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ORIGINAL: womaninchrist

DenimDiva, you're in CA (Calif.) now, right? What I'm about to say presumes that you are... First off, what they're doing is illegal ANYWHERE in the US unless you're direct family (like parent/sibling/child) it's also often viewed as an attempt to avoid/evade payroll taxes. You say you made copies of your time card, do you have a copy in your possession? If you do, contact the state labor commissioner. They can help you collect the back pay - CA has very specific laws about when pay must be paid in relation to posted pay days and they're in violation of said laws.

Allie, I'll be praying for you in this, it's tough...

Hi to all the rest of you.

Me, I'm still playing phone tag with the clinic (since they can't talk to my husband). And after stunts he's pulled yesterday and today, I'll definitely be getting a restraining order and filing for divorce - I just need to find a place to go and how to get there with a service dog in tow and no way to make phone calls. All I'm going to say is I could have called the cops but they may - or may not - have taken him away (they might have just issued a ticket or some such) and I can't afford to risk calling them & them leaving DH here with me.

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ORIGINAL: DenimDiva

Allie- that really stinks as to how he is using you. I would suggest not being alone with him at all. Been there, done that. I hope that things will get better for you. You are on my prayer list.

Sis, dad and I had a talk about the job situation. Sis pointed out that I get enough in child support to cover the bills that Liz and I bring in. Sis is also trying to get her business off the ground and she pretty much can't do it because she isn't home during the day, so she needs a secretary. Those are skills that I am strong in. Also, with summer around the corner, she needs someone here full time to take care of her girls.
Dad pointed out that if they are not paying me like they should, then I am basically wasting my time. Dad also pointed out that when he starts his chemo that his wife will need some respite and housework help and I do have caregiver experience.

Part of my problem is that I didn't want to quit because I would feel like a burden to everyone. I'm not sure when I will give my notice, but I don't plan on being there this time next month.

I will still have the problem of no insurance, but I've been dealing with that for over a year now anyway.

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Part of my problem is that I didn't want to quit because I would feel like a burden to everyone. I'm not sure when I will give my notice, but I don't plan on being there this time next month.

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I think in some states what DenimDiva is also illegal.

Under the table operators are in business because people agree to work for them under the table.

Just remember there are two sides to the coin.

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Part of my problem is that I didn't want to quit because I would feel like a burden to everyone. I'm not sure when I will give my notice, but I don't plan on being there this time next month.

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Also, I'm wondering if I should even be going there anymore. I've asked the pastor about submitting devotionals for the church newsletter and give him samples from previous ones, yet I've not heard back from him. I've also not heard from the leader of the Bible study group who works at the church as to where we're at in the book so I'd know what to read for the next class. Since I mentioned in another Bible class one time about having attempted suicide in the past, I wonder if they think I'm some kind of nut case who shouldn't be involved in ministry in that church. I'm hoping to hear from them soon. If I don't, I may leave this church and never go to church again, because obviously, nobody with a mental illness is a accepabtle Christian in ANY church!

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ORIGINAL: MrsTracy72

Allie,

I am so sorry about your husband. My husband was being coached by his girlfriend before and during our divorce. It was hard to have another person involved. In the post I wrote that I lost, I was going to tell you that both of you needed to go to counseling before you did this. But after reading your last post, Allie, yes, you are giving in, but you don't want to and he knows you don't want to so that is almost if not rape. Are you telling him you don't want to? I do think that if you have to be in any room with him, yes you should have somebody be there with you, but if you have already been living separately and now you chose to legally dissolve the marriage, you do NOT have to let him in the house when you are there.

I just went back and read your first post again. Your husband is manipulating you in so many ways. You pulled a knife out, or actually held it to him? Why, was he in the doorway telling you that you couldn't get out, or was he just telling you that you couldn't leave. Either way that is against the law. You do have a right to defend yourself and if you just had the knife in your hands, then what you were doing was no more wrong that what he did.

He is doing the same thing with sex. Allie, stay away from this man. He is mentally abusing you. As for moving the kids to a different state, it is highly unlikely that any court will allow him to do that. Are you keeping a record of the times he comes over and asks for sex? You really need to because if he thinks you are so unfit, because of your mental state, then he is going to have to explain why he is taking advantage of you while you are in that state.

He is also using your mental state to get you to sign over your legal rights. That is illegal. You need to be documenting these things. Again, he is wrong, and he is going to use anything he can against you? Why does he want to move out of the state? Does he have family out of the state? Does he have a girlfriend? I don't want you to answer these questions to me and the others in this forum unless you want to, but what I do want you to do is think about these things and remember that this is starting to be a mess already. It can and will get worse if you allow him to use you in the ways he is using you.

