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RE: Share what you've written - 11/4/2005 11:10:14 PM
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Sirach
Posts: 21
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Surrey, BC, Canada
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Aww, thank you guys, Greenish, Whisper, and jesusfreak2007! I love metre, because it seems so rare in our youth today to write in it. It's sad though, because I love poems that rhyme; it's so traditional, but it has a sense of rhythm. (Lullaby is my all-time favourite too, although I tried several attempts to put it to music, and failed miserably :D) Ooh, I would absolutely adore it if someone posted up wonderful rhyming poems for a change! Any teen! :D
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"Righteousness is immortal." Wisdom 1:15
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/5/2005 12:06:12 AM
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Purity88
Posts: 95
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: the basement comp
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hey, my poem about boys has lots of rhyming.
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/5/2005 1:11:27 AM
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whisper
Posts: 170
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I love rhyme, but my rhymes often sound quite forced. I've yet to master it. The only thing I've liked that I rhymed was an ode to the island on which I was born. Consistently my favourite poems have been rhyming ones... but if I'm going to like what I write, sadly it needs to be free form.
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You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your bum. And who wants to make bumprints in the sands of time?
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/5/2005 2:20:32 AM
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inlovewithshadowfax
Posts: 70
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Washington state
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I have tried rhyming before, but it never works well. It ends up so forced. Anyone who can rhyme well has talent.
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And I'm still fighting for the word To break these chains Can I still pray when I look in your eyes Stare right back down Into something beautiful ~"Something Beautiful"- Jars of Clay~
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/6/2005 2:38:40 AM
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Sirach
Posts: 21
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Surrey, BC, Canada
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Eww... I found some really old poetry. It just plain sucks because this is from my grade 8 year, but here it is. Both of them had the same rhyme scheme, and the second one is unfinished (the starred lines are the ones I wanted to change in the past). Ka 'Aina Lani (This Heavenly Land) My mind invoked a land of Eden, Within one dreamless sleep of mine. A place of beauty, ageless pleasure, Granted by the Great Divine. Like paradise beyond our senses, Ne’er before have I conceived This earthly land of purest splendour, That my own eyes could be deceived! Endowed it was with foreign florae, Blossoms brought from heaven’s kiss, And every tree bore fragrant fruit That flowered round this garden bliss. Upon a clearing, I perceived The waves that tumbled from the sea. The azure waters shone like silver, As this peace came over me. Even beasts of land and ocean, Lived in love and harmony. Each creature the Divine created Never had to fear nor flee. This land was perfect, pure in virtue, Coexisting pleasantly. This was the land of paradise; The land without iniquity. Alas! My dream had ended early, When the sun rose from the deep. And for a while, I pondered gravely, Why this dream came from my sleep. Was this Atlantis? Avalon? Or just a deep desire of heart? This was the past of all mankind, For all had journeyed from this start. If all do realize our beginnings, Then we’ll know the source of all, For we can be a paradise, And this is mankind’s truest call. Lucifer In the dawn of new Creation Of the heavens blest above, Was an angel God created In an image of His love. Fashioned with His luminescence, Flowing from His breath divine, Life was given through His essence Into Heaven’s blessèd shrine. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Holy light shone vehemently From the work of angel hands As the Lord created wonders Dawning from the time of man. This bright angel, Lucifer, *Had bore the light of Father-God, *With eyes of fire that flickered and *His golden wings that spanned abroad. ~*~*~*~*~*~ His own beauty was alluring Like the aura of the sun Standing midst the grand Creation Of the Great and Holy One. Then, he saw this timid creature Loved by God much more than him, *Jealousy began corruption; *He would lead Man into sin. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Thinking that he could be greater Than the Father of the Sky, *He began to plan his evil, *Smirking in his mind’s reply. Gath’ring angels in defiance As a battle would occur, Soon the heavens were divided ‘Tween God’s law and Lucifer. ~*~*~*~*~*~ War began as Heaven trembled; Callously, the thunder roared As the angels fought the rebels, Sided by their fallen lord. But, alas! He was defeated Smitten by the Father’s hand And was banished with his rebels To our earthly, God-made land. ~*~*~*~*~*~ But his plan was not completed, Not ‘til death was introduced. He would poison Woman’s thinking *And God’s fury would be loosed. Taking form into a serpent, Slithered he onto the ground. *On the tree of good and evil *knowledge did he wrap around. ~*~*~*~*~*~ There was Eva, walking yonder, ‘Mongst the fruits of paradise. *Little did God’s Eva know *Of Lucifer’s corrupted vice. When she wandered close enough The serpent spoke to her. *“Has God said, that ‘You cannot eat *Of any tree, for sure?’” ~*~*~*~*~*~ “Nay.” Eve spoke replying forward. *“Any we may eat and try. But if it is this tree you speak Of, we may not eat, lest we die.” “But you may not die” spoke the serpent. “Gods you shall become” he said. “And you will know of wisdom and Receive immortal life instead.” ~*~*~*~*~*~ And so, believing he was trusting, Taking all his words as true, In her hand, she ate the fruit, *And gave it to her husband too. Lo! Behold! Their eyes were opened
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"Righteousness is immortal." Wisdom 1:15
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/6/2005 2:42:59 AM
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Sirach
Posts: 21
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Surrey, BC, Canada
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Here's my Marian one. I just read it; it's very Christian, and not too... "Catholic" as I have thought of. Enjoy!! To Mary's Heart I want the key to Mary's heart When she was born a child So blest she was, a miracle Whom God made undefiled. Within the temple, she was three, Immaculate and pure; At thirteen, God sent Gabriel To come and visit her. I want the key to Mary's heart As he proclaimed his case That she would bear the Son of God Through Holy Ghost and grace. She'd marry Joseph to fulfill Isaiah's prophecy That by one day, their child would rise To set all sinners free. I want the key to Mary's heart To know of her own joy, When she proclaimed the Lord's great grace To birth an infant boy. Oh, how she smiled to know of such, To praise her Yahweh well, For He had bless'd her with this child As our Immanuel. I want the key to Mary's heart When she had thought within The love of God ineffable Whilst trav'lling to her kin. I want to know her happiness And see her radiant gaze That shone the light of love divine In following His ways. I want the key to Mary's heart When happiness was found As her own cousin's baby knew And leapt with joyful sound. Her cousin said in great reply, "My, you are bless'd indeed! Among all women, you have come To take this holy deed." I want the key to Mary's heart, To feel her great despair To find a shelter for her King In God and Joseph's care. A stable dry was all they had To house this unborn child And shepherds came to witness by This infant meek and mild. I want the key to Mary's heart When she laid eyes on Him, To see our dear salvation rest With ev'ning growing dim. Within a manger, sleeping still When every noise did cease, I want the key to Mary's heart When all the world felt peace. I want the key to Mary's heart When fright did shake the night As Herod wished to kill her child, The King of Pow'r and Might. I want to see her eyes in stress As Joseph reached her hand In hopes of comforting his wife Across the desert land. I want the key to Mary's heart With Egypt near in sight. To know of her relief, my Lord Would leave my heart contrite. I thank you, Lord, for saving them From Herod's massacre And bless the courage Joseph wore, His