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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/21/2008 1:02:40 AM
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womaninchrist
Posts: 421
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Hi Everythingat! Welcome to the mental health encouragement thread
Sorry for what'll be an AAM post, but I'm tired and sick (just more of the fevers and GI stuff) and fighting the second day of a migraine on top of all else. On the advice of the ex-cop friend I've been speaking to, after catching my husband in a major lie (that he'd blamed on said friend as a supposed result of the convo he had with said friend after searching my cell phone logs), I'm to do two things. Get the divorce paperwork so it's handy (and perhaps even get it started - making sure he knows I have it and mean to use it if it becomes necessary) and prepare a "contract" that spells out the following are the changes and steps I expect to see from him with the following deadlines or the result WILL be divorce, etc.
That should make for an interesting convo when he gets said contract and its choices (and an interesting - perhaps lively - couple of days for me).
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/21/2008 1:05:03 AM
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Allie35
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I started my court ordered counseling tonight. From the literature they gave me "The view method teaches personal mastery over negative emotions and behaviors. It uses the minds most efficient and effective thinking processes discovered to date. The thinking skills are visual in nature. Recent research in neurology and conscious thinking processes confirms the view method and gives new meaning to classic wisdom, proverbs and old-fashioned common sense. Student of the method learn with clarity how their own mind accomplishes objectivity, use of role models, emotion activation and de-activation, as well as future planning and motivation. Students successfully become free of problems such as depression, anger, chemical use, fear, resentment, worry, self-doubt, self-condemnation, stress, defensiveness, anxiety, fustration, insecurity, grief.
I am hoping between this type of counseling and my medication, I will finally be mostly if not all free from anger outbursts and anxiety issues I have suffered most of my life.
< Message edited by Allie35 -- 3/21/2008 1:11:04 AM >
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/21/2008 9:54:31 PM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 1401
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I have had a horrible day. I knew we were going to get a storm last night and woke up to lots and lots of sow. Yesterday I was outside with no jacket and warm, now today the plows are out and everyting that melted is back.
My son is going to be with his dad until Monday and so we colored eggs this morning, but from the time he got up he fought me on everything. It was not a good morning with him. So we did get to color eggs, and he wanted to know if we would save him some for when he got back. I don't think they last that long so instead, the kids had fun peeling and eating their eggs for lunch.
But even still, everytime I told my son to do something or not to, he threw a fit. It ended up with him crying and me locking myself in my room until after he left. I just fell apart. I have never sent him off with things left in that way. I cried for a while and I did call my therapist because I just felt that would be better than any of my alternatives. I did leave him a message on myspace so if he does log in this weekend, he will at least see it if I don't get in touch with him.
She told me to take one or two clonozopam just to calm down. I did do that and ended up sleeping until 7 tonight. I wanted to call him and apologize for the way we left things, but I know he is out tonight and with the roads and accidents being what they are here, I just know I won't get in touch with him until at least tomorrow, and that is IF they answer the phone when I call. They don't do that too often and so I am thinking tomorrow will be no different especially since it was obvious he was upset when he got in their car.
I just feel like dirt because I do know he was not looking forward to four days with them, and that may have been part of his problem this morning, but I let my anxiety feed right into it and we clashed all morning right up until he left..
There is just so much I need to say and so much I can't. Anyway, I just want this weekend to be over and for Monday to come fast. I guess that is all I can hope for.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/21/2008 11:22:10 PM
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crimsonfollower
Posts: 811
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Tracy- sorry you had a bad day - can you write what all you want to tell him??? I am not saying to give him what you write, but it might help you examine your feelings and frustrations better if you simply get it all out on paper. Tell him that his attitude was wrong- what all he said that upset you and then what you did that was wrong. Tell him that you love him. Again, this isn't to actually give to him unless you feel like it after it is written, but simply a way for you to get your feelings/frustrations out in a constructive manner. Praying that the rest of the weekend goes better than today did.
_____________________________
Beth
"Do not be conformed to this world, but continually be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God's will is-what is proper, pleasing, and perfect." Romans 12:2 ISV
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/22/2008 4:07:33 PM
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MrsTracy72
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I did leave him a comment in his myspace so if he goes on, he will see it. I also tried to call over there. I called both the cell phone and the home phone. I left messages on both phones, but they never let him call back. Then they turn around and tell him that they call every day (not true) and that WE don't tell him that they call.