Are you working with a therapist other than your psych doc? You really need to. Not only will you start to see things more clearly, but you will also be creating a record for any custody battle. In order for him to take the kids away like that, he has to prove you unfit. BUT if you are seeking help from a psych doc, and a therapist, you are showing them that you are keeping your problems under control. And as for that knife thing? No matter what the situation, that was against him, not your kids right? Were your kids around? Hopefully not. But either way, if he is going to use that against you, remember that all that matters is that you are taking care of your kids. How you and him relate without the kids around does not matter in a custody hearing. They only care about the welfare of the kids. Not the ex.

I have been there. I listened to my ex tell my son's psych doc (for adhd) how abusive I am to my son becausae of all the horrible things I say to and about my ex in front of my son. Unfortunately for him, that never does happen and when my son had his appointment, he was asked by the doc about the things my ex accused me of, and my son who was 8 at the time told him how he saw things, and those things did not include me yelling, screaming, swearing, or talking his dad down.

You need to make sure you are not doing that to your kids either. Not just for court, but NEVER. Your kids are going to be going through alot anyway, they don't need to be involved in the mess of your relationship with him.

I could go on and on, but I won't. I am starting to feel bad the more I write this. I don't feel bad for me. I feel bad for you because alot of what you are saying sounds familiar to me. It is hurtful and makes you doubt yourself, but remember this. IT IS MEANT TO AND HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING.

In the end, your kids will see that too. Don't sign anything over to him regarding your kids unless you are sure you are not going to be able to be a fit mother. It is so hard to get them back once you do that. Don't let him bully you, and when he comes over, don't let him come in unless you have someone there like the others suggested, and if you can't have someone you know there, call the police and explain that your soon to be ex husband is in the house and you don't feel comfortable being alone with him in the house, or leaving him alone and ask if an officer can be present. Then make your husband stay outside until that officer gets there. They should do that to you. But don't go into details. They don't need them. Just simply tell them you are not comfortable around him and need someone there who can keep the peace if needed.

Not only will you not be able to give into him, but if he starts up with his bullying (and it is that) that officer can write a report of what went on in the house, and you now have someone who witnessed it and if you are able, witnessed you keeping your cool which contridicts what your husband is trying to use to get your kids.

If he told you to sign papers or he was going to press charges, tell him you will think about it for a while. Then when you don't sign and he does (if he does) press charges, then you can always say that if he thought the kids were truly in danger, he should have filed for a protective order along time ago.

My ex has been making the same accusations against me for 10 years now. I always come back with that answer. If I am so abusive, why isn't he doing anything about it. He only threatens when he wants me to give him something. But yet he never follows through.

How old are your kids? Are they old enough to talk to a therapist? You should find somebody for them because not only is a divorce hard, but your marriage sounds like there was and still is abuse going on and they do notice that whether they witness it all the time or not. It will help them make this transition a little easier.

So anyway, I am not even sure if anything I said makes sense to you, and I have written a book and didn't intend to. I just feel so bad for you and I remember when I was in that spot. It is hard. It is a death of a family. You are going to go through all those same emotions of the death of a loved one. You are going to need support, and you are going to need someone who can be objective to help get you through this, set boundries, and be strong.

I have been and will be praying for you. I do wish you well.
Tracy

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ORIGINAL: DenimDiva

Actually, I've kept track of all of my time cards and how much was paid so that I can pay taxes on it. My thoughts are that when I looked at it Biblically, Jesus said to render unto Ceasar what is Ceasar's.

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Anyway, I go on the 26th to see a nurse practioner who will evaluate my case and make a recommendation for a low-income pdoc. Since I'm almost out of my meds, they should be able to see me fairly quickly and she can give me a prescription to last me for a few days or weeks if need be.

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I want to serve God more in this church, but it seems like every time I mention something about doing something like writing, no one seems interested in my contribution to the body of Christ in that church. I shouldn't just be going to church to listen to a sermon, I need to practice what I hear and help edify my church family.

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ORIGINAL: MrsTracy72

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Unfortunately by what you have said, he has already left you. He is just using you now. Don't let him. I had a horrible divorce and all I wanted was to just move on.

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ORIGINAL: MrsTracy72

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You checked the right box. Have the two of you sat down and prayed about this? I am thinking not. Don't worry about the box you checked. You have enough time between now and your finalization to end these proceedings. But if you are being manipulated by this person, there is more going on than that. Either you don't see it, or you don't want to talk about it, and I wouldn't want to air it all out either. But God will lead you and he does NOT want you with someone who is abusive.