faith, so strong and sure. I want the key to Mary's heart When sadness did arrive Since baby Jesus grew into A man of forward strive. He left to teach the Father's reign And wisdom sought by man, And left His mother by His side To then fulfill God's plan. I want the key to Mary's heart When she had heard the news, That her own child, her Jesus Christ Would die from stubborn Jews. I want to feel her breaking heart As death approached her Life, That her own Son would die for them To save from sin and strife. I want the key to Mary's heart To feel her sorrow swell When by her tears, her only Son Took up His cross and fell. I want to know her pain within When they had struck His side And left Him dying on that cross With blood-stained arms stretched wide. I want the key to Mary's heart When she saw through it all, That her own Son was flogged and hurt With every strike and fall. He took on every mockery That human minds could make And took all sins of humankind, Each error, for love's sake. I want the key to Mary's heart When they took down her Son, By His apostles, followers Who made His will be done. Oh, let me be like Mary, Lord To know her faith in You, When You had died in front of her And made the scripture true. I want the key to Mary's heart When she beheld her Son Within her arms that held so tight Around the Chosen One. He was our Godly Offering Redeeming by His Love, And so He was entombed in death To be with God above. I want the key to Mary's heart When every joy was pined, For she had loved her only Son With heart, and soul, and mind. I want to know her gladness when She saw Him smile again Before He rose into the sky Amidst His chosen men. I want the key to Mary's heart When hope had filled her soul Since Jesus told them, "Fear not friends, For I shall send in whole A ghost of Truth through tongues of fire So all shall know Me too. But till the Earth shall pass away, I'll always be with you." I want the key to Mary's heart When she saw Jesus rise. Someday, she'd come to be with Him Upon those great blue skies. The memories she shared with Him, The ones she loved have passed. But Mary knew from that time forth, Her love for Christ amassed. I want the key to Mary's heart When she continued on To preach the kingdom of His reign Before her time was gone. For soon, God added in His plan For death's cold grip to cede And by surprise, our Blessèd Mother Saw God intercede. I want the key to Mary's heart When she rose to the sky To reign forever with her Son And God, the One Most High. I want to know her love divine And share her sweet caress For God and Christ and Spirit three When all shall call her bless'd.
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"Righteousness is immortal." Wisdom 1:15
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/11/2005 3:21:22 PM
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whisper
Posts: 170
Joined: 4/12/2005
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You're like my newest person on my favourite person list, Sirach . I shared this poem about a year ago, and then completely forgot about it. I rediscovered it last week and I think it might be my favourite thing I've written. I still don't like the last line, but no matter. Cancer On those days when I have no idea where my Bible is and on the ones when that thought doesn't play in my head to shame me what colour are the contours of my heart? And do I really live for anything good when I think of nothing but coffee, sleep, and my late paycheck? And what about those days when it's not that I think of nothing but of everything insignificant? my need for a second layer of polish, the grafitti on 109th. I know that the toils that are scrawled in my cemented past are of a more hideous and confusing kind. When I sing a hymn to my Lord and think neither of the significance of His title or the meaning of the song- how much that refrain turns to a clang of brass. Concepts of truth, the everlasting, goodness and a grace beyond all reason- I try to contain it in my intelligence. I try and fail. I should keep straining, or stay in an awe of what evades my senses. Yet I sit content to lower slowly into a familiar darkness by which I'm more comfortable being swallowed. Lukewarm am I and therein the cancer is found. To root it out is painful- But my physician comes highly recommended.
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You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your bum. And who wants to make bumprints in the sands of time?
