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neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/25/2008 12:28:18 PM
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flowerz
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This post is about a couple of things. First of all, last night my older son (age 15) told me that one of the kids in our neighborhood that my boys play with (mostly road hockey) admitted to him & my younger son that he has smoked pot. I don't know if it was a one time thing or not. They don't go to the same school. He said he knew for a couple of weeks and just felt like he should tell me, even though he told this boy he wouldn't.
Yesterday we allowed them to go to a nearby park to play football, there were about 7 boys that went. My son told me that they all encouraged my younger son (almost 14) to fight with another of the boys. They weren't angry with each other so it may have been more of a wrestling sort of thing, but not being, there, I don't know what to think about that.
We don't allow them to go into their homes, and have only once allowed them to play in anyone's back yard, where we can't see them. We have allowed them to play in the park a couple of times.
My question is, in what way would you or do you restrict your kids' involvement with kids in your neighborhood.
< Message edited by flowerz -- 6/26/2008 12:14:49 PM >
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/25/2008 12:45:21 PM
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manda59
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I have an adult ds (nearly 19) and a dd of nearly 15.
We live on the edge of a small town (25,000 people), which is very mixed, but where cannabis smoking is widespread, and hard drugs are also available. There are areas where drugs are dealt from, and they are mostly public recreational areas (especially the skate park).
Our children have *never* been allowed to just hang out in the street or at the park or whatever. We didn't allow it when they were small, and so they didn't expect it when they were older. We've always made being home chilled-out and relaxing. They also both do sports at the local sports centre, with instruuctors, or at the local public sports ground, supervised by our youth pastor and community youth worker. My dd will sometimes go to town shopping with friends, but that's just for a set period of time, I know roughly the shops she will go to, and she knows not to go near the skate park.
If I was in your situation I'd be extremely concerned. Your 15yo sounds like he is wanting to be sensible, but peer pressure can get to even sensible ones. I personally would not have wanted my ds to be responsible for my younger child at any time, IMO it's too much responsibility. I wouldn't have wanted my two hanging out anywhere without there being an adult to supervise.
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/25/2008 3:43:28 PM
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Homegrownkids
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My boys were 11 and 10 when we started to let them hang out at a park. The park was 1/2 block away, the town was around 5,000 people. We put an end to it pretty fast when we found out that they weren't playing but hanging out with peers. There were too many things that we, as their parents, didn't want them exposed too. The " independant teen world", boy/friend girl friend stuff, wrestling/fighting, language..etc... I'm sure smoking, or drugs, or alcohol would be right around the corner. The only times we let them go to the park is if we were walking around the park (for excersize) and could see what they were doing and who they were with. If the park was fairly empty, or with young children and parents... then we'd tell them play catch with their friend for 20 minutes and we stuck with the time limit. But, nothing good can come from just "hanging out" with peers, especially when you don't know the peers.
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/25/2008 11:25:38 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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Somewhat off topic, it's too bad nice ideas like parks have to be ruined by the wrong people, isn't it?
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/26/2008 1:24:19 AM
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PatricksPeaches
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I personally would not let my teen go without supervision. It is sad that today's society is so bad that we have to do that. Peer pressure is so hard to deal with as a teen. We shouldn't give them the opportunity to see how they will deal with it. There are other avenues of activity that is healthy. Like someone said, sports that are supervised, group outings with adults, church youth groups, etc. I would get them involved in these things. In the off time, supervise them when they are out. They might not like it but it can prevent a lot of activity that is not good for them.
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/26/2008 6:32:20 AM
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buckifn
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I think your 15 yr old is not ready to be responsible for his brother and is telling you these things in hope you pick up his signal.
Do you think that could be part of it? Dealing with peers is enough of a challenge for him alone, much less feeling responsible for his brother.
I would recommend neither of them hang out anywhere with the kids you described unsupervised. Get them involved in supervised activities and even then parent's really have to be in tune to what is going on because supervision does not always equal safety anymore.
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/26/2008 8:12:37 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
I think your 15 yr old is not ready to be responsible for his brother and is telling you these things in hope you pick up his signal.
Do you think that could be part of it? Dealing with peers is enough of a challenge for him alone, much less feeling responsible for his brother.
I absolutely agree with buckifin.
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/26/2008 9:22:15 AM
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stellaluna
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How old would a kid have to be before you let them out of your sight? 15 seems plenty old enough to me to be out at the park unsupervised.
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/26/2008 10:12:03 AM
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zoebob
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I'm not sure anyone is saying to never allow a 15 yr old out of your sight. However, they are saying (and I would agree) not to let them just hang out with anyone they want to, unsupervised, if you don't believe that these other kids would be a good influence on your kid.
I would not have a problem letting a 15 yr old hang out with a good trusted friend unsupervised or if they want to be with other kids that I wasn't sure about they could do it in my home. Of course this assumes that my own child has a good track record.
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/26/2008 10:15:56 AM
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stellaluna
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Hmm.
I guess I just had a tremendous amount of freedom as a kid.
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/26/2008 10:22:07 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
How old would a kid have to be before you let them out of your sight? 15 seems plenty old enough to me to be out at the park unsupervised.
Where I live, town yes, park no, at 14. The park is where the drinking, anti-social behaviour and drug dealing is done.
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/26/2008 10:24:44 AM
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manda59
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
How old would a kid have to be before you let them out of your sight? 15 seems plenty old enough to me to be out at the park unsupervised.
Thing is, this is not just about a 15yo being out and about, it's about him being responsible for his 13yo brother too. To me, that changes the dynamics totally.
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/26/2008 11:35:48 AM
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rainbowtvp
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I think I would probably help ds find another place to hang out and different people to hang around... Even if it meant driving them somewhere...
It sounds like he is uncomfortable with the situation, but they do need an outlet for playing--including unsupervised play (at that age, IMO).
Tara P
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RE: neighborhood boundaries & teens - 6/26/2008 12:27:57 PM
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flowerz
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Thanks for all your replies. We are not going to allow them to go to our neighborhood park again without us. At first my younger son was upset when I told him, but when I explained it was to protect him from being bullied into doing something he didn't want to do, he understood. He said he didn't want to fight and even told them he wasn't allowed to.
quote:
Do you think that could be part of it? Dealing with peers is enough of a challenge for him alone, much less feeling responsible for his brother.
Yes, you could be right. I never thought of that, because my younger son is bigger than his brother.
quote:
The park is where the drinking, anti-social behavior and drug dealing is done.
We have some parks like that in our town too, esp. later in the evening, but our local park isn't one of them, thankfully.
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