First, they call when they know we are gone. Like Tuesday nights when they know the kids are at youth group. Sunday mornings when we are in church, and they do know our church schedule. And there are some times where they call and he simply refuses to pick up the phone. We have told him that if he is going to make that choice, he also has to be mature enough to take responsibility for that choice by telling his dad that sometimes he is busy or just doesn't feel like talking to anybody so he doesn't pick up. BUT he also does call back when he is ready.
We never keep him from his dad, and it isn't even his dad who tells him that we are not letting him talk. It is his step-mom when his dad isn't around.
Last week he came home and told me that they were mad at me. My ex and I had changed weekends so that Jake could go to church to see Kali sing. He missed the first time and this time she sang a solo and not only did he say he wanted to see her sing, she wanted him to be there.
My ex was under the impression that I was not only going to change the weekend, but let Jake be with him all day on Good Friday eventhough not only does he know we go to church, and that it is in our parenting agreement that Jake attend services, but I NEVER said he could have him all day. I already gave up that weekend so that Jake could be there for Kali and Kali could have him there, I was not going to give up anymore than I wanted.
When my ex was complaining about him not being able to have Jake until after church, in front of Jake, his wife told him that he should just not change the weekends and let me NOT have Jake for when Kali sang. Ok, is there a better way to tell the child that you are using them as amunition to get back at the other adult?
Who does that hurt? Me? I was going to be there anyway? They don't think past themselves. They don't care that it would have hurt both Jake and Kali. My ex even told me that he doesn't care about Jake's sisters. I don't expect him to care about their well being, but I do expect him to respect the fact that Jake does have a family beyond his father, and that when they use Jake in that way, they are also using my other children.
And then they have the nerve to complain about the phone calls, which BTW they only call when they are upset with me, but turn around and do exactly what they are telling Jake I am doing. Should they be telling Jake that they call and we don't let him talk? NO! For more than one reason. First, they have no clue if we are even here when they call. Second, they know that we have caller ID and that he checks it often. Both he and I told my ex that. Third, why make him feel bad? Fourth, if they think that is the problem, they should be taking it up with me. Not the child.
I am not a perfect parent, but I do feel that I do a good job. I try so hard to give them things that most kids don't get. And by that, I mean experiences, not toys and other material things. I know that Jake sees that, and in talking with his therapist who he sees for his ADHD, I also know that Jake has told him the same things he has told me. And he has also told him that he knows they lie to him and that they go out of their way to make him mad at me, and that he knows it isn't true.
BUT at the same time, he does have a little doubt and I can see him testing me. He will ask if he can call his dad and when I say yes, he will find a reason that he can't. He will ask if he can go over there earlier than planned, and sometimes when I say yes, he changes his mind.
I am just so sick and tired of these games. People tell me that I have to be the bigger person and to kill him with kindness, and grow up....... But that just makes me so angry because how dare they say those things to me when they don't know that even when I try to talk to my ex, he refuses to talk to me unless he wants someting from me. Or how do they know that I went to work one day and when I came home, the locks to the door of OUR apartment had been changed by the property owner who just happened to be my FIL. How do they know that I was denied access to my own house to get my things before a court order was issued that established different residences, and I had paid the rent for that month out of my check leaving me with only 100 left over to figure things out with me and my baby. How do they know that when we do try to be nice and do something, they turn around and tell his doc that we are abusing him? Which the only reason he has a therapist is because he told the doc that manages his ADHD meds some of what goes on over there, and I was told it was either therapy or he could press charges against my ex for denying him the care that his doctor recommended. He also told me that while this would be just against him, I would be dragged into it, would need a lawyer, and the district atty would get involved along with social services.
It took me long enough to get back on my feet the second time we were in court and what came of that? Nothing. He blew alot of hot air. He demanded many things, and when everything was said and done, he told me that he couldn't possibly have the things he was demanding because of his busy schedule. And for this, I paid court fees, my lawyer, and a GAL. All for nothing.
I think that given the circumstances, I for the most part am doing a good job with him and my other kids. How can you be kind to somebody who uses your child as a pawn? How can you be kind to somebody who tells your child you are a lier? How can you be kind to somebody who tells your child that you are giving them dangerous medicine that they do not need eventhough before that was decided, there was a psychologist, pedatrician, and psychiatrist involved?