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/12/2005 2:23:20 AM
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Sirach
Posts: 21
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Surrey, BC, Canada
Status: offline
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Wow, Whisper, thanks for sharing that poetic piece of prose. I also checked your profile, and you're not that much older than me but a few years!! In the realm of poetry, it is a large competition out there, lol. By the way, my uncle died of cancer, so it struck me-self. If you don't like a line, it still is your poetry. I discovered a poem I wrote with high esteem back in grade 8. Oh, it sounds horrible now because it's so old!! Speaking of finding old poetry, I was looking for my bank book (which is still not found... *gulp*) and I found an old book that has some of my Haiku: some in English, Spanish, Hawai'ian, French, Esperanto, Tagalog and an artificial language called toki pona. Here are some of my favourites from the English selection... Sea of stars Guide us from the sky; Heaven's map. Gem of the ocean; A single Pearl of the East Rose as islands. (Philippines) Island pearl Shimers in the sea; Oriental light. (Philippines) The Red Sun Rises in the East; Golden dawn. (Japan) Elegance Lit with silver glow Hangs above. (The moon) Fire lantern Brings light to darkness; Shadows flee. (The sun) Gentle strokes Eloquently made - Paintbrush speaks. Darkness takes; Shadows dwell within - Evil wakes. Moonlit buds Blossom from the dark Of the sky. (Stars) Graceful swan Floats on moonlit path Of silver. Lonely soul Trapped in submission - A shadow. Wise advice: To catch bumblebees, Use honey. Life given From simple creases In paper. (Origami) Silver moon Paints a reflection - Glass shadows. (Moonlit reflection on water) Casted ring Circles 'round the fire. Spirits sing. A Korean Shijo (3 lines, each with 14-16 syllables) As the sun sets, the moon rises from the Eastern horizon Bringing forth light from the heavenly sky, until the sun wakes. A silent everlasting revery fades into slumber. (I think I will let people think on that one. The last line, after comparison though, evokes whether everything, every cycle we go through in life is an eternal dream or illusion. The moon can be seen as the subconscious which is beautiful and we hide it from others, and that beauty can be dormant as the sun, being the conscious mind, suppress that within ourselves.) A Filipino Tanaga (4 lines, each with 7 syllables; normally aaaa) Though the ocean sweeps in wrath Grains of sand along the way, Never will the moonlit path Disappear til break of day. (The ocean is the subconscious mind that is always in tide, and the grains of sand are the little things that have irked us. The moonlit path however, are the lessons and memories reflected in our lives on that subconscious, and until we receive an epiphany for life, they will always remain with us.)
< Message edited by Sirach -- 11/12/2005 2:29:32 AM >
_____________________________
"Righteousness is immortal." Wisdom 1:15
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/12/2005 12:29:00 PM
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whisper
Posts: 170
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Greenish, Guitarman.... thank you. I don't take your encouragement lightly. I had such low self-confidence for such a long time that I would never EVER share with people the fact that I write, let alone share with them the actual pieces that I write. I find the poetry I love the most from others is something either very very close to my own style or entirely different (eg. Sirach's wonderful works!). "You admire what you lack," after all. Not that I lack the ability to write in a more structured, formal, eloquent manner.... but it really wouldn't be me. Case in point: I wrote this "ode" to Cape Breton Island when I was quite young. The fact that I was young explains why it doesn't flow very well (esp. the last line) but it's the fact that it rhymes, and that it is an ode, that makes it hard for me to identify as my own writing: How I long for your shores, oh Cape Breton To dance on the beach once again To hear the great crash of the waters Or the songs of the bagpiping men Oh, to feel the wet sand beneath me Or to smell the sea-salty air To see those trees ablaze in crimson The east winds playing in my hair To stand atop the great carved cliffs To look for miles with ocean all I see Amazed simply by the movement of the waters Forever in Cape Breton I know my heart will be The only other piece of rhyme that I kept I wrote entirely as a joke to myself- my little inside joke about me and rhyming poetry. Now it seems very strange to me, mostly because I've forgotten the joke and am left with a simple rhyme about a bird. Kissed by the subtle summer sun Filtered through the tallest tree, Outside my open bedroom window A little songbird comes to me. I ask the feathered friend to fly to tell my love that I still care the songbird simply sang a song about my love who is so fair Within the notes I hear a message About my love I had not known The songbird sings of sorrow sadly about my love from whom he'd flown A tale of seclusion, a tale of pain Told with a twitter and a tweet My love has taken his own life Sang the songbird sad and sweet I asked the songbird to renounce the sad sweet notes he'd sung to me But swiftly turning he flew away and the sun still shone so mockingly.
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You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your bum. And who wants to make bumprints in the sands of time?
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/12/2005 12:32:40 PM
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whisper
Posts: 170
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Sirach- I love haiku! My favourite of what you have shared there: "Lonely soul Trapped in submission - A shadow. "
_____________________________
You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your bum. And who wants to make bumprints in the sands of time?
