42 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 2392
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rtvasquez
I hear your words.....
He just tells me that the Lord has heard his prayers....and that he is blessed and will be given blessings because he is changing...
I haven't seen him do anything or look as if he has.....he has been trying to be so loving...but to me...all he does is try to be intimate....alot....as if this would make everything okay.....
he used to do this when he did something wrong and didn't want to apologize.....or didn't want to discuss something.....distraction is what it became....and I still feel that he is doing the same thing....but how can I tell him no when he'll say that he is trying hard to keep our marriage together and I won't even give him the chance.....
That is exactly why you want a neutral party (like your counselor) there. It will really help you draw good boundaries, ones that will be a requirement for you if your marriage is going to be reconciled. From what it sound like right now, your husband is trying hard in all of the wrong ways, don't give in. Wait until you have met with the counselor, and begun discussion appropriate steps to address the issues you are facing.
You are giving him a BIG chance to keep the marriage together by seeing a counselor with him, and allowing him the opportunity to get help, don't let him make you believe that you need to do anything more than that right now. Physical abuse, and drug and alcohol abuse are really big issues that are not dealt with quickly. Don't let him put the blame on you for these issues, and don't allow yourself to make excuses for him. If you really want to have a healthy marriage, giving into your husbands demands right now is something you cannot do. Wait until you have a plan worked out with your counselor.
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RE: marriage or single - 7/25/2008 1:12:37 AM
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Aenjal
Posts: 16
Joined: 7/15/2008
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I think i may have an interesting idea for you: you could try talking to your friend and sharing wisdom/advice.. if he has kids, i'll bet he is sort of in the same boat as you. Making the right/best decision can be difficult, but 2 heads are better than 1. I think that when God tests us, it is to strengthen our resolve/faith. If you are greatly troubled then maybe you could try to get to know God's law better by studying parts of the Bible. You can study it with your friend, and do some reading when you are at home. There are several different versions of the Bible though, so you may want to do a little research (i would recommend either of the King James versions or the New American Standard Bible) One suggestion in the Bible is to seek wisdom like something precious/valuable (gold, rubies etc). Now if you do decide to start hanging out with your friend again, i think it might be a good idea for you to inform your husband beforehand.. here is my reasoning: your husband will probably have an easier time shaping up if you give him an ultimatum. When you are miles away, you have more power over the relationship than you realize. If he is being nice that is a good sign, but you should definitely try to find out whether he is faking it, or struggling with this also. You have been with your husband for quite a while, and you married him for a reason. You have not known your new friend nearly as long, but spending more time with him and bonding as friends is a good thing imo. You are going to have to be very aassertive with what you want and not give in if you give your husband another chance. Here are a few ideas for the ultimatum: he has to completely give up the use of all drugs.. the problem is that sometimes when people are upset or depressed they sort of dig themselves into a hole with self medication. If you can convince him to try to focus on certain aspects of nutrition/health, that may be a good preventative measure to keep him away from that stuff. You should probably include that he should slow down on the drinking (if he does that) and eventually quit for you to come back to him. The drug thing is going to be a bit tricky; drug users tend to be very sneaky/secretive when it comes to their usage (especially around people that do not condone or accept it as ok). Also, you should probably add in something similar to telling him that if the marriage is to be saved it is going to be God's work, and he needs to turn to Him. You can try to drive home the point that his violent/verbal outbursts are what drove you away in the first place, and tell him that you need him to be truthful with you, and maybe an anger management class would be something to add on to whatever counseling he is taking. Also, you shouldn't leave him out to dry.. try meeting with a marriage counselor with him also. Make sure to see if he is keeping all of his promises though, and try to have some tactics planned for if he goes back on his word or begins to lie or anything like that. You can pray that you will be able to forgive him, and try to trust in God and His plan. Asking your husband to read the Bible would also be a good idea, and would be another good thing to add to an ultimatum if you decide to go that route.
Good luck! Try your best to find wisdom and determination to do the right thing by seeking and loving The Lord and Jesus.
< Message edited by Aenjal -- 7/25/2008 2:57:28 PM >
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RE: marriage or single - 7/25/2008 1:14:00 AM
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beachcooky
Posts: 790
Joined: 6/21/2008
Status: offline
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What you've been through wasn't fair. The names that your husband called you were not right. But this decision is ultimately up to you. No one can make it for you. We can offer help, but we can't choose for you and I know that you know this :)
How about you set a time aside and spend some time with God? God needs to be the center of your life, and you should pray to Him with these kind of choices. It's so hard to do. But if you truly are confused and you truly want some help, go to God and seek his help. It's awesome that you're seeking other people too! That's a big step too! But God can help you more then we can.
God loves you--so much. And He can understand the pain that you've been through. I don't know what else to say. But we all want to help you, but God can offer you more help and more love then ANYONE can. Take care, love!
_____________________________
www.myspace.com/xsweetheartforux
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RE: marriage or single - 7/25/2008 2:35:54 PM
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Aenjal
Posts: 16
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline
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It says in the Bible that it is a terrible thing for a woman to forsake the companion of her youth. If you decide to talk to your friend again, I think it would be a good idea to let your husband know simply to build trust. Of course he may have a terrible reaction, but you can just state/describe the reason you are going over there, to put his speculative suspicions to rest. It is good to forgive, but it is also good to look to God for help as beachcooky has explained.
Stay strong :)
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