This is how. You only talk to them when necessary. And yet they still don't respond. Then they turn around and do the very things they accuse you of doing? It has been over ten years and the only thing that has changed is that my son is now 11 and they are not hiding their feelings for me, my family and in an indirect way, him.
I think that most people would be trying to get back at people for that. All I want is for him to be home and for us to just be what we are without having to justify everything. Again, I just need for Monday morning to come fast. I want him home.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/22/2008 7:35:16 PM
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Kath
Posts: 16206
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quote:
All I want is for him to be home and for us to just be what we are without having to justify everything. Again, I just need for Monday morning to come fast. I want him home.
I can understand that. {{tracy}}
_____________________________
Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?
- Henry Ward Beecher
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/22/2008 8:21:15 PM
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crimsonfollower
Posts: 811
Joined: 12/29/2006
From: the middle of nowhere
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(((((Tracy))))) I don't have any words of advice for you, but know that I am here to listen and that I am praying for you!! ( I will be on-line late tomorrow afternoon- sorry I haven't been around much- been really busy the past week)
_____________________________
Beth
"Do not be conformed to this world, but continually be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God's will is-what is proper, pleasing, and perfect." Romans 12:2 ISV
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/22/2008 9:11:05 PM
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MrsTracy72
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Ok, so he did finally call me back. He apologized because he said his dad just saw my number on the caller id in the house. I thought that was strange because I called him on the cell and at the house. And his cell phone was on because it rang a bunch of times before the voicemail kicked in. He knew I called.
I am glad he let Jake call me, but not happy that he lied about not knowing that Jake called. While on the phone with Jake, he was complaining about them, and I could hear them in the background so they weren't too far away. I can't believe he had the guts to say the things he said in front of them. But I told him that when he got home, we could talk or his therapist gave him his cell phone number to kind of take me out of the equation for these types of issues and that he could call him.
We also decided that we are going to church tomorrow, but going to have dinner with my family on Monday so that he can be there to celebrate with us. He doesn't know that, but my mom and I decided that today.
But I really hate holidays. It is so depressing to know that they are always going to go like this in one way or another. Anyway, I spent the day sleeping yesterday. I woke up at 7pm. Not a good thing. Then slept all night. Got out of bed at like 10:30, and was back in my room not too long after that.
I didn't cook today, but I did feed the kids. I just didn't feel like doing the meal thing. But that is ok because I am counting my calories so that I can eat on Monday as it is. I don't know. I'm just tired.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/23/2008 5:27:22 PM
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MyCatSmokey2006
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everythingat, I can relate to what you're going through in part because I have schizoaffective disorder too. I did work for a while, but I couldn't hold a job more than a couple of years. I did manage to graduate from a two year college with an associate degree, but discovered that I couldn't work in that field due to the stress level. My condition has been up and down, but I've been relatively stable as in not being in the psych hospital in the last four years. I still have emotional issues and setbacks that prevent me from living on my own and working or going back to school. I'm asking God to help me work on these issues so I can succeed in my life.
My advice is to take things one step at a time. Also, from what I've heard about the disability application process, it's taking Social Security a long time to grant disability benefits to anyone because of the large volume of new cases, so it might take a while. While I admire your courage in wanting to go back to school, that could potentially jeopardize your disability claim because they might think that if you're able to go to school, then you're able to work, and that might not be true in your case, so be careful.
_____________________________
Melissa
My Lord and my God!
<----Smokey, the Jungle Cat!
Check out my inspiring BLOG!!!
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/23/2008 7:11:01 PM
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womaninchrist
Posts: 421
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That's a good point about going back to school and the SSA. Never mind that the stresses are very different or that many can do one of the two and NEVER do the ther with any degree of success (I personally am MUCH better at randomly pondering and putting those random ideas into writing - i.e. school or really bizarre research fields - than at any normal sort of work). I've already been warned by everyone from my pdoc and psychologist to the SSA that my request I'm going to make to be my own payee may result in a review of my case - even though the SSA rep I spoke with admits that it's a HUGE leap from "able to manage ones' own finances" to "able to do SGA work".
Speaking of, which leads to thoughts of homlife, Tracy sorry you're having such a hard time of things.