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/12/2005 10:09:00 PM
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inlovewithshadowfax
Posts: 70
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Washington state
Status: offline
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Whisper- I acutally like your poem about the bird. Sure, it's not your best poem, but I do like it. And I know exactly how you feel about not sharing even the fact that you write. I like to keep that fact about myself a secret from the majority of the world.
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And I'm still fighting for the word To break these chains Can I still pray when I look in your eyes Stare right back down Into something beautiful ~"Something Beautiful"- Jars of Clay~
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/14/2005 1:39:03 AM
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Sirach
Posts: 21
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Surrey, BC, Canada
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Just wanted to say Whisper how much I love your Ode to Cape Breton. It is such a forgotten place in Canada, and I'd love to come and visit there!!
_____________________________
"Righteousness is immortal." Wisdom 1:15
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/14/2005 5:45:43 AM
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Konstantinos
Posts: 8559
Joined: 4/14/2005
From: Greece Thessaloniki
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lol I'm too bored to read long poems. whos got a small one?
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I'm best friends with the boogie man. I'm a beast. I'm a HH. Tiger hug.
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/14/2005 7:51:00 PM
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inlovewithshadowfax
Posts: 70
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Washington state
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I have a shorter poem that I'm debating posting on here.
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And I'm still fighting for the word To break these chains Can I still pray when I look in your eyes Stare right back down Into something beautiful ~"Something Beautiful"- Jars of Clay~
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/14/2005 10:23:39 PM
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notsuccinct
Posts: 395
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: my desk
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I don't think this one is that great, but it's the closest I've come to "dealing" with my grammy's impending death. I hate this the thought of your end but worse is the knowledge of how soon it will be. my throat is a never-ending ache. when I was younger I thought you were weak never realizing how strong you truly were. you fought this unbeatable thing, but now it's taking its dues and you are too frail to even say my name. I simply can't handle this.
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"Beware of making a fetish of consistency to your convictions instead of being devoted to God." -- Oswald Chambers
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/15/2005 1:11:48 AM
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painterchick
Posts: 44
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if not for you i'd have become something inexorable inexplicably horrible— i would have given up some time ago i know it better than i know my name i’m in your debt, my friend why do you stick by me when i treat you so unkindly? why do you love me? i ask again and again i don’t know why but in your eyes i see your love illuminated as if by candlelight and i love you so very much desperately, hopelessly endlessly I love you for it is because of you that i know what “true love” means. i just finished that poem today...it's for my two best friends, but also for God. and the annoying thing is, it's not showing up on here but i had this poem formatted so it was like this huge zigzag v thing. regular html codes don't work on this, it's really weird.
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love is the music of the soul
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/19/2005 11:25:51 AM
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notsuccinct
Posts: 395
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: my desk
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um, well... kinda going out on a limb here, but this is for anyone who's ever struggled with eating disorders. I shudder at pictures of emaciated starlets Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Ritchie Gwen Stefani who look like they've spent an extended amount of time in Ethiopia, or somewhere else where food is very, very scarce. hollow cheeks tiny waists protruding wrist bones malnourishment, for sure. and yet deep down, I would love to be that thin.
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"Beware of making a fetish of consistency to your convictions instead of being devoted to God." -- Oswald Chambers
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/20/2005 6:52:43 PM
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whisper
Posts: 170
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Lyd- I like it. I can entirely identify- you're simultaneoulsy revolted and insanely jealous. Went through some old journal entries today.... wow have I been going through some stuff. I'm so glad for God's prescence in it all.
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You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your bum. And who wants to make bumprints in the sands of time?
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/21/2005 4:09:34 AM
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inlovewithshadowfax
Posts: 70
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Washington state
Status: offline
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(((Lydia))) I agree with what whisper said. I know what it's like to be repulsed and jealous of them at the same time.
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And I'm still fighting for the word To break these chains Can I still pray when I look in your eyes Stare right back down Into something beautiful ~"Something Beautiful"- Jars of Clay~
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