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Jobstears -> RE: Mental Health Issues - One Stop Thread (12/11/2005 11:17:18 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pinksultana Man Im having a bad day today....I suffered from clinical depression for four years and was on medication, and then I beleive I was released from the mental illness by Gods grace...but every now and then I wake up having a really bad day feeling like the old days...it takes everything I have to fight the depression and pray it away...but today I am having a rough time and Im so thankful this thread is here so I can share that. Have you ever felt isolated in a room full of people? Or overwhelmed by life because you need to do one errand? Or so unsure of who you are that you look in the mirror and it actually feels weird to see your face because it feels like youve never really seen it before? Its so hard to explain but on these bad days all I can think about is longing for nothingness...scared to die or live... I long for a new life but I dont want to do anything...it sounds lazy but it not that...its just an inescapable sadness dont get me wrong I love God and have a relationship with him, but on these days it takes so much to hold onto him.... thanks for listening Hi Pinksultana, I only read your post today (10 days after you posted ) so forgive me for coming in late. I don't suffer from any of the problems cited on this forum, but am here because I have a daughter who is diagnosed as bi-polar. She has periods of depression and a sister-in-law who is bi-polar and who suffers from DEEP depression, so I thought I'd pop in and see what folks are talking about here. I'm so sorry you were having a bad day that day and hope it didn't last too long. Your description of your feelings tore at my heart. Often folks don't articulate exactally how they are feeling, but you were strong enough to share and I appreciate it. I don't think that most of us ever come close to feeling the way your do on your occasional bad days. My sister-in-law once told me (when I asked her to describe her feelings on the days she literally can't get out of bed) that she opens her eyes on those days and can see NO color. Everything is a uniform gray. It broke my heart. I knew those words weren't a euphamism for blah, but spoke of the depths of depression that she is in at times. Those are the days when it is impossible to find any reason for getting up. I'm sorry you have such bad days........... but I am thrilled to know that your relationship with our heavenly Father has released you from the predominance of that lifestyle. Just know that on the days that you are DOWN, that you don't have to hold on to God. HE will be holding on to you! God bless you. M.
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