Me? I've had yet another nasty as in really bad flare up of the GI stuff. DH wouldn't even let me near the phone if there was so much as a passing suspicion of me calling an advice nurse. He even went so far as to call my obvious illness stuff like an attack by the devil and other random seemingly spiritual things. All that from someone who insists he loves and cares for me and has no desire to harm me in any way (which has been his other big to-do - I really do love you so you can't leave me). And as the GI stuff always does it left as quickly - and mysteriously - as it had arrived. I'm starting to think the docs might be right about the stress component and about DH's role.
But on the bright side, this most recent flare up clears my diabetes med. So we know something it's not (I've been waiting on a mail order pharmacy so long I've run out of metformin - and have been out for a week now).
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/23/2008 9:35:01 PM
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womaninchrist
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Isn't it just amazing how our luggage has more exciting travels than we get to make so much of the time? Sorry the trip didn't work out for your DD though. At least it sounds like you've found a good therapist.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/24/2008 1:26:29 AM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5678
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quote:
ORIGINAL: womaninchrist
Isn't it just amazing how our luggage has more exciting travels than we get to make so much of the time? Sorry the trip didn't work out for your DD though. At least it sounds like you've found a good therapist.
Yes, having flown standby for years, I've only had that happen once before. Usually for the standbys, they don't put the luggage on until the person has boarded the plane.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/24/2008 11:29:06 PM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 1401
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Jake is home, still feeling down, need to sleep. That is about it for me.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/25/2008 12:38:47 AM
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DenimDiva
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I gave my notice today at work.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/25/2008 1:04:21 AM
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womaninchrist
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I reported my husband to the OIG for committing fraud as my payee for my SSDI today. I've also got the paperwork together so that when I can manage a trip to the courthouse I can file for divorce and a restraining order. And tomorrow I'm going to the gp yet again about the GI mess in addition to the planned trip to my neuro-opthamalogist. Life's about to get very interesting.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/25/2008 11:07:37 AM
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stateofgrace
Posts: 2005
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Wow, WomaninChrist, it sure sounds like your life is "getting interesting." You'll be in my prayers.
Things are farily quiet here.
DD#1 just finished her LPN nursing course(whew!). The licensing exam is still a month and a half away. She has been accepted at the university of her choice and will begin the four year program this fall to get her bachelor of science and RN. DD#1 has also successfully come off one of her Bipolar meds. The doctor would like to spend this summer getting her as stable as possible on as few meds as possible. DD#1 also needs a summer job. 
DD#2 is going to be going to a counselor regarding her anxiety challenges.
DH is back on the road again, after being home for 5 days this time. Home time is sometimes strange, with him vegging out but then being antsy as well. I try to take good care of him during home time. He let his meds run out during this last run (aaarrrugh!). Two were able to be refilled locally, but Adderall is not. I will be glad when he gets a local or regional trucking job, but I also think this time has been a good break for us.
I'm doing ok, trying to handle the anxiety at work triggered by the co-worker I now think has Narcicistic Personality Disorder (ie, a"charming" bully). And get taxes done and finanical aid for DD#1, and I never seem to have enough time.
_____________________________
less junk, more Jesus
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/25/2008 8:28:59 PM
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MrsTracy72
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WomaninChrist, isn't your husband going to go a little nuts when he finds out that you reported him? Are you planning on being gone before he finds out? I hope so.
((((((((((Everybody)))))))))))
Ok, so new meds again. I am going to have to find my grove in taking them. I have gone from the wellbutrin xr to the sr. I was getting horrible body twitches with the extended release. But with the SR. I am always so thirsty though. So I guess I am trading one evil for another. But I think I would rather have a dry mouth than body twitches I can't control.
I feel kind of weird though and not sure if this is going to be good for me. I have had times where I felt really super duper low and couldn't get out of it. The worst part is I could feel myself spirling down too.
Anyway, I hope everybody had a good Easter. Mine was spent in church and in bed.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/25/2008 10:00:37 PM
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womaninchrist
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I hope to be, but as things stand it's hovering around where I can call the cops again if necessary (I've done it before years ago) and do so pretty much at the drop of a hat. I'll spare the details. But if I'm not gone, it's a necessary risk at this point. I can't really do too much more with him saying I have no right to credit or money of my own and keeping tabs on my every waking moment down to where I go, whom I speak to and when/why I use phones.
The money thing he's abusing (and using to control me) so badly he bought my glasses when word got to him that I was asking friends to borrow money because he wasn't buying the glasses and kept taking (and spending) the money I made and planned to spend on buying them myself. Then too, there's stuff like how I've done stuff like online paid surveys, gotten paid in gift cards to places like Target and made deals with friends or relatives in distant places to buy me necessities like clothes because not only with DH not take me out to LOOK at them for pricing info, he REFUSES to give me money to buy them. My clothes, my glasses, my medical copays and even LAUNDRY MONEY are all on his list of "non necessities". Which means, if I want or need them - I either make twisted deals with him, make deals with friends, or find a way to raise the money & hide it from him.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/25/2008 10:14:16 PM
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MrsTracy72
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How long have you been together? Was he like this before you were married? Does he hit you?
I am sorry if these questions are too personal, but if he does get physical with you, then you really NEED to be out of there before he gets in trouble for what you reported him for. Are you in any danger from him?
You don't have to answer my questions because I do know they are way personal, but it does worry me when you talk about him like that. I once dated a guy who was like that. It didn't take me long to dump him and there were issues that came about because of that. He didn't go quietly. And he did decide that the only way for me to get out was to die. Obviously that didn't happen but I do wonder what if he had the guts to follow through with what he was telling people he was going to do to me. He took steps toward it, but never did. And for that, I am thankful.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/26/2008 1:24:32 AM
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womaninchrist
Posts: 421
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He was great before we were married. He was great when we first got married. Every once in a while for the first almost 10 years the worst bit would be a thing where kind of like a puppy he'd forget his own strength (or at least his explanation of something like a painful backrub would be stuff along the lines of "I forgot my own strength, sorry") - unless money was involved. There were several times where I'd give up on having a checking account and just cash paychecks because that was "easier". Where things started getting BAD was when we took the church plant in NM - and it got figured out by an employer I was trying to work for that my name wasn't legally my last name per the SSA. Then it got figured out that when I THOUGHT we'd gotten married he'd pulled some paperwork finagling (another of his paranoid "sovereign citizen" type things) and there wasn't any legal record of our marriage, nor could we find our copy of the marriage certificate. So we had to remarry in NM so I could get a new SS card with the name that matched all my other ID (or I could legally change my name back to my maiden name and say I was single - not something that exactly works when you're church planting)...just so I could work. Some where around all that was when his dark side appeared and has pretty much stayed out.
Some of what he's done, I can't post about here because that would violate the TOS. Some of what he's done recently has seriously triggered my PTSD due to how closely it's paralleled certain college events (and I KNOW that's what triggered the PTSD because of what I'm doing - it's the same stuff I did back then - and yes, Angel does his best during the day to keep us at least arm's length apart). If I can just get a chance to use a phone - or better still, go to the court house - I know I can get a restraining order (and likely press charges on some of it).
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/26/2008 5:25:52 AM
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crimsonfollower
Posts: 811
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From: the middle of nowhere
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(((((womaninchrist))))) - praying that you can get to the courthouse soon!!!!!! You need out of that house now!!!!
Hi everybody else. I am doing fine- just really busy. I need to go get ready for the day so I will post more this afternoon.
_____________________________
Beth
"Do not be conformed to this world, but continually be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God's will is-what is proper, pleasing, and perfect." Romans 12:2 ISV
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 3/26/2008 10:41:10 PM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 1401
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WomaninChrist,
I think that he needs some sort of help becuase things like that just don't happen without a reason. Although my ex is one of those people who thinks that the world is against him, but he hasn't taken it that far. Although, he would fail if he tried, but you need to get out soon.
Hi Beth! Glad you are feeling better. I am having problems with my Wellbutrin and have been way depressed and very anxious and angry. Last night I did cut a Lexapro in half and took it, and today was much more calm. One thing about Lexapro, is it seems to calm me pretty much the day after I start it. But I am only going to do that if I feel a need.
My doc suggested that I take half the Lexapro before, but I told him that I really didn't want to because of what it was doing to my body. So we settled on I will take the Wellbutrin, and if there comes a time where I feel I need it, I start taking it and we talk about it at my next appointment.
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) just take life in little steps instead of big ones? 
It was great!!!! Today most of the staff is going to a waterfall so it will be a fun day out together. Then the rest of the weekend I will be busy with church stuff. However, it is amazing how having a day mostly to myself helps the attitude. I really hadn't had much time to myself over the past couple of weeks and so I needed yesterday to be a lazy day where I didn't worry about much.
